its been sucha longlonglong time since i actually 'step-in' this page, 9:50 PM

suddenly, after all these random sketching,
i feel like taking some time off my work - or rather, quite alota time off
like maybe months (which is impossible, unless it requires leaving)
to maybe shop for some fabrics, materials,
get my ass off to sewing something - at least for myself
do some drafting, draping sewing, which i kinda miss doing it.
something i wanna do rather than what others want.

its all just saying isnt it ?
time,
no time.
its all excuses huh ?
time,
i could have squeeze it out, plan it out.
when am i really gonna work on it ?

all talk no actions. 11:26 PM

4:16 PM

a happy and sian post.

happy cause a friend whom we nv really contact replied me,
and that i know im probably still rmbed.
sometimes friends just kinda cut contact,
with no particular reason ?
or maybe there is, but unknown.
thinking back to the past, we all had fun and had enjoyed the friendship.
but i guess, as friends, no matter what, we should say out what we feel,
be it good or bad, at least we'll know.

okay, another topic.
SIANS.

clients nowadays are damn hard to please.
im having a freaking headache :(
things cock up,
clients call and 'complain'
change this and that
want this and that
well, i understand its gonna be their big day, and they want to be perfect abt things.
i cant really blame them either.

am i born to please pple ?
okays, i cant say that la huh ?
im working, its my job.

im quite tired.
how am i going to stop my head from achingggg.

(well, theres still nice clients though.)



sometimes, i just wish i can not work,
just wanna go do some volunteer work,
like travelling to those third world country..
help them build house, or put in some effort.
or even just going to those elders house, cook for them, clean the house...
but, its just sayinggg..
where can i get the money to support myself/family, or to do such things ?
and i dont even know where to start off from.



have been feeling alil of chest pain/ uncomfy-ness these few weeks ?
or rather, quite long alrdy.
plus sometimes, difficulty in breathing.
oh godddd.

i know i shld exercise, but...........
its always excusesssss that ill come up with.





headache. 11:45 PM

guess im just a total failure. 2:16 AM

its beeeennnn reallly ages since i blog. kinda lazy nowadays.
sooo many things happened within this short while.
the one that hit me the hardest, was probably my ahma's death.
working half way, receiving mum's call is so not right.
got worried and i kinda shout over the phone when mum was choked on her words.
manage to be by her side when she left.
but everytime i think back, i cry.
but its been almost 2months now.

okays, shall not elaborate on things today.

then had our fashion show (so damn busy, rushing our nights through), and my tokyo trip, jasmine welcome home party, and also clients stuff (makes me feel so useless and sorry to my boss).. manymany things. :(

another one, was probably our quarrel today.
our first 'quarrel' ? hhmmm, probably more of my fault la.
it was suppose to be sucha happy day.
but i spoilt it ?
was soo upset i had to hide in my bathroom to cry, silently.
didnt even enjoy my cousin's ROM dinner.
had to fake smile through.

i can never be really happy.
i realise everytime i enjoyed myself alot, had lotsa fun, very happy,
something will happen and cause me to be really upset/unhappy.
i should never be really happy,
then i wont feel that unhappiness.
right ?
ithinkso. 12:46 AM

its been a longlong time.
kinda lazy to blog alrdy,
but maybe i shld just update wht happened this period of time.
well, for my kinda life, there seems to be more things happening then usual.

mum and dad left for poland (and lotsa other places) last sunday of june, (28th?)
didnt send them off cause i wenta watch transformers with 'pete', free tics.

