Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label humor. Show all posts

Sunday, September 15, 2019

Pushing Boundaries

I saw this here:

As a comic who also "pushes boundaries" part of the deal getting pushback. If you don't want pushback then don't "push boundaries".

The backstory is the reaction to a comic who slurred Chinese and gays and others.

His humor wasn't all that funny, it appears.

But I was just wondering, could I use that phrase on Israel's behalf?

Something like

If Arabs think they can push Israel's boundaries, they can expect pushback

What do you think?

Tuesday, December 02, 2014

Scenes from the Temple Mount Morning Kollel

As we know, for the past almost three years, the Islamic Movement-North has been funding, probably with money from Gulf States, Muslims to sit inside the Temple Mount compound, to situate themeselves close to where Jews walk, to shout out "Allah Akbar", to congregate near the pathways in a threatening posture and even block the walkways, to spit at Jews, slap them if possible, wave Qurans around hoping someone will strike back and then they could drop them and claim a desecration of a sacred text and occasionally throw stones.

The women I've termed the Wicked Witches of the Waqf.

The men I refer to as those of the Morning Kollel.

Some humor:










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Friday, October 11, 2013

A Coat Sleeves and Armpits Story

This ad reminded me of a life-experience:





In late summer 1975, my wife and I, and our then two children (we have five), arrived in London to begin a two-year stint as shaliach - administrative and educator emissary - to the local Betar Zionist youth movement.

With the onset of the cold weather, it was decided that I would require a winter coat that was a bit more elegant.

We ended up purchasing one (I think it is still in one of the closets) but not before both my wife and I were extremely puzzled by the fact that the sleeves, at the underarms, were without material and were, for all intents and purposes, holes.

As I remember it, we were informed that since showering/bathing was not expected to be done daily (a local custom?), the holes were there for, well, ventilation and release of unwanted scents.

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Thursday, January 31, 2013

Sunday, August 05, 2012

Occupation Humor

There is an old joke about the Israeli who lands at Heathrow and when handed the entry form to fill out sees a line that reads "Occupation". All flustered, he writes down, "No. I live in Tel Aviv".

There is now another I found:

The Israeli approaches the airplane bathroom, locks the door, and discovers it reads: 'OCCUPIED', and thinks to himself, "How did they know I'm Israeli?"

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Monday, July 16, 2012

Sunday, April 15, 2012

If I Say 'Dolly Parton', What Do You Think Of?

Well, yes and no:


“President Dolly Parton”? She says “no, we’ve had enough boobs in the White House!” Tune in for this and more when the Governor speaks with the country star. Plus: Obama’s war on the rich! How every American is a casualty. April 14 at 8p ET on Huckabee.

Hey, I didn't say it.


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Monday, April 02, 2012

The Obama Seder's Four Questions

This just dropped into my mailbox (k/t=NP):


For Friday night's Obama White House seder, we hear there's talk of an alternate version of the traditional four questions:

Introductory Question

Mr. President, why is this administration different from all other administrations?

First Question Why is it that all other administrations acknowledge Jerusalem as the capital of Israel, but this administration refuses to say Jerusalem is even located in Israel?

Second Question Why is it that all other administrations try to be friendly to the democratically elected prime minister of Israel, but this administration is bitter towards him?

Third Question Why is it that all other administrations try not to pick fights with Israel even once, but this administration picks fights with Israel more than twice?

Fourth Question Why is it that in other administrations the president visits both Muslim and Jewish states, but this administration visits only Muslim states?


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Sunday, March 18, 2012

You Can Get Wounded in the Head at J Street

Well, at J Street, Las Vegas, that is:-

A man was found dead early Saturday morning inside a home near J Street and Owens Avenue where a Las Vegas police officer and an 8-year-old girl were shot and wounded.

Officers investigating the shooting of the girl late Friday night came under fire at the residence on Wyatt Avenue, police spokeswoman Laura Meltzer said.

One officer was grazed on the head by a bullet and was pulled from the home by fellow officers during the ensuing shootout, Meltzer said.

SWAT officers later found the suspect in the shooting dead after a standoff that lasted several hours. Meltzer said it is unclear whether the man took his own life or was killed in the exchange of gunfire with police.

"It's a very active investigation at this point," she said.

The injuries to the officer and the 8-year-old girl were not considered life threatening. "He was very fortunate," Meltzer said of the wounded officer.


