A statistically improbable polymath's views on politics and culture.

 
December 28, 2004
President calls for $100 million in tsunami relief; indicates more money may follow.

WASHINGTON--In an unprecedented address to the nation televised on Monday, President Gore called on Congress to immediately earmark one hundred million dollars for relief efforts in south and southeast Asia following Sunday's earthquake and tsunami.

"My fellow Americans--in the past few years, our nation has received more benefits from the Earth than it has for at least a century. By harvesting energy from the Sun and from the atom, we have created 100,000 new jobs and now produce 80% of the energy we consume. Nature has been good to us.

However, Nature has its dark side--we have seen devestation in Florida this past year, and now we see an even greater tragedy in Asia. Tens of thousands are dead; hundreds of thousands are now homeless.

Through our ingenuity and resources, we were able to rebuild most of the affected areas in Florida within a month. I believe we have an obligation to lend a hand to our fellow citizens of Earth in their rebuilding efforts. Therefore, I call upon Congress to pledge one hundred million dollars over the next three years to relief efforts in Sri Lanka, India, Indonesia, and other affected countries."

Support is high among the American people for this grant; in a Roper poll, 65% of those surveyed indicated support for the President's proposal, with only 31% indicating disapproval. Members of Congress on both sides of the aisle have expressed approval for aid, although some feel that the President is perhaps being "unrealistic" in the amount of aid.

Should the aid be granted, it will be (adjusting for inflation) the largest American foreign aid grant since the Marshall Plan.

(Inspired by SKBubba's "Year in Review")
posted by Maureen at 3:38 PM

 

You are a true Chicagoan! You've probably lived
here for a long time, or are thoroughly
obsessed with the city and its history.
Congratulations! Maybe you should run for
office.


Are You a True Chicagoan?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Via Gapers' Block)
posted by Maureen at 10:30 AM

 
I think everyone remotely connected to the geek subculture has heard about the "Han Shot First!" Star Wars controversy, which raises the question of how much control an author has over the content of his/her previously published text. Now comes Exhibit B: Philip Pullman's willingness to write God out of the screenplay for the movie adaptation of His Dark Materials (see Baude, Farrell, Taylor for more complaints)

This isn't just about who shot first in a bar; this is about the heart and soul of a novel. His Dark Materials is based upon the idea of rebellion against the ultimate authority--a God reminsent of the Gnostic idea of the Demiurge*. It's a fun thought exercise in "If God turns out to be the major asshole that fundamentalists portray Him as, what would you do about it?". The fact that God is a petty tyrant in Pullman's multiverse says nothing about the nature of God in our multiverse--it only reveals what we, deep in our hearts, feel God should be*.

I've gotten off topic. But the fact is that my faith in God wasn't challenged much by Pullman--I was disturbed, sure, by the anti-theistic tone, but considering the character of God in the book, I'd say it was justified. However, my vision of God doesn't look anything like Pullman's character--although I'd admit that there are some Americans whose vision of God are more reminiscent of the Demiurge. Maybe it's time that those Americans face up to that.

And I suppose that if Pullman is worried about funding, Michael Moore could probably pitch in.



*A "Roman Calvinist" demiurge rather than a Jewish demiurge.

**There are some who contend that Pullman is working in an anti-C.S. Lewis vein; however, I think that there's a similar strand in their theology: When a character in The Silver Chair is told that his God, the lion Aslan, doesn't exist, he admits that maybe he doesn't, but he'll still keep believing in his benevolent God. Pullman's characters resist God only when it turns out he's malevolent. There's a sense in both books of morality existing outside of God; that rather than God dictating the rules of morality, the rules of morality dictate who should be God. And if the entity at the job isn't adhering to these rules, you have a right not to serve that entity.
posted by Maureen at 1:51 PM

 
I've observed that there are a fair number of people who are comfortable with the substance of same-sex marriage, but not the name; hence the politician who supports civil unions but not same-sex marriage. On the other hand, "civil union" is a sterile term without history or warmth, while "marriage" implies the building of kinship.

From Respectful of Otters I found a link to a gay-based ministry in Britain that was once an ex-gay ministry, but later realized that God didn't want people to change their sexuality in order to know Him [sic]. Anyways, when speaking of gay relationships, they used the word "covenant", citing the relationships between Ruth and Naomi, Jonathan and David.

Hmm. Maybe there is a third way. And a bonus--we get to steal a word from the conservatives!
posted by Maureen at 11:34 PM

 
Don't worry, new posts will be up soon.
posted by Maureen at 5:38 PM

 
from my cold, dead hands!

Apparently our Congresscritters have thrown a provision into the proposed Intellectual Property Protection Act (don't you just love Newspeak?) that would prohibit private parties from skipping over commercials when they record a TV program.

Yes, that's right. They're coming for your TiVo. Then what's next--your VCR? Your CD burner? That microcassette recorder you use for classes?

It gets worse: They're also trying to ban the "share" feature on iTunes.

Please contact your representative here, and your senators here.

First in the Pandagon.net series of Republican outrages of the week.
posted by Maureen at 8:51 PM

 
Oooh, lookie. Apparently Senate Majority Leader Bill "I Heart Cats" Frist wants to get rid of the ancient and revered Senate tradition of the filibuster.

We will not take this sitting down. I urge all of you to call your Senators and ask them to filibuster such a proposed change in the rules. In addition, I have been pondering the creation of Filibuster Kits for Democratic senators. These kits would include a Norton's Complete Works of Shakespeare, a bottle of No-Doz, and throat lozenges.
posted by Maureen at 11:14 PM

 
The University of Chicago is number 13on The Times' (of London) peer-reviewed list of the greatest universities of the world. Mangez de merde, Ecole Normale Superiéure!
posted by Maureen at 11:38 PM

 
that Ken Mahlman, Bush campaign manager and candidate for the RNC chairmanship, has never answered direct questions from reporters regarding his sexuality. I don't know about where y'all are from, but in Tennessee, if a straight man's asked about his sexual orientation, he'll answer; in Illinois, he'll probably sandwich his answer between a "I don't think that's really relevant" and a pledge of support for the gay community. But I'm not sure if there are any places in America where it's considered inappropriate or shocking to admit one's heterosexuality if asked. Mr. Mahlman's above the draft age, so it's not like he needs a backup plan in case of the draft. Really, it's all very peculiar--queer, one might say.
posted by Maureen at 11:31 PM

 
Via Dorothy at The Chaff, the story I've been wanting to write since seeing Alan Keyes in person.
posted by Maureen at 10:19 PM

 
Popular Science magazine rates being a demolition worker at Oak Ridge's K-25 the sixth worst science job in the world. I grew up several miles from the plant--here's hoping asbestos and uranium didn't reach that far.
posted by Maureen at 4:39 PM

 
Inspired by TAPped, I've decided to take a stab at creating some sort of simple phrase which can serve as the "Compassionate Conservatism" of the Democratic Party:

--"We are committed to giving Americans back control over their lives"
--"Culture of Respect"
--"You have the power!"--stolen from Howard Dean.

Please comment.
posted by Maureen at 9:48 PM

 
Introducing... the Anderson County Sherrif's Department Jail Webcam.

(Okay, I grew up in Oak Ridge, not Clinton. Close enough.)

Via Cruel Site of the Day
posted by Maureen at 9:27 PM

 
and his post here, I have decided to share my thoughts on Kerry and Bush's response to Osama: I could see Kerry himself leading a Special Forces unit into the Afghan-Pakistani hinderlands. Meanwhile, Bush would be cowering in a bunker, his body hunched over in fear--until Karl comes in and tells him it's time to pose in front of the fighter jet. Wuss.
posted by Maureen at 3:07 PM

 
isn't bin Laden left-handed? And didn't the Saudis indicate that bin Laden was grateful for our help in the '80s, after the Lebanon fiasco?

And frankly, he sounds almost rational. Too rational.
posted by Maureen at 10:16 PM

 
or else you will:
a. squeal with delight and pump your fist in the air
or
b. cry out "Nooo!"
and, in both cases a and b, piss off the guy on the computer next to you.

Drezner has spoken.
posted by Maureen at 7:30 PM

 
The Selective Service is updating its plans for drafting healthcare workers in a case of a national emergency that swamps the military medical corps.

Apparently the memo warned agency officials to be discreet, because '"overtures from Selective Service to the medical community will be seen as precursors to a draft," and that could alarm the public.'

You think?

The article goes further to note that the military is concentrating on registering specialists in various areas, not on drafting everyday civilians. That makes me feel so much more secure.
posted by Maureen at 1:04 AM

 
Drezner's probability of voting for Kerry is at 80%.

Would it be too unscholarly for the Political Science Department to unfurl a massive "UC PoliSci For Kerry" sign on the east side of Pick?
posted by Maureen at 7:09 PM

 
Remember George W. Bush claiming that Saudi Arabia was going to be moving towards democracy*? They're excluding half the population, because they won't be able to have women's polling places. Haven't these guys ever heard of voting absentee?

(Via Matt Yglesias at TAPPED)



*And yes, I'm quite aware that the original Greek democracy was all-male, as well as every "democracy" up until the late nineteenth century. We're not in the nineteenth century.
posted by Maureen at 2:03 AM

 
I'm writing a paper on early modern English politics, and I'm so tempted to put anachronistic comparisons into the paper, which I won't--okay, I'm putting a sentence in about how Catholicism was Restoration England's version of the Red Menace and/or the Worldwide Jewish Conspiracy: a threat that scares the hell out of people even when demography and reason are against it. But I can't shake the feeling that early eighteenth-century elections feel like stories I've heard about mid-twentieth-century Chicago elections--bribery, patronage, recommendations from your landlord and your priest, and free booze.

