We were married in February of 2004. I knew I wanted to TTC right away, because I knew from my lack of periods, that I wasn't ovulating regularly. Hubby wasn't ready, so we waited a couple of months before I broke him down. We were offically trying in 04/04. I started putting on weight VERY quickly after we were married. I went to see a Dr the summer after we were married, because I knew that something was wrong. All he said was "as long as you are having periods sometime we don't really care." I was young and naive and didn't push it any farther, and we lost insurance shortly after that.
We kept hoping that it would happen by itself. Fast forward to 2006, I had gained about 60 pounds since we had been married, and at the end of the year had marked 3 years with no period. The following Spring I had a period that lasted 14 days. With no insurance though there were still no answers. Others that had married after us were having children right and left. Its a very isolating feeling to be infertile. People that have children just don't realize how lucky they are. You wake up everyday with this reality, and as the years pass you start to wonder if this is your future. A gaping hole in your heart, and no answers.
Gratefully we were blessed to be essentially pushed into a position where Hubby found a new job that offered infertility coverage! Finally we could get in to see a Dr. Got a recommendation for a really great Dr, and saw him in Sept 2009. Right off the bat he DX with me PCOS. My LH and FSH numbers were reversed, my testosterone was high, and when he did an ultrasound you couldn't even see the ovary, you just saw cysts...everywhere. So, we are told get on Metformin in the mean time, but the Dr won't start IF treatments until I have a laporoscopy to laser all those cysts off. We don't get that done and scheduled until Jauary of 2010. I have a Lap, D&C to scrape my VERY thick lining, and a fibroid removal. Dr says everything is great and we will start the first round of Clomid in February.
Clomid was a BUST. All it did was create more cysts, and my Dr didn't seem to want to waste time with it. So, we moved right on to 2.5 mg of Femara. My Dr was out of town sadly during that cycle, and I saw someone else in his office who was not experienced AT ALL with IF or PCOS. He did an u/s and said there was just a giant cyst, so the cycle was a bust. I was devestated. We didn't even try that month, because we thought it was a bust. We later learned that it was an egg, which made me feel better.
The next cycle my Dr moved me up to 5 mg and we decided to try IUI, 2 of them about 24 hours apart. It did the trick! I got pregnant on my first IUI. I tested I think on May 25th, 14 DPO, totally expecting a negative and was shocked to see 2 lines at 5 AM. After about 20 tests later, it started to sink in, I was pregnant.
Went into the Dr the next day, had all the blood work done and an early u/s. Blood all came back great, we couldn't see the baby yet because I was so early, but it all looked great so far. About 2 weeks later, I started having SEVERE pain on the left side, where I knew the baby had implanted. We went in and saw that there hadn't been much growth, and that I was having contractions. But we saw the fluttering heart beat, so it seemed okay. The Dr put me on progesterone, and said to take it really easy. Eventually the pain stopped and we relaxed a little. Around 7 weeks, I started having a brown discharge. We went to the Dr again, had an u/s. We saw the sac had gotten bigger, but couldn't see the baby at all. We all were pretty sure we saw the flickering heart though, and the Dr said that my uterus probably just tilted towards my back. Wanted me to come back in, in 2 weeks. About a week later close to 9 weeks, my symptoms totally stopped. And I knew in my heart the baby was no longer with us. We waited for our appointment which was at 9 weeks 6 days. I was having a brown stringy discharge at this point. Dr did another u/s. I remember laying on the table, and immediately he said "I'm sorry, there is something wrong." He showed us the baby which was no longer a baby, just a disingrated bunch of cells floating in a tiny sac inside me. The prometrium was stopping the miscarriage. After that everything just became a blur. I remember they shuffled us into a room, I remember crying and feeling like the world had come to an end. It had to of at least stopped spinning. People telling us they were sorry, knowing that my baby that I had waited 6 years for, was dead, floating around inside me. We had the option of miscarrying naturally or having a D&C. We opted for a D&C, I was to scared to go through the miscarriage at home, we had company staying with us. I remember days of just sobbing, we found out on Friday and couldn't have the D&C until Tuesday. I remember just wondering when this was going to be over! This baby is floating around inside me! It was a horrible feeling, a horrible weekend....
The morning of the D&C we were scheduled for 5:30 AM I think. I woke up, and FEAR just gripped me! I woke up and just started bawling that this could NOT be happening! I wouldn't let them take this baby from me, I won't let them do this! And I convinced Hubby to cancel the D&C. I had stopped my Prometrium the day before, because it was causing severe constipation.
Around 12, my sister had convinced me that I shouldn't do this on my own, and I realized I wanted the D&C. About 2 hours later, we got ahold of my Dr, and told him I wanted the D&C. He was more then willing to put me at the end of the day (isn't he such a great guy??). So around 4 Hubby took me to the surgical center. I remember sitting in the waiting room just screaming to myself "this isn't happening!" "This cannot be happening!!" We had a wonderful nurse who just coddled me the whole time. I went to the bathroom right before they wheeled me in, and I had started bleeding. At that point it became VERY real. I just sat in the hospital bed while we waited and cried. The put the curtains around me, and I just let the tears come.
The tests on the fetus came back negative for anything out of the ordinary. We will never know why this happened. It has been the hardest thing I have ever experienced. I think about that baby daily, and my heart aches for that baby to be here with me. I don't think that I will ever stop aching for it. January 29th was the baby's due date, it will be a harsh reminder every year I am sure...
So, on April 30, 2011 we found out we were pregnant again. This was after 1 month of Birth Control, and then a round of 5 mg of Femara! We carried this baby full-term and gave birth on January 4, 2012 to our 7 lb 3 ounce boy! We love this little guy so much.
We are back to trying to add to our family one more time. Hoping to be successful one more time!