Dangerous out there on J Street.

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Wednesday, November 30, 2011

No, None of Our "Settlements" Involved

This headline is poorly phrased:

Settlement in Lawsuit Over Gay Softball Series


No "Jewish settlement" is involved in gay softball.

Or hardball, for that matter.

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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

This Groping Goldberg Is But Half

A teacher named Katherine Goldberg groped an air steward on flight it is reported but the Goldberg part is her father I have been informed from London.

Details:

A teacher who assaulted an air steward while under an "alcohol-induced illusion" has been spared jail. Katherine Goldberg, 25, was on a night flight from Johannesburg, South Africa, to Heathrow in August when the incident happened, Isleworth Crown Court heard...Goldberg, of Ealing, west London, was fined £1,500, and ordered to carry out an 11-month community order and 80 hours of unpaid work. She must also pay £250 costs.

...Goldberg was returning from visiting her boyfriend and grandparents in South Africa where she had been celebrating the end of her teaching exams. She took two bottles of alcohol on to the Virgin Atlantic flight and was so drunk she became under the "alcohol-induced illusion" the steward was her boyfriend, the court was told.

Prosecutor James O'Connell said...her "antics changed and became rather sexual", Mr O'Connell said. The court was told she groped the man through his trousers and kept making offers to him..."In her complete alcoholic funk she was confusing him with her current boyfriend, Clayton, and Owen, a previous boyfriend.

...Goldberg, of Crosslands Avenue, had no recollection of the events on board when she was met by police at Heathrow but was very apologetic. She has been suspended from her job as a teacher and has since admitted to having an alcohol problem, the court heard.

The good news? There was no danger and there may be a future:

...Judge Andrew McDowall said none of the other passengers had been in any danger during the flight and Goldberg did not have to be restrained at any stage...The judge said he hoped she would be allowed to continue to teach despite the sexual assault conviction.

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Monday, November 14, 2011

Fancy Dress - Who?

I had a thought, could she be mistaken for a classy modern-orthodox lady?  At a wedding?





Nope.


She's H.H. Sheikha Moza Bint Nasser of Qatar. Occupations: Wife of H.H. the Emir of Qatar, Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa Al-Thani; unesco special envoy for basic and higher education.

Looks can fool you.

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Thursday, November 03, 2011

Yikes! Nigeria?

Now we're really in trouble.

Nigeria has a West Bank: -



Nigeria: West Bank Urges FG to Develop Framework On Climate Change


Or was that a simple spelling error?

The Federal Government has been called upon to develop a strategic framework for tackling climate change challenges.

Country Representative of the World Bank in Nigeria, Marie Francoise Marie-Nelly, said a strategic framework would enable Nigeria address climate change issues like water shed management.



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Tuesday, October 04, 2011

They Should Choose a New Name for "Palestine"

From BangItOut:


Top Ten Palestinian State Names

10. Jihadistan

9. Suburban Saudi Arabia

8. Hammassechusetts

7. Divided Arab Emirates

6. Oy Vegas

5. 70 Virgins R Us

4. Intifadaville

3. PFC (Palestinian Fried Chicken)

2. Hezbollandia

1. Southern Iran

Any more?

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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Sally and Her Fingers or, Is That The Way a Woman Married to A Nice Jewish Man Should Act?

Sally, wife of Speaker of the Parliament John and Jewish, Bercow and her finger:


Actually, she was going to use two fingers:-

‘Because of who I’m married to it’s not acceptable apparently, I hope he doesn’t divorce me over it. ’Because I’m married to the speaker apparently I’m not supposed to do this sort of thing. ‘But I am not my husband.’

She said she was raising £100,000 for the Ambition for Autism charity. ‘Even if I cock up, my charity gets the money. ‘I want to stick two fingers up to the establishment who think it’s the kind of thing I shouldn’t do’

She said her appearance was bound to ‘raise a few eyebrows’


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Friday, August 26, 2011

The Krauthammer Tweet

.

@krauthammer: Earthquake, hurricane, Obamacare. When does it stop?
Seven more and I vote we let the Israelites go.

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Thursday, August 25, 2011

Like In "Pretzel"?

I was on the new light rail today and noticed the spelling of the final destination of Mt. Herzl on the screen:


Oiy.

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