Queen Shiner over at Shiner's House O' Fun tagged me for another meme. I did a similar one a while back (click here to see it), but thought I'd be a good sport and play again because there are just so many crazy things about the life that is mine.
1. I am a very messy cook, even though I try my darndest to be clean. I just don't know how they make it look so easy on the Food Network. Oh wait, yes I do, its called YEARS of experience...and good editing. I love you Ina Garten.
I have to say that I am mildly disappointed at the lack of response to my questions. However, out of love and respect to those of you who actually asked something, here are my attempts to answer...
Swirl Girl asked:
Why did the Howells bring all their money and jewels with them on a 3 hour cruise while Maryanne only got to bring that little red checkered belly shirt and her Daisy Dukes?
Well, my friend, as I see it, Maryanne didn't have any money left to bring after she got lipo, a breast lift, and a tummy tuck, therefore she had to bring what little clothes she had to show off her goodies. And the Howells, well, they still have their money...and their wrinkles.
Hot Tub Lizzy asked:
If your husband got a job as a New Kid, would you move to another city where it would be easier for the redhead to be pottytrained, or would you have another child who chewed gum forever?
You win HTL! This question has me completely stumped.
Dear, sweet Lula asked:
If Jason Statham showed up on your front porch, would you give him directions to my house?
Yes, but only after I'd made out with him...and smoked with him on my front porch where all my neighbors could see.
If I sent The Redhead protective headgear, would you let him wear it? Every day? Especially when you're talking to me?
Everyday. ESPECIALLY when we're talking (cause that's when he usually gets hurt).
If I found a good karaoke joint between me and you, would we meet up there and sing Pat Benatar?
Bring it.
Blogstalker got all deep with the question:
What if You had to choose between seeing or hearing....what would you choose? (losing your sight or hearing)
I still don't feel totally set with an answer, but I think I would rather lose my hearing and I'll tell you why. As sweet and special as words are to hear, I have always loved sign language and would love to be able to communicate through sign language. And I think I would rather see my kids and grandkids than be able to hear them speak (because we could do that through signing). Also, I love nature and to not be able to see things like blue sky, the mountains, waterfalls, etc. would just be so devastating. There would be difficulties either way, but I think I would choose to see first.
John Deere Mom asked some thought provoking questions:
What if you could only read one blog forever..what would it be?
Are you kidding me? What if I can't answer this question? Okay, it would probably be this one because its got a little bit of everything.
What if you knew you were going to have triplets next...would you still get pregnant?
Yes, and then I would go visit the Howells on Gilligan's Island and ask them for the money to get my lipo, breast lift, and tummy tuck...and to get Mr. Baseball's "bags unpacked" so there wouldn't be another "3 hour tour".
If you had to choose...would you lose your sight, hearing, or ability ot talk?
See my answer to Blogstalker's question above.
Tracy P. riddled me this:
What if you had to move to a new state in another region of the country? How would you feel about the new challenge, and where would you like to go?
I have told Mr. Baseball that I would go wherever he goes, no matter what. Of course that's hard for me because I tend to shy away from change, but I think the new challenge could be good for us because it would cause us to lean more heavily on the Lord and each other. As far as where I would like to go...Virginia, the Pacific Northwest, New England. It would be hard to move away because ALL of our family lives in NC, but again, wherever my man goes, there I am with him.
And with a clean slate and no expectations from your new neighbors and friends, having not yet accepted any responsibilities, is there anything in your life you would want to do in a new way? Things you would want to quit doing? New things you would like to try?
I would like to quit obsessing about my weight and constantly thinking about food and being afraid of failing at new things I try. And speaking of new things I would like to try...I would like take a cake decorating class and a photography class.
Sorry. My answers to that last question are a little weird. I had to read it several times to understand what exactly you meant Tracy P. Thanks for helping stimulate my brain for the first time today and fend off Alzheimer's for just a few more years.
And now, if I don't stop staring at this computer screen, I'm going to look like this...
I wonder "what if..." quite often. For example:
* What if my husband had a different job?
* What if we were to move to another city, where would we go?
* What if my next child is not as well behaved as the redhead?
* What if the redhead never gets pottytrained?
Things like that. But I also wonder crazy things like:
* If one the New Kids had shown up on my doorstep when I was in 7th grade. Would I have gone with them, or would I have been too shy?
* If one of the New Kids showed up on my doorstep today, what would I do? I do happen to have the answer to this one. I'd show them this letter, give them their little "present" and send them on their way.
* If I could chew only one kind of gum for the rest of my life, what would it be?
Sooooooo...
Now its your turn to ask me some of your zaniest "If" questions. I promise I will answer them, no matter how crazy they might be.
Now get to askin'!
Last night I was watching this...
(I heart Ever After) and I was reminded of a recent conversation between myself and my gal pal Lula. Topic of Discussion: English Accents Slaughtered By American Actors.
Now, I love me some Drew Barrymore. She was Gertie in ET for crying out loud, and she may very well have been the first and only 5 year old in big screen history to utter the words "penis-breath" to her older brother. But that's neither here nor there. The fact of the matter is...she stinks at talking like a Brit.
Terrible English Accent #2 -
Kevin Costner in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves
However, according to Lula, Gwyneth's accent in "Emma" stunk. I have nothing to contribute to this because I have not seen the movie. I'll side with Lula though, cause she's right about everything.
My sister's accent on the other hand was more reminiscent of Kevin Costner's, only once she strayed away from the British accent, she traveled farther east, to the land of Apu (the Kwik-E-Mart clerk on the Simpson's) - that would be India. Oh yes she did. She transitioned from a British accent to an Indian accent. FLAWLESSLY.
