FAMILY, PARENTS AND CHILDREN (Part 2/2) by Matsyavatara dasa (Marco Ferrini)

Nowadays, most of people hardly consider family as a sacred entity but rather as a kind of limited liability company that can be broken up at anytime on the basis of an economical agreement. Abortion, betrayal and divorce as a result of a free and irresponsible sexual behavior, has become an ordinary practice. By dreaming of such an illusory freedom, this idea of moral degradation is mistaken for emancipation. Parents work hard to provide for the increasing pseudo demands required by a consumerist culture. On the other hand it is a negative attitude for the youngsters, who suffer the lack of education and the lack of a leading example from parents. Children education is always more often delegated to strangers and to the media. According to the traditional Indovedic culture, the family (griha) is one of the four evolving stages of human path towards liberation, with the final aim to offer affection, protection and education to its members. The traditional family used to be a solid institution because it was built on the strong ethical and spiritual principles. The family members included grandparents, parents, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, cousins. Responsibilities and roles were well defined and used to be learnt since childhood. Social values included respect for civil laws, respect for the elderly, for the sages and love for God. The Creator, the world and all creatures, human and not human - all had the right to exist in their own earthly and cosmic dimension.

In a family only the parents had the decisive role to raise the kids. Teaching is efficient in relation to the strength of the model. Only highly-civilized parents, at the same time strong and loving, loyal to everybody, correct and generous, would be able to inspire their kids to behave in the same way.

At the time of Indovedic civilization, young people used to attend the guru school until the age of maturity. At school they used to be educated to a spiritual life by accepting family responsibilities. They were encouraged not to get married until recognition of their spiritual, social and ethical maturity by the guru, which was essential in order to begin a family life successfully. It was highly recommended not to take the role of a parent if a person resulted unable to facilitate spiritual and human progress of the children, and by means of complex liturgies, to facilitate the post-mortem journey of the elderly people in the family, by helping them towards a final liberation.

In a traditional family the father is the social-spiritual guide, he teaches with the example, he provides for the needs of the family members and protects them from any danger; he educates the kids and helps them to choose the spiritual master who will give them initiation (diksha guru) and who will gradually guide them towards their divine and luminous nature and their relation to God. A woman is brought up since early age to develop the virtues to succeed in the family life, cultivating qualities like: kindness, welcome approach, patience, faith, loving cooperation with the husband, children care and care for the guests and the household. A wife, besides being a generous and loving mother with her own children, is an indispensable teacher and the most intimate assistant to her husband too. Therefore she is loved and respected as a queen (Rig-Veda X.85, 20-47) by all the family members. On the other hand, husband is educated to take care of his wife by providing all she needs according to one’s possibilities, but most of all by helping the spouse in her spiritual growth, teaching with his own example. According to the Vedic tradition wife is treated as the better half of the husband’s personality and she knows that she cannot reach liberation (moksha) without fulfilling her duties to him and the family. A husband is aware not be able to evolve unless he takes care, from a human and spiritual point of view, of his family which depends on him. Job, prayers, food, relationships, weddings, birth and death rituals, the whole family life is seen as a series of activities aimed at a spiritual consciousness purification and development, until man can achieve the pure feeling of love and devotion to God (bhakti-yoga). In this traditional context the home is like a temple and the family is like a community permeated by spirituality: it is a tribute to devotion where man rejoices in serving and praying God; it is a place to lead a pure, simple and holy existence. Children’s education becomes the main purpose of parents so that the kids as adults would be able to organize their life successfully. Nothing is left by chance: delivering and raising of children is regulated by religious rites (samskara) with the aim to sanctify the path of their existence. In the Sanskrit language “son” is called putra, which means ‘the saver who redeems the consequences of failure’ (literally the word pu means hell). A parent who spends energies for the spiritual education of the children will gain as many rewards as those obtained by people who made every kind of sacrifice (yajna), austerities (tapas), pilgrimages (dharma, tirtha), donations (dhana) and study of the Veda (svadhyaya). A great sage who lived in India 2.300 years ago, Canakya Pandita, in his famous work about ethical behavior (Niti-shastra) taught that children have to be treated sweetly until the age of five, have to be taken care of firmly until the age of fifteen and treated as friends for the rest of their life. By speaking reproachfully to the kids in their late teens, if they did not receive a proper education and did not develop a sufficient awareness of their responsibilities, of the esteem and affection towards the parents, such behavior would make them enemies. The sage Canakya said that to have kids with no devotion for God and who do not study the sacred science, it is like having blind eyes, worthless accessories that cause only pain.

In our days social conditions have got worse so much that many people fear to create a new family; they do not trust one another and worry for the future; they fear betrayals, challenges and wrongdoings from the family members, they worry for a tormented life. However, considering the huge and objective difficulties that, nowadays more than ever, people have to face when starting a family, the one who is not willing to give up dreaming to become husband or wife, father or mother, should know that, in the modern society a constructive alternative to family life has not been created yet. All the attempts to try a different approach turned out like painful failures. If the family as it appears today does not look reliable, if husband and wife do not trust one another, if the parents and kids look at each other with suspicion, what to do then?

As human beings we suffer from our limits, but we ought not to forget our divine matrix, it is better to ask for the Lord's mercy and follow the path of spiritual progress so as to destroy unconscious conditionings, for the harmonization of our personality and the elevation of our consciousness, in order to improve the relationship with ourselves and with the others, the perception and visualization of superior levels of reality. With an enlightened consciousness it is so possible to organize the family and social life without phobia, anxiety, gradually structuring habits and human relations according to the model of universal values given by the sages of all times.

About procreation

Before making a decision on whether to give birth to a child, it would be necessary to check a series of preconditions from a physiological point of view; good health condition and age are important. By consulting a gynecologist the parent will receive all the necessary information.

Physical fitness is very important, but even more important are: tendencies, inclinations, emotions that build a good, steady and harmonious character, with qualities that inspire trustfulness and serenity. With opposite psychological conditions, consequences would be unexpected.

Far more important than a psychological state is the genuine vocation to motherhood, that means: self-abnegation, hospitality, carefulness for the others, inclination to assist, to feed, to cure, to teach, to correct, to provide for the ordinary needs knowing that this commitment will last at least thirty years for every child, a time long enough to spend with serenity, joy, dedication, perseverance and sense of responsibility.

