.
Mémère would have called it ominous,
the dead sapsucker I found
on your doorstep that day.
.....Yet, how beautiful it was,
.....cloaked in its orange and black
.....and white feathers, its tiny
.....bird feet turned toward
.....the sun-filled sky.
.
5 comments:
I wonder if you need the 'yet'. The indent signifies a shift in register for you ( I like that you didn't add a line of space).
I also like the shift in register mimicked by the shift in text...
I would like you to pare the poem down even further.
"Yet how beautiful it was,
cloaked in orange and black
and white, its tiny
feet turned towards
the sun-filled sky."
I also wonder what else would be in the sky. Other sapsuckers? Birdsong?
I think this is one of my favourites so far, so much in so little.
I would like to read how beautiful it was without reading "how beautiful it was", but other than that it was beautiful.
Thank you All for your input!!
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