Tomorrow..

Today has been a HUGE day for Miss Elaina and I promise I will do an update soon..But the only thing that keeps repeating in my head is..How am I going to leave her here tomorrow!? How will my heart not break in half? I don't care if it is "only" one week..That is one week too long. And, worse case scenario, she's there til the end of next month..I'm a basket case.  I just keep looking back on the last week and trying to figure out if I did something to cause her to come early. And I've been having milk supply issues (so any advice in this area would be GREAT) which makes me just feel like my body is failing again. This is just extremely hard. So much harder then anyone could have prepared me for. My heart is screaming at my brain that momma's don't leave their babies. Tomorrow is gonna suck. Big time.

Elaina's Birth Story

You know..one of the only good things about having a baby in the NICU, is that I have some extra time by myself and can write this while it is still fresh in my brain..I'd much rather have her rooming in & be completely exhausted though..But anyway..

Her story isn't super poetic or fancy..But it is exciting..She made her entrance just like any feisty Joyner baby would. It all started 2 nights ago (now that I look back) but I had no idea she was coming. Wednesday night I started having some really bad lower back pain, and my feet were SO swollen and nothing I did could change any of that. I just figured I had over done it (which, as you know, I've had a tendency to do this whole pregnancy). Coincedentally, Allie started acting really weird and protective of me, like she knew what was going on. I was up and down all night w/the back pain, and peeing, but again, this was semi-normal for me so I didn't think anything of it. On Thursday morning, about 4am, I woke up w/dry heaves. I didn't throw up because there wasn't really anything in my stomach. By 8am, I was having diarrhea and more dry heaves. I was thinking in my mind "well these are supposedly signs of labor" but I was still in denial. It wasn't until the pain and contractions that I had on Christmas Day showed up, that I started thinking, hmm, this might just be the real deal. Mind you, no one, especially not me thought she'd show up any sooner then the end of February. So my mind was kind of racing. I called Dr. F on my way to work, and he told me to come right in so I could be monitored. By this time, the contractions had really picked up and were very painful. About every 2-4 minutes, for 1 minute at a time. It was lots. I got a cerv check when I got there, I was 2cms, and there was a TON of pressure on my cervix. Dr. F hooked me up to the monitor. He said I was kicking off some pretty strong contractions, though they weren't as regular as he thought. He told me to go to the hospital (which thankfully, is right across the street from his office) and that I would be monitored for a hour, put on an IV w/fluids and Morphine to see if that would stop the contractions. Fast forward an hour. Not only have the contractions not stopped, they've picked up big time. This all started at about 9:10AM..Now we are at 11:30AM, DH has been called, mom & dad are at the hospital and Dr. F tells me "it's baby day." Oh.My.Gosh. Commence freaking out. I don't think I even processed what was going on until Dr. L the anesthesiologist came in and started talking about how we numb for the c-section. And in walks DH, and he's crying, so I loose it, so my mom starts crying. It was a big tear fest. He looked so anxious, I made him sit down so he wouldn't pass out. He looked at me and told me "so, she couldn't wait til her c-section day, huh?" We just laughed. She already will not be told what to do. From here, things moved in a blur. It took about an hour to get the spinal in, and I had to be locally numb 3x (but that was the worst part). By 2:38 the incision had been made..and at 2:44pm, the most gorgeous sound I've ever heard, our baby girls cry. Oh it was precious, and she was LOUD. I was really surprised. E got to the go to the other room w/the NICU team. He got to hold her, and when he came out, he was just sobbing, and of course, I just couldn't keep it together. I was so worried. She was so early, and he told me she looked big, she was breathing on her own, but was having a little bit of distress, so the NICU team was going to take her. They came out, and let me touch her and we got a family picture. I just couldn't believe it. I woke up yesterday morning thinking about how amazing it was going to be to have my daughter in 28 days..5 hours later..I had her. She was outside of me and in my husband's arms. It was surreal. And the most amazing thing I have ever experienced. I got to go see her in the NICU about 3 hours later, while I was still numb in the bed. I told them I HAD to touch her, to feel her, to take all of her in. It was, absolutely, love at first sight. I have never had anyone grab my heart the way she did. All at once, I knew, I would do anything for this girl, that she would have my love for all of her life. And then, to see her daddy with her, I fell in love with him all over again. He is the ultimate protector, and she recognized his voice immediately. She has my mouth, E's toes, E's nose, BIG blue eyes (that might change to green, like her daddy) and DARK, almost curly hair. This is the most amazing gift from God. She truly is a miracle. The doctor told us she was a really good height and weight for her gestational age (had she gone the full 40 weeks, she WOULD have been close to a 9 pounder!!) She is fantastic, I am so in love. Oh, and did you want pics? We only have about eleventy billion of them. I'll try to keep it under control.