And Michael Moore's getting into trouble for giving underwear to people who register to vote? The only thing I could see pressing charges against him on would be sex discrimination, because I think a three-pack of men's white briefs may cost more than a three-pack of ramen noodles, depending on the brand of ramen.

posted by Maureen at 8:28 PM

 
OBAMA: Jobs. Government's duty to keep its promises. Housing. Funding for NCLB and other federal regulations. Yes, there are problems with police abusing their power sometimes, but most cops are dece--(interrupted by guy who should really get a weblog instead of raving about the police state during every debate; weird little period when I almost felt like crawling under the pew, but things calmed down.) Giving people a fair shake. I'm going to try and do my best for all of you.

KEYES: Abortion. Unborn children. Decaying culture. Family values. There's no such thing as separation of church and state. We need to bring the church back into our lives. No, I am not going to answer the question about my daughter's sexuality--I didn't say that about Mary Cheney! You're putting words into my mouth! Abortion! Prayer! I didn't support apartheid! Condoms don't work! ABORTION!

Although, I do have to admit, Keyes is an excellent speaker. I almost hope he stays in the state when he loses the election, because for all his fanaticism, he's kind of fun. But not in a "I'd like to vote for you" kind of way.

posted by Maureen at 1:22 AM

 
Best debate moment:

BUSH: "Of course we're after Saddam Hussein -- I mean bin Laden."


Just to recap:
War in Iraq: $200 billion dollars
"Re"-election campaign: Probably between $200-$250 million in the final reckoning.
Mixing up your two main enemies: Priceless.
posted by Maureen at 11:47 PM

 
Kerry kicked ass. On substance, he was pounding Bush into submission, hammering point after point; on style, he was strong, confident, serious yet at ease. He felt presidential. Bush, on the other hand, was at times almost sputtering. His forehead was wrinkled, he smirked in some of the reaction shots, and he was leaning into the podium, making him look even shorter. (We all noticed how the split screen showed Kerry and Bush at eye level to each other, but Bush's podium was significantly higher? Yep.)


posted by Maureen at 11:38 PM

 
If you're a homophobic conservative and your daughter's a lesbian, and you're running for Congress, you don't call homosexuals "selfish hedonists", okay? You just don't.
posted by Maureen at 2:45 PM

 
Or, A Modest Proposal Regarding the Concerns Over Comparative Masculinity in the Presidential Candidates

(WARNING: The following is intended as satire. Those with delicate sensibilities and/or a deficient sense of humor should probably skip this post.)

Much of the presidential campaign has been focused on how much more "manly" one of the candidates is than the other, and I'm sick of it. I don't care how well a president can fill out a flight suit, ride a motorcycle, throw a baseball, or shoot a deer, and I believe many of my fellow Americans also feel this way. Unfortunately, there are many other Americans--mostly men, but women as well--who feel that we need a "manly" president to project a tough image to the terrorists. Perhaps Osama bin Laden really would be intimidated by a man he perceives as more masculine than he; he seems like his views on leadership are rather primitive.

Maybe it's worth a shot. But how do we determine, between Bush and Kerry, who is the alpha male? Sports contests have been proposed, but the two men excel at different sports. Kerry is an avid hockey player and windsurfer; Bush is a fine runner and cheerleader. Perhaps a shooting contest would be the fairest test; both men have been courting the hunting-and-fishing vote. But we're all influenced by Freud here; we all know what the guns really stand for.

That's right. I'm proposing that instead of wasting six more weeks with masculine posturing and enough chestbeating to make Sylvester Stallone blush, we go ahead and just get out the rulers already. We'll have a bipartisan panel of doctors do the examinations and report to the American public in deference to the candidates' modesty.
posted by Maureen at 4:16 PM

 
Following the lead of a commentor at Jesus's General, I visited the Presidential Prayer Team website, a site devoted to making sure that God influences our leaders through divine intervention. So imagine my surprise when, as this week's focus on "Our Godly Heritage", the Editors turned to Thomas Paine's Common Sense:

Thomas Paine was an early American patriot--an author whose writings helped to fan the flames of the American Revolution. Though some of his later writings questioned God and His existence, causing Paine to fall out of popularity with Colonial leaders, his influence on the movers and shakers of the Revolution was no less significant. In his document Common Sense, Paine acknowledged God's hand in the Revolution. It hit the streets shortly after King George declared that the Colonies were in rebellion to the Crown of England and rode a great wave of popularity with common people and revolutionary leaders alike. So stirring were his words that George Washington ordered that Common Sense be read aloud to the troops at Valley Forge. Paine's words, excerpted below, convey the absolute faith in God and reliance on His providence that was demonstrated by so many of America's early leaders:

Tyranny, like hell, is not easily conquered; yet we have this consolation with us, that the harder the conflict, the more glorious the triumph. What we obtain too cheaply, we esteem too lightly; 'tis dearness only that gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a price upon its goods; and it would be strange indeed if so celestial an article as freedom should not be highly rated.

The cause of America is in a great measure the cause of all mankind. Where, say some, is the king of America? I'll tell you, friend, He reigns above!
--Thomas Paine

I wasn't sure if the editors of the site had read one of Thomas Paine's later works, the anticlerical The Age of Reason, which is definitely not a favorite work of the Christian Right. So I called up their hotline and spoke with one of their staffers, noting that Paine's views on religion didn't seem to mesh with the PPT's views. She told me that she'd get back with the editors.

It's odd, though, how the phrase, "The only king of America is God" can be interpreted in two different ways. One way, a rather theocratic way, is that God is in charge of America in a way that God isn't in charge of other countries; I believe this interpretation is the one which the Presidential Prayer Team would like to push. The other interpretation, which is based upon the Deist views of God popular among most of the Founding Fathers, is that God was the Grand Architect and Rulemaker of the Universe; God is the only absolute power which has dominion over America. But as God's manifestation on Earth is limited (in Deist eyes) to Nature and Nature's laws, the only laws by which the American public are absolutely bound are the laws of nature. Unfortunately, the "laws of nature" is a rather muddled-up concept, with some claiming that the "laws of nature" forbid homosexuality (even though we've seen gay penguins) while those of a more scientific worldview point to "laws of nature" such as gravity's inverse square law.
posted by Maureen at 4:20 PM

 
This song's been replaying over and over again in my head. Go listen.

Then listen again.

Then obtain the song, either through legal or illegal means, and send copies to all of your friends. Including the Republicans.
posted by Maureen at 1:20 AM

 
Please feel free to browse the links on your left.

Coming Soon: The Burton-Judson Cafeteria Survival Guide
posted by Maureen at 1:03 PM

 
Go read right now.


posted by Maureen at 1:11 PM

 
I've been trying to get rid of some of my family's old clothes--Dad's rather nice, but too small suits from the seventies, Mom's "It came from the eighties" specials, and the last remaining pieces of evidence of my regrettable sweaters-with-kittens/suburban soccer mom phase that lasted about three weeks in sixth grade. I bundled them up and brought them to a "hip" resale store, thinking that the seventies' suits would be appreciated by their retro-themed men's department. They took a few ugly-enough-to-be-hip pairs of pants but ignored the brown corduroy and the green flannel.

Today I tried to take the women's stuff to what I had thought was a rather staid women's consignment shop; the kind filled with kitten sweaters and '80s jackets during the Clinton adminstration. They still had some of the old-style stuff there, but I was informed by the staff that they had been instructed to be more selective in what they carried as their store was nearly full to bursting. They were nice enough to give me the numbers of two consignment shops they felt would be more likely to accept some of the pieces, but one of them informed me that they had instituted similarly restrictive policies, and the other one had consignment appointments booked for the next three weeks. Moreover, as I was trying to get rid of the clothing at the other two stores, I was surrounded by people both buying and selling clothing.

The point of this? People who ordinarily would have given their old clothing to Goodwill or the Salvation Army are now trying to sell it all to resale and consignment shops. But why wouldn't people sell their clothes anyways? I have two answers. One is that people feel that they're contributing to charity when they give old clothes to Goodwill, which provides both a feeling of warm satisfaction and a tax write-off. In this economy, more people are feeling the need for immediate cash and less need for tax write-offs. The other reason has to do with perceived value of time--it takes a fair amount of time to prepare clothes for consignment; you have to get the wrinkles out of them, put them on hangers, and get rid of that old ketchup stain from two years ago. In a tight labor market, most people value their time more and therefore aren't willing to put in a lot of effort for the small amount one gets for most secondhand clothing. (Consequently, it would make sense that in a tight labor market a higher percentage of those who put their clothing on consignment were by-choice stay-at-homers, who are more likely than the general female population to buy kitten sweaters.)

Hence, these shops are experiencing a supply glut. (They've also seemed to experience a concurrent increase in demand, but I don't believe it's equivalent to the supply increase.) Before this supply glut, the supply of sellers for resale shops was low enough so that said shops would be forced to buy most clothes that were in good shape and within their target market. Thus, while in richer times a shopper would have found cool stuff at Goodwill and kitten sweaters at consignment shops, a shopper will now find cool stuff at consignment shops and kitten sweaters at Goodwill.
posted by Maureen at 2:46 PM

 
On Hullabaloo I found out that Zell Miller apparently wanted to challenge Chris Matthews to a duel : "I wish we lived in the day where you could challenge a person to a duel". This brings more credence to the theory that Zell Miller is channelling the spirit of Andrew Jackson--Jackson, as you may recall, was an ardent duelist who actually killed a man for insulting his wife--along with the whole betrayal-of-people-who-fought-for-you thing** and race-tinted populism.

