Food galore!

I saw my reflection in the mirror...my post natal weight loss was shortlived. The realisation hit me all but for 10 seconds, then i went to the pull out larder and had a peek at what i can have to drown my sorrows in. After all, there's always tomorrow to start eating sensibly, right?

My fixation with food started when i was sent to that boarding school (in hell). Mana taknya...i'd been in an all-girls'school from std 1, then i was sent to this co-ed school for 1 bloody short month before i received the offer to go to this school. I baru nak seronok2 mengusha jantan2 and then kena pi masuk sekolah asrama yg the only men existed there was satu dua cikgu yg laki orang and pakcik kantin..duh! My parents were bent on raising me to be a lady, sugar and spice and all things nice therefore their mission in ensuring that thou shall not mix with boys till university, so tercapailah cita2 mereka. I was bloody miserable! My girl friends yg sesama masuk co-ed school tu would write long letters to me updating me on current gossips such as who's going out with whom, who got secret admirers, who got snogged etc.

My love affair with doughnuts began than...org makan satu or dua, whereas i would wait until the end of tea time and dipped my hand into the basin yg ada doughnut tu and came out with five, one held by each finger.Some days kitaorg dapat ice cream or dadih during dinner and my best friend didn't eat all those so i got her share.

Then when i was doing my A-Levels and living at this boarding house, i was introduced to caramel shortbread...bebudak mninah saleh ni tak mo makan walaupun telah bersusah payah cook kitraorg buatkan pasal nak jaga badan..so guess who la yg selalu habiskan??? Then in the basement next to the tv room, teher was this, i don't know what you call it, cam paip mineral water gitu, yg tekan akan keluar air but this one keluar fresh milk (aku bagaikan di sorga!)..enggak ku tahu pada masa itu yg it was full cream milk..setelah ku consume bergelen2 for the whole autumn term sebagai minuman ruji ku, and sometimes mixed dgn chocolate powder barulah minah2 saleh yg body conscious tu mintak di tukarkan kepada skimmed milk..yg rasanya cam ..ptuihhh!

Then bila masuk uni pulak, i start gila baking sampaikan for my 22nd birthday, i asked my ex for a cake mixer...masa tu just cakap, apa yg tak pernah i bake (wa..sesi membangga diri sudah bermula)? {Profiteroles? Cakes? Tarts? Trifle? Bread and butter pudding? Pie??) (Btw, Mr Gig dah ban i dari baking selepas dia realise bini dia dgn dianya sekali dah bagai belon helium). Of course bila dah masak tu boleh la bagi jantan kat sbelah rumah sepelaung kan? (yg Msians jugak)..i may not be the cutest or slimmest at our house, tapi you rasa jantan2 tu akan ingat sapa?? hehe..memang tak sedar diri masa tu ada boipren siamang tu kan..(tapi si siamang dah start activity siamang dia pun masa tu lagi).

When i started my Masters i began my love affair with cheese. Masa ni dah banyak duit sikit kan..so tergamak la nak beli2 cheese. Segala jenis cheese i akan try..my fav would be Brie (hint ye kepada sesapa yg dok UK dan mungkin balik Msia dalam sedekad dua ni) yg terkenal dgn lemaknya. Then stilton dgn apricot, Edam, and tah hapa2 lagi yg bau busuk cam stokin tu. I suka makan dengan fresh granary bread. Then buat cheese on toast with marmite.

One more thing, i like to try those food that are what i would term as ácquired taste'. E.g. Marmite. I used to sapu marmite on pears esp yg ghope berbelak2 tu apa ke namanya..(conference pears ke?) Rasa cam cicah rojak pulak. I like the English mustard, can be likened to wasabe..that's why i'm into Jap food now. I like the nose stinging sensation..kalo boleh i nak makan wasabe hari2 dgn nasi. Of course as org perak, tempoyak tak boleh lari mana...cencalok dari kecik dah bedal..perah with asam limau, bubuh bawang and cili padi. Same goes for budu.

Once i asked Mr Gig: gofren2 you dulu kuruih keding, mesti diaorg tak kuat makan kan??'

MG :'Diaorg selalu tak habis bila makan'

Me: 'I pulak, you ingat tak masa kita dating2 dulu?'