Here we are, headedoff to surgery. I was SO nervous in this pic!!

And here she is, about 7 minutes old, right before the NICU team took her, already SO cute!!







Here is the first time I got to see her up close and touch her. She was whisked off so fast out of the OR that I didn't get to do any of that. I was just stunned that she was here!!

See how tiny she really is? When she's all splayed out, she looks like a big girl, but 6lbs/9oz, thats not very huge at all. She a petite gal.

Here she is, not very happy about having to get her CPAP changed, but you can see her dark hair, oh it is the softest thing I have ever touched. Absolutely amazing.

See how long she is? And she looks pretty big here, until you see E's hand in the corner and that gives it some perspective.

Elaina did this in the womb. Always chewing on her fingers, in fact, I'm pretty sure we have a picture from our 4-D u/s that shows her doing this exact thing=)








Okay, I'm off for some skin to skin time, hopefully it will help my milk to come in (yep, defn. breastfeeding). I've been pumping every 4hrs w/no success (which everyone says is normal, esp. after a c-section and her being 5 weeks early.) My milk should start coming in tomorrow or Sunday. Okay..more later!!

Surprise, she's here!!!

Introducing....

Elaina Lynn

2:44pm

January 27, 2011

6lbs. 9oz. 19in.

We are so, so excited that she is here. It was a crazy day that started at 9am, and by 2:44pm, she was here. She is about 5 weeks early, so she is in the NICU, which just KILLS me. But she is doing really, really well for how early she is. I am just exhausted, and DH was here, so it was wonderful. I will do a better update tomorrow..We are so, so in love. Just, a miracle, I am a momma. I have never been happier, or more in love with my husband (who is a daddy, right from the start, he is amazing) and our beautiful, dark haired daughter.

Just...Stuff

I promise there's a reason between the days between posts. My hands are SO swollen. And they hurt the majority of the time, so it's hard for me to type for too long. Housework, shower thank you notes, everything is suffering. I think not working for the next few weeks  will do me good. Also....

I don't know if you all have heard, but in the last few days, there have been 13 police officers killed all over the US. But the one that hits home, is Officer David Moore, who was an IMPD officer..the department my dad works for. And my husband, is a cop as well. And in my heightened, overly-emotional state, I am worried. And scared, and sad, and pissed. I only cry to myself. I don't want DH to know how worried I am, he has enough going on and is safe. We've talked about it, but not into detail. I had a long talk w/my mom last night about how she's dealt w/the "fear" for the last 38 years. She gave me some great advice, but I still get concerned. Most of the time I can just push it to the back of my head, and not dwell on it, but when it is SO prevalent in the news, I think about it all the time. It's his passion, and I love how much he loves his job. I just wish it wasn't so dangerous. But what are we gonna do? People need police, so hopefully soon, my fear will take a backseat.