A specific background is required for pregnancy. The house is the container, the family is the institution, the economical tools are the necessary resources, but nothing of this, although indispensable, is itself sufficient. The feeling of love is an essential quality that each parent should convey to the child.

A constant attention is required for the children, an intense desire to take care, to give affection, to sacrifice oneself for a superior wellness. If mother or father has no vocation to become so, it will affect the role of being a parent and it will be a psychological disadvantage for the child.

As the Scriptures teach and as life experience points out, becoming a parent means to accept responsibilities which require an adequate preparation so as to enlighten a trustful vocation without being conditioned by social pressure.

FAMILY, PARENTS AND CHILDREN (Part 1/2) by Matsyavatara dasa (Marco Ferrini)

We are living in a particular age of rapid social and cultural changes and it is our responsibility to ask ourself whether and how delicate and essential family relationships between parents and children can endure, without missing the meaning and purpose of a basic relationship, for the sake of every person and for a human and spiritual development.

Nowadays, there are parents and children whose family structure is poor of ethical and spiritual values. Therefore we risk to sink in a ‘no land man’ with uncertain boundaries, with feelings, roles and attitudes that need to be arranged and experimented by paying a high price for human, individual and collective damages.

The influence of a hedonistic-consumerist culture, has progressively diverted the attention of the majority of people from a spiritual oriented path to a pseudo-value alternative which has deeply transformed and distorted people and family concepts.

Technology has given a strong support to science in many fields, but it has not been able to develop a similar ethical model in order to solve all those problems that new technological developments have dramatically and urgently made us to face with. Some of the problems are: a low supply of energetic and nutritious ailments, uncertainty about the use of nuclear power, finance and economy, genetic contamination. Because of old and new tensions and because of the impoverishment of a religious spirit, a wide degenerated ethical behavior has spread all around.

All this has contributed to afflict the traditional relations within a family household, in particular between husband and wife, between parents and children. By taking into account modern changes, family rights have been revised. We can think, for example, of single mothers’ rights, most of whom are very young ladies. We can also think of the increased number of abortions, or of the million drug, smoking and alcoholism addiction victims. Another clear sign of sorrow is the kid’s sufferance because of divorced parents and others who suffer from family violence. In this crazy world, the first victims are children, who are always more affected by character disturbances.

By reading these facts carefully, we cannot avoid to notice the lack of ethical and spiritual values which has been the cause of its development, neither can we avoid to notice that the family has lost the motivation of its well-being: the purpose of transcendental living. Nowadays more than ever, religion has become a formality and we call God only to demand a social wellness which has become the sole purpose of life. With such low morality, parents and children, even husbands and wives, very often show egoistic interests which contrast the spirit of the family. Therefore most of them live together for convenience, sharing an empty relationship with no sacred meaning and without a superior love. When one of the two parents, in fact, does not gain anything in return, very soon one shows weariness, lack of spirit of sacrifice and without thinking and with no regret leaves the family.

A DAY DEDICATED TO LOVE. By Matsyavatara dasa (Marco Ferrini)

March 18th 2011,

the day before Shri Gaura Purnima

Ponsacco, PI

Dear fellow devotees, please accept my obeisances; all praises and glories to Shrila Prabhupada and to Shri Shri Gaura Nitai! Shri Gaura Purnima, ki jay! He Krishna! He Govinda! He Gopala! Param vijayate Shri Krishna Sankirtanam! I'd like to share with you the rasa with which I hope we can spend the time tomorrow, celebrating the sacred recurrence of Shri Caitanya Deva's birth in this world.

I wish we could celebrate Gaura Purnima dipped in God’s Love, praying the merciful Lord by an uninterrupted invocation of His sacred Nouns, in order to give Him the chance of purifying us from all contaminations. Even though there are great faults in our personality which trouble our spiritual life, you have to know that the day of tomorrow is so powerful - thanks to Shri Caitanya Deva’s mercy - that, if we devote ourselves to Nama-yajna with a sincere longing for freeing and for purifying ourselves from all material desires, in a short time we can make great improvements on the way towards real Happiness and real Love. From mangala arati until evening we will devote ourselves to chanting japa, to singing bhajans, to reading from the Scriptures, meditating on episodes of Shri Caitanya’s life, in order to get dipped in His spiritual qualities, relying for our salvation on that extremely powerful strength - God’s love - which has become human through the divine figure of Shri Caitanya himself. May the Divine Name resound in our minds, straight into the deepness of the soul, and may we appeal to the unconditioned mercy of Shri Caitanya, begging sincerely with mind, body, intellect and soul to take part in His Love. As Shri Caitanya is God’s Love himself in its highest expression of pitifulness and mercy, for all of us the day of tomorrow could be an unforgettable day, if we dedicate it to that divine Love which can allow us to turn towards the right, constructive, virtuous and spiritual direction all our energies, our wishes and affection, in order to turn them to clear, flowing water that nourishes and gives life, instead of keeping them as foul stuff that taints with the conditionings, the claims and the greediness of the ego. The day of tomorrow should be spent merged in the invocation of God’s glories, in order to go back to our original purity, to that Happiness and Love which are already inside ourselves, but which in daily life are hardly able to show themselves and for which we feel an undescribable longing. Shri Caitanya Deva, ki jaya! Shri Gaura Purnima, ki jaya! Hoping you can be with us tomorrow at Bhakti Bhavan to celebrate Shri Caitanya Deva, with love!

