Insane Ramblings

He's gone. The guy I have had a major crush on is gone. My form teacher says he's gone back to China. How? Why? How could he leave without a word? I'm crushed. Oh, he's gone, he's gone. I'll never see him again. I'll never hear his voice, his feet dragging across the floor as he walks, hear him make stupid comments to teachers, see his charming smile, his spiky hair, his gorgeous face. I'll never, never see his eyes crinkle and shrink when he smiles, never see his white teeth dazzling when he grins. Never see the gentle way he empties the contents of his bag, and place it under the desk. Never get angry when I see him making eye contact with other girls, or talking to them. Or see him reading his beloved comics while sitting on a chair tilted on two legs. Never smell His smell...his sweet, sweet smell...Never again will I see him running in front of me during P.E, in his yellow house t-shirt. And never again can I try to overtake him. How I wish I could just chase him, like during P.E, run after him, try to overtake him. Never anymore will he ask me for a sweet. And never again will I buy his favourite sweet, hoping against hope that he would ask me for one. Never will I see him eternally chewing his chewing gum, and sharing his gum with others generously. Never can I play with the thought of asking him for one. Never can I try in vain to stop myself from smiling goofily whenever the teacher sends him to the back of the classroom to lurk near my seat. No, no, not anymore. He never loved me, but he doesn't know how much I do. I regret it, I regret it so much. Why didn't I tell him sooner? Why, why, oh why...I've been observing from afar, loving him, heart sinking whenever he flirts with the girls. For two years I have loved him wholeheartedly. Although I also have the hots for Seamus, he was the one who was always in my heart. And now, now that he is gone, how will I continue to live my life just like before? How can I drag myself to school each day without the comforting thought that he'll be there to spice things up? How, Deng Ke? How will I ever forget you? How could you leave without a word? Please come back. Please let him come back into my school, my class, my life. I don't care that he doesn't feel a thing for me. I am glad just to observe from afar. Comforted just by his presence. Delighted when he is anywhere near me. Please come back...please let him come back...

Friday, July 04, 2003

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