Brain Tumor: Surgery Complete

It's hard to believe that a little over a week ago I was having brain surgery! And to think a few weeks before that I was nearing the peak of my training for the Marine Corps Marathon. How quickly life can change! My surgery was set for last Monday the 8th, and during the procedure my neurosurgeon was going to biopsy the tissue and then place a shunt to drain the fluid that has been building up in my brain as the tumor has slowly grown over the years. Since the tumor is on a part of my brain that can't be removed, the tumor won't ever be removed surgically.  This surgery unfortunately wasn't to remove the tumor and "cure" me. It was just the next step in a longer process.

(Back-story blogs Diagnosis, The Plan, Emergency IVF, Surgery Day)

Preparing

I've only had one surgery before in my life (septoplasty), have never broken a bone, and consider myself to have a low tolerance for pain. I'm also a germ freak and a bit paranoid, so going into this surgery I was nervous of ending up with complications, or quite frankly ending up dying. The night before my surgery I went ahead and completed my Advanced Directives online through the Five Wishes Online website. This service was given to me as a gift and I'm glad I now have it on record. Answering the questions were tough and not fun, but I'm relieved to have it done. 

 Immunity Boosting Smoothing Compliments of the Magic Bullet

Surgery Morning

On Monday morning I was instructed to report to the hospital at 5:30am for check-in to prepare for my 7:30am surgery. My dad, David, and his mom came with me and were able to stay with me for part of the morning. After getting there and filling out paperwork we went to the prep area where it seemed like a dozen people were being prepped in their own section for a surgery. I was given a gown fit to hold four people which I changed into before getting into the hospital bed. The next hour was a blur. I was whisked down to get a final MRI and to have a set of sensors attached to my head which would be used to guide the equipment during surgery. They were on my forehead and scalp ... meaning yep! The hair shaving began! Luckily, they only shaved a handful of quarter sized spots before the MRI. (Spoiler alert - more hair was shaved later. Boo.) 

My First Hospital Flowers - Hello Kitty!

Going into the MRI I was really scared. I had freaked out a bit with my first MRI and at that point I thought I didn't really have anything wrong with me.  I also wasn't just about to go into surgery. I had been praying all week that I'd make it through the MRI calmly and peacefully. Thanks to a constant stream of prayers running through my  head which almost became a chant, I survived. The MRI went quickly and I remained calm. After the MRI I came back up to the prep area to give goodbye kisses to everyone before being pushed off into the OR. I remember being moved onto the surgical table and lying there thinking about how tiny it was and how I hoped I didn't fall off. They had started the IV at this point and I could tell I was starting to go under the anesthesia. It felt kind of like drifting off into sleep. I could only see two of the six people around me the last I remembered.

POOF!

Surgery

The next thing I knew I was awake and suddenly it seemed like there were a dozen people scrambling around me. I saw several people come into my vision, heard what sounded like a lot of commotion, beeping .. and then that's it for the next few hours. The next time I remembered coming to I was in recovery and talked briefly to the anesthesiologist before falling asleep again. The last coherent conversation I remember having in recovery was with my neurooncologist. He came by and said he had just talked to my family. What? I thought that wasn't scheduled until 4pm! What time was it? It turns out that he had met with them early, but at that point it was about 3:30pm. Wow, where did the day go?

Recovering in the ICU

David told me that I was in surgery for the biopsy from about 7:30 - 10:30am. My neursurgeon came out to tell everyone that the first part of the surgery had gone well, and then went back in to perform the shunt surgery. That ended up finishing up around 1:30pm, so I lost the next couple hours dozing in and out in recovery.

Hello Kitty Edible Arrangement

Recovery

Things were a bit blurry between recovery and the ICU, but soon after leaving the recovery area I was brought to my ICU room where my parents and David and his mom were able to come in and see me. I was pretty drugged up and really stiff from the surgery, and noticed as everyone came in that I had about a million chords hooked up to every part of my body. I couldn't do much but lie in the bed, but as I started to talk to everyone I noticed that I could move, talk, and function as normally as could be expected given my condition. I didn't die in surgery! I wasn't paralyzed or harmed in some way! I felt great! Well, not great really. I felt beat down and tired and just wanted to sleep, but you know what I mean. 