30 Days...

I will be (hopefully) holding our baby in my arms..and not in my belly. Today, I had to make a visit to the amazing Dr. F, because of extreme swelling and pain in my arms & hands..He noticed immediately that I was kind of agitated and asked what had changed since last week..and I told him the story about WiseGuy (and I feel so selfish saying this) but I got really upset in his office, for her, for Birdman & for Lola..And then, for our baby. Without even thinking about it, he had me on the table and was giving me an u/s, which was completely unexpected. And there she was. Our baby girl. The child, who, since week 16 has been head down..Was completely the wrong way. She is footling breech. Her head is lodged squarely in my ribs. No wonder I felt like she was kicking in the ladyparts this weekend. Cause, uh, she was. While he was doing the u/s she kicked me HARD in the bladder. I almost peed on the table. That was good times. And Dr. F let me watch her for a good 10 minutes, explaining every little thing we were seeing, showing me body parts, and showing me how she is a long baby..and will probably tip the scales at close to *9.5lbs..omg!! And I asked what do we do now..and he told me could try an external version in 2 weeks..And I have heard & read how badly these hurt, and how some of the time they don't work. I told I didn't think (w/my pain tolerance) that that was in my future. He concurred, not only because of the pain tolerance issue, but because the PUPPP has just blasted off all over my belly, and he thinks that my skin wouldn't be able to handle it. It's a pretty tough procedure. So, he said, let's just schedule her..and I was like.."for?..." and he said, "duh, a c-section." Just like that. February 24, 2011 will most likely be our girls birthday. He doesn't think she's gonna come early, but if she does, & she's still breech (which he thinks will definitely be the case) it'll be a c-section anyway. OMG. This is real. In 30 days, I'll be holding our daughter. This little person that we have waited so long for will be here, outside my body. It's kind of bittersweet, because I wanted her to pick her own birthday, but I  guess in a way, she did. By having her daddy's stubborn streak. And, coincidentally, if  you look at the sidebar, her daddy is the one who guessed her date =) Also, according to Dr. F, it's time for modified bedrest. Which means, starting Monday, no more work for momma. Which I am kind of okay with. I think I'm gonna go crazy, but I really am in pain, and the swelling is astronomical. And it's moved into my hands, which hurt all the time and the doctor prescribed some pain medicine for me, which is really helping. But I type and write all day, which is actually causing my hands to cramp up, and it takes about 20 minutes for them to uncurl, for lack of a better word. In fact, I'm having to take breaks typing this to ice my hands. But anyway, that's the big ol news of the day. It's insane. I'm actually gonna be a momma.

*AACK..I meant to put 8.5lbs, not 9.5..I would go crazy if Dr. F thought she was gonna be that big. I just realized my mistake reading comments. So closer to 9lbs, not 10, lol.*

Go and Flood this Blog with love!!!

Wiseguy's baby Lola, has passed away. On top of this awful and devastating news is the more heartwrenching news that it happened days ago, and her momma & daddy were kept in the dark by the doctors. I can think of nothing more awful. Please, go there and leave her as much love as you can.

Sigh Of Relief

If you've been following me for any length of time, you know I'm a "worst case scenario" type of gal. So of course, I've been researching jobs & whatnot that DH can do as a visually impaired person. Fast forward to his phone call tonight..He sounds like his regular self and informs me his vision is totally back, though his eyes are still leaking yucky shit. He's on antibiotics and steroid/pain killer eye drops. Even my dad, who has said throughout all of this that's it "teaching him something" agreed that the Mace thing was just plain torture. 2 more people quit (w/only 6wks left!!) because this was too much. And they both wanted Indy, so thats good news for us. And E hasn't really made a big deal of the weeks of my pregnancy, but he remembered that Dr. F said after 35wks he won't stop labor. And reminded me that "tomorrow might be Baby E's birthday." I was like, nu uh. She and I have pep talks every day, that her birthday is not til February, the 12th at the earliest (when I'll be 38wks). She's nice and warm, she's knows it's sub-zero temps out here, I don't think she'll be making an appearance anytime soon..Though it would be nice to cough or sneeze and it not be painful. Oh, and I can't wait to get rid of the PUPPP rash. It has REALLY gotten bad the last 24hrs. But at the same time, I know I'm gonna miss being pregnant, taking care of her, feeling her move. It's all been absolutely amazing. Anyway, just wanted to update you on E. Thank you for your prayers and for being angry w/me.

So Angry I Could Spit

 I wasn't gonna post about this because I'm so SICK of it, but I had to get it out, or I'll just spend all night being pissy.