Anyways, enough Jackson. Wouldn't it be cool if Miller and Matthews did duel? Of course, I'm not advocating violence--there's too many people dying because of politics already. What I am advocating is a nice, competitive bout with blunted fencing-style swords, Paintball guns, fisticuffs, or oratory. Of course, Miller must follow the proper challenging procedure, as immortalized on The Simpsons:
1. Slap opponent with glove
2. Say in commanding voice, "Sir! You have insulted my honor! I demand satisfaction! I challenge you to a duel!"
3. Wait for acceptance, whereby your opponent names the weapon to be used.
I believe that historically there have also been the naming of seconds and the scouting out of a beyond-the-law local involved. However, as no one dies during this duel, we can hold it at Madison Square Garden after the Republicans clear out of there.

Come to think of it, this would be a good tool to use whenever anyone utters offensive remarks--challenge them to debate using the language usually associated with dueling. The Southern Poverty Law Center could challenge the KKK to a debate and put their nonexistant manhood on the line; Bill O'Reilly could challenge Al Franken' Mary Cheney could challenge Alan Keyes. All duels, of course, will be broadcast on the Internet, if not on television.

*History Lesson: Rachel Robards nee Donelson was married to a cheating, absentee husband when she fell in love with Jackson; when the two of them heard that Mr. Robards had gotten the divorced finalized, they married. Whoops--the divorce hadn't been finalized yet. The situation was resolved, but Jackson always remained touchy about insults to his wife's virtue.

**History Lesson 2: About five hundred Cherokee fought with Jackson against the Creeks during the Battle of Horseshoe Bend during the war of 1812; among these was the warrior Junaluska, who is credited by many historians with saving the battle for Jackson. Then came the Trail of Tears in 1838, where every Cherokee the US Army could find in Appalachia--including those who had fought alongside Jackson twenty-four years earlier--were rounded up and forcibly marched to Oklahoma; a third of them died. Junaluska walked back to North Carolina from Oklahoma; in 1847 the North Carolina Legislature gave him a large tract of land, a hundred dollars, and state citizenship for his service to the United States.



posted by Maureen at 3:36 PM

 
What an asshole.

In contrast, John McCain was the epitome of statesmanship; part of this is probably to do with his friendship with Kerry and another part probably to try to push Bush into actually being a decent guy.

posted by Maureen at 10:37 PM

 
The New York Times has created a monthly style magazine supplement, "T", which reads like a short version of Vogue with a slightly higher content-to-ad ratio. (It still took me 68 pages to get to actual editorial content--perhaps in line with fashion magazine standards, but rather disconcerting for the Times.)

The magazine does, however, feature an interactive component: Step-by-step hair styling, something I remember most from . Informed of the way to create the new rockabilly-inspired pompadour in vogue (one which the magazine assured me was "the look that scored at Tuleh's fall 2004 show"), I took my brush and a few bobby pins and got to work taking the front part of my hair, twisting it, pushing it forward, and pinning it. Result: An imperial-looking face and front--surrounded by improbably casual hair. The New York Times had given me a mullet.

I pinned up the rest of my hair in a French twist, and the style came together in excellent Gibson Girl/Madame X fashion. But what of the poor women who will keep the rest of their hair down, as the Times suggested? And what will David Brooks have to say about this convergence between Red America and Blue America?

(Speaking of Brooks, wasn't that NYT Magazine column of his almost a precis for a New Democrat economic policy? Eliminate the call for vouchers and the DLC would swoon; put in a few words toughening labor policy and giving more help to the homeless and I'd swear he'd stolen a Barack Obama policy paper.)

posted by Maureen at 10:45 PM

 
For the first time I visited Zoe Vanderwolk's Greenpass, a blog that comes highly recommended from Pandagon, and written by a woman besides. I highly encourage all to visit. (Why, yes, I have been reading Victorian etiquette books lately, how did you guess?)

Anyways, I found out that apparently there's a new blog devoted to rebuking liberal bloggers for "sexist" language, Des Femmes. Recent posts chastise Steve Gillard for calling George Bush "a gutless bitch" and a "puss[y]", Atrios for saying that Bush wasn't a "real man" (and therefore not brave), and Digby for describing Tony Blair as "Bush's bitch".

The thing is, I'm not sure that most of those examples actually are sexist. "Bitch" is becoming an epithet hurled at both sexes (still more women then men, though). As for the assertion that the use of the phrase "real man" to constitute bravery automatically makes bravery a gendered attribute--I think we're dealing with an inclusion-exclusion problem here. While bravery is, according to Atrios, one of the essential attributes of "real men", that does not mean that bravery is not an essential attribute of "real women", nor does it imply that anyone who is not a "real man" is automatically female. There's a difference between being male and being a man. Moreover, Bush has tried to fit himself into the "manly man" mold of masculinity (flight suit, "Bring it on"); the fact that he's a coward automatically shows that this act is a lie, and the "man" is nothing more than an immature frat boy.

That being said, I do censure those who use the word "pussy" to mean "coward". I don't believe that a body part which has to stretch to accommodate a head the size of a grapefruit is an appropriate symbol for cowardice.
posted by Maureen at 4:16 PM

 
Dick Cheney proves he's not a total tool by yielding to his love for his daughter and publicly opposing a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage. Everyone seems to be spinning this story differently, though--ABCNews (the link above) claims that Cheney agreed for the need for the amendment, while SFGate.com claims that Cheney was merely stating that the President dictated administration policy.

posted by Maureen at 8:18 PM

 
It was bad enough when Wal-Mart removed chiropractic coverage from their health insurance plan. Now the company's offering unlicensed physical therapy in nine Colorado stores. Apparently it's meant to piggyback on the success of in-house opticians--but unlike the "exercise trainers" at the back clinics, opticians actually test your vision, give you a custom prescription, and are licensed. Is Wal-Mart too cheap to hire real doctors?

Yes. Yes, they are. Next thing you know they're going to be training the guy from Sporting Goods in how to set broken legs. But on the plus side, you get your plaster cast for only $75.
posted by Maureen at 7:46 PM

 
A commenter at Pandagon points out that Alan Keyes could have run against Barbara Mikulski in his home state of Maryland, but felt the need to run for the Senate in Illinois, a state in which he's spent no great amount of time. Later, I remembered some post connecting Alan Keyes with Allan Bloom... and a crazy theory began to spin.

FACT: At Cornell, Alan Keyes's intellectual mentor was Allan Bloom; he followed him to Paris and to Harvard**. (Via AlterNet) Bloom probably instructed him in the same Straussian philosophy he learned from Leo Strauss at the University of Chicago. Later, Bloom went back to Chicago and taught many generations of Straussians. Additionally, Keyes worked with fellow Straussian and Bloom acolyte Paul Wolfowitz at the State Department during the early eighties.

THEORY: Suppose it's 2004, and Straussians across America are nervous about the meteoric rise of Illinois State Senator Barack Obama. Why? Because he's a lecturer at the University of Chicago Law School--and he's got a chance to become the first UChicagoan President of the United States. Having a liberal represent the University of Chicago on a national level is bad for the Straussians--Allan Bloom had made it seem like the University of Chicago was the last academic bastion of conservatism. Obama and his Hyde Park supporters make it clear that the Straussian home base is in the hands of the enemy. They need to get it back--but how? When the Republican candidacy is vacated, Keyes steps in to win back his mentor's turf--not just the University, but the entire state of Illinois.

*Shamelessly stolen from Mike Murphy's "Crazy Times Demand a Crazy Senator" suggestion for a Keyes lawn sign in the Weekly Standard.

**Those who have read Ravelstein know what kind of stuff Bloom did in Paris. I can't wait for someone to bring this up in debate: "Ambassador Keyes, your mentor, Allan Bloom, was a homosexual. How do you feel about that?"
posted by Maureen at 9:42 PM

 
and I'm a biblioholic.

I'd estimate I've been a biblioholic for, well, most of my life--at least since I was five. In third grade, I'd sneak Baby-Sitters Club books under my desk during spelling tests and read during the breaks between words. When I'm desperate, I'll read practically anything to get my fix--crappy magazines, the "Thrifty Nickel" want ads, fanfic, even (oh! the shame!) the pages from the "Look Inside" feature at Amazon. Sometimes, after I go a few weeks when I've done relatively little reading (just an average of 100 pages/day for school, and an hour or two or three on the Internet per day--really not that much), I go on a book bender. Last bender, about a week ago, I gulped through two novels in about six hours. Granted, one was a reread, and in the other one I skipped some parts, but still. Man, did that wreck my system.

Although I've never gone to the extreme of buying a book in triplicate, I have been known to read entire books while sitting in a bookstore (I'm so cheap, and I feel guilty when I spend money on books when I don't need them); I've checked out books which I own but do not have with me out of the library (hey, I used White Smoke to brush up on my papal politics); I have read The Well of Lost Plots when I should have been writing a paper on the German welfare state. I have unintentionally ignored family and friends while reading, and I have (gasp!) read while on the job.

But is this addiction comparable to alcoholism? I don't think so--while I admit to being rather heavily attached to books, and even fit the Baudian Biblioholic Criteria*, I've never caused anyone any pain through this addiction. I've never neglected family, friends, work or school because of reading, I've never gone into debt for my addiction, and I can resist the call to books when absolutely necessary. [UPDATE: Will Baude points out that harm to others is not a requisite part of alcoholism. This misperception gives alcoholism a stigma which biblioholism doesn't have--even though both drinking and reading are dangerous during driving**. I'd still argue that alcoholism is more likely to cause harm to others than biblioholism, but that's really an argument of probability, not of quality.]

Although it's a telling sign that when I tried to find a "peaceful place" during meditation, I felt restless on a beach, next to a mountain spring, in a prairie--but felt at ease when I placed myself at Harper Memorial Library.

