Bad Mummy? Yes I Am!

Dear baby angel,
Sorry for being a bad mummy,
I chose not to remember you,
I chose not to visit your grave,
I chose not to clean you,
I chose not to bring you home where i supposed to,
I chose not to speak or write your name,
I chose to throw all the things that I've bought for you,
I chose not to confine myself and went back to work immediately,

Forgive me,
Yes, I am a bad mummy..
You are in better hands right now..

See You in Heaven, Daryan Darda

I sit and write this letter,
With tears running down my face,
But I know deep in my heart,
You are in a special place..

I could still remember..
I cuddled your blanket and said my prayers
I saw your weak breath by breath
I searched for any sign of you
For your scent
A string of hair
And I felt so blue

I hold it and wish I could go back to that awful day
There was so much I didn't tell
So much more to say
Cause baby oh baby mummy's heart is sore
I find myself missing you more and more....

Dear miracle baby
Will you wait for me in heaven?

My TTC Journey by Jay Farhana

Hello..


By now, many of you have read about my journey written by Jay Farhana.. For those of you who didn't have a clue on what I'm referring to, please click HERE..


Pursuant to that blog entry, Ive received too many emails, pms, even smses, asking me to elaborate more on my journey. Well, if God permits, I will find time to write a very long blog entry.. Jay was right! I have a long winded TTC stories that some I dont have time to write in this blog.


I guess I should start writing now.. But not in this entry.. Stay tune, ok?




P/s - Thank you so much for all your well-wishes and doa.. Although I do not really know who you are, I hope that my humble journey will strengthen your believes on Allah's will.. Allah is indeed most gracious and most merciful. Just believe..

The Long Overdue Update

Hello dear readers..

I'm still here, alive.. I received quite a number of emails and PMs asking for my updates. I truly apologize for the delay as my life has been so hectic lately.

Praise to you my Lord, I have safely delivered a huge baby boy on 3rd May 2013, 1.45pm at QHC Medical Centre weighing at 4.2kg!! Indeed, my son is the biggest baby ever born in my family. And of course, he was delivered via c-section.

I will tell ya all the details later ok?

BUT wait....

I have one more thing to tell you...

I'm currently 10weeks PREGNANT! 

NOOO....It's not IVF!!  It's natural!!!  

Puzzled? Me neither....

36-Weeks Check Up

Just came back from my weekly medical check up..

The baby weight has reached 3.6kg already..

And my Dr is asking me to get ready with my hospital bag..

I've been waiting for this moment for such a long time. But my DH isn't back from work.. *gulp*


p/s- Please pray for me..

The Last Mile!

Hello all..

It's been a while since my last entry.. I've been so occupied with preparing myself for the baby.. Everything seems so incomplete (to me.. LOL!).. Yeah, being a new mum (definitely no experience at all), i kept wondering whether i have done enough, bought enough, do enough for the baby.. 

Alhamdulillah, i'm in my 36 weeks of pregnancy and the based on my readings, i've reached the "safe zone" already.. Well, i'm still not quite confident as it supposed to be, as anything can happen to me or the baby at any time of the day..


And like i mentioned to you earlier, my baby is growing bigger than its supposed to be.. The baby weight is now 3.3kg already... *pheww* Surprisingly, my torn uterus seemed to be hanging out just fine (thank you, Allah), even tough my tummy seemed to look "senget sebelah".. hehe..

As far the baby preparation is going, the baby room has 100% ready for the baby. I hafta thank my husband for the awesome deco! He has chosen a "nautical theme" for the baby's room.. It's not a surprise chosen theme for me as my DH's life is all about sea and ships.. :) There's also a customised wall decal with the baby's name on it.. Oh, but for now, the baby's name will remain as a secret top follow the sunnah.. For now, let us call my baby as "BABY D", ok? ;)

 the baby's room.. :)

Some of my friends questioned the relevancy of having the baby's room.. Some of them think that the baby will end up sleeping on my bed eventually.. Well, we'll see.. Like i said, i have no experience in bringing up a baby.. But at least, I have all the rights in the world to be excited about it, don't ya think so? But based on my readings, letting your baby sleeping alone will boost the baby's inner confidence (maybe, maybe not??).. And the most important reason for having the baby's room is that - I do not want to loose my intimacy relationship with my DH.. We have been together for 4 years now (CHILDLESS) and we are soo obsessed with each other.. Having a baby will not change anything between me and him.. Got it?

 

When the baby's room is ready, it means the baby will come out anytime soon, right?

