I'm angry. No. In rage, rather. I've never been this mad in my whole life. So mad that I wanted someone to be dead.
Last Saturday, my cousin passed away. He was stabbed in the chest that caused his 4th and 5th rib to break and was directly hit in the heart. He was announced DOA when he reached the hospital. His companion that night told us that the incident started from a petty quarrel. A childish, stubborn, quarrel.
He's just 20 years old. At this age, he's just about to see life right in front of his eyes. He's about to understand how life can still be so beautiful even with dilemmas. With so many plans for his family, girlfriend, and his own life, who could've thought that at a young age he'd be taken from us?-- not by God but by a human being. That part makes everything harder to accept. It's much easier for us to understand if he died from an accident or from a disease 'coz we know that it is God's will.
The family is in the stage somewhere between denial and anger. It's hard to cope with everything when you're hurting and at the same time angry at someone. That you need to blame other people for a life taken from you. When all you can do is cry and just cry because you're too mad and you know that you can't do anything but just wait rather than putting justice in your hands. That you needed to be mad to accept that (his) life is over and all you have to do is to move on. And maybe, eventually forgive? (I don't know how this will happen. But I know, it'll take a long time. A lifetime, even.) That you know that soon you need to understand and this process will be heart-breaking.
I'm puzzled. And there's too many questions that no one can answer. How can someone be so evil to commit such crime? How can someone be so mad to end my cousins' life? How can he not even think of the consequences of his actions? How can he even sleep at night? Why it has to be my cousin? Why it has to be a tragic death? Why this soon? Why too sudden?
Just like what I've said-- I wanted that man who killed my cousin to be dead. I wont be nice and hypocrite and just say that it's in God's hands. No. Maybe you're thinking that I'm too cruel and too evil. Well, if you're in my shoes, you'll understand. Take it from me, it's agonizing to lose someone you love in such way we lose him. It hurts. A lot.
You, if you've reached this far reading my post, please please pray for my cousin's soul. Also, for the justice he deserve. That may he eventually rest in peace. Please pray for our family, too. For us to be able to cope again in this struggle we're facing. May God Bless you. Thanks in advance.
