All we are is dust in the wind, Dude

December 1st, 2011 - One of the craziest and scariest days of my life. We woke up to the wind howling outside. I knew it was going to be rough getting Beckett to school that morning because he is afraid of the wind. Also, Matt had school that morning so I was flying solo. I decided that it was going to be okay to be late to school that morning. We took our time getting dressed and mentally prepared to go out the door. The power went out before we woke up, so that meant I had to go outside and open the garage doors by my own power. I am so grateful for electric garage door openers. That thing was so heavy and hard to lift. At one point, I almost said, "Forget it! He will just miss school today." I eventually got it open - Anabelle and I had to get breakfast since the power was out anyways. We drove to Beckett's school, only to find a telephone pole leaning towards the street, hanging only by the wires attached to it. There was a cop car parked in the middle of the street to prevent anyone from driving under it. Well, I turned around and went the other direction to his school. As I pulled into the parking lot, I noticed there were only a handful of cars in the parking lot, and they were all starting to pull out and leave. I put two and two together and realized that school was canceled that day. BK breakfast for everybody!

Driving in the wind was one of the most frightening things I have ever done. Billboards had lost their signs and tons of big debris flying all over. White knuckles the whole way. We went to a Burger King attached to a gas station (the one closer to us had no power either, which I found out after I got the kids out of the car and through the door of the place. grrrr). We had a nice, leisurely breakfast of french toast sticks, one of the best breakfast inventions ever. When we were finally done, I took a deep breath and braved the wind one more time to go home. Our house was pretty cold without power, especially because the power went off just before the heater was supposed to come on in the morning and heat the house back up to its day time temperature. Couldn't it have just waited a half hour to go out? I mean really? I tried to think of what we could do to waste some time and keep warm and came up with the idea to put up the tent in the living room. The kids would love it and hopefully it would consolidate heat inside the tent and keep us warmer a little longer. I called our friend Livia and invited her and Aspen to come over for our "camping trip". I wanted to make sure they had somewhere warm to be, but really, I just needed a sane adult to be with me to keep me calm. I had a very hard time handling the storm. I kept envisioning the huge trees in our back yard falling over or breaking the power lines that run through them. Part of our fence was already down, and some of our shingles had blown off. I was sure those trees were going to come down next and it really scared me. It also didn't help that we could hear the wind really well inside our house because our windows are a joke. They are so bad that the curtains were moving because the wind was coming through them. I was really frazzled. Livia and Aspen coming was such a blessing. (Sorry for being terrible company, Livia.)

On the plus side, the tent idea worked. It was noticeably warmer inside the tent and the kids had a ball. Also the wind started to die down not long after our guests arrived. We talked and kept the kids happy with cereal until it was time for Livia and Aspen to go. After they left, I realized that the house was just too cold to stay in any longer. Lucky for us, a friend invited us to her sister's house that had power. I braved driving again, which really wasn't bad but I was a basket case at this point. The kids played with all of the other kids there and had a great time. I just sat in a chair with my coat on the whole time and didn't talk much. I was totally checked out mentally, plus I felt like I was never going to get warm again. I tried to keep conversation going with my friend Sharice, but I just couldn't focus. After Sharice asked me if I was okay, I decided I needed to calm down and relax. I don't think I was able to really relax until I climbed into bed at my brother's house that night. I felt embarrassed about how much the storm affected me. Once I heard how bad the wind really was (hurricane levels), I didn't feel as embarrassed.

I figured there was no school the next day. I thought our power was still out and Davis county's schools were closed, so Ogden should be too. I was wrong. We had power and they had school that day. Funny how the day of the storm I did everything I could to get Beckett to school, and then end up missing the day that he did have it. Oh well. We enjoyed our free day just the same, and were very relieved to find no more damage had been done than the bit of fence that was down and some shingles that were on the ground instead of on our roof.