MG: Ýou? Bukan setakat habis, sampai mintak nasi tambah lagi!'

And my heart swelled up with pride...for what? I also donno..?!

My wish list

I would like one of these,



That can grow as big as this


Mr Gig says that i can have this for our 5th wedding anniversary (yg dah lepaih)


But i rather have the downpayment for this


BOLEY?

Hopefully taknak balik balik dapat ni je...



HEHEHE..........

Until a few years back, i often wondered how it is possible for grown ups not to get along with their parents. I thought it would never happened to me.

Last weekend, i just had one of those bad phone conversation with my mum. She was angry at my brother (their issues are a long standing one, it's hard to even begin to explain) but i became the scapegoat sort of. Actually, i pun tak tau nak explain macamana. It's doing my head in: my mum thinks that i dah jadi sombong, tak nak berbaik dgn own sibling (mesti kes dgn my sister hari tu), tak nak beramah mesra dgn anak sedara sendiri (i seriously just don't know how to when it's outside work. Funny right? Does anyone take their work/ clients home? No? My point exactly. Anyway, my nieces and nephews are not exactly underprivileged), i should concentrate on the religous side when bringing up little D, not just provide kemewahan (what? me mewah? I'm holding the mum's cheapskate award here, ok?) and what is this pakai tudung tapi kengkadang pakai scarf (my alasan saying it's panas didn't work..anyway, alki aku pun tak kisah!). Basically she thinks that i'm making a mockery out of islam. Aiyo! I am not disputing that islam wants us to tutup aurat, or that hiburan kat tv is haram..i just tak boleh nak follow betul2. Does that make me a bad human being? I am angry that she can't see beyond the tak pakai tudung thingy.

I have to explain that my mum was english educated, she was a teacher. But when she retired about 10 years ago, she began to go for 'mengaji' classes. In the last 4-5 years, this is what she has become, sort of a religous fanatic. That's why i don't enjoy talking to her anymore, although dutifully i would still try to call every 7 days. She complained why my bro and i tak suka balik kampung. Can't she see why? When my cousin tried to intervene and told her to lay off our backs, she said she couldn't care less because 'dia menegakkan kebenaran'..therefore, i don't think she should complain about our absence right? That's the price to pay. Lepas tu memang dia tak suka dtg rumah i, asyik2 pergi rumah my sis. Complain kata rumah i jauh la, ada maid jadi my dad tak selesa because my maid tak bertudung (so lame! WTF!) and now ni rumah i ada simpan some bone china souvenirs yg dia kata ada tulang babi so it's haram. I am not sue about this but i tak buang lagi because sayang, dulu i beli kat UK pun mahal. I told her that macamana i nak suka balik kampung kalau dia pun tak suka nak dtg rumah i (i tak la cakap pulak yg i tak tahan asyik kena lecture je).
She said tak patut i kata dia berat sebelah asyik menjenguk cucu yg sana je. I kata yg i didn't say that, it was my cousins yg cakap. She said jangan dengar cakap my cousins yg mencucuk i. I kata apasal pulak diaorg nak mencucuk, takde pekdahnya kat diaorg. Lagipun my parents suka sangat mengadu domba kat my two cousins tu apa ke tujuannya? Utk disampaikan pada my bro and i kan??? Pas tu tuduh diaorg batu api and pembuat fitnah pulak.

Pas tu bising2 why my bro nak pergi merisik pun tak jemput diaorg. My bro kata tak payahla, hantar my cousins je. Bukannya nak bawak segerombolan org pi merisik. When my bro called them to tell this, there was no objection. Lepas tu pergi cakap2 belakang katakan my bro malu diaorg org kampung (kampung ke? Rumah my parents kat taman perumahan ok, double storey link. Kampung tah hapa benda!). My bro risau nak bawak girlfriend dia jumpa my parents bec gf dia tak pakai tudung. But K the gf is the best person my bro jumpa compared to his previous gfs. Last time my bro keluar with one eurasian girl, bertahun2, and that was the beginning of the rift between him and our parents. I told my mum, i cakap, can you not see beyond the tudung? K is a nice woman, jgn la kisah pasal dia tak pakai tudung. Bersyukurlah that my bro tak masuk kristian ke dulu...Lepas tu teruk aku kena lecture..&*%$^%$!