*Excepting the "interfering with social engagements"
**A friend once told me that on long Interstate trips through the plains, her dad would put the car on cruise control and read. I'm not sure what the effect of Books on Tape on driving is, but at least it leaves one's vision free.
posted by Maureen at 7:43 PM

 
According to the Princeton Review, the University of Chicago has the "best overall academic experience for undergraduates" (Login required; check bugmenot.com once they get back online)

In related news, the Physics correspondent reports that a certain institution's number one ranking for "best quality of life" is erroneous. Says the Physics correspondent: "It is heavily affected by #10 :Their Students Never Stop Studying."

posted by Maureen at 8:33 PM

 
As many have previously stated, The Village eerily resembles a certain young adult novel; fewer people have noted that it also rips off Plato's Republic--you've got your noble lie, your council of guardians (as in Plato, both men and women), your restriction on outside influences.

However, 2004's most egregious movie-plot-theft from literature is... the upcoming National Treasure, starring Nicholas Cage as a man trying to protect some sort of Masonic/Egyptian/Christian treasure by stealing the map to it--which happens to be on the back of the original copy of the Declaration of Independence. Clues to the treasure appear on U.S. currency and apparently the Founding Fathers (TM) had something to do with the hiding of the treasure in the New World. It's like the star-spangled version of The Da Vinci Code/Angels & Demons/Foucault's Pendulum!

posted by Maureen at 7:22 PM

 
at The American Prospect. And it's free. Go read.

posted by Maureen at 8:41 PM

 
The state of New Jersey now has an openly gay governor--and contrary to Messieurs Falwell et Robertson, Trenton has not been destroyed by the wrath of God.

All I have to say is to echo Wonkette:

"This was the speech of the year. The most high profile outing, well, ever, and McGreevey handled it with grace and dignity. He sort of makes me want to go gay, too.

We hope that someday it won't mean much to go on national television and announce, "I am a gay American." Someday, we hope that kind of announcement comes at the beginning of someone's political career, not the end."

Who knows--maybe the people of New Jersey will respond similarly and encourage him to serve out the rest of his term.
posted by Maureen at 4:12 PM

 
Alan Keyes has started his campaign for the Illinois Senate seat by claiming that Barack Obama's position on abortion is akin to support for slavery and trying to worm out of flip-flop charges on the issue of "carpetbag senators" (see Clinton, Hillary Rodham, Keyes's statements on). But in the interest of having an amusing political spectacle in Illinois during the fall, I'm going to start hypothesizing on possible Keyes campaign slogans:

Keyes: Experience--In Running Hopeless Campaigns

Keyes: I've Visited Illinois Before

Okay, let's just go with the least-ordered bumper sticker of the Keyes campaign:

South Side for Keyes



posted by Maureen at 1:35 PM

 
Springfield legalizes gay marriage, and someone comes out of the closet. But who? The Guardian suggests Smithers, but notes that Carl and Lenny are possibilities, as well as Moe, Comic Book Guy, Principal Skinner, and Reverend Lovejoy.

Methinks the article writer hasn't seen enough Simpsons: We know that Moe fell for a woman in one episode, so we can fairly safely cross him off the list. Comic Book Guy dreams of Xena, so he's not likely either. Principal Skinner keeps flirting with Edna Krabapple. This leaves Smithers, Carl, Lenny, and the good Reverend. I can't imagine that a closeted minister would come out of the closet just because gay marriage has been made legal, but stranger things have happened. Smithers, of course, is totally in love with Mr. Burns, who is evidently very straight--there's not going to be a marriage between them, unless Smithers can convince him that it's for tax purposes. This leaves Carl and Lenny, whom we rarely see apart--although it could just be because they're Homer's two best buddies.

Besides, Homer becomes a minister over the Internet in this episode--therefore, if there is a gay marriage to be performed, Homer will perform it--thus, the people getting married must either be friends of Homer or be able to pay him a rather hefty fee.

But wait! What if it's a lesbian who comes out? Wait... trying to think of possible Springfield lesbians... I can't. There really aren't any good single female recurring characters.

Suddenly it comes to me--why would Homer need to be the one conducting the ceremony if the mayor legalizes gay marriage? Why couldn't the mayor do it?

That's right. Mayor Quimby's getting married! How sweet.

posted by Maureen at 10:33 PM

 
This is truly bizarre, but Dennis Hastert and I are in agreement on something. Namely, our country has one ugly-ass tax code. However, we're sort of in disagreement about how to make the tax code simple enough to dispense with the IRS or a similar agency. Representitive Hastert wants to implement a flat tax, a national sales tax, or some sort of value-added tax à la Britain. Now, on the surface of it, a flat tax doesn't look too bad--at least it's not regressive--but in order for the government to have the same amount of income, the tax burden for the lower and middle classes would have to be raised. Maybe that'll play in Hastert's 14th District (a bizarre anaglam of far-west Chicago suburbs and northwestern Illinois farmland, including Reagan's hometown of Dixon), but I can't see that it'll play in Peoria. Conversely, if you wanted the tax burden to be lowered for everyone, federal income would drop significantly--is that a good idea during wartime?

A national sales tax or a VAT-arrangement would be even worse--first of all, it would almost certainly be regressive, unless the VAT were structured so that luxury goods (cars over 30K, houses over 200K (depending on locale), general bling) had a higher taxation rate. But can you imagine just how difficult those codes would be to compile? I can almost hear the debate of the Finance Committee:

"But what about hybrid vehicles? Shouldn't they be exempted from the "luxury car" rate?"
"Wait--how do we define "hybrid" vehicle? Does that mean gas-electric, or can that also include cars which run on natural gas and ethanol?"

It's going to get crazy.

There are a few general principles of a tax plan that I believe Hastert and I would agree on:
1. The marginal tax rate should never exceed 50%--why? Because people don't like feeling that they're
2. All income should be taxed at the same rate without discrimination according to payroll, work income above 85K, capital gains income, with maybe some sort of exemption for inheritance (Hastert would probably want no estate tax, I would merely advise that all inheritances below certain levels [differentiating between land/business and liquid assets] be exempt).

Add to that my conviction that as your income decreases, your tax rate should decrease as well. In the language of calculus, we therefore have a variable where the second derivative is positive and the first derivative is less than .5. Since I aim to make this as simple as possible, I'm going to assume that this is a quadratic equation with an artificially imposed vertical asymtotic limit.

In plain English, put all of your income for the year together, minus exemptions, and shove it into a formula of the form ax² + bx -c, where a, b, and c are constants and x is your taxable income. You've now calculated your tax burden in two minutes, without having to look through pages of the 1040 guide. However, if the result is greater than 50%* of your income, just take your tax burden to be .5x.

As an added bonus, the tax code can now be graphed using a TI-83 calculator.

*Or 33%, or some number which will be debated in Congress. The impact of this number will probably only influence the infamous "one percent", which you probably don't belong to.

posted by Maureen at 12:44 PM

 
For the past few weeks I've been going, on occasion, to a shooting range with the Physics Correspondant,. Before this summer, I had never fired a gun; in fact, it was only this past spring break that I even held a gun (unloaded, at a Bass Pro Shop, just so I could say that I had, indeed, held a gun in response to hypothetical rightwingers). But I'm proud to report that I have, as of this writing, fired a couple of .22 pistols, a vintage .22 rifle (with a sweet scope on top), a .358 revolver (rather a bit unbalanced), a .40 Glock (with quite a lot of kick), and even a 20-gauge shotgun (once, hitting nothing and partially subluxating my shoulder). That being said, I have no desire to own a gun, aside from the "oh isn't it cute" factor I sometimes experience when looking at itty-bitty derringers of the style ladies used in the nineteenth century. I really don't have the temperment to carry something around that could kill somebody.

Anyways. This is not what I've termed (somewhat derogatively, I must admit) an "emo-blog"; that is, one of those personal blogs focused almost exclusively on the writer's daily life. (See also: LiveJournal). I'm writing about my own personal experiences with guns to shed light on what I'm beginning to suspect is a greater trend:

Liberals of my generation are more comfortable with guns, or at least the concept thereof, than their predecessors.

The traditional left-wing anti-gun bias is well-established in contemporary political lore; at the abovementioned shooting range the clerk, a young woman of about my age, noticed my "Kerry: The Real Deal" button and joked, "he's going to take all our guns away." I noted that Kerry wouldn't be able to pass anything noticeably more restrictive than the Brady Law through a Republican-dominated Congress or even a mildly Democratic Congress (no Senator from Michigan or Vermont is ever going to pass a far-reaching ban), and further noted that Kerry had some guns, and was a Vietnam veteran. We joked around some more, and I received an NRA pamphlet (she noted that the store and range get tons of literature from them) detailing how Kerry was bad for gun owners.

Later, I glanced through the pamphlet, and gathered that the main points against Kerry were that he had supported the Brady Bill, he wanted background checks at gun shows, and he bashed the NRA. Somehow I don't think Thomas Jefferson is too concerened. I mean, Saint Reagan supported the Brady Bill--and the ban itself, according to Matthew Yglesias, is pretty damn pointless, as you can just mod out a banned weapon and make it legal. As for background checks at gun shows--you mean you want felons and the mentally ill to buy guns at gun shows? I'm sure the police would be happy to do all those checks for free; police departments were quite enthusiastic about handing out trigger locks in the aftermath of Columbine.

As for bashing the NRA, I have this to say to Wayne LaPierre: Grow up. Stop supporting a president who's about to sell nine-tenths of the Bill of Rights down the river just because he pays lip service to the one-tenth his opponent isn't too enthusiastic about. If your organization were really serious about supporting the Second Amendment, it would be fighting the handgun bans in New York, Chicago, and Washington, D.C.--but then, it doesn't seem like there are many Bush supporters in those cities, so maybe you don't care about their right to bear arms. I mean, I don't want people to be walking around the streets of Chicago packing heat (due to the high probability that someone trying to defend themselves would hit an innocent bystander) but even I feel Dan Drezner should be able to have a trigger-locked 9mm in his locked nightstand drawer in the event Hyde Park is invaded.