Being or becoming conscious of God. By Matsyavatara dasa (Marco Ferrini)

24th march 2011

Morning class at Bhaktivedanta ashrama,

Perignano (PI)

In the conditioned state it is a difficult undertaking to be Krishna conscious, due to the heavy and uninterrupted conditionings we are subject to. A thought which has helped me many times and which I offer you, hoping it will help you too, is the one which leads you to concentrate your attention non only on being, but on becoming Krishna conscious. The idea as well as the wish of “becoming” it, has an enormous power, extraordinarily greater and stronger than the one of “being”. Indeed, “becoming” points out a dynamic movement, it implies that you have to apply yourself to a task with devotion and clear orientation. While the idea of “being” is static, the one of “becoming” includes the awareness of the need of one’s application and engagement to reach what we know is the result of a daily achievement. To become Krishna conscious means thus uninterrupted devotion and engagement, considering that at the moment our consciousness is conditioned. We live neither inside a bell-glass which protects us from every contamination, nor in a state of definitely and irrevocably obtained bliss. In the most blissful moments we can taste states of happiness which follow one another, but each of these is the result of an uninterrupted work on ourselves to renew in every moment our connection to God. Unfortunately we are not Krishna conscious, but thanks to His unconditioned mercy, we are trying to become it. I think that the following image could be of some inspiration: let’s think about ourselves as on the way, marching towards perfection, towards spiritual realization, liberation and, beyond that, towards bhakti. As we live states of consciousness which are still subject to conditioning, we should always keep a good watch on ourselves, pointing straight towards the goal. We haven’t yet reached our destination, so anything but resting or taking our attention off: it can take just a moment to be heavily off road. For us it’s essential to have a constant sadhana, an uninterrupted discipline, abhyasa. The mood we have when we know we have to conquer something is much more stimulating and productive than the thought that we already achieved a goal and just have to maintain it. To tell the truth, to maintain an achievement is very difficult, because the idea of having already achieved the goal leads you to a condition of mental steadiness and makes the task even harder. As it is difficult to keep the balance on a stationary bike, similarly it is difficult to maintain personal balance or the achieved spiritual goal if our interior life is not dynamic. Only if you pedal you can win the trend of losing the balance, and even more: you can restore the balance by pedalling. This uninterrupted movement and acting in view of the goal is essential and exactly in this lies the sadhana carried on unceasingly, abhyasa. For the mentioned reasons, maintaining oneself Krishna conscious is much more difficult than becoming it. Becoming conscious of God doesn’t imply in this case greed for contaminating material objects. Having the wish of becoming God conscious means acting to escape from the snare of the gunas and it is the most beautiful and the biggest discovery we can make: it’s the discovery of our divine nature. In the ordinary state of embodied life our consciousness is dominated by two basic impulses: sexuality and aggressiveness, which are functional to the survival of the species. The reconquest of a divine consciousness, which exceeds the limits of the ordinary, conditioned one, is the result of an uninterrupted effort, undertaken deliberately thanks to an aware and strong will which, blessed by Divine Grace, can lead us where we always long to be and stay. I wished to offer you this reflection in an attitude of spiritual friendship; as during time, always with a renewed consciousness, it has been helpful to me, I hope it will be for you, too. All that is true, that concerns spiritual reality, blossoms again and again as in spring, bringing renewed vision, faith and enthusiasm and stimulating an always greater effort in order to reach the goal”.

Marriage and Family (Part 2/2). Lecture by Matsya Avatar dasa (Marco Ferrini), dated May 13th, 2008

Unfortunately it is proved by several clinic experiences that ideals and values are often neglected in pathological and psychopathic families. A bossy father, for example, may block the evolution of a child for decades because of a violent leadership, likewise an irresponsible parent who wastes time fooling around may induce such negative attitude in the children, producing ill effects, which require efforts, time and suffering to be eradicated.

A preliminary, accurate education is essential before even thinking of making a family. Nowadays marriage and divorce are easy targets, but this is not a reason to think it harmless. It shows instead the sign of a degrading society. Although we can appreciate the good sides of modern society, it is also important to see the wrong doings, the stains, the incongruities, the paradox, the abuses: like considering abortion a civil right which is not, as the child is not given the right to live.

A proper education is required to get married and live marriage as a real success, lasting through time and in harmony, favouring the evolution of our own and others’ personality. A woman should be given the right education to become a wife and a mother, the same as a man to become a responsible husband able to fulfil his role, giving shelter to his wife and children. Nowadays there are no schools to teach this job, or at least they are very rare. There is a lack of culture on this topic and there are no models or living examples to inspire a correct way of thinking, acting and caring for our affectionate relationships; again, such models are very rare to find.

Once again, marriage is not about choosing a man or a woman; it is the choice of a husband or wife in order to build a family. Marriage implies procreation and procreation implies education, being aware of the psycho-spiritual laws which rule the world and the life of each human being. Education means loving continuously, caring for the children, helping them to achieve positive and developing results, so that in the future they will also contribute to spread a message of Light and Love.

Parents should never act without love, without the wish to correct and lead towards perfection. A smack given in a state of passion is highly destructive and those who are abused violently will not be able to become good parents in the future.

Children are a vital part of marriage; getting married with no intention to have children is not recommended. Canakya Pandita explained that a marriage without children is like a desert. Children are of vital importance to strengthen the union of a couple for a noble cause, that is giving education and values to the children. In so doing, the need of love and to be loved is brought to a higher level than that of a mere sensual and passionate attraction. If it is not overcome and sublimated to reach a deeper feeling, it will become otherwise the cause of anxiety, contrasts and unbalance in the relationship. A mother who holds a baby to her breast, may completely satisfy her need for affection in a constructive and evolving way; this works also for a father who takes care of his children, trying to give protection, shelter and affection to the whole family.

The education to provide for the children ought to give them protection in life against dishonest tricks, and most of all favour their ethic and spiritual evolution. In any case the greatest way to teach is not by verbal speech but by personal example. It is not necessary for the children to know in theory their parents’ lessons, rather they need to see them applied in life. A real parent is not only the physical parent, but also the producer of his conscience: his duty is to inspire, educate, give shelter.

Rishabhadeva explains to his children: do not become a father, a mother or a spiritual master if you are not able to release your family from the suffering of conditioned life. We cannot force our will on others, but we can offer a model to be proud of. A family certainly requires an economic plan to satisfy its material needs: they are not the only, nor the most important ones, yet they cannot be ignored. If one is single, he or she may take care of oneself without any further obligation to society, but a person who has a family and children cannot follow the same logic. It is also important to consider that people who lived on their own for a long time, are not easily willing to accept a different kind of mentality.