monday, meeting sis for dinner, then she called my, crying, cause ahma was sent to changi hosp. rushed down, and we were alll sooooo scared. some of my aunts/uncles, ahgong there.. wait and wait, finally, we knew shes admitted to the MICU. due to H1N1, visitors are limited, but we just try and got ourselves up. waited very longggg outside cause ahma just got pushed into the icu, so theyre still helping her with e pipes. didnt dare to tell my mum cause shes overseas, but apparently, my uncle told her. bt we had to lie she was alright. but we were damn scared, we dont knw if thats the right thing to do not. finally, when we got to go in, 2by2. went with my elder sis. ohgodddd. i cant help then, but i was tearing and crying. i tried really hard not to, but i kept choking on my words when trying to say things to her. all those pipes in her body, so many equipments ard her. it was horrible. horrible. we all waited outside, feeling down. (things were worst when a f.family (malay/indian/idk what) were talking laughing loudly outside e icu. totally inconsiderate. my sis kinda told them off. and they were unhappy abt it. fucking irritants.) then, our cousin sent us home, and mac delivery for late dinner...
then, the 3 of us, split work, cause mama not in town also.. ironing, laundry, vacuuming, mopping, cooking... usually i cook before i head off to work... it was tiring for us all... then heading down to hosp aft work. from MICU, to RCU, to normal ward. from unconscious, to slightly conscious, wearing that HUGE oxygen mask for the whole face, to small mask, to no mask. luckily sis alrdy got her driving license, so she actually pluckup courage to drive the car.. been trying to visit her.. though theres some days i cldnt make it.

went for the link's sale at pan pac hotel. and omg. i bought this discounted pair of heels at........ freaking 216BUCKS ! when normally, a zara, 90+bucks one wld be consider ex for me. original price was 800plus, discounted to 240bucks. but some uob card have further discount i think. ohhh goshh, i was crazy. seriously crazy. somemre, its patent. for my tomboy pattern, sure scratch. ill not wear it too often. not like normal days to work kind la. im siao la. i spent toooo much these 2months. toooo much. for aug, will be too.

then, it was our first mth, 10th, friday. and i was really surprised to see the 'parcel', and to know that he remembered (:
10th, also the day my parents are home.
sat, ahma got discharged (: but cant go and see her, cause parents just got back to spore, then its kinda not safe mah.

monday night, i felt sick. totally weak, giddy and cold...
tues, cldnt make it to work at all. almost bedridden. to the doc, got the medicine.
wed, have to get to work, slightly better though, but still weak. he cameby at night for alil while
thurs, difficulty breathing :/ wanted to see doc, but wenta see ahma first at the hse. shes gotten so much smaller comparing to the past. and oh gosh. it just hurts to see her the way she is nice. in d end, didnt see doc, was late for work. got home alilllll earlier, still feeling sicky. suddenly block nose. wenta see the doc (a female, and they were like.. rushing to go home ?), and she just gave me flu medicine ! when, i dont really even have flu.
fri, today. feel like puking, but just cldnt.. head to work, but i realise it shld be my gastric tt have been making me uncomfy. like... bloated and pain. ate only like, half pac of rice (when normally, its not even enough for me) it doesnt seems to get any better.


i need more rest huh ? ohman. fashion show is coming realllllllllllllll soon. 15aug (ohh yea, and if anyone of u guys want, let me know... 38bucks per couple at klapsons hotel, a new boutique hotel. can get it straight from our shop) and not all gowns are out yet. plus, alan going reservist from monday onwards, for 3wks. meannnnss, we gonna be hell busy... need to rush the gowns too.. with the beadingggggss. how to rest properly ?! ohhh noooo. i wanna faintsss.

another good news would be................
ill be heading over to tokyo late aug !! after the fashion show :D
well yes, im not a very japan person (wld prefer korea though), BUT I DONT MIND (:
its the company trip, and i just want to get my ass outta singapore badly ! (on a plane)
cause we saw the ad on the newspaper, m'sia airline, 398bucks, 2way including tax and everything !!!!! yeaa, we told the boss... but i never thought it wld happen.
mum is worried abt the accomodation, cause apparently, im the only girl. (except for my boss's cousin.. but shes bringing her.... girl, bf. les couple)
so i haveta kinda.... say things to make her not so worried.
they are very against the idea of alan and me in the same room.
(i dont understand whats wrong ? we're just friends... and... its not like we're interested in each other)
but well, im not lying to her laa.. at least not, i think.
ohh well, theres a big muji waiting for me there ! (:
expenses sure gonna be high man.




now, the mainnnnn thing, is to get my health back.
its so important.
when im sick, i feel nua, i cant wrk properly.
i need my health and energy back so i can fight the coming battle, and then enjoy for the trip !
ohyea !
getwellsoon, ihope. 9:47 PM