Bestie Tou Pok Tou Fu Tou Kee Becky Leong

Grace Angel Single and
ready to mingle Ro Max Andrew

Saturday, July 26, 2003

Plus One-Here in My Heart
Wherever you are
Tonight (Tonight girl)
I'll see you in my dreams
Wherever you go
Tomorrow you'll be here
Next to me
Wherever we are
A world apart
I know you'll never be that far
'Cos here in my heart there's a picture of us
Together forever
Unfaded and unbroken
Wherever we are
My love covers you (Your love covers me)
Forever more...
You'll be Here in My Heart....

Whenever I miss
Miss you so much
It's more than I can bear
But I won't cry
I'll just close my eyes and know
You'll be there
Your voice and your ways (Your kiss and your touch)
I'll never forget
'Cos you're as close as my very next breath
'Cos here in my heart
There's a picture of us
Together forever
Unfaded and unbroken
Wherever we are
My love covers you (Your love covers me)
Forevermore...
You'll be Here in My Heart...

-I've slightly altered the lyrics so that they apply to me. The words in brackets are the original lyrics.

Monday, July 21, 2003

Well, I didn't trip or anything. Thank goodness. But I had to like lift up my dress everytime I wanted to walk. And everytime I stand up I would step on the dress and have to sit down and attempt again. Yes, it's THAT long. But oh well, haven't worn a dress for four years. Can't really blame me right. Sigh, more news of him. He's gone to the States. Ah well, i think it'll be easier to find him if I never get this wild idea off my head. Oh how i miss him...i've learnt my lesson. Always tell someone u love him before it's too late...

Saturday, July 19, 2003

Argh..whatever possessed me to go and borrow an indian costume for Monday (Racial Harmony Day)?! It's a DRESS. A LONG DRESS at that. I NEVER wear dresses. Not since I was too old for my mom to force me to wear them. What if I trip over the dress while walking? It's so unbelievably long. And I'm supposed to be tall. Dunno how my shorty friend last year walked while wearing this same costume. She doesn't even reach 1.6m and i'm like 1.7m. What if the whole dress comes off? It's pretty loose. And horror of horrors, what if I trip on the hem of the dress, and THEN the dress comes off? Eek...Ah well, all in the name of being sporting. Don't wanna incur the wrath of the rest of the class. There's this competition, see. Whichever class wears the most costumes wins. Nevertheless, must have been too depressed over his disappearance to think straight. I realised that he's in every facet of my life. Most of what I see, do, etc. can be linked to him or bring back memories of him..

Saturday, July 12, 2003

I fear that I will forget how he looks like, his behaviour, his existence. No, i can't let this happen. I must recall something about him everyday...so that I will not forget...go on..snigger all you want. I don't care.

Friday, July 11, 2003

The driving rain and ominous clouds in the sky outside reflect my feelings. As I watch the rain splatter on the windows, my heart sinks and sinks..down a bottomless pit. Still can't believe that I will never see him again. A knife stabs mercilessly at my heart.

Thursday, July 10, 2003

Sigh, and I almost cried right there and then in class when the form teacher announced that the light of my life is gone forever. And that's to say quite a lot 'cos I never cry in public, and usually my reaction only comes when I think about it on my own, in peace (usually at night). The information hasn't quite sunk in yet. It's now like sinking in sloowwwwwly. I have to have a quiet think with myself for the information to really sink in. I dunno how I will react when the information has completely sunk in. So, stay tuned if you wanna know, i guess...Yawn..being miserable is really tiring, I can tell you that. I wish I had cherished his presence more...and I wish I had cherished my sec 2 days (when he was sitting behind me and when I first started having feelings for him) more...

The form teacher announced today that he had received a letter from dk's parents saying he is quitting school. No reason was stated. It is confirmed, then. He is Never coming back. Never ever. Oh mannnn...why..looks like this will remain a mystery forever in my heart. He will never know that I like him now...not that it would make a difference, but at least he would know. And I wouldn't be feeling so much remorse now. My heart feels so empty. Why him, oh why him...Sigh...

Tuesday, July 08, 2003

Hmm...today was the awards ceremony for subject prizes. I got Best in English. I was really restless sitting there during assembly waiting to go on stage. I kept hoping i would'nt fall off the stage or trip or something. I didn't, thank goodness, but my friends kept saying it looked like i almost tripped while getting off the stage. Probably cos i was trying to get out of there as fast as possible so as not to trip or fall. Ah well. Can't have it all, can i *stares adoringly at book voucher*..
Haiz, this reminds me of him. He would always act so surprised and like i had done a tremendous feat whenever he heard my english marks. Sigh...still keeping my fingers crossed that i'll 1)hear from him or/and 2) see him again.