In order to understand if we are really fit for one another it is suggested to verify it for a few years, not as a married couple, but within a period of time, long enough to make a test. There is a fundamental realization of the substantial difference between complementary and elective affinities.

The spouse is not just a shoulder to hang on to or a rescue remedy to loneliness, and of course it is neither a casual friend, one among a number of friendships. It is a person to share a life with, based on a serious and deep union consisting of noble values. Today society promotes an irresponsible way to create couples and family relationships, which kind of society will then be there for our children in the future? Which kind of world will it be? They praise the principle of sense gratification and meanwhile they paralyse true justice and freedom. Abuses and disruptive activities are made legal, but what is said to be legal is not necessarily right. If you meet someone who could become your possible partner, learn to study and observe that person accurately, and most of all try to imagine him or her as the father or mother of your children. Do you see this person: active, protective, responsible, able to give good lessons and teach well, most of all with good examples? Do you think that with the help of this person you could face life crisis, such as: economic difficulties or health problems, or you consider him or her not to be ready, not well aware, with the tendency to avoid responsibilities rather than handling them with courage and maturity? Learn to be well aware of the difficulties originating from an authoritative partner, a despotic father or a jealous spouse who sees competitors and danger everywhere. Younger couples are likely to face some dangers, but developing a certain level of maturity is required to divert dangerous situations without becoming paranoid. Women and men who live with uncertain moral principles or with a low level of responsibility have to modify such attitudes and personality features trying to improve ahead of time, not just once the decision of getting married is already made.

A family education program should include these considerations, and many more to be made with a more accurate analysis.

Family could become a good instrument for evolution, but it needs to be based on healthy principles, in relation to the deeper and more spiritual instances of the human being, beside ordinary daily necessities. If a person is not interested in evolution, has no transcendental aims, he or she may of course satisfy any private ambition, change partner every six months and fulfil personal goals in life which temporarily satisfy the ego, but do keep in mind that the number of people who commit suicide is increasing out of proportion, precisely among those who develop that type of mentality.

The battles we win for our and others’ real wellness give us strength, self-confidence, deep and long lasting satisfaction, we do not gain anything if we give them up for selfish purposes. We ought to trust high values and stick to them in order to overcome any difficulties. By surrendering to our own and others’ weaknesses, we give credit to an ill belief: “I cannot do it ….. I am worthless” and, following such bad forecast, disastrous prophesies will come true.

Making a family is not compulsory, to be a father or a mother is not a must for evolution; a person may have made such an experience in previous lives and may have reached a level of awareness so as to adjust life and grow up without the need to fulfil that kind of social duty. For those who decide to make a family, it is important to take onto themselves this responsibility and keep well in mind the purpose of a family, which actually is ending the need for a family.

The target is to release ourselves from attachments and exterior needs, to develop affectionate and spiritual autonomy, therefore husband and wife ought to help one another for the sake of their union, on the grounds of gratitude and mutual self-esteem, rather than on an emotional and psychological dependence.

The aim is not to repress love, rather to elevate our ability to love and be loved, stretching it progressively so as to become universal. In fact the necessity to exchange fulfilling affection and feelings is not granted by marriage, it will depend on our ability to transfer and live love on an even higher and more conscious level. A family is to be consumed and I say it with no lack of respect, nor with the intention to downgrade the institution of the family in itself; I mean that its function is to bring to full maturity and realization, as though it were a real sacrifice, developing wisdom, wellness and benefits to all family members.

Beware of the damages caused by betrayal and unfaithfulness: these light up the fire of passion and increase the attachment to new partners and fantasies, acting as an impediment to the spiritual and ethical ascent, and their influence is even worse on the children’s welfare.

The wish to make a family – with the right motivations – is a noble desire, it is a responsible choice, the same as the path of renunciation, whose practise also requires to take responsibilities, in order to mature and be able to give and receive affection and love. The path of renunciation does not mean giving up love, on the contrary: such choice implies learning to love everybody, being aware that each human being has a common spiritual root.

In conclusion, looking back on history: before the last two or three generations there was never a time without worthy models for humanity to aim at: the hero, the mystic, the gentleman, etc. On the contrary they now try to wipe away any noble, moral principle: we are living the era of the self-made man, the man who can make up for his own living and then becomes drug-addict, depressed, restless because of conflicts, lack of self-esteem and dissatisfactions, which can even lead to suicide. Who is the icon of the television media? The soccer player, the showgirl, the successful singer, the money-faced fashion designer who can no longer live without drinking or sexual perversions. Unfortunately young people are clutched by those false stereotypes whose lives seem easy, but how much suffering, self-commiseration and desperation is hidden behind those lives! The outlook is a cheater. True success is made of continuous and serious efforts for the achievement of positive and evolving purposes. Those who live this level of consciousness remain active, productive and creative even as years go by. In history there are outstanding examples of people such as Goethe, who wrote the Faust in his eighties, or Jung, who in his late years composed his biography “Remembrance, Dreams and Reflections”; or other wise men and Masters like Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada, who in the late years of their life accomplished wonderful projects for the benefit of humanity. To be young or old does not depend on the date of birth: it depends on our life-style, on our priorities, on the quality of our motivations and the dedication we apply to the pursuit of our targets. If we live to develop Wisdom and Love, we get younger with the time passing by.

Every one has to ponder on the nature and purpose of marriage and on their personal choice of social status, observing one’s own attitudes and tendencies, because what is good for one person may result ill or even damaging for another person. Both choices, either to get married or not, are worthy; it is up to us which path to follow, and live it with consistency.

Marriage and Family (Part 1/2). Lecture by Matsya Avatar dasa (Marco Ferrini), dated May 13th, 2008

Family, marriage, children represent inseparable elements which compose a complex situation, and their dissociation is the cause of heavy mistakes, bearing discomfort and suffering as a consequence. Our intention is to explain this complexity according to the Shastra: Indovedic psychological thinking and philosophy texts, in relation to the teachings of Masters who have lived and realized the principles of Tradition, yet considering the cultural, social and psychological contaminations of our degraded era. It is not easy to release from the pressure they exert on all aspects of our daily life, they strengthen antic tendencies and bad habits that we assumed in the pursue of wrong doings to ourselves or others.

