I really must just give a brief synopsis because the whole story is too long.
1. My mom is my boss..not always a good decision
2. She CONSTANTLY asks me what is going on at preschool and what people are saying doing
3. She also CONSTANTLY doesn't like it when it's not good news
4. Basically, she wants be to snitch on people at work..I call it "being her bitch"
5. Every evening if things have gone bad a preschool that day or if she is fed up with it, she takes it out on me. I have no idea what goes on there in the afternoons because I leave between 12 & 2 every day, so when she goes on a tangent it has NOTHING to do with me
6. She went on said tangent Thursday night, well actually she wouldn't even talk to me and had my dad do it for her..don't ask..
7. SHe said "preschool is killing me" raising her bp, etc.
8. Today she rephrased and said "you are killing me."
9. Yep, as in I, her daughter, her go for, her bitch, her do whatever she asks whenever she asks, is killing her.
10. Im not too dead sure she could have said anything that would have hurt me more. Seriously, I feel like I've been punched in the stomach.
Every fiber in my being wants to lash out at her to make her hurt as bad as I do. But, Im the bigger person. She doesn't want to leave preschool because she is on a power trip and likes how it makes her feel important. FINE. But I offered to quit cause I wouldn't want to kill her or make her die. She said "what would you do for work?" Not, no I don't want that or no we need you or no the kids really like you. FINE. TRUST when I say, any and ALL conversations about preschool are OVER. I will no longer discuss anything that is preschool related with her. If she wants to know what is going on or what people think, she'll have to ask them herself. I told her this (oh and by the way, she dropped this little bomb while we were on the phone, nice, and didn't think it was a big deal.) Im am so done taking her shit. I have done it my whole life, tried to live up to her expectations of what a perfect daugther are and Im not goin to do it anymore. This is just a stepping stone job for me, not the last job I'll ever have. She said it should be "fun, we should enjoy this adventure together." She is now on an adventure of her own. I don't want to be any part of it. And when I told her that, she said "Oh your just going to shut down like you always do and run away." If thats what you want to think fine, oh and just FYI, I learned that trick from her. She runs ALL THE TIME. I just needed to vent because Evan is work and it's his birthday so he doesn't need to deal w/this shit and there's really no one else I want to talk to who would understand. Seriously, I don't know that she would even realize I was gone if I just disappeared or died. Now she'd have the funeral and do the big teary crazy thing, but that would all be for show, to see who is watching. It wouldn't be real. In fact, it'd probably make her life easier if I was gone. But don't worry or think offing myself cause I have too much other stuff going on that is good. I just don't think she'd even miss me. She's crazy to the highest degree and even if my kids are killing me someday, I'd never tell them that. I hope that I can learn from how I feel right now and try to NEVER make my kids feel this worthless, this hurt, this unwanted.
No comments:
Post a Comment