PISSED
I am so freakin' pissed. Was in my parents' room, trying to get the stupid connection, when my mum started complaining about how my 2nd brother's friends kept calling and calling non-stop all day. Then she started complaining about how she woke him up today for CCA and yet he chose not to go even though she bothered to wake him up and his friend was concerned enough to keep calling and wait for him at the place where they agreed to meet. Yes, that is WRONG and it's not the first time he did it and it's very lazy and irresponsible of him, but YOU GUESS YOU GUESS how my father responded? (To clarify any doubts: the door was closed. only my parents and I were in the room)
"Aiya...this kind of person...might as well just disown and cut ties with him. He's useless. Sell him away...see who want then we sell to them." He was not joking. He said it in a perfectly serious tone. Right beside me. I LOVE the fact that they KNEW I was in the room (I was right smack in between them) and somehow did not ACKNOWLEDGE my presence and act as if they do NOT know I love that brother with all my fucking heart and would be bloody pissed and unhappy about it. But NOOOOOOoooo...they continued talking about how he ought to be disowned and how they'd had enough. And ignored the fact that I was there.
Yes. Dealing with Kenneth is trying. Most of the time. He is very lazy, irresponsible, has no qualms bullying the youngest brother, don't like to study, plays too much...and so on. But he can also be filial, sweet, caring and smart. And I still love him. Why can't they? Sometimes I think the only one who believes in him in the house is me. I know my mum tries very hard too...and it IS pretty difficult to love him most of the time when he's acting like such an ass. But I just don't understand how fucking little my dad trusts him and believes in him. And how easily he can just say the word disown. How he questions every word he says...doubts every explanation he gives. My brother is an ass. An ass who dun wanna study. An ass who doesn't know when to stop. An ass who doesn't show me respect half the time. An ass who has his ego, yet somewhat low self-esteem because he can SENSE how much my parents distrust him and how little they believe in him. I do it sometimes too. My trust and belief in him falters. But I would never, EVER, even in a fit of anger, THINK of saying I don't want him as my brother anymore. I know he has his good points too. He really cares about me. And mum. And Everett. And even Dad, sometimes. Just that he is too proud to show it. He is sitting behind me now, making stupid noises, oblivious to the fact that his parents have just mentioned that they want to disown him.
I know they won't do it. They just say only. And maybe it's forgivable that my mum agreed with my dad 'cos she's pissed. And even when she agreed she did it in a dismissive tone. My father, however...(call me biased or whatever. I don't hate him. Unless I feel that he's being unfair to my brother)just said it in manner of "I want two peas for breakfast." But how??!! I don't understand how he can just suggest this kinda thing in that lazy and final and flat and whatever tone of voice! He's ur fucking SON, for god's sake! And your eldest, too. I really don't know what to think of him anymore. I really don't know what to say anymore. Is it too much for them to believe in a child who is still struggling to grow up? I told him, them both, time and again...guys this age are LIKE THIS. They dun realise the importance of academics until a while later. So stop saying he's not trying, he fucking IS! Is it too much to love him like they love Everett? Maybe I really should not go overseas after all...Ken obviously needs it more than I do. And the sooner, the better. I can't imagine what would happen if one day he overhears this kinda conversation. The damage it would do to his self-esteem. I know he won't do stupid things, he is so happy-go-lucky. Maybe I'm overprotective. Maybe I'm being too harsh on my dad. I dunno. I just know that I feel the pain whenever they scold him for not trying hard enough with his grades, whenever my dad expresses his low opinion of him. Don't ask me why.
I just have this feeling that one day Ken will make it big. And then, my wonderful daddy, I hope you won't only start to treat him nicer then.
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