Those who wish to get married ought to consider well some decisive features, the most important one being the level of responsibility of the person we choose as partner; indeed such responsibility is not to be measured in words, but most of all in facts, observing the deeds and the personal history of the subject. The level and the quality of responsibility that we are allowed to take and maintain in course of time are of vital importance for a successful marriage.

Marriage means children and bringing up children implies education, therefore a long, complex and absorbing commitment, which nowadays means at least thirty years of constant care and assistance. Making decisions on impulse, resulting from not sufficiently elaborated passions, and indulging in the wrong attitude to accept or deny the husband or wife without a proper preliminary evaluation, does not appeal to the mentality of those who wish to live in wellness, which necessarily means “well-being”.

Faithfulness is not a secondary quality required in marriage, it is the first priority for both, the man and the woman. It is a life choice.

Although there are cases of men and women who separate and get married to another person, this should not be a common phenomenon, as it unfortunately occurs nowadays. It rather ought to happen occasionally, an exception based on strong motivations, not depending on a superficial attitude, weakness, vulnerability or fragile love, or due to a wrong process of evaluation and choice of the spouse. If the mind is not trained to make a deep analysis and is carried away by impulses that rebel to the conscience, it will endure in the mistake to switch from one object of desire to the next and then yet another.

Those who show such tendencies and features, lack the sufficient maturity to start a married life.

Chastity is an essential value in marriage, it is a duty for both wife and husband, although there are people who laugh at it because they believe the sensorial dimension to be the only one that matters. Nowadays many believe that those who practise chastity suffer from inhibition or brain-washing. Who is forced to brain-washing? Those who believe that life is limited to the expression of the senses and say: “enjoy it all while you can”, or those who spend life working on their own development as persons on the physical, psychological and spiritual level? Those who choose the latter engage in a discipline which neither represses nor denies the satisfaction of primary desires by intimidation, but turns them into higher emotions and activities as a natural process, an evolution step by step.

Loving is a need to be fulfilled indeed, the same as the need to love and be loved, but in order to satisfy its demand it is necessary to understand the best, appropriate and beneficial approach. Talking about a life-style without loving and love, sounds like terrorism made to kill the core of the person; it would be a threat, as though being forced to a diet without the supply of food. Exchanging love is an essential psychological process, likewise loving is a natural Spiritual propensity. Success in love depends on the authentic meaning of Love, on the conscious belief that it cannot be separated from the cosmo-ethical Order which controls the life of all creatures: the psychological, reciprocating law which connects our every action to its corresponding influence on our conscience, by which whatever we do to others is given in return, either good or bad, because our subconscious acts as a big and infallible receptive instrument – it records each of our physical and mental movement. For this reason the Upanishad recites: if you act badly you will turn to evil, likewise if you act well you will turn to goodness.

If you live your affectionate relations and feelings in a foolish way, first of all you damage yourself and as a consequence others, because the concepts of faithfulness, loyalty and love are ruined in yours and others’ eyes. Children brought up in an unhealthy household become the victims of confusion, unstable feelings and lack of loving; and it is well known that the damage may even grow and get always bigger. A family should not be a casual association, a way to cover up a mischief such as an unexpected pregnancy or simply an escape from the fear of not wanting to be alone. A family is like a Mission – if that is the choice – it requires all our best energies and consistent dedication, taking marriage as an instrument to improve ourselves, to mature and develop affectionately, psychologically and spiritually. Of course the experience of a family is not a must for everyone to reach self-realization: getting married is not an obligation, it is rather a choice to be made according to one’s own inner needs and personality features. History brings the example of spiritual people with bright lives, who – having already specific understandings and experiences – were able to follow with satisfaction the path of renunciation and that way they experienced self-realization.

Everywhere in the world we witness ill ecological conditions, heavy or pathological behaviours, and even terrible mischief is treated legally. However in history there are some schools and traditions– high examples of wise thinking and spiritual wisdom – that show us noble methods to make our passage in the world a developing journey towards freedom from attachments, favouring the evolution of authentic knowledge and genuine Love. Indovedic traditional Masters of psychological and spiritual teachings not only teach concepts and healthy models of thinking, most of all they give concrete examples of developing behaviours, which can enlighten human actions in the world, in affectionate-sentimental relationships, in professional skills and in every other aspect of living.

Women in the Vedic Vaishnava Tradition. By Matsya Avatara dasa (Marco Ferrini)

The Vedic civilization describes women of high and noble character and great inner strength, the real examples for humanity (Draupadi, Kunti, Damayanti,etc.).

Even today in India there are women who play the role of spiritual guide and contribute significantly to convey the message of Tradition.
Women in the Vedic tradition play a central part of great dignity, in a sense more valuable than women in the western society, not only socially but above all from anthropological and cosmic viewpoints. 
The concept of woman's freedom emerges from the Vedic revelation - mainly from Rig Veda and Atharva Veda – one can not certainly compare it to the model asseverated from the battles of '68: considerable achievements that what's more, have remained on paper.
The artificial acceptance by women of the male social pattern aimed at overcoming the gender discrimination and lack of equal opportunities is certainly not a real solution, nor can it restore to the woman the dignity she deserves.

This dignity can be restored to the extent that women and men learn to value their unique and specific qualities, complementing one another by expressing their nature, talents and potentialities. In solidarity and harmonious cooperation aimed at raising awareness is the key to the completion and realization of both, men and women.

The goal is the rediscovery of one's inner completeness, awakening to one's spiritual origin, God, beyond all duality, beyond the temporary connotations of historical personality, with all its overpowering limitations and conditionings. The Masters of the Vaishnava Bhakti teach us to view ourselves not as men-women, either black or white, but in terms of spiritual entities.
The individuality of the human being is eternal, immutable while the personality is transient and is constituted, as Jung explains, by the sum of the psychic contents with which the individual identifies himself.

Experiences, impressions, facts and external circumstances change the personality, but not individuality.

The historic personality which we can define from autobiographical point of view is often characterized by an imbalance between Logos and Eros. Logos is quest for knowledge, analysis, clarity, rigor, is the law of intellect, the prevailing characteristic of the male character.
Eros represents the principle of hospitality, unity and connection, and is the emotional sphere associated with femininity.

