What If Land

About ten days ago I had a little "turn" and thought I  was going to pass out.  I didn't, but somehow travelled to a different planet for the following 36 hours.  To say I felt "odd" would be about right.  Away with the fairies was I.

I did the right thing and took the pathology request that had been under a magnet on the fridge for the past two months and finally had my GTT test.  Turns out I'm not diabetic!  Which is a good thing, seeing as I have just eaten a row of chocolate before I sat down here.....

I also did another right thing and went and saw my GP last week, thinking she would say my test was fine, all was fine, just keep on keeping on.  Fail.

It turns out that being off with the fairies is not an ideal outcome after nearly passing out.  It also turns out that when you tell the GP this has happened a few times before, said GP gets that little concerned furrow on their brow as they sit back in their chair and look quizzically at you.

So now I look like some kind of cyborg.  

Little patches of annoyingly scratchy tape are attached to long cords that lead to a funny little computerised box.  It's called a Holter Monitor.  And it's going to tell me what my heart does over a 24 hour period.  Fun!  Or not so fun.

I also have an appointment with a Nuerologist to look forward to drain my account.  You know, just to rule out whether I have had a minor stroke......  Just as I wrote that I think my heart monitor would have recorded a jump.....

Now, I know you're not supposed to be alarmed when your GP says they are requesting these tests "just to be sure", but I am quite seriously shaking in my freakin boots!  All the what if's in the world are spinning through my over-active mind, and the whole reality of getting older and gaining more health issues seem way too close to home!

Yes - it could just be that I am stressed.  There's plenty going on in my life to induce stress, anxiety and a whole lot of other feelings.  But what if??

I've obviously had to explain to my kids what all the cords and patches are.  It went something like this - 

"Mummy hasn't been well, and is stressed out, so now they're seeing how my heart is working" - this was said through gritted teeth as I attempted to get them to stop fighting as they were going through the front door.....

This comes less than 24 hours after having to explain to them they their Great-Grandmother has gone to sleep and more than likely will not be waking up.  Chelsea replied to this news with "At least she got to live to 93".  Kids are resilient.  And naive.  Just the way I like it.  My husband, on the other hand, is devastated.  As he should be.

Stressed.  Me?  Nooooooooo.......

A positive twist to all this?  I have just opened and read a letter sent from our World Vision Sponsor Child, Keriya.  Well, her Father told the volunteer what to write which is great.  The last line of the letter made my voice quiver.... "Dear sponsor, she will be so happy if you write her a letter and send a post card that can give her an idea about your self and expresses your place to her".  Fills my heart - take that heart monitor!

Do you ever go in to What If Land??  How do you navigate out of that place?

Random Rambling...

Today, I was going to come and write a post about others cynicism towards all things good.  Then I changed my mind and thought I would write about something else.  Then I started writing.....

 My annoyance rose from a very innocent flippant comment, I'm sure, the other day regarding the Kony 2012 campaign.  Said person questioned its success, and pretty much judged it a flop.  I was a little disappointed.  Sometimes I think people question the validity of social consciousness basically because their conscience is failing them?  Perhaps they would like to see things fail because it would make them feel better about not being supportive?  I was more than happy to let them know that on my way to work that day I saw this:

Just a random traffic light post, in a random suburb far far away from Africa....

I also know for certain that quite a number of regular Aussie kids sent away for their Kony 2012 packs and have been educated by this campaign.  So I guess in my eyes, this was far from a fail....

Let it be known these little men are very proud of their involvement!

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A lady I like to call a friend, even though I have never met her, nor had a conversation with her  - Eden Riley - wrote a post this week that broke my heart.  I blogged about the profound effect Eden's trip to Niger, on behalf of World Vision Australia, had on myself and my family.  It was a week in Eden's life that I cannot even imagine.  Well, it seems a whole bunch of naysayers decided they would target Eden and question the way she wrote about her trip as well as the way she is living her life since said trip.  This infuriated me to say the least.  How dare someone else, who has NO idea of what someone has been through, question them?  I just DON'T GET IT?  Another case of people feeling guilty about their lack of involvement, their lack of social awareness and their lack of tact and manners.  Shame.

I see this sort of crap daily.  Over a wide variety of subjects.  People dragging people down, to make themselves feel better.  And it makes me proud that I am no longer the cynical teenager I was once judged to be.  

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So that's what I was GOING to write about.  I did a good job not writing that didn't I?

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I'm also linking up with The Studious Stitch today!  So feel free to hop along to the other blogs linked up - you may just find something you like!

Tell me - what would you write about today?

Done - Finally

Last night, I spoke briefly about Eden, and her journey to Niger on behalf of World Vision Australia.  I promised I would sponsor the child I have spoken of sponsoring for years now.  And then I went to bed.  Today, amongst the running around with the kids, getting washing done and finishing sewing orders - I kept thinking about the child I hadn't sponsored yet.  But I kept getting busy, and forgetting.  So tonight when I read Eden's latest post, I walked over to my husband and said "You know how I keep saying I want to sponsor a child, and I never do?  Well, I really want to sponsor a child - now."  His response?  "Ok."

I came back to the computer and clicked on the link.  And then got flustered.  Should I sponsor the first child that came up the screen?  Should I choose?  Boy or girl?  Which country?  Should I click on the link that said "longest waiting"?  I became a little overwhelmed.  I'm still overwhelmed now.  I decided we would sponsor a girl.  And the first girl who popped up and was the same age as my eldest daughter was it.  So, it is with great pride, and a feeling of "finally", that I introduce the latest addition to our family...

I feel really silly writing this, but just as her photo came up on the screen then, I've started crying.  Told you I was overwhelmed.  I have no words.  I hope that our $43 a month can help Keriya and her community.  I really do.

Thank you Eden.  Thank you.  I've just shown my nine year old Chelsea the photo of Keriya and explained to her what our family will now be doing.  And she just quietly smiled.  I asked her what she was thinking?  "I'm just happy" she replied.  Bless.