DH got hit w/a ton of Mace yesterday, as mentioned. He now cannot see out of his right eye and his left cornea is scratched. Yep. Fucking great. So this is NECESSARY to become a state cop in Indiana?!?! REALLY!? And that isn't the worst of what some of the guys got, so far 10 of them have had to go to an eye specialist, and get different types of steroid eye drops and pain killers. Let me reiterate..My husband, currently CANNOT SEE!!! The doctor is hopeful that he will have his full vision back by Friday night. How the fuck is he supposed to drive home?! Or do any of his work the rest of this week at school!? This is just dumb. And it's not "helpful" it's torture. Seriously. He sounded just as bad tonight as he sounded last night. And my mom & friend KL have both called and I've ignored the calls because I don't want to spend the night crying, and that's what it would come to if I had to discuss this out loud. I am so angry, and scared for him. And he just takes it, because he wants this so much. But uh, if it costs him his VISION, it's over. There aren't any blind cops, for a reason. I just can't believe this is helpful. He has a GUN. If he is mortally threatened, he can USE IT!! I'm just royally pissed, obviously.

Okay, thank you for letting me get this out. And thank you for all of your comments on Baby E's guesstimated arrival. Please keep leaving comments. You can see them on the sidebar =)

Poll & Prayer

Okay, first off..DH wants me to "poll" everyone and see when people think Baby E is coming and how much she is going to weigh..I'm asking people at work, family, and OF COURSE my bloggy friends. Leave your answers in my comments (and please do this, I'm excited to see what everyone thinks) and I'll put a poll on my sidebar. Just some basic info. that might help you make an educated guess =)

• I'll be 38 weeks (full term) on February 12, 2011
• I'm measuring big (due to the PUPPP & edema) but she is measuring right on time for her gestational age
• She's a girl
• I was 7lbs 8oz. 22in. DH was 8.5lbs 10oz. 24 in.
• I'm 5'8, he's 6'1
• My EDD is February 25, 2011
• Yesterday, Dr. F said that her evicition date will be March 9, 2011 (I'll be a full 42 weeks then). If she hasn't gotten the show on the road by herself, she is defn. moving out then.

The votes we've gotten so far:
Momma: March 8, 2011 8lbs. 9oz. 23in.
Daddy: February 21, 2011 7lbs. 9.5oz. 22.5 in.
Tea (co-worker): February 28, 2011 7lbs. 9oz. 21in.

So please leave yours!!

Also, this week, DH has a total of 17 hours of defensive tactics (otherwise known as fighting w/other guys to "be prepared" for that kind of situation) and it's hard, I don't like it, and everyone ends up injured. On top of that, he gets Maced today (w/a spray that is not water based, it's alcohol based) the effects can last up to 12 hours. It's bad news. And he has to do DT after that. Then he has physical training the rest of the week plus being outside in sub-zero temps. So if you could, send up a little prayer for him? This week is gonna be tough.

Okay, I'm at work, so I must run. I'll update when I get home this evening. =)

Our Baby Shower

Was absolutely amazing. Our girl is so, SO loved, by so many people. DH & I feel incredibly blessed. It was very emotional, funny, and fantastic. I couldn't have asked for anything more. I started the day SO nervous. I talked to my bloggy BFF Melissa, asking her if it was "odd" that I was nervous. She told me no, that having the shower makes it all real...and boy was she right. I was almost in tears when it started because I never though we'd be here. Having a shower for OUR baby!! Now, for some pics =)

This is me & my Aunt Bev. She quilted this as a surprise for me. This is kind of the "theme" of Baby E's room..Lots of bright colors, not much pastels. It's SO gorgeous!!

This is Baby E's "autograph frame." We had all the shower guests sign it & leave a little message for her. I "stole" the idea from SIL's wedding. I think it will be really cool to explain it to her when she gets older.

These are some of the table decorations. Our theme is also frogs, obviously =) I love them and she got SO much frog stuff, outfits, bouncy seat, bathtub etc.

This is me, looking HUGE (34wk1d).

Aunt Lindsey, Nana Becky, Grandma Gail & myself

Grandma Gail (my mom) & Nana Becky (DH's mom) =)

This is the quilt my mom made for Baby E. I requested this a few months ago when I couldn't find bedding for her that I like. My grandma (her mom) made one for her (and me) and I wanted the same thing. I picked out the pattern & the quilt pieces, she did everything else. It is ABSOLUTELY the most gorgeous thing ever. It is amazing.

Yep, I'd say our gal is loved (and maybe a bit spoiled already?)