Generally, the person tends to give greater emphasis to one of these aspects (male and female), focusing generally on what is reflected physically.


This polarity between the masculine and feminine sides is the main feature of the human being. The imbalance between these two poles creates a sense of incompleteness and suffering.

Throughout history cultures have mainly favored the masculine aspect compared to that feminine.

Mistaking the physical strength for the moral one, considering the rationality of intellect as superior to intuition, the most important roles in society were granted to men.

Since there is a lack of understanding that the advanced personality of every man and every woman is the result of a synergy and integration between male and female aspects, a static order has been created, producing dichotomies, involution and disharmony.
In reality nobody is exclusively male or female, as in the personality of each are included male and female characteristics, in greater or lesser extent depending on the karmic residue of experiences in this life and in previous ones. The mindset of our past lives remain in our current tendencies, talents, inclinations and innate defects.
Working at the integration of personality is essential to capture the best qualities of male and female characteristics, in order to develop them irrespective of the gender to which one belongs. The goal is recover one's original completeness.

Actually each of us is unique and eternal essence (atman), characterized by a purely spiritual individuality complete in itself. 
The embodied being, although the bearer of a body of male or female, should not identify itself neither with gender nor with other psycho-physical characteristics, being aware that they are temporary and external to its inner original nature. All these characteristics represent a mask formed as a result of experiences done and tendencies gained in the course of numerous lives.
When the individual is centered in his self, the two cerebral hemispheres - the right deputed to the imaginative activity and the left to logical and rational one – work in perfect harmony and in accordance with beneficial and powerful dynamics that are activated by compensating any deficiency and karmic imbalances. In that way all the forces that the body uses become forces of development towards holistic wellbeing, and the person becomes the best expression of health and self-realization.

In the sacred Indovedic iconography the figure of God is represented as the ultimate expression of inconceivable unity and perfect combination of masculine and feminine elements.

Similarly, a fully realized human being is the one who rediscovers this divine inner unity, according to Lao-tse, the one who “knows to be male and keeps to be female”.

Counseling based on a Bhaktivedanta approach - Interview given by Akrura Prabhu to Shriman Matsyavatara Prabhu (Part I)

Akrura Prabhu: I would like to hear of some fundamental principles that favor people’s spiritual healing.

Matsyavatara Prabhu: First of all we must distinguish between those who have already made a specific spiritual choice and those that have not done it yet and are not looking for a religious conversion, but they are interested in resolving their existential problems and finding answers and solutions to daily practical questions.

We can offer spiritual teachings to both of these categories of people, however using different approaches and modalities and in particular a different language adequate to their respective needs and interests. The common purpose of these helping relations is to favor conscience awareness of one’s deepest spiritual nature identity and favor a higher sense of living.

Akrura Prabhu: Please explain both typologies in relation to these helping relationships.

Matsyavatara Prabhu: I will begin by speaking of those that have already made a precise spiritual choice. When these individuals tell me that they have “spiritual” problems I try to convey to them that in reality there are no “spiritual problems”. Problems can arise on a physical, psychological or emotional level. Sometimes they can be on the economical, social, professional or in the religious life area, but not on the spiritual level. Instead, the solution of all these problems is indeed the acquiring of spiritual consciousness which is a vital state because it leads one to reach a superior point of view.

Crisis is constantly present in human life, however, it is the modality of our answers to crisis that makes the difference. Therefore, one of the first necessary steps is to help people to become conscious of their mental automatisms which lead to inadequate reactions to life events. A person must be helped with looking inside himself and become conscious of behavioral models used subconsciously and of the obstacles to his evolutionary path. Generally I begin this work by exploring repressed desires, trauma and fears.

Often we meet people that, in the name of spirituality lived in an immature way, have removed some aspects of their personality or dark episodes of their lives without making an effort to enlighten them with a superior conscience, thus solving the connected uneasiness and problems. Removing of such things is one of the principal causes of strong existence crisis and often they are favored by abstract pseudo-spiritualistic escapes. Uddhava Gita offers teachings in relation to this. It explains how spiritual life must provide in a way that cannot be put aside, the strict observance of sattvic principles that bring light, equilibrium and harmony in the psyche and personality in its complex. Such principles are important because they allow for a constructive satisfaction of requested and neglected needs, often removed much earlier.

Generally I ask people what they would like to do, how they would like to be, where they would like to live and with whom. These questions may appear simple and maybe trivial, however, the answers are crucial because we must be clear within ourselves and favor our spiritual journey by letting emerge those aspects of our personality on which we must intervene most urgently. For example, an uneasiness toward a job that we don’t like could arise. In this case it would be necessary to give teachings geared on how to overcome the attachment-repulsion dualism and on how to approach something that give us pain (dvesha).

Those who practice Krishna-Bhakti have many formidable instruments at their disposal to work on themselves such as Harinama japa, Meditation, Visualization, Devotional Service and Sat Sanga. The company of Bhakta, mainly those who are particularly evolved and experienced, is one of the principal “therapeutic” factors. However we must benefit from Sat-Sanga not in an abstract way, but through personal relationships lived with emphatic emotion in daily activities based on doing things together. This devotional service results in the best instrument of reciprocal knowledge, and allows for constructive, sound and extraordinary relationships which are beneficial for the evolutionary development of all.

Segments of Life: Looking at Death Under Another Prospective

By Matsya Avatara Dasa

Nowadays the great innovations of medical and scientific science can maintain patients alive, even those that in the past were given no hope to survive. These innovations can prolong the patient’s existence artificially even knowing that they will never regain acceptable health and life conditions. This situation is commonly called over-medication. The definition of cerebral death, since the end of the sixties has allowed for the development of transplant surgery. Before that time, the extraction of organs from a patient with a heartbeat was deemed a felony. Among this scientific and social debate there are ever more crucial questions. Up to which point is it right to keep alive a body that is worn out and unable to grant a minimum of dignity to the psycho-physical entity called person? What is the line that marks the decisive boundary between the unavoidable medical assistance and the over-medication?

The recent story of Eluana Englaro and other similar stories such as those of Piergiorgio Welby and Terry Schiavo, made the whole world think by highlighting the urgency of a serious thinking.

