6.21 am
please be happy. because it hurts me so much to let this go.
10.26 am
This blog which has been with me for so long, gonna be gone. I never fail to cry whenever I read back the old posts. Anyways, I'm moving on to tumblr. Since I'm using blackberry, it's so much easier for me to post with that.
www.mytwentyrednails.tumblr.com
6.35 pm
Can I sell my off days? I have nothing to do in Singapore anyway. Everyone else is either at work or busy dating. At least I can go shopping alone when I am overseas. It feels sucky to be out alone in Singapore. Dread bumping into people I don't wannna see. And Singapore just has to be this small.
Its too depressing for me to be in Singapore. Sunday faster come please!
6.50 pm
"After a while, you learn the difference between holding a hand and falling in love. You begin to learn that kisses don't always mean something. Promises can be broken just as quickly as they are made. And goodbyes really are forever."
5.06 am
When I get home at night and everyone else is asleep, I think of those days. When I go to some places, I think of those days. When I say or do certain things, I think of those days.
Not good. It's not good how these memories are staying in my mind and those flashbacks are not helping either. Sometimes he really feel like a stranger to me. Where is the person I once loved? The one who used to make me laugh all the time. I really miss that feeling very much.
3.16 am
"You shouldn't even be talking to him anymore!"
That's what I get from people around me. It's sad that not a single person is speaking up for him anymore. They see clearer than me and they could very well be right. I mean, I was wrong once, my friends who were on his side were wrong once. So what can we believe in now?
Whenever I see old couple holding hands, I wonder if their hearts were ever hurt before. I wonder if I will ever have such a day coming. I am standing strong, still. But I too, wish that I could be in love with someone who will always be there for me, and never leave.
2.39 am
I took a step back for us to breathe. I took away my rights to ask you any questions. We took it all back to when we were nothing but friends. It felt like self deceiving because we all know that I still love you, as much as ever. But I needed to live it right. I needed to stop being scared. And now I am not. Because I have nothing more to lose. I do not have you anymore.
4.38 am
After contemplating for so long, I finally got my tattoo done at the inner side of my right arm. Love the life you live" I thought I really need to remind myself this right now and forever. I like the fact that it's gonna be with me for life. At least this is something I love and I know it will never go away. :)
8.06 am
A note to my love, someone I used to love more than myself.
I don't know if you will even get to see this. But it doesn't really matters anymore I guess. This morning could probably be the last time I'm gonna see you. And there were so many things I couldn't tell you then. Because I know you gonna make me stay, my heart gonna turn soft, and history will repeat itself again.
We had come this far, to the end. These 3 years had not been easy for us. Those were the best and worst times of my life so far. At some point, my heart really ache so much I felt that it would just stop beating. Sometimes I felt that it might be better this way, then I won't have to go through all this pain.
I really can't differentiate the truth from lies anymore. So I decided to save us from all the agony and end it for good. I will miss you, my dearest bearni. I will miss everything that we had. Thank you for being so silly all the time just to make me laugh. Thank you for the love I thought was gonna be for a lifetime. Thank you for the heartache which made me a more independent and stronger person than who I used to be.
I had never promised you that I will love you forever. But for as long as we were together, I had loved you so much, and never did it once changed. From this point on, I'm gonna move on, without you anymore. Wish me well.
I will miss you, more than anything else.
Loves.
5.53 am
First night back in Singapore after being away for almost a week, and it's a sleepless night.