Pas tu bila i cakap about my cousin yg cuba nak tolong selesaikan benda ni, my mum cakap pulak, itula, my cousin tu suka menyampai2 cerita (WTF sekali lagi) sebab tu la tuhan turunkan bala yg sorang anak dia dulu buat hal (ok, anak dia dulu buat hal tak nak pi sekolah semua tapi budak tu sekarang dah OK dah). Ok anak mak i dua org ni yg kononnya sekarang buat hal tak nak balik rumah semua ni, mak tak terfikir ke bala ni tuhan turun sebab apa?

I feel like i'm the worst muslim person ever, i berdosa besar dgn my parents. Memang i dah kurang sabar, i try to be nice, try to rapat kan jurang antara i dgn diaorg. Sebab tu i ajak diaorg ikut i ke Pangkor dulu. Is that why di katanya i besarkan anak dgn kemewahan? The fact that anak i kecik2 dah boleh duduk 5 star hotel and my sis yg selalu pi holiday ngan diaorg pun tak pernah dapat duduk hotel secanggih tu? Memang bunyi macam i menghina je ni kan, but mungkin ini salah satu sebabnya (memang lepas ni i takkan ajak ke mana2 lagi because siksa: nak order room service katanya jangan bazir duit, kesian MrGig kelaparan kena tunggu sampai dinner then baru kitaorg keluar. And bila i'm on holiday, memang i pakai scarf je, senang tak panas..kena lagi aku nampaknya). I selalu fikir yg my mum is always wishing that my sister yg sepatutnya kerja macam i..dia kesiankan cucu2nya yg 4 org tu. Masa i takde anak dulu memang kalau boleh agaknya dia nak i salurkan monthly dana utk bebudak tu.

Whatever it is, i won't be in a jovial mood for sometime. I'm 35, my parents still won't listen or take me seriously. Lepas tu asyik nak criticise and expect me to ikut je apa diaorg cakap. It's doing my head in - one of these days i may need to go see a counselor. You know why? Although i get my highs (check previous entry), thinking that i've done some good, dapat la juga pahala, tapi does it matter? I am a bad daughter.

My bones maybe tired..

Pictures have nothing to do with my ramblings. Both flowers can be found at Mr Gig's sekankang kera garden.

Why do I specialise in what I do? In my line of work, there are at least 4-5 fields that one can specialise into. I went through the process of elimination. For e.g. I won’t do this because I may need to look at corpses, I won’t do that because in general adults have poorer hygiene than children (I didn’t think I could stomach dirty, yucky orifices) hence it left me with only one option i.e. working with children. I am not maternal, and neither am I good with kids being the youngest child in my family and having much older cousins. 5 years ago, I became a specialist in what I do…and once you’re one, your job interests get even narrower. If my one and only other colleague in the same line as me prefer to deal with aesthetics, I am more drawn to the special clients.

Even though my mum and I can only sometimes get along nowadays, I have only her to thank for the choices I’ve made then. My mum has always been picking up stray kittens from the roadside. She also cuts out newspapers where there are articles about underprivileged people asking for donations and when she gets her pay (or pension now), she’d cycle (because she can’t drive) to the nearest post office to send money order to these people. She’s always telling me about siapa jemaah masjid dia yg baru mati suami or lari, anak ada berderet2 , and kesian them, kita kena tolong. From the time I was little, I’ve watched her charitable gestures to animals, relatives and strangers…I guess it must have rubbed off on me.

I didn’t get into this through first choice but I get sucked into doing this (in a nice way). Thursday afternoon is the time when I see these special clients of mine. When I first started 4 years ago, I was only seeing 5 the most in one afternoon. Then the numbers began to pick up to the point that now the waiting list for first consultation is about 4 months. There are not many people like me in Msia. There are perhaps only about 20 of us…and minus the few that are not into seeing these special people.