My New Katniss Braid

The next 24 hours in the ICU weren't much fun but they weren't awful. I had nurses checking on me almost every hour and was constantly being poked, pricked, injected, measured etc. I barely got any sleep at all over that first day and a half and was still really stiff and sore.  I started to get flowers and cards and visitors in the ICU the next day as well which was really heartwarming. Friends, coworkers, former coworkers, and family all took the time to show their love and it really meant so much to me. Wow, its making me almost cry right now thinking about it!

 Care Package from my San Francisco Friends

Later in the day on my 2nd day in the ICU (day after surgery) a physical therapist came by to show me how to sit up in bed easily. The shunt that drains from my brain comes down the right side of my neck, down my chest, and down into my stomach. This involved a nice two inch incision in my abdomen which is still the most painful part of the whole procedure. Sitting up hurts! She showed me some turning over and sitting up techniques, helped me get out of bed, and then we took a short walk around the ICU, up and down a flight of stairs, and then back to my room. Who knew I'd be going up stairs the day after surgery?

While I was in the ICU the rest of the 2nd day and the start of the 3rd, all of the medical personnel who came in remarked on my impressive progress. The plan was to move me down to a lower level of care next, and then discharge me after that. Due to some space restrictions in the hospital the 2nd night, I ended up staying that night in the ICU as well and into the 3rd day even though I was no longer considered a critical patient.

First Night Home!

Discharged

On the 3rd day, my neurosurgeon came in to talk to me about options. Did I want to go home? Did I want to stay? Initially I was afraid to go home. What if I needed people monitoring me all day and night? He assured me that I didn't and recommended that the best course of action would be for me to go home, sleep in my own bed, start getting back into my old routines, and to get away from the risks of infections and other things that the hospital presented. We agreed that I would go home that day, and late Wednesday afternoon I was discharged.

With David & My Cousin Twin on Thursday

Recovering at Home

On Wednesday night a lot of my family came over after dinner to hang out and see how I was doing. I took it easy most of the next two days but did make it out for a family lunch on Thursday and out for my mom's birthday lunch on Friday. I've been home resting since then, and am amazed to say that now that a week has passed since the surgery I almost feel totally back to normal. The surgical area on my stomach is still tender, the surgical area on my head is still shaved and sealed with staples, but aside from that when I'm just sitting here I feel like a normal person again. (Note - I've been warned not to exercise for 3-4 more weeks and I'm being good and taking that advice!)

Family Group Lunch on Thursday

They ended up shaving about 60% of the right, back side of my head for the shunt surgery which I'm still a bit bummed out about. I miss my hair! Luckily I had a lot of hair, and the hair that is left is long. A lot of hair is still missing though and it requires strategic placement in the mornings when I'm getting ready. I try not to think of it too much and am trying to focus on being grateful that throughout my future treatment I shouldn't have to go bald. That's a win right?

Happy Birthday Mom!

Next Steps

I've had a number of follow-up appointment this week with my various doctors to see how I'm doing, and I've already started fertility treatments to have my eggs harvested late next week. This weekend and next weekend will be my last true "free" weekends, since the following Monday on the 29th I will begin my six weeks of radiation and oral chemo. 

Thank you so much to everyone who has said prayers for me, has sent kind messages to me, and has really shown your love and support over the past few weeks. I still have a long road ahead of me but I'm filled with hope and love, and can only look forward and hope for the best possible outcome. I love you all!

Miles for Mokie Love

I can't express in words how much the Miles for Mokie page means to me! I'm touched every day by the kind words, cheers of encouragement, and cute and silly pictures that everyone is posting. I love every one of them!!

 

 

 

 

Brain Tumor: Surgery Day

Tomorrow is the big day. Brain surgery. It sounds almost ridiculous, and its hard to believe that this is my current life sometimes. Just over two weeks ago I was a perfectly healthy person with headaches. Well okay, I have a thyroid disorder, allergies, and vision problems  - but aside from those conditions nothing was life threatening. Sadly, I now have something life threatening to worry about. 