Nana, Grandma, & Me. Man, I look like my mom..lol

So I'm looking quite teary in this pic, but I had just opened the quilt that my grandma (who is now passed away) made for my mom (and me) 28 years ago. I couldn't even explain it to everyone because I was crying. It is so fantastic. There wasn't a dry eye in the place as Kathy read the label & the card that came along with it. It was beautiful.




There are a TON more, but I don't want to overload anyone. Also, the cake was amazing, and tasty, but it has her name on it, and I'm still a little superstitious, so I will post that after she is born. It's a must see =) Okay, off to do laundry and watch football. Hope your weekend was great!!

Checking in from the Sick Bay

Sorry for the radio silence after that super optimistic, happy post..But I have been down w/a cold/flu/sore throat/congestion mix. It's ugly and I am not a fan. Baby Girl? Completely unaffected. Dancing around, hopping on my bladder, punching & kicking to her hearts content, especially when  I am trying to sleep. Thats her new trick. I think she knows when Im settling down, and she (and her dog sister) kick things up a notch. It's been good times. But yay for little bits showing me she is fine and nothing is wrong..

I literally feel like it it taking all of the energy in my body to sit up and type this. I took a half day on Wednesday, stayed til 4:00 (instead of 5) yesterday, and went in for about an hour before my body took over and said NO, today is a sick day and I drove home. So needless to say the "nesting" instinct has NOT kicked in (and I'm a little bit worried about that.) What does one do to get over this? My baby shower is tomorrow (OMG) and I don't want to be a total bump on a log, but I couldn't socialize right now if you paid me...Well *maybe* if you paid me. And all I want to eat is junk food. Pizza, mac & cheese, BK, etc. This isn't like me. Usually I'm a salad meat, and some kind of veggie girl. Who knows? Is this typical for late pregnancy? Oh yeah, um, I'm 34 weeks today..And kind of freaking out, as usual. We'll be term in what 3 weeks? (Is it 37 or 38?) Either way, thats not a very long time. And I am so, so ready to meet this little girl, and part of me is sad that I won't be looking down at my ginormous belly anymore. But I'm more ready to meet her. I'm just praying see doesn't take the stubborn road and stay in for 42 weeks. Dr. F doesn't do elective inductions, which I'm okay with (for now) but I'm betting by the end of next month, I'll be doing just about whatever it takes to get her out of my belly and into my arms. And I'm pretty sure DH will be really ready to have our sex life back. Yep, that's been completely put on the back burner these last few months. I'm just too big, and literally, the sex drive is not there. I still want to kiss, and cuddle and all that, but ugh to naked times. In fact, the "want" to be closer (physically and emotionally) to DH has grown exponentially, and I think that has a lot to do w/the fact that he is gone all.the.time and the fact that it won't just be the two of us anymore. And he is so freaking excited. Seriously, our girl already has him wrapped around his little finger. Oh, and he can't wait to make her a big sister..BAHAHAHAHAHAHA, I told him to get away from me after that little statement. Lets just wait & see how soon he wants her to have a sibling after he has his first blow out diaper. Or 8 hour crying jag (from me or the baby). We'll see how soon that happens.

Okay, my Donatos should be here anytime and my bed is calling my name. Any, and all suggestions will be taken on how to kick this cold thing, even if it's just for a few hours tomorrow. There's gonna be CAKE and PRESENTS, I can't miss this!!!!

So We're Gonna Have A Baby

My mom got us our crib for the baby today..And the fact that we are going.to.have.a.baby just became incredibly real, and I am incredibly scared. I don't really talk about this very much because most people don't want to hear it, and because it's macabre, but I am still fearful about "something" happening during birth, or shortly after birth, or right before birth. Cord accidents, SIDS, placental abruptions, etc. I know, everything has pointed to her being exceptionally big & healthy, w/no chance of anything being wrong. Besides our scare w/preterm labor @ Christmas, there haven't been any signs or symptoms of any issues. I am adamant that the crib not be put up yet. It came out today when my mom was asking me why we couldn't put it up. Because if she dies, I don't want to have to take everything down. My mom was just stunned, like this wasn't even a possibilty going through my head. I was just kind of hysterical. And I told her part of me wants the baby to come NOW and get out of my body that has killed 5 other babies. After she got her chin off the ground, she reminded me that we have never been this far before, that we are in the home stretch, and that she is fine. And told me to stop talking about it. To stop thinking about it. Like that is a choice. It's not constantly on my mind, but it's there, kind of on the back burner. I'm sorry to be such a downer tonight. I just had to get that out. Registering for baby stuff, getting the crib, and the shower (for OUR baby, omg!!) is this weekend. It's just overwhelming. And, I think DH is in a for a HUGE culture shock. He's been gone basically this whole pregnancy, this weekend he's gonna come home, and we're gonna have to unload all the baby stuff, not just clothes, but actual furniture, and STUFF. And then, each weekend after next (next Friday I'll be 35 weeks!!!) if I go into labor, Dr. F won't stop it. So we could potentially have a baby w/in the next 2 weeks. It's just a lot to take in. I really don't want her to come before 37 weeks, cause that's considered term, and every day she stays inside, makes her healthier. I'm just kind of freaking out tonight. Thank you for listening to my rambling. I just had to get this out.