Somedays I feel frustrated and dejected. Why? Because these clients need special support. In dealing with them, I need to use the OT. I am only given 2-3 sessions per month, hence the waiting list for this has reached 12-18 months. Then once the procedures have been carried out, they need regular monitoring, which can be done by private practitioners but due to ignorance and inadequate continuing education, most clients are refused point blank. So they have to come back to me. I have an assistant now and although it greatly helps, I still try to tend to each and everyone of them personally because if it was me, yes I would very much like to be seen by the specialist himself once in a while and not just the half-baked assistant. I worry that my standard has slipped because I have to compromise a lot. At the end of the day, there’s only one me.

I am considering of increasing the session I see these kanak-kanak riang to cope with the present demand. But it would mean sacrificing the time I have catching up with the paperwork, carrying out research and writing scientific papers which are the basis of getting promoted. There’s no consideration given to how popular one is among the kanak-kanak riang..haha.

I have voiced out about my frustrations…but they have never been about the children. Yes, at the end of the session, I am always tired but I like to think what I’m doing is something special. Boleh ke nak puji diri sendiri? Not everyone get the chance to be near them. They have changed me. In the past, I have been guilty of staring at these special people but these days I don’t even bat an eyelid. I have seen some of them from the time they were babies and now dah ada yg masuk preschool, kindergarten or primary school. Some of them have outgrown the chair. One boy had a tumour growing in his brain. I first saw him when he was 4. He could barely walk, his hair had fallen out and his skin was ‘burnt’ from all the radiotherapy he had to have. I saw him recently…he could walk and he’s started his schooling. Once I was just entering the hospital lobby to go for that afternoon session and one little boy ran towards me to salam. I was sure he was one of my clients but I couldn’t remember who or what he had until the mum came over to greet me. He was only 5, small in stature and very pale. He had aplastic anaemia, awaiting bone marrow transplantation. I haven’t seen him for nearly a year, I’m not sure what became of him.

Some kids came from different states. There was a boy from felda in Pahang. His dad and him would ride the motorbike from their house to tepi jalan. Then take the bus to the nearest town and another one to Puduraya and finally to the hospital. They leave home at 5am for a 10 o’clock appointment. And they go back on the same day because they don’t have the money to pay for a room and his dad can’t afford not to miss the kebun for more than one day.

One 4 year old girl suffering from brittle bone disease was so tiny that I thought she was a 2 year old toddler. All she could do was lie in bed. Parents even afraid to prop her up or cuddle her for fear of fracturing her bones. She had to come in once every few months to receive some medication. The dad was laid off work because selalu sangat cuti jaga anak, Mum was a housewife and they had few other children. One 27 day old baby had a growth in the mouth and was flown over all the way from Sabah with his mum. She was only 18 and not educated. She had to leave another son who was 3 back in Sabah with her aunt. The worse thing was, the kid’s father ran off with another woman while the baby was in hospital and the aunt who was looking after the brother started abusing the boy. Poor mum saddled with a sick child, no money, no sedara mara in semenanjung….the kind prof who was looking after the baby gave the mum some money for airfare to go and pick his other son bawak ke sini and told her to look for some work here. It always amazes me that in time of desperation, there’ll be some kind souls out there offering help. The family spent so much time in the ward that one kind makcik who was visiting someone sort of ‘adopted’ the family.

I think I can go on and on telling you about these wonderful and sometimes sad stories. I don’t have to be a part of this, the establishment doesn’t care if I don’t because what is more important is that I do not neglect my work at the main workplace. But how can one not want to be a part of this? Although my contribution is really minute, barely enough, I would like to think that I do make a difference in making their lives a little bit more bearable, improving their quality of lives.

I complain all the time about having to drive there, having to beat the lunchtime traffic. Bila balik rumah, badan penat, kaki sakit. But I am luckier than most of them: I look normal, my bones don’t break easily, I don’t have to go for monthly blood transfusion, I don’t need to jab myself with insulin or sleep every night with needle poking out of me strapped to a machine, I don’t need anyone to feed or clean me or not being able to tell people of my wants because my sound mind is trapped in a lifeless body. At the end of the day, if I close my eyes for the very last time, I could perhaps tell our maker, I haven’t been too good but despite all my complaints please take my Thursday afternoons into account.

