Isn't it funny how something like sewing sparks a glimmer of understanding in the sometimes confusing business of life? How matching up cut out pieces of fabric, pinning them together, and slowly stitching them perfectly, so they meet right where they are supposed to, somehow brings a sense of clarity to something other than sewing--such as real life.
The past few months I have felt like I've been piecing together this mega-complicated garment. With seams and darts and gathers and zippers and pockets, and weird hem lines, you get my point.
The past few months I have felt like I've been piecing together this mega-complicated garment. With seams and darts and gathers and zippers and pockets, and weird hem lines, you get my point.
Let me clarify. Derek and I left Tulsa in January to move to DC. The decision to move here was actually harder than we thought it would be. We fasted and prayed and felt very certain that DC was the place we were compelled to move to. Derek had a job offer and things seemed to fall into place, we felt reassured that our decision was the right one.
Well God had another purpose, other than to match the pieces of our life up perfectly. Derek's job was put on hold as the Department he was going to work for went through a hiring freeze. We found ourselves unemployed and wondering what had gone wrong.
Were we not faithful enough? Were we too involved in our own thoughts to listen to God's will? Were we supposed to figure this one out on our own? What was the purpose of having our family move, uproot our children from their schools, and basically try to start life over with no prospects other than to "go back to the cutting board"?
We were so sure we had "read the instructions", that we did everything necessary to succeed. So how did this strategy that was carefully planned out fail. What did we do?
We went back to the good old "cutting board" and worked hard to back track and start fresh. We very slowly and more meticulously cut out our pieces of job prospects and made sure we were not making silly mistakes. The process was arduous and we felt like it would never end.
Well God had another purpose, other than to match the pieces of our life up perfectly. Derek's job was put on hold as the Department he was going to work for went through a hiring freeze. We found ourselves unemployed and wondering what had gone wrong.
Were we not faithful enough? Were we too involved in our own thoughts to listen to God's will? Were we supposed to figure this one out on our own? What was the purpose of having our family move, uproot our children from their schools, and basically try to start life over with no prospects other than to "go back to the cutting board"?
We were so sure we had "read the instructions", that we did everything necessary to succeed. So how did this strategy that was carefully planned out fail. What did we do?
We went back to the good old "cutting board" and worked hard to back track and start fresh. We very slowly and more meticulously cut out our pieces of job prospects and made sure we were not making silly mistakes. The process was arduous and we felt like it would never end.
All this time faith was under question. I knew we did the right thing, but there was something we needed to do over, something we needed to learn.
I can only speak for myself, but I know I felt like somehow I had gotten this whole pattern to life wrong. Somewhere I failed, I had definitely misinterpreted the directions and what was left was a jumbled mess.
Slowly I had to either loose myself in other things to get my mind out of this dark despair, or face this moment in time through reading my scriptures and pondering in my mind all the aspects that made up "Us" as a family; taking into consideration everything we were doing and where we were going.
My disposition changed and I could no longer log onto the computer and look at all the joys in people's lives with out feeling the emptyness in my own. I couldn't let that feeling consume me, not for my own sake, my husband's sake, and not for my children's sake. So I avoided it as much as I could.
My thoughts changed as I read a verse in Mosiah 8:20
" O how marvelous are the works of the Lord, and how long doth he suffer with his people; yea, and how blind and impenetrable are the understandings of the children of men; for they will not seek wisdom, neither do they desire that she should rule over them!"
I felt more like I was wallowing than actually seeking wisdom and more like I was whining than desiring to live through this with a perspective of faith in the Lord. So day by day I decided to work on how I thought about things.
Long story short, our set backs (or life lessons) took 3 months longer to work out and fit together. Yet I know this grand masterpiece we are sewing has a more perfect fit than it did at the beginning. The process of ripping the seams, examining mistakes, having patience to learn to have greater faith has paid off in more ways than one.
How miraculous is the Lord! He suffered through my trial of faith, I was completely blind and before things worked out so seamlessly and perfectly my understanding grew and my desire to do more for my Heavenly Father increased. I have been strengthen. I no longer sew at a methodical selfish pace, but realize that life is more about learning and desiring to do better. In the end the course of completing this final sewing masterpiece has changed and the result will be more majestic than I even imagined.