(Catch up on my posts So I Have a Brain Tumor, Next Steps, and Emergency IVF.)

This past week went by in a blur as I wrapped everything up for work and prepared for the day of surgery. David's mom came into town on Thursday, my dad arrived on Saturday, and my mom and step-dad came today. We hung out at home for most of the day today before heading to the 5pm service at The Rock followed by a family dinner at Pho Point Loma. (Note - My mom called me to warn me a few days ago that hospitals don't usually have Vietnamese food, so I better load up on pho! Luckily I already assumed this.)  :)

Beautiful Layout from My Friend Christine

Schedule

The schedule for tomorrow is as follows:

• 5:30am - admitted to the hospital (Thornton Hospital at UCSD)
• 6:15am - MRI 
• 7:30am - surgery begins, should last 4 hours
• 5:00pm - the neuro-oncologist is coming over to answer questions from my family

They estimate that I will be in the ICU for a couple days before being moved to a lower level of care for another day or so before being discharged to go home and recover. If I'm feeling well enough I will work from home the week after surgery, and if not I will just sleep the week away until the surgical wounds are healed. 

Keith Starting the Miles for Mokie Sign Trend

I have only had one surgery in my life (septoplasty in 2006) and have never broken a bone, so I'm really sensitive and fearful of pain. While the headaches themselves are really painful and would have driven me to the ER if they had ever lasted more than a minute, they are something I have learned to withstand and suffer through. I am terrified of experiencing a new kind of pain when I wake up from the anesthesia, and throughout the course of my recovery. 

Bruce Showing Support from Arizona

When I had my septoplasty I remember coming to and being cold. Soon after I was taken home where I was given painkillers and put to bed, and I never experienced pain over the next four days that I was home. I was never awake for more than a couple hours at a time, and essentially slept my way through recovery. I hope this surgery goes that way too.

What You Can Do
There are a number of things you can do to support me tomorrow and throughout my recovery and treatment. The number one thing I would like you to do is pray. Please pray for me and my family.

Christopher's Bib Dedication

Please Pray
The things that I am praying for are:

• Finding peace in the love of my family, friends, and God that will allow me to remain calm in the hours leading up until my surgery. (I'm really afraid of having a panic attack in the MRI. I was shaking with nerves the first time, and at that point I didn't even think I had something seriously wrong with me. I also wasn't an hour away from brain surgery ....)
• A successful surgery with no complications or pain
• A biopsy that reveals that my tumor is Grade 1 (least aggressive)
• A quick recovery that helps me keep my spirits up
• The ability for my loved ones to find comfort in each other and their faith so they don't worry and suffer too much during this time
• A treatment plan that is short and successful (currently they estimate 6 weeks of radiation and 1-2 years of oral chemo) and allows me to live a 'cancer-free' life full of hope
• The ability to get through this and have children some day
• The ability to get through this and have a long happy life with David

Log Your Miles

The doctor said that I probably won't be able to run for six weeks following surgery, and I anticipate that it will be much longer considering my radiation will not finish up until about nine weeks after surgery. In that time you can run in my honor, let me know how your runs go, and allow me to smile as I read about all the fun everyone else is having out there pounding the pavement or traipsing around on the trails.

Sign Love at the Chicago Marathon from Jenny, Jay, & Kids

My friend Rose created a challenge on DailyMile where everyone runs or walks at least one mile tomorrow. If you're on DailyMile and would like to join, visit the challenge page here:

http://www.dailymile.com/challenges/6154-miles-for-monika/leaderboard 

Rumor Has It Mokie Signs Equal Race PRs!
(Congrars Elena!)

Miles for Mokie

You can also join the Miles for Mokie page that my friends Tara and Trasie made. They have invited people to log their miles between October 8 - 28th.  I was in the middle of training for the Marine Corps Marathon (my 19th full!) when this all happened, and sadly I will not be able to run on October 28th. I'm happy to say that Amy (Executive Director of Girls on the Run San Diego) will be running in my place, and I can't wait to cheer Tara, Amy, Allison, and Christina on from afar. I know you ladies will kick a**!