Speaking of Chicago...

Last spring the College Republicans of the University of Chicago held a trip to a shooting range in Kentucky. Four students went, only two of them Republicans. One of the non-Republicans was a vegan from the New York metropolitan area. I've seen her pictures from the trip, and it looked like she was having a fine old time.

So I'd like to conclude by reassuring my gun-owning friends: Based on what I've heard from the Left of my generation, we really don't want to take away your guns--hell, some of us own guns. We just don't want criminals and kids to have access to them.

posted by Maureen at 1:10 PM

 
God help us.
posted by Maureen at 4:50 PM

 
Not being an employee of Oak Ridge National Laboratory or any of its affiliates, I could not enter the auditorium where Bush was speaking yesterday. After watching the speech on TV, however, I do have some comments:

1. Bush picked absolutely the worst place in the Southeast to mispronounce "nuclear". There are people around these parts who, if you're not fortunate enough to be surrounded by Secret Service agents, will start whalin' on you screaming "IT'S "NU-KLEE-ER", NOT "NU-CULE-LER", DAMMIT!"

2. Regarding those "weapons of murder": Who do you think makes 'em? That's right, some of the people in your audience do. I bet they felt real swell about you calling their work "weapons of murder", especially when the only nuclear weapons that have actually been used were partially built at ORNL. In short, you're calling the staff of the nuclear weapons programs at Y-12 murderers. Good way to get votes.

3. Bush's recitation of the speech was only slightly more inflected than a sixth grader's oral report on tree frogs. Does this indicate my personal biases for those who can speak well? Yes. Are these biases partially due to my high-end education, which has made me less and less tolerant of bad prose? Probably. Is Bush being a bad speechmaker on purpose, as a way to de-emphasize his Yale and Harvard education, or is he naturally not a talented speaker in a way highly educated people respond to? I'm not sure.

4. Was Hussein's regime in Iraq really "the worst government in the Middle East"? Personally, I'd nominate Saudi Arabia for that dishonor, but I don't really get the feeling Bush cares very much about women's issues or humane treatment of criminals--as long as the Texas tea keeps flowing.

5. Bush really doesn't react to criticism well. While he admitted that we haven't found weapons caches in Iraq, he insisted that "we were right to go into Iraq" because Saddam Hussein was a brutal dictator and an enemy of the United States. Well, Osama bin Laden is actively at war with the United States. Maybe we should concentrate on finding him first.

6. The infrastructure at Oak Ridge reveals that it's very difficult to find and enrich fissionable material. It took two and a half years to make enough U-238 and plutonium to create Fat Man and Little Boy--with three cities built especially for the project, hundreds of thousands of people working at these sites (almost all of them having no clue what exactly they were building), and billions of dollars from the United States government. Admittedly, this was using 1940s technology--but considering the embargo on Iraq, they probably couldn't have had state-of-the-art uranium refining plants. Good luck working with that yellowcake and not having any of our satellites pick up on your new gaseous diffusion plants.

The other option--obtaining already enriched uranium--is, as discussed by Matthew Yglesias in his The American Prospect article, a joke. Remember the great line from Back to the Future, where Doc Brown comments on plutonium being available at drugstores? You try finding a courier who's willing to transport U-238 to Iraq--I'm sorry, but androids aren't that sophisticated yet.


posted by Maureen at 12:19 PM

 
WARNING: Massive spoiler for "Spider-Man 2" ahead. Since I don't have any of that fancy hide-the-post stuff here, please skip over the stuff in the next few paragraphs if you haven't seen the movie and are planning on doing so.



In response to the last few scenes of "Spider-Man 2", Will Baude ponders whether it is more deeply unagreeable to be left standing at the altar or to be unilaterally divorced within, say, two days of the ceremony. My response:

Why the hell did Mary Jane wait until the ceremony?

To that question, many would respond that she hadn't made up her mind about whether to continue with her engagement to Hunky Astronaut Boy or to hook up with the man she truly loves, Peter Parker. But what does it say about a character who would even consider marriage to person A when she truly loves person B, even if she "knows" that there's no way she and person B could ever be together?

Maybe I'm being horribly naive here, but for those of us who are less preoccupied with genitalia than are the Family Research Council and Senator Rick Santorum, marriage is about the union of two souls. The priest about to preside over the "Spider-Man 2" wedding was wearing a Roman collar, so it is safe to say that his views of marriage are similar* to those of the Catholic Church**, e.g. love is necessary for the spiritual bond of marriage--the sacrament to occur. But there were two impediments to this sacrament from taking place. The first one I consider to be a "passive" impediment--Mary Jane's lack of love for her future husband. I consider this to be a passive, and perhaps temporary, impediment because theoretically, Mary Jane could eventually fall in love with her husband, thus finalizing the sacrament several years after the ceremony.*** But there is a second impediment that prevents Mary Jane from ever truly loving The Astronaut****--her love for Peter Parker. The mere existence of Peter blocks Mary Jane's ability to fall in love with another man, meaning that her hypothetical marriage to Space Boy would never be a real, as in union-of-souls-real, marriage.

Not only is this hypothetical marriage destructive to Mary Jane, as it means she must live a lie, it is also destructive to her husband, who unknowingly loves a woman who does not love him back. He will not experience reciprocal love, and he is bound to not pursue reciprocal love. Of course, the fact that he doesn't know he's not experiencing reciprocal love may be an even greater spiritual loss--like Plato's shadows on the cave wall, he is mistaking the shadows of love for the reality.

So, yeah. Congratulations for Mary Jane finally getting the guts to break off the engagement. But boo to her for taking until the wedding itself.

A final thought: She totally should have left the engagement ring with the note. I mean, come on.

*Do Episcopal priests wear collars of the same style?
**Even though they, too, have certain below-the-belt prerequisites.
***Or something.
****Whose name, it seems, no one can remember--indicating that the gentleman in question is three-dimensional set dressing.
posted by Maureen at 2:13 PM

 
Sudeep Agarwala has named a bunch of great Hyde Park bands--which all happen to be represented in "Going All the Way", the third Mr. Hyde Records complilation. For classical tastes, I would suggest the eighth track, The Soft Addictions's "Our Introduction".

(I am not in any way affiliated with Mr. Hyde Records, but I know one of the violinists in The Soft Addictions as well as the bassist for Spooning with Nora)
posted by Maureen at 4:10 PM

 
I confess to having gone to the Evil Empire (read: Wal-Mart) of my own free will on Friday, and buying beads, a plastic dresser, and some crochet pattern books. And there, I realized something--the current Wal-Mart bashing is very much a classist exercise because there are people who have benefited from Wal-Mart--those who couldn't have afforded decent stuff without a tenacle-like multinational that exploits their labor force in order to give really really low prices to the greatest number.

So if we're really serious about killing the Evil Empire, we need to offer a good alternative to it. We need to be serious about fostering small businesses in our inner cities and our almost-abandoned small towns. We need to figure out a way to minimize prices, maximize wages, and still make decent profits--a formula which Costco has apparently discovered in the fake-wholesale sector, but which needs to be replicated for the mass discount sector. Finally, we need to enforce existing labor laws to the fullest extent, increasing penalties to the point where it no longer becomes feasible to keep breaking the law and still exceed expectations for third-quarter earnings. We have a Department of Labor which is supposed to be in charge of enforcing these laws, but they're underused and underfunded. Let's change that.

Otherwise we're all just a bunch of blathering bourgeois bohemian-wannabe weenies. And while it's cool to be genuinely bohemian, it's not cool to want to be bohemian so you can be cool. It is far better to be boring and bourgeois in dress and manner and actually change the world rather than shock everyone with your bohemian style and make no bigger impact.

(Yes, fauxhemians piss me off. I think it's a class thing.)
posted by Maureen at 1:50 PM

 
"And so is this cake, sweetie"

I'm now officially not a teenager today.

Happy birthday to me....
posted by Maureen at 1:48 PM

 
as I saw Clarence Thomas swear John Danforth in, without knowing what he was being sworn in for, I thought "Yes! We're getting a new president ahead of schedule!"

But alas. He is only the new UN ambassador.

Well, he'd be harder to beat than Bush is, anyway.
posted by Maureen at 4:31 PM

 
Go and check out PresidentElect.Org's Electoral Map Quiz: What year does this map show? (hint: The Republican states are blue on this map.)

(Via Volokh)
posted by Maureen at 4:08 PM

 
My parents, the physics correspondant, and I all went to see "Fahrenheit 9/11" yesterday. Now, very few people would expect Knoxville, TN to be a hotbed of Democratic activity--but the theater was packed, even with two screens playing the movie. The line to buy tickets stretched as far as I've ever seen a movie line in Knoxville. And that's on Sunday. On Friday the theater had sold out of tickets for the 7:50 showing by 4 pm and tickets for the 10:30 showing sold out soon after.

Remember, I'm talking about Knoxville here--the Republican base of Tennessee, a state which voted for some crazy Texan over a Democratic favorite son. I believe the Weinstein brothers must be having some choice words with the Disney brass right about now.

The movie itself? It started with that one night in November--it seems so long ago now, doesn't it--when we thought that Al Gore was going to be our next president. But we hadn't counted on just how nakedly and ruthlessly the Bush family would grab for money and power. Nor that the entire United States Senate was filled with wimps who wouldn't protest the Florida election results. I mean, I can understand John Edwards not protesting; he's from North Carolina. But what about Barbara Boxer or Dianne Feinstein? What about an outgoing Democratic senator making one last stand? [Insert Goreian sigh here]

Hmmm. Maybe I should transfer my voter registration back to Tennessee. Maybe I should even show up in person, so that they actually count my vote.