My body is my amusement park

I’ve been quite bad at updating because the mood just isn’t there. Bila ada mood and nak bercerita badan pulak tak larat. I get up about 6ish every morning and leave the house around 7. Previously, before the SMART tunnel was opened, this would be 30 minutes too late. The jam would be unbearable. These days, I can comfortably reach the office a few minutes before 8 and the journey would only take me about an hour. But tak taulah, Uncle Samy said that they’ll start charging RM2 from tomorrow onwards. If I decide to use the tunnel regularly to beat the traffic, the toll fee per month would set me back 3X more than what I’m already paying now. Those people who would think that an extra RM100 is nothing are also those who can roll out of bed anytime of the day and do not need to be at the office by 8am.

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I’ve been scouting around for a fitness center. One that is not too far from home (so no extra toll charges), where parking is not to be a problem (pernah cuba tak nak cari parking kat Taipan USJ at peak hours?), and large and spacious enough so that there’ll be ample space between the equipment (and not having to inhale the smell of ‘curry sweat’ of the person next to you…you know those that reek of cumin seeds and what have you). I thought since I like eating so much that I don’t think I’d ever be able to control my ‘lust’ might as well I at least try to tone up my ‘amusement park’ (pinjam istilah ko Bella). I’ve finally found the place….it has a swimming pool as well. Not too far from home, only about 10km or so…I know where it is, but I haven’t checked it out yet to look at the ambience of that place. MG is still trying to find one at Cyberjaya, which will be better for him once he start his new job in July. It’s OK since we’re not joined at the hips…I’m actually relieved because when we were living in USJ, we were both members (yes people, I’m a fitness dropout) of this fitness center. I think we tried to be an ideal couple back then, trying to find something more that we had in common than our love for pizza. At first we both went at the same time….i was banking one our ex-Mr July ni to show me the ropes. It was fun at first…it was even more fun that after 10-15mins of sweating it out, I got to sit at the watering hole and downed some ice lemon tea. At the same time flipping through the gossip mags they had there. And feasting my eyes on some guys’ biceps and washboard abdomens. Hah! My happiness was shortlived! Mr Gig started to play the role of askar jepun perfectly…interrogating me on how long I’ve spent on the treadmill, cukup half an hour ke tak…dah buat ni ke, dah buat yg tu tak…aiyo!!!! Rimas aku! To the point that I used to dodge him at the gym, then I started to go at different times and then I started to not go at all. And laki ku yg kononnya sebelum kahwin dgn I pernah menyandang gelaran Mr July pun tertarik dgn pengaruh I yg lebih kuat and dia pun dropout sesama jugak.

So, I’ve decided that my amusement park really needs a regular visit to the gym not to get it back into shape (because it wasn’t all that great to start off with) but to at least make me feel good because unlike the normal body dysmorphic disorder sufferers, who always think negatively about their body, I kind of felt good all the time when I exercised previously, irregardless the fact that I still looked nowhere near Sidney Bristow. So, i’ve found the place yesterday, the next step is to brave myself and go make enquiries..wish me luck.

Potpourri of thoughts

Congratulations to Pak Lah for his recent nuptial. Amboi, berseri2 wajah Pak Lah. Who needs a face lift, botox etc? All you need is love. Which brings me to look at myself in the mirror. Aiyoo..what to do with all those fine lines under the eyes? Other than investing in the supposedly-mujarab hylexin. Kalau ada fatwa menghalalkan face lift, tuck here tuck there i think i would be among those people putting my name down for it. I don't know if i'm brave enough, nak buat lasik eye treatment pun penakut ya amattt!

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Went to One Utama on Saturday with MG and little D. Since we all live quite far away from 'civilisation', a trip out would mean buat semua sekali so tak payah nak membazir petrol and toll ..therefore pergi OU pasal nak return baju little D from BabyGap. When we got home from BabyGap last week nampak tak cantik pulak little D in the dress we bought her. Unfortunately, tak boleh nak return sebab it was more than 7 days already (8 days to be exact). I thought MG had call them up to ask about their return policy, rupa2nya tidak and setakat baca belakang receipt je. Pas tu baca pun tak habis, the bit about 7days tu tak nampak. So our trip to OU sia2 je! Then on the way back we stopped at my cousin's (desperate housewife no. 2) because MG wanted to discuss about the landscape of her new house. It was the first time i saw MG in action, what with all the drawing cam dlm majalah tu... Berbunga2 hati i, tak sangka, ni le laki i yg most of the time i tengok terbongkang depan tv with air liur meleleh at the corner of his mouth. Btw, i know he was surfing channel XXX on the internet last night. What with headphones and all..laaa..cam aku tak tau! Ada bini sebegini sporting pun nak sorok2 lagi, tu yg buat i tension pasal dia tak nak share.