The incomparable value of freedom and of the sacredness and dignity of life and respect to all creatures should be a common patrimony in every social body regardless of its scientific or individual religious orientation. This should be true not only toward human beings but also toward every living being. Life must be protected in each of its manifestation. In the complex human, social and scientific context, it is becoming ever more important and urgent to offer information and teaching on the process of dying and also on the post-mortem phenomena in accordance to medical-scientific prospective but also in accordance to spiritual, humanistic and existential prospective. It should be done by sensibly operating with sincerity so that each person can build, without intrusion or cultural prejudices a clear vision of his will and give and explicit and clear indication through a biological testament and other useful instruments that society indicates and uses for this purpose. We can have better opportunities to self-determine our present and our future if we open ourselves to a deeper comprehension of the death phenomena by taking a distance from various taboos and from the many things removed by the collective imagination that usually hamper a mature elaboration. In fact, only by growing in consciousness we can grow in responsibility and freedom.

For this purpose who is writing has been personally taking care of those so called “incurable” patients and of those medical personnel involved with the taking care and assistance of these patients. He does this by offering instruments of reflection based on the sociological, psychological, philosophical and spiritual Hindu-Vedic tradition. This tradition can significantly extend our perception and conception of the individual and of the death event. We can understand how to extend our perception, through a continuous string of considerations intimately connected among each other and we can also find them in the text: Psychology of the cycle of life – Experience beyond birth and death” (edizioni Centro Studi Bhaktivedante www.c-s-b.org). Let’s not only wonder what to do with the organs of a body that has reached the end of this life. Let’s also think of the future of that person that lived in it and that in accordance with the Hindu-Vedic prospective will continue his existence even after he has left that physical body. How can we help that person still imprisoned in that suit that is now worn-out? How can we stimulate him to prepare himself to abandon it? How can we orient the evolutionary journey that will begin after his clinical death is confirmed?

The answer to these questions is important not only for those that work in the medical field but also for every individual. Welcome, assistance and accompanying are three key concepts in this area.

The meaning of welcoming is meeting the other person, opening not only our arms but also our heart and our mind. The meaning of assisting is intervening with sensitiveness by becoming emphatic and listening to the modalities and the needs of others. The meaning of accompanying is being by the side of a person, without preceding him, but staying almost behind him, being a humble and affectionate person and stimulate him to proceed. Accompanying means staying sensibly alongside and helping him to reach his destination by providing warmth, goodness, empathy, compassion and mercy.

The Hindu-Vedic tradition doesn’t use psychotherapeutic techniques, but offers teachings toward the development of a cosmic vision of life, man and the world that doesn’t concentrate on the resolution of psychological discomfort but on the elevation of a global consciousness. This allows those who apply it to re-discover the entirety of their nature on the bio-physical-spiritual level and express all of their most noble potentialities and aspirations by facing even death in an inner-peace state.

Why does death exist? Who or what dies? How can we prepare ourselves? What does dying consists of? How can we assist a terminally ill person? How can we interact with his family and with medical personnel? By asking ourselves these questions we can reach surprising intuitions, sometimes they make us feel beyond the changing flow of this shining and deceiving world (Veda define it maya which means illusory).

The first question to ask ourselves is: when the objective cure-doctor-medication is no longer reachable, what can we do to take care of the person? Can we transform a traumatic even such as death into an evolutionary experience? The answer is Yes!

The phenomena of death is usually lived as the end of everything, dissolution, disappearance, with tonalities that go from resigned to dramatic all the way to desperate. However, according to the Hindu-Vedic philosophical-spiritual tradition death doesn’t exist as an entity, but only as a concept or a moment of transaction from a segment of life to another. Through a consciousness journey, every human being can learn to “live” it by perceiving that his identity is different from the one of the body and discovering in front of him a new phase of his eternal existence to be projected constructively.

Bhagavad-Gita (II.20) says: “The living being is not born, nor will die. He is eternal. He doesn’t die when the body is destroyed. Tagore writes: we walk when we lift our foot just as much as when we put it down. Like daybreak prepares the new day that will later reaches the sunset, the sunset, through the night, will lead to a new daybreak. Life goes on incessantly and if we understand its evolutionary sense and finally its arcane transcendental meaning, we can overcome even the greatest fear, the fear of death and realize the immortality of our essence, and give a new hope to the deep aspirations of every living being toward authentic freedom and happiness, beyond the limits of space and time.

Readings

Renate Greinert, Cerebral Death and Donation of the Organs, the doubts and inquires of a mother that has donated her son’s organs. Macro Editions 2009.

SHANTA (serene, peaceful)

By Matsya Avatara Dasa

From the book: The 26 Qualities of the Spiritual Researcher

Other meanings:

satisfied

having control over the mind impulses

This is a special, universally valid virtue. Shanti means "serenity, peace, quiet" and one who possesses such characteristics is called shanta. The effects of this virtue are very relevant on the physiological, psychic and spiritual levels. This state of mind is rather easy to attain but it is almost impossible to maintain unless in presence of the condition called yukta, that is to say unless the individual is situated in Yoga, a state of consciousness that enables him to be and remain connected to the Reality.

Several times we have mentioned a higher level of reality that we call Spiritual Reality; the connection with this level enables us to remain shanta. We have already seen, while analyzing some of these qualities, that around such qualities there is a constellation of pseudo-qualities. A person who has satisfied a material desire, for example, can appear to be shanta but he actually is not, because when the same desire returns stronger than before because it was not satisfied in the proper way, it will produce greater agitation and anxiety.

The dictionary gives different meanings for the two terms, anxiety and anguish; the different is not in quality but in quantity: a growing anxiety becomes anguish. The intensity defines if a state is anxiety or anguish. Some events are capable of generating anxiety in themselves.

Now let's try to separate the wheat from the chaff, the serenity and inner calmness that is a pearl of the character from pseudo-virtues that are the result of fatigue or satisfaction of a material desire but that disappear when the ego returns to its original strength and the need shows up again and even greater than before, causing anxiety due to the impossibility of fulfillment.