At any rate, the movie was a brilliant piece of propaganda--brilliant in that it combined damning facts with emotional pulls. It better be nominated for Best Picture.
posted by Maureen at 2:57 PM

 
Condoms.

Is this a ploy to get support from the center? Probably. Does it reflect that the "Christian" Coalition is losing the culture war one battle at a time? Almost certainly. Is this good news for the war on AIDS? Absolutely.

By the way, the Knoxville, TN Kerry Meetups are at 7:00 pm tonight, at the Books-A-Million near Cedar Bluff (8513 Kingston Pike) and the Panera near McKay's (4855 Kingston Pike). I'm not sure if I'll make it to either one of them, but I'll try.
posted by Maureen at 1:07 PM

 
During the school year, I was (mostly) blessedly free from political commercials--and thus did not see the "Pessimism" spot from the Bush campaign until last Sunday. I've seen it three times, and I'm already sick of it. Especially the "1.4 million jobs added since August" voiceover over a Spike Jonze wannabe video of a guy working at Foot Locker. What the ad doesn't tell you is that the guy working at Foot Locker is either a laid-off union industrial employee whose job was outsourced to Thailand or a laid-off tech industry employee whose job was outsourced to Malaysia. Yeah, I'm sure he feels really good about working at Foot Locker. I mean, the employee discount's sweet.

Then there's the final line of the ad: "One thing's for sure: Pessimism never created a job." It sure as hell created a job for Tom Ridge and everyone at Homeland Security. Pessimism is directly responsible for the pharmaceutical industry, the nation's law enforcement agencies, fire departments, EMTs, ambulance service firms, hospitals and independant medical/healing practitioners, divorce lawyers, insurance companies, bike helmet manufacturers, sprinkler system firms, the EPA, the Federal Emergency Management Agency, the United States Armed Forces, the Armed Forces Reserves, social workers, and psychotherapists. I'd have to say that pessimism and worry is one of the greatest supports to the American economy.
posted by Maureen at 12:43 PM

 
I didn't intend for the break from blogging to continue for this long.

I shall pin the blame directly on finals.
posted by Maureen at 12:42 PM

 
My favorite retailer, Wal-Mart, is responding to criticisms and lawsuits by reforming, and also by having Halle Berry stop by the shareholders' meeting.

You think it'll sway the juries in all of those lawsuits brought against them?


*Because Pandagon is apparently under the weather, I feel that there's a deficit of snark in the blogosphere. Hopefully this will be rectified soon.
posted by Maureen at 9:22 PM

 
--Matt Yglesias believes that on average, women are less interested (and therefore less informed) in politics than men; commentors ask about Yglesias's definition of the word "politics", the sources of his data, and the effect this will all have on his sex life. Respectful of Otters gets bonus points for using the expression "bless his heart". I wonder if Yglesias will also be called out by his boss, one Ms. Garance Franke-Ruta.

--Daniel Drezner finds out which blogs media types reads, and thanks Amanda Butler for her help in compiling the data. Trish Wilson, guest-blogging at Feministe*, immediately accuses Drezner of sexism because the only woman he mentioned was presumably in a secretarial position. Unfortunately for Wilson, it turned out that some of the blogs Drezner mentioned did have women bloggers. Additionally, Drezner had very good reason to have Butler be in a data-analyzing position: she's his undergraduate research** assistant. While I don't recall the TA position being common knowledge to either of their greater readerships, it was extraordinarily clear that Drezner and Butler were both based out of the University of Chicago; Wilson should have made the connection. Other feminist bloggers, such as Roxanne and Mac Diva, have taken on a more temperate tone during this debate.
Okay, I admit it. I felt that Wilson's tone was uncalled for in her reaction to Drezner. I could have seen it in a reaction to Yglesias, but to automatically scream "sexism" whenever a man thanks a woman for "typically female" work is fulfilling negative stereotypes about feminists and feminism, and it's made me disinclined to read Wilson's blog. Okay, maybe it's the fact that she unfairly maligned people affiliated with my university. But still. She really should have updated that bit in her post and put in a mea culpa.

*I greatly enjoy Ms. Lauren's posting and hope that she will return from her sabbatical soon. She is a shining example of third-wave feminism.
**Changed from "teaching assistant".
posted by Maureen at 1:28 AM

 
that I'm getting excited about getting documents detailing German welfare law. "AND it has numbers! And the guy's at a German university! Awesome!"


posted by Maureen at 10:34 PM

 
Apparently researchers are now hypothesizing that Michaelangelo, one of the greatest forces in Western art, was autistic. Anyone who had to read The Agony and the Ecstasy for sophomore year high school English can recite the symptoms cited by the researchers--aloofness, obsessiveness regarding work, difficulty in relating to others or maintaining friendships, tempermental.

Jeez. Are there any great geniuses who aren't thought autistic by some researchers somewhere?
Newton
Einstein
Jefferson

Well, at least--wait. I'm not going to give names. Then they'll be diagnosed with autism.

But just in case you think all of this overdiagnosis is "much ado about nothing",here's the viewpoint from the father of an autistic child.

posted by Maureen at 8:12 PM

 
I don't want to know what anything harder does.

Let's just say that 32 ounces of coffee on a relatively empty stomach is pretty much a surefire route to a caffeine bender.

Apparently the Center of Addiction and Substance Abuse has identified caffeine as a "gateway drug" in young women, saying that young women who drink coffee are more likely than those who don't to drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes. Yes, well, a significant portion of the young women who don't drink coffee are Mormon. If you controlled for religion, would the same results occur? I'm not sure.
posted by Maureen at 10:29 PM

 
June 16, 2005 [CNN] "On Wall Street today news of the draft has prompted a fall in the stocks of several youth-oriented retailers, including Hot Topic and Abercrombie and Fitch. On the upside, both snack-food giant Nabisco and health-food retailer General Nutrition Centers are on the upswing as analysts predict draft-eligible young people will soon be desperately trying to gain or lose enough weight to disqualify for military service."

June 17, 2005 [AP] Nation's Youth Coming Out--But Were They Ever In?
Nearly half of the 20,000 young people called by California draft boards have testified that they have homosexual or bisexual inclinations. Similar effects have been occuring around the country, with estimated rates as high as 80% in many major metropolitan areas. Even in areas less tolerant of homosexuality, such as Wheeling, West Virginia, over a third of those whose lottery numbers have been called have claimed to be homosexual or bisexual.

June 18, 2005 [MSNBC] "Breaking news--we've just been informed that the House of Representatives has passed an amendment to the Armed Services Uniform Code allowing open homosexuals to serve in the military by a margin of 430-5. The Senate is expected to pass the bill with similarly high margins this afternoon, as the only Senator who has been arguing against this amendment is Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania."
posted by Maureen at 11:40 PM

 
Around campus there have been rumors that Congress has renewed interest in Senator Rangel's call for a military and national service draft for both sexes. While Selective Service officials are keeping mum about these possibilities, on the Selective Service registration website they now have a place where one can press "Female", although they note that females may not currently register. I have not tried this out, as I don't want to potentially break the law.

In the spirit of public service we here at Blog or Not? ("we" being me and whatever people I've talked to in researching this article) have decided to inform the public about how to stay draft-eligible.

1. You must be healthy. Here is a list of disqualifying conditions. Please note that these conditions include such common maladies as braces, chronic depressive mood disorder, and mild scurvy. (I once heard of a college student who ate nothing but cheese crackers and died of scurvy.) However, the doctors can fill out waivers for these conditions if they feel they will not interfere with military duties.

2. You must be of "appropriate" height and weight, which I felt was so important, in our day of mass obesity, to merit its own separate category. Weight restrictions, especially for women, have been eased in recent years due to the growth of the population. If you've received the call and wish to serve your country, try to maintain an acceptable weight/body fat percentage. If you're really enthusiastic about serving your country but are slightly underweight, try eating large quantities of high-fat, high-simple-carbohydrate foods such as donuts, premium ice cream, macaroni and cheese, etc. If you're slightly overweight, go on the Slim-Fast plan--a retired Naval Reserves officer I know swears by it.

3. You should not be openly homosexual or in any way at all attracted to any members of your own sex, and you should not joke about being so attracted. The most heterosexual man on the planet could potentially be disqualified by admitting that he'd rather sleep with Brad Pitt than with the Elephant Lady. Same-sex marriages, whether based on physical attraction or convenience, are similarly right out.

4. You should not be a single parent. This includes divorced parents with joint custody.

In short, everyone who wishes to fulfill their mandatory national service in the Armed Forces should heed these warnings.

I salute you!
posted by Maureen at 12:52 AM

 
Currently Hyde Park is experiencing its finest weather of the year and the height of its social/cultural season--the Festival of the Arts is underway, the Hyde Park Art Fair and Community Art Fair are next week, and just about every campus organization is having its annual free barbeque in the few weeks. Much of the same holds for the rest of the city--the Printers' Row Book Fair, innumerate summer festivals... ahhh. However, I am thwarted in the pursuit of revelry by finals.

posted by Maureen at 7:37 PM

 
From The New York Times, on reactions to MTV's new gay-centric network:

Mike Haley, a manager of gender issues with the Christian group Focus on the Family, said he worried that the network would encourage young people to think of themselves as gay, just as he said he did for 12 years. [emphasis added]

"You have a kid who is looking to fit in, and here you have a network that looks very inviting, very accepting, and this young kid is going to get a false representation of what homosexuality has to offer," Mr. Haley said. "I really am sad and fearful for these kids who are going to want to be as happy and as happy-go-lucky as Will is on 'Will & Grace.' "

Yes, teenagers are going to ignore their overwhelming desires for the opposite sex because they think shiny green shirts/mullets are cool.