Yes, I'm just waiting for my DH to come back from work (probably in the next couple of weeks) and we are absolutely ready for the C-sec procedure.. Yes, unfortunately, I cannot deliver the baby naturally due to my post cornual pregnancy history.. Normal delivery will not only risk my baby's life, but it may risk my life too.. Well, there's no regret about it. Reaching this far of this journey is indeed blissful already.. alhamdulillah.. :)

As far as the other preparations, I can say that I'm at 90% ready! I only left with a Diaper Bag and some other minor things to be bought last minute.. Talking about Diaper Bag, i'm totally in love with Storksak collections.. *wink*

Ok, that's all for now.. I hope i will have more time to update.. 

 8 months pregnant - i do look like the air balloon, right? ;p

Hikmah

Today i witnessed behind all my struggles to conceive for the past 2 and half years.. 

And today, i managed to khatam al-quran..Alhamdulillah.. :)

The last time that managed to finish reciting al-quran was when i was 11 years old. Ever since that, i rarely recite al-quran, most probably due to the tight schedule etc (alasan!)

I'm grateful to Allah.. I realised that this probably the "hikmah" behind all my struggle..

p/s- May Allah lead me to the right path.. ameen..

Expect The Unexpected!

Ok, finally, i found a cheaper place to deliver the baby.. I will be delivering my lil angle in QHC Medical Centre, which is 5mins from home.. Delivery via c-section will only cost me max RM7k for 3 days 2 nights package.. Ok, this is indeed a good news.. And the one who will be responsible for my complicated pregnancy is Dato Dr Subra.. He's willing to accept me as his patient.. pheww..

Ok, one problem relieved!


Now, there's another came up..

Everytime when i did my check up, my baby seems to grow BIGGER than it supposed to be.. Last Monday, during the scan, my baby's is measuring as if his that I am 31 weeks pregnant. By right, I'm only reaching to my 29th weeks.. And the weight is almost 2kg now! wow, is this normal?


Well, now, my Dr is puzzled to determine the date of my delivery. By right, if delivery via c-section will be conducted 2 weeks earlier than EDD.. But now, we dont even know when exactly is my EDD.. hmmm...

And, i have to be super careful now, since ive already in the scary "7months stage" that the baby MIGHT want to deliver now (depending on the capability of my uterus)...  But so far, the Dr said that my torn uterus is still in a good shape.. alhamdulillah..

And that's not the worst case, my husband probably couldn't be with me should i deliver early... :( He'll only be back after 2nd May 2013...


Ok, i just hafta keep on praying and praying.... May everything runs as smooth as it is supposed to be.. ameen.. ameen..

Thank You Again Dr Ramirez!

So i thought to update Dr Edward Ramirez about my current situation.. I used to write an email to him asking about my chances of getting pregnant again after the cornual pregnancy... (read my previous post here)

So i wrote to him to inform him that i've made it! ;)

Few days ago, he replied by saying this:

"Hello Reen,

 

Thank you for letting me know.  I see from the email thread that we communicated in May of last year.  I’m glad that you got through the corneal pregnancy and didn’t give up.  Good luck with this pregnancy.  You are well on your way to your dream.

 

Congratulations,

 

Edward J. Ramirez, M.D., FACOG"

I guess that Dr Ramirez is indeed the most friendliest infertility Dr that ive ever known.. He would replied to my humble email and I wasn't even his patient!

God bless you Dr Ramirez... God bless you!

Think Positive - You'll be Happier!

Lately, i've received soo many good news from my fellow TTCians who are finally conceived after tons of efforts they've put into.. Alhamdulillah, congratulations dear friends (you know who you are.. ).

To those who are still battling with infertility, my prayers are always be with you.. Please remember that when life knocks you down, you have a choice to get back on the horse.. The most vital thing to do is to keep the positivity vibes within you! ALWAYS BELIEVE that "everything will happen eventually when the right time comes"..

I truly understand the frustrations and sadness faced amongst the TTCians. The pressure coming from the people around you. I truly understand a situation whereby, the more you want to be pregnant, the more people around you is pregnant! YES, it happened! It used to happen to me too! You'll feel that God is being unfair towards you. You'll feel that God is "playing" with your emotions and you whispered to yourself that "even the stray dogs could get pregnant easily", right?

You may choose to cry, or feel dissapointed, but all those emotions should not be permanent.. Human emotions are just as fragile as a piece of glass.. But when we handled with care, the glass will not be shattered! 

 

Do not give up.. Do not give up on trying.. Keep the the positive vibes around you. I'm sure that you will succeed.. :)

Clear Nipple Discharge

Well, this is embarrassing.. Ive been having a clear nipple discharge since my 16th weeks of my pregnancy. At first, I wasn't that worried, but now the discharge has been more and more frequent.