Join the Miles for Mokie page here: https://www.facebook.com/MilesForMokie

Aloha Miles from Christina in Hawaii

Support GOTRSD

My Girls on the Run friends who are training for the Marine Corps Marathon have created a fundraising page in my honor. Please consider making a contribution to their fundraising to help support an organization near and dear to my heart. 

Their fundraising page: http://www.active.com/donate/sdsolemates/TBaize1

GOTRSD Miles for Mokie Love from Maria
(Outfit made extra special by her Glam Runner tutu!)

Stay Positive

My final request is that everyone stay positive. Positivity is contagious, and by looking at the glass half full all the time, you encourage others to open their eyes and see things the same way.  I am EXTREMELY scared about everything going on. I'm afraid of the surgery, I'm afraid of recovery, I'm afraid of radiation and chemo, and quite honestly I'm afraid of dying young. Dwelling on this will not do me any good though, and I'd like to focus on looking forward to the future, not looking down in despair. I will do everything I can to stay positive, and I hope you will too.

Future Marathoner Little Cousin Lauren

Tomorrow will be a big day. Please send your prayers.

Brain Tumor: Emergency IVF

I can't believe how much has happened since I found out about my brain stem tumor less than two weeks ago. (More on my blog So I Have a Brain Tumor.) I am now only four days away from my biopsy and shunt placement surgery, and a few weeks away from starting radiation and chemo. (More on my blog Brain Tumor: Next Steps.)

Chemo & Infertility

When I met my neuro-oncologist last week and he mentioned the word chemo, I instantly thought of hair loss, illness, and infertility. Fortunately I will get to keep my hair and in theory shouldn't feel too sick since I'll be taking oral chemo (for 1-2 years) versus undergoing chemo infusions, but the risk of infertility is still sadly present. I actually wouldn't have even known about fertility issues after chemo if I hadn't read about it on my neighbor's blog several months ago. My neighbor (who is about my age) is a survivor of both ovarian and bone marrow cancer. She found out she was pregnant at the beginning of the year, but then found out at four months that the baby had severe birth defects and would not survive. I barely know my neighbor. I read her blog because she writes about her vegetable garden whose produce she sells at our local farmers market. Even though I don't know her,  reading this blog back in April brought me to tears. 

Before I read her blog I had no idea that chemo could ruin your chances of fertility, I had no idea that there was an opportunity to freeze your eggs before undergoing treatment, and to be honest I had no idea this information would ever affect my life. While my decision to now freeze my own eggs is somewhat private, I feel compelled to share my story so that everyone reading this can hopefully share this information someday with someone else that it may benefit. 

More about UCSD's  Fertility Preservation Program here. 

This is Totally How I Picture My Eggs

Fertility Treatments and IVF

When I met with my neurosurgeon and neuro-oncology team last week I mentioned to both of them that David and I had planned to try for a baby next year, and that with the recent news of chemo I wanted to go ahead and harvest eggs. Both doctors seemed okay with the idea, but neither said "oh, let me get you in touch with a fertility specialist". I also sent a message to my endocrinologist asking for a referral to a reproductive endocrinologist, but heard nothing back. WTH?? We met a social worker after the first two doctors though and she was the magic person who has helped make this all come true. She called a doctor at the UCSD fertility clinic Reproductive Partners, the doctor called me the next day (from a conference in Chicago!), and on Friday I had an appointment to come in and start the process.

The timing of everything was really tight. My neuro team wants to do the surgery right away, and as soon as I'm recovered from that they will want to start radiation and chemo. Squeezing the egg harvesting process in between the two has been a tricky feat, but amazingly it has all worked out.  I have thanked God repeatedly for this, and this whole process is the one bright spot in my rather grim journey. 