The denial is just overwhelming.
posted by Maureen at 7:25 PM

 
You'd think that Coca-Cola would realize that it's got the low-carb thing already figured out--Diet Coke, Diet Cherry Coke, Diet Vanilla Coke, Diet Coke with Lemon, Diet Coke with Lime, Diet Sprite, Diet Sunkist, et al. all have zero grams of carbs, as does Aquafina. They could, theoretically, bring out low-carb versions of Powerade and rip-off Tropicana's new lower-carb orange-juice-drink for the Minute Maid division, but there's not much else you can do.

Except, of course, bring out a beverage with half the carbs of regular Coca-Cola.

So, wait, you're trying to cut carbs, but you'd rather drink a half-sugar drink than a sugar-free drink? Granted, I've heard from some people that there's a perceptible difference between regular and diet sodas--from what I can tell, regular sodas are slightly sweeter--but I think the last person who tried to avoid diet sodas while limiting their sugar intake was my grandmother, who would dilute regular-calorie Coke--but then, she'd experienced Tab, so it's sort of understandable.

posted by Maureen at 8:34 PM

 
Sources tell Blog or Not? that Wal-Mart meat is 12% saline solution, at least according to a leading competitor. Those with sodium-sensitive hypertension are therefore warned not to buy or consume steaks purchased at Wal-Mart.

Additionally, Blog or Not?'s physics correspondent has discovered that Wal-Mart now charges 1.50 for the use of a debit card in payment and will not accept the debit-card-as-credit-card strategy. Bastards.
posted by Maureen at 12:38 AM

 
Those of you with Blogger blogs have been subjugated to the new template--well, perhaps "subjugated" is too harsh a word. Perhaps the most obvious feature of the new template is the new graphical design of the template: it's gotten all rounded and stuff, a bit too "Blogging for Preschoolers" for my tastes. I appreciate the handy button for block quotes in the posting bit--but I harshly disapprove of the inability to view old posts in the same window. When I click "View Blog" I get directed to my webpage in another window--this messes up my stat counts, guys. Not cool.

Additionally, Blogger now has comments built-in in a sort of LiveJournal style: clicking the comments link directs you to a new page where you must either sign in or post as "anonymous". Now, I've been using Enotation.uk since I've had comments up, and they've been working pretty well in the commonly-accepted pop-up style.

Finally, Blogger wants me to fill out a profile. Sure, fine, whatever--so I filled out what everyone can deduce just from reading the page, skipping the Friendster/LiveJournal/TheFacebook-esque "favorite books, movies..." parts where you can find out just how many other Blogger users listed The Agony and the Ecstasy as one of their favorite novels.

Memo to Blogger: Many of us who use you instead of LiveJournal use you because you're perceived as more journalism-focused than the community-oriented LiveJournal. I'm just saying.
posted by Maureen at 10:02 PM

 
1. The University of Chicago Mathematics Thong: With a picture of Eckhart in winter on the back.
2. According to flyers floating around Eckhart advertising the undergrads v. grads Math Club b-ball game, Paul Sally was a star basketball player in high school. Yeah, but he's a pirate now, which is even cooler. The only thing that could possibly be cooler would be a math ninja, and even that's open to interpretation.
3. Today as I was going into Eckhart for a probability discussion section, I saw a flyer on the front door advertising that someone's bridal shower was upstairs. I've seen people getting married at the Botany Pond, but who would have a bridal shower in a Mathematics classroom?
posted by Maureen at 9:27 PM

 
There will probably end up being over 100,000 lines of text written on Massachusetts's first legal same-sex marriages--an event I find worthy of being noted and celebrated. However, we shouldn't let the momentousness of this occasion overshadow another event which happened today, an event I believe actually affects more people:

The Supreme Court ruled that individuals can sue their states without state permission.

The case began when Lane tried to sue the state of Tennessee for up to $100,000 for what he claimed was humiliating treatment that violated the ADA.

Lane crawled up the Polk County courthouse steps once for an appearance in a reckless driving case, but was arrested in 1996 for failing to appear in court when he refused to crawl a second time. Courthouse employees have said he also refused offers of help.

Tennessee did not dispute that the courthouse lacked an elevator, or that the state has a duty to make its services available to all. The state argued, however, that Lane’s constitutional rights were not violated and that he had no right to take the state to court.

The state claimed that Congress went too far in writing the ADA, because the Constitution says a state government cannot be sued in federal court without its consent.

See, this is why I'm not a big fan of the states' rights-heavy interpretation of the Constitution--because states are notorious for infringing upon the rights of their citizens. I believe one of the roles of the federal government is to protect the rights of individuals against the states; I believe one of the roles of state governments is to protect the rights of individuals against the federal government. Unfortunately, I've found that my fellow citizens are lax in holding these governments to these duties--which is why we need lawsuits.

And again, as with my commentary on Brown v. Board of Education on Monday, Tennessee should pay--I'll leave the figure to a jury to decide. Even though my sales tax dollars will probably foot the bill. I figure that if I ever become severely disabled I want the state to know that it has to treat me right.
posted by Maureen at 12:03 PM

 
I haven't been checking one of my e-mail accounts as often as I should, so it was only today that I found out who the Dean Dozen were. Among them: Barack Obama. Dean adds that "I will be on the trail with Barack soon".

[teenybopperblogging]OMG! This is going to be sooo cool! [Squeal] Will they appear at Hyde Park! OMG! Like, should I wear my anti-Ashcroft T-shirt, my "Take Back Tennessee" T-shirt, or my "Zero Tolerance for Zero Intelligence" with the Bush-like chimp T-shirt to the rally*? This is like soooo awesome! [Squeal][/teenybopperblogging]

Seriously--I remember in the "Concious Choice" interview with Obama that Obama noted that while he was a delegate for Carol Moseley-Braun (because she's a constituent), he really admired the Dean campaign. It's good to know there's no hard feelings for--wait, half-hearted support of a Quixotic campaign? That's the political equivalent of lending a neighbor a cup of sugar.


*I do, in fact, own all three of these T-shirts.
posted by Maureen at 6:25 PM

 
Lately I've become addicted to Political Friendster, which is just what it sounds like--you create links between political players and institutions. I'm contributing both players and links (I got Chicago on the map), but I need your input--because, frankly, while I know that Al Franken went to Harvard, I'm not sure I want to research what his BA was in and when he received it. (Although I probably will anyways, because that's just the type of person I am).

UPDATE: General Studies, 1973. But I still need your help! I have no idea where Richard Perle went to school; I barely know the guy!
posted by Maureen at 12:13 AM

 
Today I picked up a copy of the Chicago Maroon and begin skimming an article on a panel discussion about Brown v. Board of Education, noting that the lawsuit was actually a blend of lawsuits that the NAACP consolidated to form an all-out attack on segregated public education. Apparently:

The schools in Prince Edward County closed for five years instead of undergoing desegregation. While white chidren's parents created a private academy, blacks had to find another school system or find work. Now Blauvelt's school [in Prince Edward County] is 55 precent black and 45 percent white, and the state of Virginia [is] paying reparations for those years of school lost to most blacks in the area.

I'm a bit in shock from this--okay, that's an understatement, I was actually walking around in a daze when I read that. I mean, what the hell? I just don't comprehend this. Was our country really this infected with evil fifty years ago? And why the hell do people consider the fifties to be some sort of golden age?

I am really fucking disappointed in my species.

The bitches better pay reparations for Jim Crow--and pay hard. I want the courts to figure out the maximum dollar amount damages that they can inflict on states with segregation and then demand that money. And I'm not even going to benefit; hell, considering I live part of the year in Tennessee, I'm going to have to help pay for it. But whatever. There's no price too high for justice, and governments need to be shown that when they screw over their citizens, they will pay.
posted by Maureen at 4:54 PM

 
Okay, the Blogging of the Hunt has been a little backlogged. I'll try to assemble a coherent account:

Thursday Afternoon: Almost missed my Probability midterm, but got to it in time. Found out that my roommate and Bilal were handcuffed together for a "friendship test" (one point per hour) Then slaughtered the competition in the "Arts and Entertainment" (read: every damn question is about Patrick Swayze) catagory in "Schollywood Huares", thus helping bring the Breckinridge team to second place.

Friday morning: Math, followed by work and trying to find the judges' blogs. Was unsuccessful in obtaining the signatures of the Committee on Microbiology approving a graduate thesis written on dining hall napkins, but did obtain petri dish and permission to leave it in the lab in the hopes of obtaining colorful bacteria.

Friday evening: The Party on the Quads. Saw my math teacher and a graduate student I work with. Our team definitely had the best party--you could actually discern the theme from it, and we had a fine selection of, uh, "juice" (because of course you can't serve alcohol on the Quads!) Shoshi (one of my fellow captain)'s boyfriend, a circus performer, breathed fire--we had to get a human shield from the chaperones (yes, there were two people from the facilities office ther) to prevent them from seeing the open flame. (Though I should give credit to Snell-Hitchcock, which also had a very clear theme and performed the dance from the "Thriller" video.)

Later that evening: At one point I may have been the only sober person on the Quads. Watched two people get naked and try to put on a sex show, but the guy was too drunk to "perform". (That's a PSA for not overdrinking if I ever saw one--but try to get Partnership for a Drug-Free America to air that.) At this point our party was the only one still going, and it kept going until the judges told us to pack up. (At least one of the judges was falling-down-drunk--I know, because he leaned on me when I was bringing him to our party to show him our self-exploding computer. A second judge almost got sick on one of the benches--good thing I had spare napkins from the thesis.) Fell asleep on one of the Hoover House couches.