Hmm...mother's mood seems to be improving...but u never know. I put my award for Best in English on her table ($25 book voucher). That should make her anger disappear in a jiffy ;) ! Haiz, if only i still had my piano. Everytime she was angry i'd just play it and she'd stop being angry. But this time (like many other times) i'm not the cause of her anger. She's always like this, go and patch up with the person who angered her in the first place, but before that get angry at everyone else. THEN later she stays angry at everyone else and is only talks to the person who made her angry (usually one of my brothers). Geez! But she cooked smiley-faced fried potato discs (my fav) so i *hope* that means something good. 'Cos i'm really innocent and haven't done anything to deserve her wrath. Haiz, welcome to my weird life.

More convinced now that he's gone forever...i can just imagine my life for the rest of this year. Everyday, i will keep my fingers crossed, hoping and hoping that he will magically appear when i look at his seat. And each time I see it empty, my heart will sink and sink....My glimmer of hope before i reach school each day will be extinguished when he doesn't appear and rekindle the next day and so on...wanna trade lives?

And my father went to research on JC and Poly and sent the info to me via e-mail. Weird...

Yesterday my mom was in a REALLY foul mood about who-knows-what. We didn't even get lunch. Honestly! The love of my life leaves without a word, my mother goes bananas and shouts to wake me up at like 10 am (ok not so early but i was TIRED) and then doesn't talk to me for the rest of the day. What is WRONG with my life?

Monday, July 07, 2003

Life still sucks right now. But at least i've got wonderful friends. :D

Saturday, July 05, 2003

I still can't believe he's gone. Lots of things in my life revolve around him. Sigh, how can I ever get over this?

Friday, July 04, 2003

He's gone. The guy I have had a major crush on is gone. My form teacher says he's gone back to China. How? Why? How could he leave without a word? I'm crushed. Oh, he's gone, he's gone. I'll never see him again. I'll never hear his voice, his feet dragging across the floor as he walks, hear him make stupid comments to teachers, see his charming smile, his spiky hair, his gorgeous face. I'll never, never see his eyes crinkle and shrink when he smiles, never see his white teeth dazzling when he grins. Never see the gentle way he empties the contents of his bag, and place it under the desk. Never get angry when I see him making eye contact with other girls, or talking to them. Or see him reading his beloved comics while sitting on a chair tilted on two legs. Never smell His smell...his sweet, sweet smell...Never again will I see him running in front of me during P.E, in his yellow house t-shirt. And never again can I try to overtake him. How I wish I could just chase him, like during P.E, run after him, try to overtake him. Never anymore will he ask me for a sweet. And never again will I buy his favourite sweet, hoping against hope that he would ask me for one. Never will I see him eternally chewing his chewing gum, and sharing his gum with others generously. Never can I play with the thought of asking him for one. Never can I try in vain to stop myself from smiling goofily whenever the teacher sends him to the back of the classroom to lurk near my seat. No, no, not anymore. He never loved me, but he doesn't know how much I do. I regret it, I regret it so much. Why didn't I tell him sooner? Why, why, oh why...I've been observing from afar, loving him, heart sinking whenever he flirts with the girls. For two years I have loved him wholeheartedly. Although I also have the hots for Seamus, he was the one who was always in my heart. And now, now that he is gone, how will I continue to live my life just like before? How can I drag myself to school each day without the comforting thought that he'll be there to spice things up? How, Deng Ke? How will I ever forget you? How could you leave without a word? Please come back. Please let him come back into my school, my class, my life. I don't care that he doesn't feel a thing for me. I am glad just to observe from afar. Comforted just by his presence. Delighted when he is anywhere near me. Please come back...please let him come back...

Wednesday, July 02, 2003

The object of my dreams has not returned to school yet. Today is already the third day of school! And what if he misses the oral? My form teacher says he called him but his guardian said he's staying with his father, who has come to S'pore. If he's in S'pore why doesn't he come back to school? Oh no, is something wrong? Is he ever going to come back? Is he going back to China (gasp)? This is so unfair. I finally got a change of position at a place where i can view him easily but now he hasn't returned to school. I am a little worried...

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