I was surprised how the kids weren't bothered by the storm, not even Beckett was upset after some pep talk. It has made me think about the scripture about becoming as a little child. Here they were in an unpleasant situation, even scary, but they were happy and not worried, because they were with Mom. They didn't whine about how unfair it was that this was happening to them. They didn't wish it away. They didn't even complain about it (I am sure playing in the tent had to do with that). They just knew that everything was fine. They had faith that I would protect them, that they would be safe no matter what. It sheds a new light on how I handled that day. I spent the day praying in my mind that those trees wouldn't come down and that our house would be protected, but never felt like it was enough. I just needed to keep praying about it, as if he couldn't hear me over all of the other people praying for the exact same thing that day. Shouldn't one sincere prayer be enough? Shouldn't I have prayed and then trusted or had faith in Heavenly Father that it was going to be okay? Even if we did loose our roof or one of those trees did come down, wouldn't Heavenly Father have taken care of us? And this goes for other problems that come up in life. I find myself having pity parties and "Woe is me" moments all the time. I guess I need to take this lesson from my kids and just trust that everything is fine. No matter what storms blow around me, I will be fine, as long as I am with my Heavenly Father.

More catching up to do

Beckett is a budding photographer

I mostly caught you all up last time on what happened in July. Now for August. Not a whole lot happened during that month except that Beckett had 6 root canals and 2 cavities filled; we put our house up for sale; Matt almost was out of work, but then wasn't; I started counseling; and my sister's dog was diagnosed with cancer and had to have her tail cut off. Wow, I guess that was a pretty packed month.

Yes, Beckett had 6 root canals done plus 2 cavities filled. Zero fun (except for my wonderful Aunt Karen coming to help me out with the whole ordeal. She is always a barrel of fun). At the end of June, Beckett started to complain about one of his molars hurting him. I thought it was just one tooth that need a little bit of drilling and filling. I was so wrong. We went to the dentist in July (yes, it took an entire month to get him into the dentists, this is my only complaint with the office though). First off, Beckett wouldn't sit in the chair. Then the dentist had him sit on my lap, facing me with his legs wrapped around me. Then we leaned him back and had his head resting on the dentist's lap while the dentist tried to look in his mouth as best he could. The report was bad. He told me Beckett would have to have 1 tooth removed and 1 root canal and a couple of cavities filled, but they weren't sure how bad it was until they had him under anesthesia and could get a really good look and some X-rays. Can I just say I felt like the worst mom ever just then. Felt like the biggest failure of a mother.

Anyways, we came back the first week of August for the work to be done. He wasn't allowed to eat for 6 hours prior to the procedure. Lucky for me, it was a Tuesday which meant we would go to the library in the middle of those six hours and that would eat up 2 hours of that time (pun intended) and Beckett wouldn't even think of eating during that time. Then I knew we had a half hour drive to my brother's house to drop off Belle, and then another 45 min. drive to the dentists. It was not easy towards the end. He really wanted something to eat and drink, but thank goodness it wasn't too difficult to distract him.

As stated before, my wonderful Aunt came down from Idaho Falls to help me with Beckett's procedure. She is an Oral Surgeon Assistant and knows how handle stuff like that. I also wanted her there to help me handle seeing Beckett unconscious. I was very worried about that. Especially because Matt wouldn't be able to get off work to be with me. I kept imagining him with a mask over his little mouth and nose, seeing the panic on his face, screaming and fighting to get it off until he would finally relax and just go to sleep (it also didn't help that I knew of someone that died while under anesthesia). Luckily for me, that isn't how it went down at all. The anesthesiologist came out and told me they were going to have him sit on my lap while they distracted him, so he could give him a shot, and then they could take him back to work on his mouth. It really wasn't too bad. They did exactly that and I was very impressed. They brought out a treasure box and had Beckett look through it for a prize and while he was looking, the anesthesiologist pinched his arm and very cleverly concealed the shot in his other hand so Beckett couldn't see it. Then he just stuck him and Beckett gave a little cry, but then he quickly started to slow down. I held him and rocked and told him to relax and in like 3 minutes, he was out, totally catatonic with his eyes wide open. I'm not going to lie, it was very creepy. Then they came and took him away.

We were in there for about an hour when they came out and told me how bad his mouth was and what all they needed to do (6 root canals and 2 cavities in case you forgot). Man, did I feel even worse than before. Not that the dentists ever said anything to make me feel that way, I just did it to myself. They were awesome dentists. I highly recommend them. Then I had to sit for another 1/2 hour, guilt-tripping myself, while they finished up. When it was over, they had my aunt and I go into the back where they had a room just for patients to sleep off the anesthesia. Beckett was out cold on a giant love sac with a nice warm blanket on him and his finger hooked up to a monitor. They had a nice couch for us to sit on and Nemo was playing on the TV in the room as well. My first thought was, "Why couldn't we have sat in here the whole time? This would have made the waiting so much easier then on those hard, crappy chairs in the waiting room." Then I thought how sad my little guy looked.