Saturday morning: Got a surprisingly decent chunk of sleep for Scavhunt--6 hours. Time for ScavOlympics--hauled 50 pounds of Marx from the Regenstein to the center of the Quads for our bench-pressing contest. (Yes, Marx was specified, as was Engels). Ran through the halls of the University of Chicago Hospitals looking for Y. Oda's graduation from Pritzker (1959).

Saturday afternoon, post-dry Olympics: Retrieved bathing suit and change of clothes from Breck, scavenged a pushcart from 59th Street, found a source for a tree trunk, collected the petri dish (which sadly had no colorful bacteria growing yet) and ate pizza all before the Wet Games.

Saturday evening: Water polo. Made 3rd largest splash in the largest splash contest, even though my "largest splash" is rather pitiful. Presentation of Breck-Hoover's beautiful Italianate bateau for the boatrace--we didn't win, but our craft was seaworthy (read: could be put into Ratner's pool) and by far the most stylish. Kelly and Bilal did a synchronized swimming routine, still handcuffed. Then more arts and crafts at Hoover

Sunday morning: After two hours of sleep, try to calculate the square footage of our Giant Goddamn Sombrero--come up with 47', although I'm not sure if the equation we used for the G.G.S. was accurate, nor if I integrated properly. (I was never very good at surface integrals). Go to Judgement starving.

Sunday afternoon: Finally eat (thank God!) and watch the judging. Turns out one of the judges knew me from work, and scolded me for not getting the bacterial portrait done. This is what happens when a mathematician tries to culture bacteria. At any rate, my mapping of the CTA map to the US map was well-recieved, as was the Breck Castrating Cookie Vagina. I also registered Scav I. Hunt to vote, "changed my name" (or would have if one of my fellow captains, who shall remain nameless, had been around to do his notary public duty), and my roommate created one of Illinois's first same-sex marriage licenses.

Sunday evening: We place in fifth--as well as we could have expected considering our limited funding. First place goes to Snell-Hitchcock, which gladdened the hearts of all non Max Palevsky residents. We clean up the Hoover lounge and try to readjust ourselves to the real world.

And "PEN 15" is still written on my hand, although the "15" part has faded quite a bit due to my scrubbing.
posted by Maureen at 11:01 PM

 
In the past twenty-four hours I have slept exactly two. However, our Road Trip team has a car. So it's all good.

Quick Recap:

This year's Obtainment of the List was actually fairly easy, but reliably geeky; it took the form of a game-theory question. Each team supplied one captain to stand in a circle and grab the list--but the first team to grab the list got 0 points, the second team got 5 points, and so on. We were the fourth team to grab the list--282 in all. Then came the Reading of the List, which was punctuated by Hoover's RA squealing whenever she figured out a road trip item.

Now all we needed was a road trip team and a car. See, one of the former captains of The Davin Reed Experience (back before it became Sophonisba does Gary) defected over to the FIST team and took his car with him. Bastard.

But that's all in the past; what matters now is the future. Come to the Quads from 11:30 to 3:00 this afternoon and Friday and eat a DRE, Ph.D Chicago-style hot dog. Or a DRE, Ph.D University of Chicago-style hot dog. We offer both kinds.
posted by Maureen at 7:24 AM

 
Proof that Jesus really is a Democrat.

(I am having way too much fun with The Facebook)
posted by Maureen at 9:34 PM

 
With less than five hours before the start of Scavhunt 2004, we make our final preparations.

And now we wait.
posted by Maureen at 7:17 PM

 
head on down to Rhea County Gay Day for food, fun, and annoying humorless fundamentalists(1). Don't get too freaky(2)--this is Athens, TN, not classical Athens--but do give the bigots a nice case of backlash.

(Via the former reigning Mr. Cognitive Dissonance, Andrew Sullivan

(1) Some fundamentalist Christians do, in fact, have senses of humor. The Rhea County Commissioners are not among them.
(2) I think we've all seen the Onion story Gay-Pride Parade Sets Back Mainstream Acceptance of Gays Back 50 Years (I apologize for the Freeper link, but it was the only one I could find.)
posted by Maureen at 3:15 PM

 
It is really quite amazing how fast The Facebook(1) has grown--in less than a week it's reached an incredible mass of people. The entire campus will probably be assimilated within the quarter.



(1)The Facebook is like Friendster for the University of Chicago. It was started at Harvard, and has taken really far too much time to get here, but whatever.
posted by Maureen at 12:06 PM

 
Sunday's dumpster dive, featuring me, co-Captain the Shoshinator, Bilal (Blog or Not?'s Afghan language correspondent), and Julian (frequent Blog or Not? commentator), was a success. We have obtained a large quanity of high-quality plywood courtesy of the renovations at the University of Chicago's law school and the Midway Studios, and plan to undergo a similar expedition tonight.

Unfortuately, the Captain's Dell of Power is infected with the benighted Gaobot virus. I apologize for the delays in blog updates, especially with regards to the "The Red and the Blue" series. Rest assured, you shall soon see my fisking of the section on gays, guns, and hanging with the guys.

By the way, Sophonisba does Gary: The Davin Reed Experience is still in the market for a Road Trip car. Please contact mcraig (at) uchicago {dot} edu for details.
posted by Maureen at 8:15 PM

 
I'm going to skip over some paragraphs regarding the dividedness of American political life mainly because I can't make fun of them. So here we go again:

When Catholic University political professor John Kenneth White says that Kerry and Bush are navigating for votes in "parallel universes," the universe of Stein is the one in which the president is Republican, the U.S. senators are Republicans, the congressman is Republican, the county commissioner is Republican, the Inspector of Hides and Animals is Republican, the neighbors are Republicans, the friends are Republicans, and the mayor is a Republican named David Wallace, who says of Sugar Land: "When you drive around here, you get the sense that you're in Utopia."

And I thought Hyde Park was ideologically uniform. I can point to three Republicans in my dorm alone!

Brick homes, clean streets, good schools, plentiful churches -- "it's the typical white-picket-fence, 2.1-children atmosphere," Wallace says of Sugar Land. No litter, landscaped boulevards, approved-plant lists, recommended-rose lists, strict zoning, a town square called "Town Square," logos everywhere, and the ever-present smell of just-mown grass

Oddly enough, this does sound like Utopia--the book, I mean. But are they required to switch houses every ten years?

in a voting precinct that went Bush 72 percent, Gore 25 percent -- this is the landscape of Stein, whose path here can be condensed to this:
In 1977, he bought a pair of hedge trimmers for $25. A month later, he went back to the same store and bought a second pair of trimmers, but now they were $30.

Emphasis on the manual labor, I see.

That's when he angrily learned about inflation and began paying attention to politics. Then he learned about the notion of American weakness during the Iranian hostage crisis. Then he learned about responding to a politician's message when Ronald Reagan talked of America's greatness coming from its people rather than government. Then, about the time thousands of people were said to be in danger of losing their jobs because of an endangered species of owl, he decided there are two kinds of Americans, those who live in the world of "emotion and feel good," and those, like him, who live in "the real world." And now his version of the real world is a two-story house in a neighborhood of like-minded people, where he begins every day by turning on his computer.

There's a long bit about which websites Stein visits each day, and it's tedious, so I'm just going to skip ahead to breakfast:

Stein's breakfast is scrambled eggs over congealed grits fried in butter, and coffee that comes not in bean form but already ground and is brewed not through natural brown paper filters but unnatural white ones.

You know, that actually sounds pretty good. I hope he has good health coverage, though.

" 'Melitta plants four trees for every one used in the production of our filter paper,' " he says, reading the side of the box of filters. He puts the box back in the cabinet. "I could care less."

There's a reason Stein said this--to differentiate himself from the "feel-good" liberals out there? To shock the (presumably) liberal reporter? It's not something that one would remark upon in everyday conversation if one really "could care less".

Stein's lunch is a brisket-and-sausage barbecue sandwich

Wait. What kind of brisket? What kind of sausage? I haven't had good barbeque since last summer.

in a restaurant where he wonders what people categorized by pollsters as Blue Americans would think about him. I would guess they would say I am mean-hearted and mean-spirited. They'd probably think I'm for big business at the expense of poor people. They'd think we want to hurt the poor, hurt the environment, do away with the school system. They'd think that we believe everybody should be able to own Uzis or any kind of gun, and that we want to impose God on them," he says, and then says what he thinks of them:

"Some of what they're saying may be found on good intentions, but a closer look will show it's really not going to work. Their solutions come from government rather than from themselves. . . . Every year they take more and more and more money. And when you see some of these programs, and you're paying thousands of dollars into them, at some point resentment begins to build."

He has a point. Maybe "Red Americans" and "Blue Americans" should try to, you know, figure out which government programs work and which don't, and how we can fix those that don't work, and... wait. Congress gets into the way there.

Stein's dinner is hamburgers with American cheese, salad and Tater Tots.
He gas-grills the burgers while the salad is assembled by Patrice, Stein's wife of 23 years and counting. They met when he saw her standing on an apartment balcony and presumed to tell her how to water her plants. Now, three children later, he oversees their business's landscape crews and she manages the office. He hunts on weekends, and she makes gumbo with deer sausage. He drives the truck, she drives the minivan. He takes the La-Z-Boy, she takes the couch.

Look at the Red Stater's division of gender roles! And--did you mention hunting? How declass?!

(Frankly, though, I know of a few rather high-priced restaurants in Chicago that serve deer meat--except they call it by the highfalutin' name of venison.)

And I think I'm going to stop this installment of "The Red and the Blue" here.


posted by Maureen at 7:38 PM