It is not easy to tell the difference between real virtues and pseudo-virtues. Unfortunately today we see an even worse phenomenon, because while the inability to see the spiritual qualities of an individual is perfectly normal, in our society people even mistake defects for virtues. For example some parents do not want to have a generous child, they want him cunning, and this end up to be a disaster for the parents themselves, who will have to suffer because of their selfish son. They do not say so explicitly but they have been the ones who wanted the son to become what he is now; they did not want him to grow and progress, but to remain a slave, and they encourage him to become tied to money, impressing the anxiety of profit on him. The "Money God" has many worshipers, because this is part of the mainstream mentality. Today those who are not trained to know a higher reality have problems in seeing the inner qualities, but even renunciation to the objects of the world is seen as abnormality, almost as a disease; one who is not attracted by sex, does not dress in a particular way, does not go on holidays in the typical way, does not run here and there madly, is considered sick. The need for God is seen as a neurosis even by a pseudo-scientific section of literature; Freud stated that religion is a form of neurosis, probably because this was his experience - anyway in the world there are many examples of neurotic religionists, just think about 11th September 2001.

Let's go back to the need of satisfying our desires. Think about the night roaming of youngsters on Saturday evenings, so many people die on the roads, looking for what? For the satisfaction of their needs; they are running in the wrong direction, but the desire is the same - to satisfy a need. Very often the problem is due to loneliness, usually with a strong implication: the fear of remaining alone with oneself.

When a person looks for company and finds it or he believes he has found it he becomes quiet, but it is a temporary situation and has nothing to do with shanti, that implies enjoying the good company of one's self. According to our level we may be in the company of ourselves or in the company of God; we are connected to a higher reality. When a person is afraid to remain with himself, he desperately looks for company and if he does not find it, or if he is not satisfied by the company he finds, he keeps going around without a solution and without a hope to obtain what he needs, because the does not know where it is, or how to find it.

Anguish is a more intense emotional charge than anxiety. Anxiety is caused by the fear of not being able to satisfy a need, but when this is satisfied only in an artificial way it returns, with the two possibilities of being fulfilled or not; if there is no fulfillment, anxiety grows into anguish. If on the other hand it is truly and genuinely fulfilled, it will not return, or better, it will return weaker and weaker. Thus through direct experience the individual understands that a need that is fulfilled in the correct way will become weaker and will not cause anxiety, because we know we can satisfy it in the correct way. Shanta is the result of satisfied needs. What is their nature? Psychology comes to our help indicating that affections are the most complete and widest field of human needs, therefore shanta is primarily the result of satisfied affection. Affection is the sum total of all the psychic processes or the entire living experience. Shanta is a healthy person with a healthy mind.

In our course on comparative Indo-Christian studies (the compared texts were specifically Bhagavad-gita and New Testament) we have seen that this virtue is present in both Traditions, and is precisely possessed by persons who have developed the same qualities in spite of belonging to cultures that are so distant from each other.

In Bhagavad-gita V.29 it is said that by recognizing the Lord as the supreme Enjoyer of all sacrifices, as the Lord of all the worlds and Friend of all creatures, one attains shanti, peace. When we are harmoniously connected to the cosmic project and its supreme planner, the effect is that nothing is worrisome or cause of agitation any more.

Child psychology describes this state of tranquility in the relationship between father and son; when the child keeps his father's hand he is not afraid of anything; even if around him he sees apparently dangerous things happening, his father's hand is sufficient to give a sense of security and peacefulness. Another example is given about the calming effect of mother's voice on the child, irrespective of what the mother is saying; similar results can be obtained by stroking or hugging.

Any trace of identification with the body or the mind modifies our state of consciousness and the structured sense of the distorted ego, or ahamkara, prevents us from accessing the complete development of shanta. In some measure, everybody can develop a certain measure of serenity, but it is always something transitory, connected to temporary situations. On the other hand, shanti has a special character: it is stable and does not depend on external circumstances.

Bhagavata Purana (X.1.2-8) confirms that when a need is satisfied in an artificial way, it will come back even stronger, like a fire that seems to be extinguishing when we throw more wood on it, but then rises stronger and higher than before. The connection with performing devotional activities and hearing stories about the divine plays represents the royal path to extinguish the fire of the desires that can never be truly fulfilled in this dimension of existence, because what we are pursuing here is almost always a form of hallucination. This is affirmed by great sages and by the Sacred Scriptures of all times and cultures.

Only through sadhana, discipline, we can decontaminate the mind from conditionings. By decontaminating our deep mind we also purify the feelings that vastly condition our lives from their deep seat. Because of the material influence, the embodied being is naturally conditioned; being conditioned is normal. What is not ordinary is to overcome conditionings, and in fact in order to do that we need a transcendent action - this is also Jung's opinion.

Although shanti or inner peace is a valuable attainment, it corresponds to the first step in the staircase towards spiritual realization; it is the beginning of the journey. We could say that it is a point of arrival and departure at the same time, a coincidence, a turning point. It is a state of mind that corresponds to the first of the rasas and favors the further and more mature development of the personality.

In all lives we find attachments that disrupt the levels of serenity. This is not a planet suitable to live serenely; it is not possible to become happy with the mundane ingredients. We can attain bliss in this life too, but not with the physical or mental objects of this world. I perfectly realize that this statement is a heavy blow for those who have greatly invested into matter; on the other hand it is better not to generate false hopes. Living and experimenting divine virtues is possible and desirable, but the necessary condition is to be connected to a Higher Reality.

A great Master said: "You are in the world but you are not of the World". If we are connected to the spiritual platform we can live states of mind that are not characteristic of Maya's energy even while we live in this world. Maya promises happiness but then does not give it. Each pleasure we catch with great effort is followed by a painful consequence. As Gita¹ explains, intelligent people take their distance from some so-called pleasures because they know that soon they will transform into pain, acute sufferings and conditionings; rather they taste the pleasure that is created by the development of virtues, which is closely connected to reality.

Matter is illusory in the sense that it generates illusion, not because it is non-existing. It is a mirror that produces many distorted images, but the mirror exists. To attain the state of shanta we need to understand matter as divine energy and "live" it in connection to the Supreme, without wanting to enjoy it selfishly and delusionally.

1 Bg, V.22.