I've informed my Dr and my Dr told me that the early nipple discharge means that my body is now starting to produce milks for the baby. However, my Dr said that an early clear nipple discharge would usually happen to second or third pregnancies onwards..

Ok, when I heard that, i felt a bit sad.. Yes, this wasn't my FIRST pregnancy.. I had been pregnant for a couple of times already, but it ended up miserably..

Whatever it is, I'm thankful to Allah for giving me a chance to experience this journey thus far.. I hope and I pray that I would breastfeed my baby until he reaches 2 years old.. in sha allah..

Three Zero and Six Months

Alhamdulillah, ive reached the age of three-zero a couple of weeks ago, and currently carrying a bigg healthy baby boy.. The weight of the baby is almost 1 kg now.. What more could i ever ask from you, Ya Rabb? Praises to you ya Allah..

During every check ups, my baby constantly shows that it has grown bigger by 1-2 weeks than it supposed to be.. Therefore, my EDD has changed to 5th May 2013, instead of 15th May 2013.. I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant. If everything goes well, I might expecting the baby by the end of April or better still, early of May.. But if however, my uterus shows that the baby is in fact too big for it to carry, then, i may be expecting a pre-mature baby on early April.

Well, i just hope that the baby will be inside my uterus as long as it could as pre-mature baby will be on the high risk factor on survival. Whatever that Allah has bestowed upon me, i know that I can handle, in sha Allah..

As for now, my blood pressure is stabilizing, and my DH and I have started to feel the baby's movement.. As for the preparation, i can say that we have bought 85% of the baby's stuffs.. Even the baby room is ready! The baby's preparation will be elaborated in my next post.. hehe.. :)

I guess that's all for now..

expanding belly..

MAQ100 - Overwhelming Responses Received!

Hello.

I apologize for delay in replying your emails/inquiries about MAQ100. Just couldn't believe that there are so many people out there (esp TTCians) who are so interested in consuming this special product.

Bare in mind, I'm not involved with the business directly.. The only main reason is to HELP TTcians in getting the products that are worth trying!

Then again, whoever wishes to order this product, do email me at reenr83@yahoo.com or call/sms/whatsapp me at 012-3755087.

Per bottle : RM75
Postage fees : RM8 (pos laju)  or RM10 (nationwide express)

p/s- My recommendation : Do TRY at least a bottle! You'll feel the difference... :)

Attention to ALL Malaysian TTCians!

Do you feel lonely and need a shoulder to cry on?

Do u feel that the world is going against you, just because the fact that you couldn't conceive?

Do join us in in TTC Group Malaysia in Facebook!

Recently, we have held a meeting to register the group in the Registrar of Society! And we are proud to say that we will be the FIRST registered association with regards to TTCians in Malaysia! yeayy!

Among other things that we've discussed in the meeting are as follows:

1. Subject to the name approval, the group shall be named of TTC Association of Malaysia;

2. The members shall required to pay a membership fees of RM200 per couple per year;

3. The collected membership funds shall be allocated to HELP its members (who are eligible) for infertility treatments and also we will be doing some charity i.e donating etc;

4. The association shall, at its best endevour try to get as many sponsors, special privileges from fertility hospitals, O&G Drs, private or government sectors and various NGO organizations;

5. The next get-together shall be on 29th June, 2012 in Port Dickson!


I think, that's the only vital points to share at the moment. Stay tune for more updates, ok?

You are not alone! Do join us!

TTCians' First Meeting on 5th Jan 2013

Supplement Suggestion for TTCians : MAQ100

Well, i don't usually do this, EXCEPT when the supplement is super effective on me!

I was introduced to this supplement by Jay Farhana during our Teh Tarik session in Gravy Baby, Shah Alam. Maq100 has the same ingredients like Monavie, except for it's CHEAPER price.. hehe! Plus, Maq100 has an additional ingredients of B.A.E (a some sort of energy booster) of which it has been used by all sorts of products to increase the level of your energy.

Well, there are lots and lots of benefits benefits of this supplement if you google it yourself.

But for me, it did help me to lower my blood pressure in just 3 days after consuming the supplement! YES, 3 days! And the fact that I feel tired and sleepy ALL the time is no longer happen now.

Does it help for TTCians?
I believe that my answer would be YES! YES! and YES!

Just like Monavie, the acai berry/maqui berry is super effective for TTCians to increase the quality for your eggs.. It also helps to strengthen your uterus lining.

At least the supplement is cheaper than Monavie.

Maq100 is only RM75.00 per bottle (Monavie costs around RM100-RM160 per bottle depending on the agent that you bought with). You may consume the Maq100 juice 2 times a day! That's all!

Interested? You can email me at reenr83@yahoo.com for more details

Google it, now! You'll be amazed with the testimonials!