He turned out a New Yorker's accent in Newsies, and a fabulously sexy voice as Batman. I know I've seen him in other stuff, but that's 2 good performances. Drew? Kevin? No comments? Didn't think so.
I'm really liking this picture. Ahem...anyway, Hugh Laurie who plays "House". His American accent is soooo good that when I see interviews with him speaking with a British accent I think he's bluffing. Yes, his American accent is really that good.I've been getting a good workout lately.
Little Caro has been teaching me "dances" in the afternoon while she's been here. The other day I brought out an old keyboard that I have and she pushed the "demo" button - and it was all downhill from that point on.
The demo song sounds like a cheesy version of "Push It" by Salt N' Pepa, complete with synthesizer. I think I've learned a total of 5 dances and I actually had to perform one in front of Little Caro's mom and older sister. It was at that moment that I kissed all my dignity goodbye.
There's been much dancing, but yesterday, it was all about some stretching. She even had Wesley doing the bicycle move with his legs up in the air. I'm tellin' ya'll, she's gonna be the tiniest drill sergeant ever to appear on "The Biggest Loser".
She's asked me to do several moves that my mind wants to do, but that my body totally rebels against. Let me give you some examples:
* a split - Have I done a split in the last decade?
* a full push-up - is there such a thing?
* jumping jacks - I think my boobs knocked me out after the first one.
* the cheerleading move where you grab the inside of your foot and stretch it straight out and up - What? You can't imagine what I'm talking about? Here, let me show you a picture of me doing it...
Aren't you impressed? Thought so.
Yesterday was by far the funniest and I wasn't even involved...imagine that! She was jumping off one of my step benches and prior to each jump, she would name the jump. From out of nowhere she says..."And for my next jump...the Square-Cut Le Poop! I about fell out of my desk chair laughing so hard. Here's a picture...
and here's the Picture of RePoco jump (also originally named)...
and then the creative genius/dancer/drill sergeant took time out of her busy schedule to pose with my little redhead le poop...
As you probably know, hunt'n season is upon us. That's about the extent of what I know about hunting (as those of you who don't speak southern would know it). I am grateful to hunters for helping to control the deer population and thus keeping little Bambi from meeting mine or anyone else's windshield. You are skilled in safety and for that I am grateful.
With that said, just consider this a friendly reminder when you aim your rifle and prepare to fire.
(Me and my friend Jennifer in 2000, just before the birth of her first son. She doesn't have a blog, and she doesn't read mine, so she'll never know I posted this fabulous picture of her and her deer friend, moi!)It was with those words that my journey through the Twilight Saga ended this afternoon around 12:15. I won't ruin it for those of you who haven't had the opportunity to read, but may I say...
(I am fully aware that this is the same picture I posted yesterday)That's how many pages I have left in Breaking Dawn. I'll be sad to finish, but I am comforted by the fact that on Nov. 21st, I'll get to see him...
The other night, I'm entrenched in New Moon. Adam is playing Atari. Yes, you read that right. Atari. I glance up long enough to check out his game and I notice a slight movement along our crown molding. My eyes move back to the book and quickly dart back to the crown molding in horror as I see the dreaded "WATERBUG" (also known as the Palmetto Bug). But whoever called this bug a WATERBUG in the first place a) has no understanding of water or b) was seriously hallucinating . This mess is a gigantic ROACH. Huge. Easily an inch and a half long. Easily.
These bugs are what I would call a superbug. They have supernatural power. They are superstealth, possessing the ability to appear out of NOWHERE, catching one completely off guard. They also have the power to evoke from whoever is lucky enough to discover them, a scream so bloodcurdling it could raise the dead.
As soon as I laid eyes on this "thing", my muscles locked. I was frozen. I lacked all power of pest-control. Mr. Baseball followed my gaze to the "thing" on our wall and made his move to dispatch of it quickly. He emerged from the bathroom with a plastic bag.
I immediately noticed his weapon of choice being vastly different from the usual plastic cup. I frowned at him and asked, "What do you plan to do with that?"
He proceeds to close in on the waterbug, but as soon as the plastic crinkled that bug took off. Oh, I don't mean he scurried along the molding. Oh no. That would have been acceptable, even normal for a large bug, but no...
this bug FLEW!!!
Yes, he flew off the wall toward the bed. I was numb with panic. As he disappeared from my line of vision momentarily, I contemplated my next move. I would have gone straight to the couch for the night, knowing that there was a giant FLYING roach in my bed. As I gathered myself, I realized that Mr. Baseball had found the bug again crawling along the floor. He attempted three more times to trap the bug with the plastic bag, finally catching him along the floor, amputating one of the bug's legs on the way.
I relaxed, quickly sinking back into New Moon...until I had to go to the bathroom. Agh!
As I rounded the corner into the bathroom I saw this...
I give you the Camel Cricket. I truly don't know which is worse, waterbug or camel cricket. I think they tie for the world's nastiest of nasties. In my bugged-out opinion, the Camel Cricket is also a superbug. Not only is it hideously ugly, but it also appears out of nowhere and this mother can JUMP like nobody's bid'ness. The bigger they are the higher they jump.
As soon as I saw it sitting down by the baseboard, I called for pest-control in the form of Mr. Baseball. If he had not been here, I could have killed these two critters myself, but why waste a perfectly good bug killer when he's available? Mr. Baseball went a different route this time, grabbing up several lengths of toilet paper and going in for the kill. We did spare the Camel Cricket the misery of going to the landfill and gave him a proper burial at sea instead.
And all you Twilight fans will be pleased to know that nothing kept me from New Moon and I finished it that night, superbugs and all.
and
