Tuesday, January 11, 2011
So We're Gonna Have A Baby
My mom got us our crib for the baby today..And the fact that we are going.to.have.a.baby just became incredibly real, and I am incredibly scared. I don't really talk about this very much because most people don't want to hear it, and because it's macabre, but I am still fearful about "something" happening during birth, or shortly after birth, or right before birth. Cord accidents, SIDS, placental abruptions, etc. I know, everything has pointed to her being exceptionally big & healthy, w/no chance of anything being wrong. Besides our scare w/preterm labor @ Christmas, there haven't been any signs or symptoms of any issues. I am adamant that the crib not be put up yet. It came out today when my mom was asking me why we couldn't put it up. Because if she dies, I don't want to have to take everything down. My mom was just stunned, like this wasn't even a possibilty going through my head. I was just kind of hysterical. And I told her part of me wants the baby to come NOW and get out of my body that has killed 5 other babies. After she got her chin off the ground, she reminded me that we have never been this far before, that we are in the home stretch, and that she is fine. And told me to stop talking about it. To stop thinking about it. Like that is a choice. It's not constantly on my mind, but it's there, kind of on the back burner. I'm sorry to be such a downer tonight. I just had to get that out. Registering for baby stuff, getting the crib, and the shower (for OUR baby, omg!!) is this weekend. It's just overwhelming. And, I think DH is in a for a HUGE culture shock. He's been gone basically this whole pregnancy, this weekend he's gonna come home, and we're gonna have to unload all the baby stuff, not just clothes, but actual furniture, and STUFF. And then, each weekend after next (next Friday I'll be 35 weeks!!!) if I go into labor, Dr. F won't stop it. So we could potentially have a baby w/in the next 2 weeks. It's just a lot to take in. I really don't want her to come before 37 weeks, cause that's considered term, and every day she stays inside, makes her healthier. I'm just kind of freaking out tonight. Thank you for listening to my rambling. I just had to get this out.
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4 comments:
I know that nothing I could say will make those fears go away. So, I'm just going to offer a hug instead.
I can't wait to "meet" your sweet little girl in just a few short weeks.
Hang in there! It does get pretty scary toward the end. Especially as you begin to realize that the baby is actually going to make it, and you will have a real live baby soon. Which means that your life is about to change.
It is a leap into the unknown.
Keeping fingers crossed for 37 weeks for you!
Even though I've never experienced a loss I had the same worry. My thought was, "how am I so lucky to conceive this child so easily (I have PCOS but it only took 8 cycles for the BFP)when others are/have struggled for so much longer? And she's perfectly healthy to boot?" I was waiting for the other shoe to drop.
It was hard but anytime I had thoughts about something going wrong I pushed the thought out of my head. I know not everyone can do that so I hope that you find something that helps you. Don't beat yourself up, it's totally okay to have these feelings. You're so close and she's healthy so just keep telling yourself that!
Just wanted to say I understand those thoughts! I had them right up until the end. When Kai came out crying, DH and I just looked at each other in awe - our babe was alive. We even forgot to ask what sex our babe was :)
You will make it there. Keep breathing! Can't wait to "meet" this little one soon.
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