Figuring Things Out

I'm starting to miss my life as a student. I knew this feeling would come, but I didn't expect that it will come this soon. 

It just surprises me that I am starting to feel being an adult sucks at such an early age. Is this a normal thing to be feeling for a guy my age? 

I am feeling that working is not my thing. But if I don't work, how can I continue living? I am at the stage where I thought I would've known what I want by now, but surprise, surprise! I'm still searching for myself. The worst thing is I feel like I am going no where, like I am going around in circles. 

I want freedom again- that feeling of being in control of your life, doing absolutely anything you like, going anywhere you like, staying up as late as you want, and waking up as late as you want. Being an adult now does not carry that title well. Everything has its limits. You can't do anything you want; unless you're a fucking rich person who doesn't have to work for a single day of your life. But even rich adults have responsibilities and limited amount of freedom.

I want my long holidays. I want my endless whines of "I'm bored", "Stupid assignments!", "I'm broke!". But I'm still broke; I guess I have that working out for me at least. I want to be home.

I guess what separates adulthood and being a student is the responsibility: if you screw up your grades, you're just screwing yourself up, but if you screw your work, you're screwing everyone else. That's eff-up true.

When I was a kid I thought being an adult was the shiz, and now it's just shiz-less because face it, if you wake up everyday doing something you half-like or worse, hate, then your life will turn out to be crap. Mood swings are getting more constant, and you become more needy on people that you have grown attached to. 

There's this vast emptiness that needs to be filled. Filled with what? I am still struggling to find that out because I really don't wanna go without living a fulfilling life, without figuring my life.

p.s: And I hope this phase goes away.

Tell Me I'll Make It.

I am typing this as I am trying (desperately) to keep my eyes open. The heavy rain has stopped, but the sky is still gloomy.

And I hate how the weather can accurately describe how I am feeling right now.

I am still searching for that break- to become a writer, and the search so far has not bear fruit. This is a lame sentence right? I don't think I am cut out to become a writer. I have become empty, desperate and on the verge of crying, waiting for calls from perspective publishing companies or any writer positions that I have applied for.

None have called back. Well, there was this report writing gig for a feng-shui company but she has not called yet. It is Monday and I went for the interview last week and no, they haven't called. So I guess it is another no.

I have an interview with Zalora tomorrow for a writer's position too; well, something like that. It is more technical in a sense but I hope I get it. Hope is an understatement as many employers have decided to shoot me down. I'm kinda seeing this Zalora thing as a last hope, the only light at the end of the tunnel after a hiatus of emails from companies I applied for.

I can't even begin to tell you how badly I want another job- one that is writing related. It is not the glamour I'm chasing, nor the salary (well I kinda am chasing the salary. Life's tough without money now), I just want satisfaction, and fulfillment.

I don't know what's God's plans for me but I hope somewhere down the line, my future in the writing industry opens up.

Oh look, the sky's beginning to really clear up. 

p.s: Hoping, wishing and praying.

#TheMelets

Liyana Othman- Texas, the closed chicken rice shop in Section 16, DIYs, cakes and doodles, loud laugh with tears pouring out of one's eyes, baju kurung with sneakers, Naza Ria, American Mercedez (is it a Mercedez? haha), Mak Biah, Faridah Krueger, Lite.fm

Nur Ain Zubaidah- The All American Rejects, Hansons, addiction to books, "balang", over use of hand gestures, sepet eyes, baking, bookstores, non-committed relationship with spicy food, "Is it done? Is it done?", emotional

Atiqah Syafawati- DotA, doodle, late nights at the bus-stop, grocery hunting, emotion-sharing sessions, internal jokes, script writing, acting, imaginations and dreams, excessive dieting,

Nur Shaliana- batik Hungga (correct me if I'm wrong haha), beadings, DIY, fabulous baju kurungs, excessive use of hand-gestures, wife-material, loyal daughter, money saver, Klang, 

Ezzah Amani- big eyes, innocence, K-Pop, smart, American slang, fast-talker, blur, studious, 

Wan Zulaikha- Nabila Huda (yes, the actress), fierce and soft( paradox I know), stationary provider, iPhone and Nokia phone, volleyball, swearing, assistant class-rep,

Ahmad Naim- big, annoying, loud voice, mature, rational, great cook, Pulau Kambing, Terengganu, cuddly, advice-giver, ETHOS!, drama, leader, hard-worker, Bliss drink, dinosaur doll, 

Nur Fatimah Au'zir- cute, big-eyes, flirty and sexy (LOL), inability to draw, good (and expensive) food, Kancil, firm, fashion-forward, Lady Gaga's Cherry Cherry Boom Boom, Beach Friends

Nudiya Idswa- actress, diva, kind, Indie books, guitar, Christina Perri's Arms, emotional, the bench in front of Block T under the tree, Sri Manjung, emotional, BlackBerry, Beach Friends

Amir Rashad- Japan, classical music, Section 9, British accent, desire to win every argument, annoying, funny, random, boredom without, kinky, apple pies, proper eating etiquette, sisters! Beach Friends, 

Nur Atiqah- doodles, Scorpio, make-up, cute, SMK Seksyen 7,quoting song lyrics on Twitter, bright colours, peacock shawl, emotional,

Wan Nurul Jannah- K-Pop, IMR.fm, big eyes, out-spoken, emotional, creativity, DIYs, hot cousin (HAHA), a certain ex, choreography, make-up, SMK Seksyen 7

Faiz- annoying, mature, drama, deep voice, Friso Gold Song, Miley Cyrus, scandals, nasik goreng ayam without veggies, place to pour out feelings, Taiping, family, DotA, sleep-monster, 