When we met with the fertility clinic last week they looked at my ovaries and counted my follicles. Huh? Yeah, I had no idea what this all meant prior to last week. What's a follicle? The doctor said that my ovaries looked great and that it was good that I was "young". Really? I'm 34. I've always felt that 35 was the beginning of reproductive doom. Anyways, he counted 24 follicles which he said put me in a great position for harvesting. The plan was to give me hormones for 10-15 days which would cause multiple follicles to turn into mature eggs which could be harvested. (Naturally only one egg would mature per month. More about ovulation here.)

Once the eggs were harvested they would check to see how many were viable. The next steps are something that David and I are still deciding on. We can either freeze just my eggs, or we can fertilize them and freeze the embryos. With current methods of freezing there is a 70% chance of a successful unfreeze of the eggs, and a 95% chance of a successful unfreeze of the embryos. Its all a numbers game at this point. Its amazing how small the chance of actually having a baby is. They harvest a number of eggs, a subset are viable, if we fertilize them only a subset of those will mature properly, the embryos are then frozen and not all will survive the freeze, and then when they are implanted there is a 60% chance that one will take. We have decided to make the final decision of egg vs embryo once we find out how many viable eggs I have.

Hello Kitty Hospital in Japan

Paying for IVF

On a different note, do you have any idea how ridiculously expensive IVF is? I couldn't even believe it when I found out. I have to say though, there has been a few small blessings that come with having cancer. The Livestrong foundation has a program called Sharing Hope where participating clinics will offer you a discount on fertility treatments. Instead of ~$15K, my treatment will only cost $6K. On top of that Walgreens has a new program called Heart Beat that was rolled out a week ago where the fertility drugs that you need to stimulate your ovaries are given to cancer patients for free! FREE! This is a savings of another few thousand dollars. Amazing. 

One other thing I have to mention is that even with the discount, IVF is totally not something I can afford on my own. I am so so so so grateful to say that my parents are covering the cost of this. I'm an only child, they obviously REALLY want grandchildren. :) And they love me and want to support me in things that are important to me.

Hello Kitty Hospital in Japan

Next Steps

David and I met with the fertility clinic yesterday to finalize our 'calendar' for the next few weeks. I will begin hormones the day after my surgery, and about ten days later I will start having daily appointments to check to see if the eggs are ready to harvest. The harvest is expected to happen between Oct 24-27, and on Oct 29th I will begin radiation and chemo. 

I am beyond overjoyed that this is all working out. Thanks to the love of my parents, the help of my social worker, and through the help of UCSD, Livstrong, and Walgreens - having a family is actually a possibility for me. I have always wanted to be a mother, yet I never felt that the time was really right. Being faced with the the possibility that motherhood could be ripped away from me in a few weeks though, I instantly wanted to protect it. The next few weeks, months, years are going to be tough, but thinking about something positive off into the future (like SURVIVING and becoming a mother) has given me, David, and our families something bright to look forward to.

Please say a prayer for David and I and our families. I am praying that my surgery on Oct 8th goes well, that my IVF goes smoothly, that my radiation/chemo treatment is successful, and that I have a long life surrounded by several children.

Brain Tumor: Next Steps

It has been a whirlwind of medical appointments in the past week and a half since I found out that I have a brain tumor. (More on my first post here.) I feel like I'm at UCSD almost every day now for some type of visit. I swear being sick is a full time job. Luckily I feel essentially "fine" minus sporadic headaches, so I am working for as long as I feel okay. I've talked to my company about disability and I'm going to push that off as long as possible since it will result in a 33-45% cut to my paycheck. Who can survive on that??

This Week

This week involves appointments preparing me for surgery next week. 

• Flu Shot
• Pre-Op Appointment
• MRI

Today or tomorrow I need to get a flu shot. I've never had a flu shot in my life since I'm rarely ever sick, and I get a cold maybe once every few years and haven't had the flu since I was a kid. I know they say the flu shot isn't supposed to make you sick, but I swear friends and coworkers who have had flu shots always seem to complain about feeling under the weather.

My pre-opp appointment with the neurosurgeon is Wednesday morning. I'm assuming he will go into more details about how the surgery will go and how I need to prepare. In the hopes that his preparation directions include lots of pampering, I've already made a 2-hour massage appointment for this Saturday. Let me know if you want to sign-up for a time slot to rub my feet this Sunday. J/K. 

