Chasing Pavements- Adele

What is this?

because im not sure if i can do this for much longer. 

What is this?

because the answers you've been giving me are questions to my questions.

Maybe one day your realize

but something tells me it will be too late by then 

getting through things one day at a time. 

A Book of Questions

These past few days various emotions have emerged. Its a mixture of both my feelings and of those around me which have made me take a closer look at things going on in my life that i havnt taken the time to look at.  I was told yesterday, "Megan, you give good advice." I realized that I give advice more for myself, than for the person that im telling it to. I feel like there are life lessons in every challenge we face. Little do they know im stealing their tragedy/predicament/situation and jotting them down as my own to go back and read.

There are a couple things that have had me thinking for the past several days, and I think its because they are questions and thoughts that make me go back and forth between my heart and my mind, which for me, never agree when I apply it to my own life. 

"how do you make yourself stop liking someone", I was asked.  This is a question I wish I could answer and have it make sense. 

You cant help who you like.

 Thats the bottom line.

  If you have to ask yourself this question, evidently there is a reason why you shouldn't like them in the first place. If you keep reminding yourself of the reasons  you shouldn't like them, is this just a way to distract your feelings in order for you to get over the person? which makes me wonder do you ever truely get over someone or do you just keep lying to yourself until you  believe it yourself? 

Sometimes your told that person just isnt good for you. This is a statement that I believe to be true at times. But if this is true why is it that our heat is so drawn to this person? We know ourselves better than anyone, so why would we let ourselves go through this pain? 

we all do it. 

some just hide it better than others.  

"she thinks I put relationships on a pedestal and look at it like a marriage" 

When I was told this I completely disagreed. As I sit and think about it no,  im not really sure what I think. 

You are supposed to go into a relationship for the appropriate reasons. Right? Your supposed to go into a relationship thinking that this is going to last. Being able to see yourself eventually loving this person. Right? But everyone isnt perfect, so your never going to find your Mr/Mrs.Perfect, which means your forced to go into a relationship expecting things to go wrong, one of which could be from the key questions. Soooo...... when do you know its time for a relationship? Your just supposed to know? How do you know this is a bad idea? You  just go with it? 

Still learning 

xoxo

A day in the life of a sun devil

soooo THISSSS is how an asu student lives.  School monday to wednesday. Thursday, party. Friday, party. Saturday, party. Sunday, rejuvenate.  Dayum! 

I cant complain though, im having a really nice time here with the girls. Its nice to get away and clear my mind.

Today is another day and im glad about it

. 

                                 

Soon Well Be Found- Sia

Its been a very long weekend and very long beginning of the week. I have run myself ragged and now my body decided," If your not gonna slow your roll im gonna slow it for you." Which leads me to the reason im in bed at 3:00... pm. 

This weekend I discovered the feeling of truly being scared for someones life. During the summer I lost my grandmother but this wasnt the same feeling. Watching Gran slowly deteriorate for months was one of the hardest things iv ever had to endure,  but as crazy as it sounds, it was almost less painful in the end. I was able to brace myself for the painful truth. I  had time to accept that the person whom I considered my sunshine, my heart, and my laugh  would soon be  a lifeless body and a distant memory. This time there was no time to brace myself....

The phone rings while video chatting with mom and john. 

Moms telling me about paula and her crazy adventure that day

its too good to interrupt 

I push the black button. 

ill call her later, i say to myself. 

five minutes later the phone rings again... 

510?

no idea who that is...

black button.

sorry go on mom.

...

two rings and an answer

Megan?

yes?

*sobbing*

they dont think hes going to make it.

What does that mean? "they". They who? the doctors? His mom? The school? WHO? Why does this seem so sudden? He was fine three weeks ago. I just talked to him yesterday. ButI couldnt get myself to ask any of those questions. Honestly? I instantly thought of the last time I saw him. The last thing that was said. The things I said and the things that I didnt say.

Sit and think about the last three people you talked to today. If you got a call tomarrow saying they were no longer here would your conversation been different? would you regret the things you said or wished you said something more?

     You would think I just typed up a chain letter and all im missiing is the "send this to ten people or youll have a bad love life for the next ten years" These words have a different meaning when it happens to you.. trust me.

This weekend Jaclin and Kemi were truely my rocks. They eased my thoughts and put a smile on my face when I thought it was impossible. They showed me the meaning of true friendship. Truely irreplaceable.

When the truth hurts

Addictive is precisely the adjective I would have chosen to describe Blogspot. Thanks Chey.

Carmelle is gone for the weekend and although I love her to death, its nice to get the room to myself for a bit. Especially with my personality, I can never get enough alone time.  

I had a lovely conversation with my mom this morning, which completely put me in a different mood for the day. Shes always treated me like an adult but since iv been in college I find us having meaningful conversations regarding real problems. It was always me coming to lay in her lap so she could fufill her job description of being my listener but now, I find myself giving just as much advice as she does to me. Its really nice to have reached a different level with her but it also makes me pause, and realize that I am in fact growing up. Although I claimed to hate her for so many years, she is by far the most amazing woman I know. Maybe one day ill be able to look her in the eye and tell her.... your my hero.                                                        

What do you do when you have someone in your life who cares for you more than you can imagine? Someone cares for you in ways that as much as you attempt, you will never be able to return those same feelings. You say your friends. You say your best friends. You say anything that will keep him around because deep down you know hes one of the best things thathas  happened to you. How do you tell someone that you love them, but your not in love with them? You cant, because in the end you will find yourself screaming on the phone, fighting about something that in any other situation you know they could care less about. How do you sit on the phone and witness someone coming to the realization that their ideal companion will never say I love you the way its ment to be said?

maybe I should call...

but what if he hates me?

what if he voids my call?'

what if he acts differently?

what if he tries to put on a front?

well... WHAT IF?

But is that anyway to treat your best friend ?

 

The First one

soooooooooooooo this would be my first blog post! Its funny I havnt done one of these since the xanga days, which would be 6th-8th grade status. I was reading my xanga today and it brought back so many memories so I thought that I would make another one so I can look back on the college days ;). 

hmmm weird to actually sit here listening to music and just have a chance to think about what I have been doing lately. Usually its just music facebook and seeing what everyone else is up to but its nice to sit and just think about me for once. Even if it is at 3:00 in the morning!

Its so crazy that im a second semester freshman in college already. It feels like Marymount Spirit Day was JUST yesterday.  Whats also crazy is the amount of things and people that have changed in that amount of time. I have finally found people who are there for me and  picked out the ones that pretended to be there. Im keeping the old and bringing the new with people here at LC. Everytime someone asks me if I like LC, i say if it werent for the four girls that im always with then I would honestly transfer. 

I just wanted to get a post in today and ill TRY to keep it up. BBUUUTTTTTTTT we all know me... so like i said, ill TRY. 

till next time

xoxo