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I thought i should start smothering myself in some kind of cream utk melembutkan kulit yg dah meningkat usia ni. I bought a tub of BodyShop vit e body butter..just because BS tengah sale gila. So starting from last Sat night, bergelumanglah aku dalam body butter...feeling all so feminine and s*e*x*y...hehe iye ke? Not that ada orang nak appreciate pun kan??? (I could have been smothered in K*Y Jelly or chocolate body paint like Bella for all i care.. ) Anyway, nasib baik ada jantan (yg tak berapa jantan) yg very appreciative of my new smell....Monty sniffed and licked my hands macam sayang sangat...sampai meleleh air liur..nasib baik la ada jantan sekor ni..terubat juga hati i.

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Little D has 3 top and 2 bottom teeth. I only managed to brush her teeth last
weekend. Kalau la org tau yg aku pun ada problem nak berus gigi si anak dara tu, habis la business aku..hehe. It's so much easier said than done! I used to brush Princess Boyot's teeth and it wasn't that bad. I've given up asking, telling or make Mg brush his teeth before he falls asleep every night. Dia kata dia tidur sekejap je, he'll get up to mandi (yup, sometimes) or solat then masa tu baru berus gigi. tak koserr dah..cuma i cakap, i cannot do man with denture, so, if that were to happen, bye bye MG..(do you think Raja Nazrin wears a denture? after all he is in his 50's...)

To Lekiu, get well soon because Bella just doesn't do sick husbands :)

Dumbo's confessions

I fell down this morning, on the way to the office. It happened at this brightly lit corridor. There were two students sitting waiting for god knows what. When i slipped, habis bertaburan barangan ku, and can you imagine cam dumbo the elephant jatuh?? Nasib baik makcik tak carut. There was a row of cabinets there. I wanted to hide behind them but it'had just got to be one of those days yg cam sial, the students came over to me very concerned...ish malunya! especially when they had all along been waiting for me. Kalo le lantai basah or baru polish, lain lah ceritakan...see, however much i would like to proclaim that i'm a queen of all things vogue, neh! i'm still a clumsy clout. Even during my wedding while i tengah menyambut rombongan pengantin lelaki, my shoe got stucked kat lubang and i nearly tripped. Sampai la ni i tak berani nak view video kawin i...

On a lighter note though...i've discovered a few things about myself and rather than saying, yes, i'll change for the better, i prefer to embrace all my shortcomings and be damn with what others think of me kan?

1. I just like food so much. I have never diet-ed ever in my whole life..because come 10am, i would have broken it anyway and then i discover that i'd eat twice as much to make up for the lost hours. The only time when i didn't eat that much was when i had food poisoning (only once i can recall)or was in love (even fewer and far between!). So, i'm just going to embrace my curvaceous 'temple' and be darn with it.

2. I bake because if not i'd be camping out at the local bakery otherwise. I love doughnuts, cupcakes, fresh bread, etc. MG isn't helping by installing the state of the art oven. He thinks i bake because of him...no dahling...because of me! muahaha!

3. I hate going out to weddings and fulfilling all those social obligations on weekends esp. time2 cuti sekolah camni..kalau boleh i nak duduk kat rumah, golek2 atas katil, main ngan little D sekejap, pas tu golek2 balik and catch up on my reading. I'm not a stuck up, actually i'm quite nice and sweet (boley ka puji diri sendiri ni?) but i know not how to hold a conversation with polite society...i.e. makcik2..yes, i'm socially inept. I will sit at one corner and sengih. When i was much younger, my parents used to threaten or bribe me to go to other kid''s birthday parties. But i still grew up to be kera sumbang..

4. I like to kiss my cats on their noses because they are wet. Then i'd bury my nose on top of their heads, between the ears and inhale...I like their smell too..sort of musty + dusty.