Friday night I have my next MRI. This will be different from my first MRI since I'm being sent for an appointment with a specific machine. (Brainlab MRI with fiducials.) This MRI will create an image that will help with the guidance of the surgical equipment next week. 

My Neurosurgeon & Neuro-Oncologist
Discussing Brain Tumor Research and Treatment

http://youtu.be/ed0u847hfDA

Next Week

My surgery is schedule for 7:30am on Monday October 8th and I'm supposed to arrive at the hospital at 5:30am that day. Are you marking this on your calendar? Please, please pray for me that day. I'm afraid of surgery and pain in general. I have full confidence that my doctor is one of the best at what he does, but I'm still scared. I'm afraid of complications, and I'm afraid of waking up in pain. I will be in the ICU on Monday and Tuesday, and will be moved to a lower level of care in the hospital for the next day or so afterwards depending on how I'm recovering. The following week I will most likely be recovering at home (read that as catching up on years of Days of Our Lives that I've missed) and then the week after I anticipate going back to work. 

Family Support

I am so fortunate to have the loving support of so many people, and we will have a full house over the next couple of weeks. David's mom is flying in on Thursday and saying for nine days, my dad is flying in on Sunday from San Francisco and staying for a few days, and David's brother is probably also flying in on Sunday and staying for a few days. Luckily my mom lives only 90 minutes away, so I'm assuming that she will be driving down each day. I'm so glad that David has family coming to support us during this time, not only to give extra support to me, but to be there for him as well. As my primary caregiver I know the next few weeks, months, years will be hard on him.

Facing Fears/Staying Positive

I've had so many people tell me over the past few weeks that I'm so strong and so brave. Am I? I mean I'm really scared of what is ahead. Does not crying every day about it make me brave? I don't really feel brave, I just feel focused. In general I believe you should focus on what you can control in life. I can't control the fact that I have a brain tumor, but I can control my response to it. I know I'm in the best hands at  UCSD and I know I'm surrounded by so many loving people who are here to support me and help me get through this. I'm going to focus all of my energy on getting better, and praying that my surgery and treatment result in the best possible outcome. (Tumor be gone!!)

I watched this TED Talk yesterday from the local TEDx event I worked on a few months ago (TEDxAFC), and I think the essence of this message explains how I'm feeling. John Halcyon Styn talks about "Crap or Cone". He says that at all times in life you are holding a wonderful ice cream cone in one hand, and when you look down you see that you have your opposite foot in a pile of dog poop. Now - which of the two do you want to focus on?

TEDxAFC - Crap Or Cone

http://youtu.be/hkLM-IlwwPk

So I Have a Brain Tumor ....

Well, the title of this post pretty much says it all. Last Friday I received some terrible news ... I have a brain stem tumor. I've had the week to process this and I'm still a bit shocked, sad, and scared ...  but hopeful.

Anatomy of the Brain

Back in January I started having headaches. They weren't the kind of headaches I think people normally experience (I rarely ever have headaches or even get sick), the pain was at the back of my head and was a sharp, stabbing pain that lasted 10-20 seconds. The attacks would come on several times a day, and I learned over time that they seemed to be triggered by movement. The attacks became more frequent until May when I finally made an appointment to see my primary care physician. I came in at the end of a really long work day. I had been up at 3am to work a tradeshow in Orange County and was completely exhausted. When I was asked to lie down on the table I thought I was instantly going to fall asleep. I was also coming off a crazy busy week and I'm sure I seemed ridiculously frazzled. The doctor counseled me on stress management and proper sleeping habits, and told me that she thought my headaches were from stress and lack of sleep.

Love this Picture from My Job

I changed my sleeping habits and went from 5-6 hours of sleep to 7-9 hours of sleep, yet the headaches remained. I came back in again in July and this time the doctor prescribed Naproxen. They still weren't sure what was causing my headaches.