I've Come To Realize..

• You guys give some stellar advice..Seriously. That's why I blog about my "stuff." DH has decided 2 things..1) he is going to talk to his sister, she needs to know that this could very easily blow up in her face, she lives in a small town & word travels fast and 2) he's going to tell her ex-fiance NOT to contact him again. This doesn't involve us in any kind of way. If he has beef, he needs to deal w/her.
• At my last doctors appointment, the belly was measuring 37(!!!) centimeters. So basically, right now I look FULL TERM. How much huger can one get? I'm a little concern my skin my split. And Dr. F finally admitted she's going to be a "big girl." I also defn. have PUPPP and the next step is steroids..Which I hate in a non-pregnant state. I don't know what the effects will be on the petite, but I don't feel like it can be great for her. 
• I have my Group B strep swab on Monday. Nothing like starting off a Monday w/a vag & rectum swab. Fantastic. Can't wait for that. Ugh. The embarrassment. Better get used to it I guess.
• Im really glad my DH can only wear his uniform and BDU's at school..Cause all his t-shirts now belong to me. They cover the belly and are super comfortable to sleep in.
• 31wk6d...And I'm still checking the TP..every single time.
• I still feel some what "guilty" posting about being PG and the baby etc. I know that many of my readers are still trying, and are still in that WTF place where we were and have been..Frequently. I'm sorry..Well I'm not sorry that I'm pregnant, but I am sorry if things I talk about make you sad. That's not my intention. And I know that I had struggles reading some blogs when we were going through our 5th miscarriage, so I understand if you can't read me right now. I try not to make every post about this part of our lives..But sometimes I just need to get things out, and my blog is where I do that. I hope you understand.
• I'm addicted to ice. I don't think my iron is very good. I'll have to talk to Dr. F about this on Monday.
• E gets 10 days off after he graduates from the academy!!! He wants to go on vacation, I very politely reminded him we will have a brand.new.baby at that time and it might be a better idea to stay at home.."oh yeah" he says. Lol. Also, the pay freeze has been lifted for the department..Which means a raise after he graduates and another raise after FTO is over & then $3000 every year he is on the department..YES!!!
• He'll have his very own police car on June 19, 2011. I can't wait, neither can he!!

Okay, thats all. I've been exhausted all week. Tomorrow is Friday..yay!!

A Connundrum

Let me set the scene for you..Which, if you have been following me, you already know, so feel free to skip this part. SIL got married this weekend to her former HS boyfriend. The previously mentioned "blessed event" that has been causing me massive headaches. Well, lets just say that her past "dating" history isn't much to write home about. At one point in 2009 she was "seeing (sleeping with) 4 guys and engaged to TWO of them. Yeah. That awesome. I haven't had the best feeling about this match-up since they got back together, but whatever, it's not my life. We've talked about her past and she has repeatedly said "C is the one, my only true love, etc." So whatever, moving on. Fast forward to today. DH is friends w/one of her ex-fiances. They all used to live together and they just remained friends. He gets a message from said friend consisting of "so she married this guy and they've been together since June of 2009? She's been leading me on this whole time, and we've been seeing each other. Wonder if her new husband knows we're still having sex." Insert shocked silence. And I completely believe him, so does DH. But we don't get involved in SIL's business...But the last time she did this, she was dating one of our good friends, he found out we knew, and didn't tell him (because it was DH's call and he chose not to say anything) and now, we all aren't so close, obviously. So here's the connundrum. What do we do? Any advice would be appreciated since we can't seem to come to a conclusion. I say he needs to at least tell SIL that this ex is contacting him. He doesn't need to say about what, she just needs to know that there is a potential for her business to be known. I just don't know what to do. Do we say anything? Do we let it go? Does DH respond back to this person? Ugh. What would you do?

