Make that Wednesday week........This is how my day was MEANT to go:
Wake up bright and cheery after a restful eight hours sleep.
Find children have all woken up, made themselves breakfast and are dressed and ready for school.
Leisurely stroll through the shower, thinking about the clean house and cooked dinner I will arrive home to this evening, because, of course, my housekeeper will have that all sorted for me.
Dry my hair, slip on a gorgeous new outfit, gather the kids in the car and drop them at their destinations before finally pulling in to work......
INSTEAD - this is what I got:
Wake up to the sound of my annoying farking iPhone alarm at 7am and raise my eyebrows in amazement that I have any energy to turn it off.
Vaguely remember getting up twice to the barking dog Cadyn's relentless coughing, managing not to knock myself out when I tripped over someone's shoes in the darkness of the hallway.
Run from bedroom to bedroom shaking children and reminding them that it's WEDNESDAY and they have to move their arses.
Have a shower and wash my hair in record time and once again amaze myself that I have not slipped on the squeaky toy left in the bottom of the bath.
Dry my hair in record time, remarkably managing to look half decent. Throw on some clothes that look reasonably clean and pass the smell test.
Run from bedroom to bedroom once again shaking children, reminding them that I will lose my proverbial shit if they don't get out of bed NOW.
Make sure each child has something in their stomach, they are wearing clothes and they have something resembling a packed lunch to put in their bag.
Shoo them all out the door and into the car, before burning rubber to get them all to their destinations before heading down the freeway to my dreaded First Aid Refresher course.
Now I HATE training. But in my line of work, we have first aid AND CPR refreshers, Fire training, Oxygen training, rectal valium & enema training (I have been fortunate to dodge these ones for 16 years now!) and so on and so forth. I DO NOT LIKE IT. So when I turn up to a hotel to do this said training, I am not pleased to find it's like an icebox. Not when it's only five degrees outside. Not pleased at all.
THEN Mr Smooth enters the building.......... Not once in my life have I encountered anyone remotely interesting to look at, being my trainer. Such a pleasant surprise!
The morning goes relatively quickly, regardless of the fact that I am surrounded by people who endeavour to make my ears bleed with their ridiculous questions whilst also arguing medical information.
And then I get a phone call - from the kid's school. Cadyn is sick. I knew this. I sent the poor bugger to school thinking he would be ok because I could not cancel this training AGAIN, after doing so last month when another child was sick! Then began a mad ten minutes of calling anyone and everyone who could possibly pick him up from school, so I did not have to return to this HELL and start the training day all over again! Struck gold with the mother in law and returned to Mr McDreamy-trainer.
Get home to find Cadyn has been throwing up from all the coughing, so make a Doctor's appointment. Leave the two big kids home, and speed to creche to pick Chloe up, then speed to the Doctor's. Text instructions to Lochie to cook vegetables. Get the diagnosis of croup and asthma (again - seriously, how old until he grows out of croup??) and collect my multiple scripts and drop them at the chemist. Call Lochie and tell him to cook schnitzel - "Mum I don't know how to cook schnitzel!" - hang up on Lochie.
Speed home thinking I have half an hour until I have to take Lochie to basketball training........walk in the door to find that he DOES indeed know how to cook schnitzel. Then he casually asks me if I am going to take him to training - which starts in five minutes!?!?! FARK!!!!!
Turn cook top off, speed to training, drop him off, speed to chemist, pick up scripts, speed home. FINALLY SIT DOWN AND EAT SOME DINNER.
Some days, I just wish things were a bit easier. So I could be less frazzled. And avoid the possible speeding fines that will be arriving in my letter box in approximately one week's time.
Does this sound like your life? The second bit, not the bullshit first couple of paragraphs - not sure I want to know if you have it so good!!!
PS. It doesn't help that I spend most of my waking hours now wondering who will play Dr Grey in the movie version of "50 Shades of Grey"........I know who I would cast - do you?