Side story - back in March I noticed that my smile was crooked. I knew this was a recent development since I looked at my face critically every day (thanks to my job), and I know that my face was almost exactly symmetrical prior to this. I work in the aesthetics industry on a medical device for wrinkles. I stare at people's faces all day and can notice slight imperfections, I totally knew my face had changed. I asked my boss and several of our doctors if they could notice something was off. Everyone told me I was crazy and not to worry about it.

Crooked Mouth & Cheek

Well .... when I was with my doctor in July he suddenly stopped and stared at me and said "I think you have Bells Palsy!". What?? That's what I had been saying! He called another doctor in for a second opinion, but she dismissed the idea and then told me to find another job since the fact that I thought my face was crooked was some neurosis from being in my industry.

Back to the Naproxen, I took it for three weeks before giving up. I asked for a referral to a neurologist and was finally in the queue to see what was really going on in my head. Unfortunately there was a 2 week wait to make an appointment (thanks insurance referral) and then a 6 week wait to see the doctor. In this time the headaches continued. Over the course of the year I also received several massages and had three chiropractic visits. Nothing helped.

The day finally rolled around in September when I could see the neurologist. He seemed less concerned with my headaches (saying they were probably muscle spasms) but seemed highly interested in my facial palsy. Facial palsy is usually caused by damage or infection to a nerve, and he wanted to do a MRI to get to the bottom of it. My appointment was last Monday, the MRI was on Thursday, and on Friday I received a call that almost made my heart stop. The neurologists office called me asking me to come in that afternoon, and said that my doctor didn't even work that day, but was coming in to see me. I was on the way to meet a friend for lunch and it took everything I had not to start crying or throw up. I told my friend what was going on, but pulled it together and tried to think positive thoughts.

I'd Describe an MRI as Getting Into a Coffin with a Jackhammer

David met me at the neurologist's office right after lunch and we received the bad news. The MRI revealed that I had a large brain stem tumor. The tumor was was pressing on one of the nerves which is why I had facial palsy, and the tumor was restricting the flow of spinal fluid  and was also causing a fluid build-up in my head which was probably causing the headaches. Shocked. Stunned. Terrified. Devastated. I went through all of these emotions within minutes. 

I had the weekend to process the news and then this week has been a flurry of doctor's appointments and planning. I met my neurosurgeon and neuro-oncologists this past Tuesday. The plan is to perform a biopsy to see what type of tissue the tumor is. They are pretty sure its cancer so they are preparing to have me go through 6 weeks of radiation and then 1-2 years of oral chemo. Due to the location of the tumor they can't remove it. I need my brain stem to live. This means they can only treat it and hope that it shrinks. The tumor appears to be slow growing and they think it developed over a number of years. This means that it will also be slow to respond to treatment.

The neurosurgeon is going to place a permanent shunt in my head to drain the fluid from my head down into my abdomen. The shunt placement procedure and biopsy will both be performed on Monday October 8th. To say I'm scared is an understatement. I'm scared of the surgery, I'm scared of the treatment, and I'm scared of the outcome. Throughout this all though I'm doing my best to maintain a positive attitude. I don't believe in my heart that its my time to go. I have faith in my doctors and God to save my life. The support I've received this past week from friends and family has been mind blowing. I have never felt so loved in my life. I hope that I can channel all of this positive energy and remain strong through this tough battle ahead. 

Sign at the UCSD Moores Cancer Center That Made Me Smile

I was in the process of training for the Marine Corps Marathon in October and California International Marathon in December. Those are obviously both out and at this point I'm not sure I will try to do any other marathons. For the past week I've just been running a few miles here and there every other day. Its enough for me to get a sweat going and to feel good. My boyfriend David and his family have been amazing throughout this all, and I will be leaning heavily on them and my family and friends going forward. 

All three of my doctors are the Chiefs of their departments at UCSD. I believe that I'm in the hands of the best of the best. I feel like its a good thing I'm a marathon runner, because I'm up for tough challenges. I'm going to fight this with everything I have, focus on the future, and remain positive.

Summer 2012

Wow, its been a busy summer! I've barely had a moment free to update my blog,  and post after post have never made it from my brain to my blog. I've had some recent health challenges lately which I will address in my next post, but for now I thought I'd look back on all of the fun things that have kept me busy this summer.