PS:  I hate, HATE that his sister is constantly causing drama!! This has nothing to do w/us, why did this ex feel the need to contact my DH? He (DH) doesn't want to cause issues, and he hates dealing w/his sisters shit. I just feel like, at this point, we need to do something, ya know? 

Questions & Randomness

A few questions about..oh having a baby etc.

1. I know that "breast is best" but it really freaks me out. I don't need to know that breastfeeding is the best thing for the baby or whatever your opinion may be. I already know that. I need advice on how to get over the kind of "nasty" feeling that I get when I think about it. I know that may sound bad, but I just really get a queasy stomach when thinking about it. I plan on doing it regardless, I'd like to just be more at ease about it. Thank you in advance.
2. Umm..so Dr. F told me I could have an epidural as soon as I get to the hospital. Is this true? Or do I have to be in a "labor" pattern or whatever? I'm a big baby, and those pre-term labor contractions about had me off the wall & I wasn't dilated or anything. So I'm a bit nervous about the "real" thing.
3. What does one pack in a hospital bag? I haven't even started yet, because I'm wearing all my loose clothing and maternity pants, etc, so those can't be packed and I don't know what else too take. Like how many baby outfits, jammies, toiletries, pillows? Etc.
4. Do the snoogle pillows work? I feel like I need something. I'm just huge and sleeping is hard to come by (not to mention the peeing every 2 hrs). Just wondering if they are worth the $50+?

Bullets now =)

• I find that I am still uber peeved by super fertile people. Like this gal I went to high school with, has been married for 3 years, has 2 kids (umm ages 1 & 2 I believe) and is expecting TWINS (surprise!!). Ugh. Really!?  4 kids in like 4 years. Amazing. Oh, and of course, the FB complaining about how sick she is..Etc. Ugh. Yep. Still jealous.
• Im also finding that coming up on the last few weeks of pregnancy, I'm easily annoyed. I don't know why. It's like my temper has just gotten so short. Like it was in the first tri. I'm emotional and it comes out in being short & snappy w/people or crying. Lovely. My DH just loves it.
• I'm also so big that I get stuff on my belly and don't realize it til I stand up and food falls off me. It's SO attractive, really lovely.
• My DSi was the best gift ever. I am 100% addicted. I love it big time. I can't not play before bed. I want to take it to work, but I will refrain from going that far.
•  Our new bed is SO awesome. Seriously. King sized is the only way to go. What were we thinking before!?
• We're still poor, so thats awesome. But we just roll w/it. But we did talk about what we would do w/the $290 million that is the mega millions jackpot. We might just branch out and by a ticket.

That is all. I'm sleepy..Plus DH is off tomorrow and I took the day off from work!! I can't wait to have that extra day w/him!! Hope you all had a wonderful weekend and a great start to 2011!!

2011

It's a new year..I cannot believe another year has come and gone..And had you told me last New Year's Day that we would be here, I couldn't have believed you.

New Years Day 2010

This is how I started 2010. Medicated and sleeping. I was going through our 5th miscarriage in 13 months. It was awful. I was so incredibly sad and it took me months to get back to my old self. I was completely unaware of what 2011 would bring.









New Years Day 2011

This is the DH & I literally 30 seconds into 2011. I am deliriously happy. I am with my best friend, my SIL had just tied the knot, and I have 3 chins because I am going to have our baby in about 6 weeks. The total 180 our lives have done is insane. 2011 will bring us our daughter, and my husband his dream career. We can't imagine life any better then it is right now. Even though it has been a heart breaking struggle to get here, we are healing, we are living life to the fullest, and completely enjoying being together. I can't wait to post a picture of New Years Day 2012..We'll have the most beautiful daughter, and my husband will be a state trooper. Amazing what a difference a year makes!! Happy 2011!!