i find myself doing absolutely nothing lately due to the immense amount of free time i have. classes only three days a week, two days of which only start at 2p.m. surely i'd be begging for mercy when aaaaall them assignments start pouring in but i'm the type of person who's better busy than bored. after all, an idle man is indeed a devil's workshop.
i've been thinking about applying for a part time job, anywhere really. *cough* Subway *cough*
again and again, i find myself always stuck between thinking and doing. i think about it for a moment or two, and i mean reeeally think hard about it. pergh, brain macam Einstein only as i devise my action plan. look for a decent f&b restaurant, go to the restaurant, ask for vacancy, take down their number. and in the enthusiasm of planning, i forget to actually invest energy and motivation into carrying out the plan. a.k.a being a typical Malaysian, i suppose.
it's been fourteen days into this wonderful new year.
and i feel as if i haven't accomplished... much.
MUST. START. DOING. THINGS.
i found myself going through several old videos, dating back to nearly two years ago.
so much, indefinitely and unbelievably so much has changed since. i don't even remember my state of being in those videos, but i certainly remember what i felt. i was such a different person. perhaps more fragile, surely less wise and a lot thinner and prettier shut up on this one i didn't ask for your opinion bro. with exception to the last two, i know that's what everybody's younger version is like. not unless your Benjamin Button.
we're always believing that we have achieved a certain level of maturity or growth as time pass.
thinking that we've finally figured things out, learnt the most we can about things like love and friendship, hurt the most a human could possibly handle; we always think we're done with a certain chapter of our lives and ready to head on to the next. truth is, those chapters never really end, do they? sure, we've reached the end of that page, heart and body completely filled with the bittersweet essence of quick nostalgia. like flowerless trees do after the winter, we move on. life continues. but i believe that those chapters never really end.
because they're always there.
they're just enclosed in a resplendently viscid pool of memories somewhere, somewhere near yet far. so tragic, and so beautiful. untouchable. but always reachable.
and like you, you will always be there.
all the letters of young promises, the scars of faded kisses, the layers that we both saw right through.
a fine string of multiple complications that led me to where you & I are at now.
you are sorry. and i am sorry.
but life continues.
i will always love you. and i know you will too.
Animal- Sky Ferreira