May 2012 (I realize Summer starts in June....)

May marked the end of my 6th season coaching Girls on the Run and our season end 5K. As usual the day was amazing and fun, and I'm so proud of my team! More on the race here.

Girls on the Run San Diego Sparkle & Shine 5K

In May I also went to my former coworker Suzi's wedding with my friend Devika as my date. Beautiful day, so happy to be a part of it!

Suzi & Dan's Wedding

Me and Devika!

 

I also completed my first bike race in 2012, a 67 mile ride through San Diego County. More on the San Diego Century here.

Smiling at the top of Three Witches Hill

June 2012

June of course is my favorite month of the year. Why? Well its my birthday month! The month started out with attending a Speaker Boot Camp for TEDxAFC. I got involved with the organization in March and helped them plan their big event in July. The Speaker Boot Camp in June gave some of the speakers for the main event a chance to practice their speech and receive feedback. The majority of the speeches moved me to tears and I'm so bummed I never ended up getting to see the main event. 

Posing with the TEDx Sign

The weekend after the Boot Camp I was in Vegas for work,and then flew home to San Francisco to celebrate my birthday with my birthday twin Dad and friends. Quick trip but worth it. More about the weekend on my blog here.

Happy Birthday Dad .. and ME!

The month ended with David and I attending my cousin Rachel's wedding in Virginia. It was great to see family I haven't seen in years, and to get a chance to spend some time with David's family as well. More on that trip here.

Cousin Rachel's Wedding

Hanging with David & Nieces in West Virginia

July 2012

Although June is my favorite month in general, this July was the best month of my year. David moved here!!!!! Its been amazing, wonderful and fun. I can't think of anyone I'd rather spend my life with. My dogs of course have found a new favorite person (sad face), but that's okay!

David & Dad on Their 1st Night in San Diego

A few days after David moved here I was pretty tied up finishing up the last minute details for the TEDxAFC event I was helping to plan, and I took the day before the event off to watch some of the speakers practice and help with any last minute details. We weren't able to stay for the main event because my friend Deirdre from college was getting married up in the Bay Area. I was super bummed to miss out on the event but there is always next year. 

TEDxAFC Event Program

TEDxAFC Speaker Practice

Deirdre's wedding took place mid-July in Carmel Valley. Not the Carmel Valley I coach in, but the one up north near Monterey. The wedding was incredibly beautiful and I am so happy David and I were able to be a part of her special day. It was fun to see all of my UCSB friends again and I wish we had an occasion to see each other more often.

Deirdre & Christian's Wedding

Love This Picture with David

UCSB Girls - Go Gauchos!

Next weekend when we were back in San Diego there was a cool local event happening nearby. I guess years ago there was an annual neighborhood block party that they held in the summer, but it had died out for some reason over time. This year was their first attempt at reenacting it. So much fun! There were vendors, food, and live bands. We're looking forward to next year!

Golden Street Fair - Live Silk Screening

Vendors, Bands, and Artwork

The month ended with one of my bigger events of the year .. the San Francisco Marathon! This was my 4th time running the event and my 18th marathon total. Love, love, love this race! More on the weekend here.

San Francisco Marathon - Marathon #18

August 2012

Things slowed down a bit in August and included a few parties, one trip for work, and a few projects around the house.,

Isabelle & Chris' Engagement Party at Devika's

Cousin Jeff's Son Marcus' Birthday Party at the Carlsbad Lagoon

Tradeshow in Boston

My New Adirondack Chair Assembled with Love by David

New Screen Door to the Back Patio

September 2012

September isn't over yet but so far I've had a whirlwind of travel. Within a week period I was in Johnson City, TN, Las Vegas, and Seattle. 

Freemont Street Troll in Seattle

I also flew up to San Francisco for a couple days to attend the Salesforce.com conference Dreamforce. 

Dreamforce Conference

I'm grounded for a few months now and am probably done traveling for the year until the holidays. The summer was super busy but a lot of fun. It blew by so fast I can't even believe it!