Akmal- Dikir Barat, retis, great presentation about his father, DotA master, volleyball, Karoot Komedia,  

Muhammad Syafirudin (sorry if I've mispelt your name)- drama, acting, stage, Adobe skills, the word "entrepreneur", UiTM coffee, Section 3 McDonald's, money,

Izyan Husna- Yuna, guitar, soft voice, Prida, pretty, thin, laid-back and cool fashion, fragile, effortless get-up

Kyeriah Husna- tough, gravely voice, dance, aerobics, tuition teacher, sporty, hot guy during semester 3 drama practice (LOL)

Ira Syaqira- IMR.fm, Dr. Hanim, Kembara, family-oriented, Section 9, K-Pop, tough, volleyball, 

Siti Marhanis- food, Mdm. Shiha, kecil-kecil cili padi, Swift, evergreen songs, house break-in, My Heart Will Go On, Suri-ram, Suri-ram,  

Muhammad Nazif- businessman, cars, Kelantan, perseverance, Nad Penguin, that night at DE with Ikah,

and other things that remind me of you guys that I have trouble remembering. Candles, random-outings, Besut, NSTP, Mdm Rosalind, drama class, classes with drama, internal and external drama, standing up against Dydy (LOL), the semester with The Queen, Mdm Shiha, Abang Shar, Mr.Kieran, movies in class, YOLO: Life Is ART 

I truly miss you guys. 

p.s: Forever #TheMelets

                    

What Do I Want?

Then life slides into its tenth month of the year.

I'm turning 23 next month if God wills it. 

So far, going into the third month on the job, I already miss my friends. I feel nostalgic and melancholy at night thinking about the past, being carefree and random with them. 

Life now has become routine. Such an insatiable appetite to live everyday the same way, day in, day out, seeing the same faces and doing the same thing over, and over again. It has become dull and I yearn to find something else to do, and escape from the mundane-ism that is life now.

I have become very restless and anxious because I know somehow or rather that I am not doing what I have pictured myself doing. I know it is unfair for me to say these things, and I should not be feeling this way; I am young and I have a few steps to go but already I feel unfulfilled. 

The hardest question I have ever faced these few months is, "What do you want actually?" and this was asked by a lady who interviewed me for a writing stint in a company.

I was stumped. 

And every single time the question resonates in my head, I get the same reaction from myself.

p.s: 2014 in 2 months. 

Wake Up.

Have you ever wondered why you choose to wake up every single morning and continue doing something that you dislike or even hate?

I used to not have those thoughts because the only thing worth waking up early in the morning for were morning classes with my friends, knowing very well that I could go back home after those classes and crash on my bed again. Now I have a different kind of morning.

I would wake up early in the morning, depending on how motivated I am for work. Sometimes I feel heavy; the kind of heaviness where you just want to lay in bed for as long as you can. But this heaviness has been dragging me far longer than I thought it would, that I begin to wonder why I wake up every morning for.

Not that I am not thankful for being given another day to live, but sometimes I do wish I would wake up doing something I love. It is a different sort of feeling knowing that once you wake up one day, that that particular day would be something different special. It is a different feeling waking up every morning to do something that you love. 

However, although there are times when I feel super demotivated to go on with my daily routines, I would always put in mind the faces of people that I love, the things that I want to own and the places I want to go, and I would drag my lazy arse out of my bed.

I love my job, I love my job, I love my job.

p.s: I love my life.

20 Things We Should Realize

1. I think it is important to do something beyond your capabilities, even just for once. You would be surprised with how far you can go and the standard you can reach. 

2. I think it is important for you to chase your dreams, even the smallest ones because if you don't, you'll never know which one can come true.

3. I think it is important that you get out of your comfort zone, even if it is for a little while and experience something unfamiliar because getting too comfortable is not a good sign.

4. I think it is important for you to take chances, in whatever you do. Failure is an option, but not taking any chances is unacceptable.

5. I think it is important to be a part of something and having a sense of belonging is important too.

6. I think it is important to leave some sort of legacy, unless you are willing to be forgotten.

7. I think it is important for you to realize who you are as a person, what you want and figure out what you expect from yourself in the end. Everything has an expiry date, including your realizations.

8. I think it is important for you to spend as much time as you can with people who matter most in your life. 

9. I think it is important for you to acknowledge that money is important in life, but it is not the most important thing.

10. I think it is important for you to go out and get some fresh air, and enjoy nature, once in a while, everyday if it is possible.

11. I think it is important for you to get yourself educated, in everything you can get your hands on.

12. I think it is important for you to fall in love and be in a romantic relationship at least once, just to experience what it is like.

13. I think it is important that you live as healthily as possible.

14. I think it is important for you to go on an adventure, to a foreign place, unplanned, with people you love.

15. I think it is important for you to realize that people come and go in your life, and that is more of a normal occurrence than you think.

16. I think it is important for you to realize that you are not really alone in this world. You just have to go and find someone and be un-alone.

17. I think it is important for you to be happy for as long as you can.

18. I think it is important for you to realize that what you give, is what you will receive.

19. I think it is important for you to realize that life can end anytime, and that you have only one life to do almost everything you have been dreaming of.

20. I think it is important that you realize your life matters more than you can ever imagine.

p.s: A life lesson for myself.

11 Things Being an Adult Are Not.

1. Adults are the most mature people that have ever, ever existed.

2. We can spend on anything we want because we have money.

3. Friday night is party night!

4. It is easier to make friends.

5. Life becomes relatively easier to manage.

6. We will meet our soul-mates somewhere down the line. 

7. Relationships are more simple and easier to manage.

8. We will always have energy for work and fun.

9. We become more sensitive.

10. We learn more from our experiences and not repeat mistakes.

11. We have figured out the meaning of "life".