While we were waiting for him to wake up, my aunt noticed his oxygen levels going down, so she started to rub his leg to rouse him enough to take a good, deep breath. Unfortunately it roused him too much and he woke up, totally disoriented and completely confused as to why his mouth felt so funny. He was crying and I couldn't console him. He just wasn't with it enough to understand where he was and that I was holding him and he was okay. We tried to give him an otter pop to make sure his stomach was good, but he refused to eat it. The dentists told us we were good to go after about 10 min. of his screaming. I'm sure it was for the benefit of his other patients that they wanted us to leave. I was hoping he would fall back asleep in the car, but he didn't. He just cried the whole way to my brother's house to pick up Anabelle. On our way home, we stopped at a Smith's and got him some jello squares that he promptly devoured. After that he was good. He was a little cranky, but nothing too out of the ordinary given the situation.

Yes, our house is up for sale officially. We had it listed "For Sale by Owner" for a few months, but the only people that called us were real estate people wanting us to use them as our agent, so we decided it was about time we actually take one of them up on their offer since no one else wanted to look at our home. We have shown the house two times and one of them sounds really interested. Matt is really excited to sell the house and hopefully rent until we can get rid of some of our debt. I want that too, but I really don't want to leave our house. I love our house. I might not love our neighborhood, but I love our house. I know I am going to cry when we sell it and move out. But, this is part of life isn't it?

The whole thing with Matt's job is really complicated. I have already made this post long enough, so I will try to sum it up best I can. When Matt went out to Omaha at the beginning of July for a job interview, he pretty much told his bosses that he was leaving as soon as he found a job out in Nebraska. They had a replacement found for him in two weeks. Matt trained him for about a month and then he would be done by the end of August. I was a little worried, but then two employees, including Matt's replacement quit, so they almost begged Matt to stay through September. So it all worked out, and I was able to breath a sigh of relief. It has continued to work out good in that they gave Matt a raise in September and he is planning to stay until the end of the year, possibly longer, depending on employment situations out in Omaha. So the next year is a little blurry, but that is okay. We have a general idea of what we want to have happen, but it is constantly changing. Don't be surprised if we get on here and tell you something completely different.

I am still working on getting my depression under control. I started counseling in August and I love my counselor. She is awesome. I have learned a lot and am forced to take time for myself each week. It is hard for me to ask someone to watch my kids while I go and just do something fun, but I am trying to do it. It does make a big difference when I do manage to steal away. I highly recommend it to any mom that isn't already doing it. I don't recommend going to a store. I spent way too much at Shopko last week. Retail therapy is not the way to go.





 

Finally we come to my sister's dog. My sister's dog's name is Satin. She is a black lab that was born about two months before Matt and I got married, so she is 6 years old. She is such a good dog. She just loves kids (especially mine ;-)) and is so good with them. She lets Anabelle just lay on her all the time. We have always had to tell Belle to be soft with the dog, not the other way around. Anyways, half way through August, my sister discovered a lump on Satin's tail. She took her into the vet and found out she had cancer and that they would have to remove her tail, and there was a good chance she might die. We all love Satin and so it was hard on everybody. She is like one of the family. Luckily it hadn't spread, and they were able to remove all the cancer with her tail. She looked pretty sad with a little nub  coming off her shaved rear-end, but now that her hair has grown in, it looks like those dogs that have their tails cut off on purpose, only a little bit shorter. Beckett and Anabelle were kind of affected by seeing Satin with no tail and stitches. Beckett started pretending he was a dog before it happened, and after he saw her tail, when he was pretending to be a dog, he would turn around and say, "Look. My tail is gone. It got cut off." It was cute and sad at the same time. There is still a chance that more cancer will show up later, but we are hoping that it isn't until she is much older.

That is August and I will work on September soon and get you all caught up to speed.

Attention everyone

I have the next fad diet. It is the Prozac diet. I have lost a pound a week since the start of the summer and 3 inches total off my body with not having to do much exercise. Not bad. The only down side is you have to have depression before you can start the diet. So sorry all you perfectly happy people, you can't do this one. Guess you will just have to do one of those other diets.