"cats are OK - purrr" has never been less appropriate

What? Nothing wrong here.

Nope, just an apartment.

Ho hum...

AAAAHHHHH WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE

For disbelievers: really. Here it is. I've recently had a few people express disbelief that some of these photos are really from listings. But they are, they really truly are, and that's what makes the world such a wonderful place. Sometimes the listing has been taken down or changed by the time I get it posted, but the photos I use are all snagged -- by me -- from actual real estate listings. Cross my heart.

(Jake sent this to You Suck at Craigslist, who thoughtfully passed it along to me.)

No no no no no no no

Sorry about how bleak the sink with the razor was in that listing down there. How about this to cheer you up? Look! Clowns! Jenny found some clowns! Aren't you happy now? Whee?

(If you need me, I'll be hiding under my covers. Let me know when they're gone, please.)

Amazing tile, how sweet the gloss

Shhhh. Please be quiet; they're about to have Spock's funeral.

(Rrrrr! Paramount has had all the clips they [and I] can find of that scene from Star Trek II taken down, so I can't put a nice little segment here showing that I'm not insane. And maybe I am, I don't know, but I swear that was the first thing I thought of when Holly sent me this. Just load up the space casket, put it on the counter, and shove him out the airlock at the end... on the other hand, I just woke up and this might make no sense. On the third hand, it's not like the posts I write in the middle of the day make sense, either.)

Waiting for Chair.

You sit there:


And I'll sit here.


Now it's a party. Whee. Thanks to Kelly for finding the wild scene. Yippee. Let's celebrate "True related living," whatever that is, since it's important enough that the real estate agent mentioned it three times.

I know what I like, and that's not it

Ellen found this delightful mansion in Duckburg. Who's never wrong, but always right? Who'd never dream of starting a fight?

Still drunks, but they're our drunks

"Roscoe Village is like Lakeview without all the drunks and the horrible traffic!" says this optimistic real estate agent in the listing found by Alissa. Lakeview without all the drunks... because one has wandered over into the bathroom.

STOP THAT RACKET DOWN THERE!

SHHHH! YOU'RE KEEPING TONY UP WITH ALL YOUR DANCING! THIS IS NO TIME FOR A CONGA LINE! KNOCK IT OFF!

It's a Habitrail! You know, for kids!

My children need this house that Annie found. They just need it. Or rather I need it for them, especially if I could seal the tubes off from time to time for some peace and quiet. Just joking. No I'm not.

Please, let me take your coat (bwa ha ha)

Look! It's a friend for this lady! Or gentleman, I can't tell without getting really personal. Found by Nicole.

Man, I picked a bad day to wear corncob earrings on my walk in the woods

Tweet, tweet! RAR NOM NOM NOM NOM *crunch crunch crunch*

Kelli found this disturbing illustration. She says she would've looked at the property, but was prevented by her fear of man-size birds.

It's not them, it's me

I give up. Clearly candy-themed rooms are fine, just fine, and I need to get over my heebie-jeebies. Thank you, Jessy, for finding this Pez-filled room as proof that such things are completely normal.

Must... resist... "Who let the dogs in" joke...

Shauna found the trio, Roy found the pair, and I found the singleton. I like dogs just fine, but "Dogs lived here!" isn't a selling point. Trust me on this one. Two big dogs were living in my house before I moved in, and... well, we made sure we didn't go barefoot in the yard for a surprisingly long time.

How else could you see if the eggs are done?

If your stove doesn't have a range hood, where are you supposed to put the light? Huh? Answer me that, smartypants.

Stoopid sinks.

I believe the owner of this house hates sinks. Really hates sinks. Dumb sinks, with all their drains and their water and... and... yeah. Sinks! Take that! Who's all wet now, huh?

Although actually, the bottom one looks more joyful than revengeful. Like someone was unpacking and going "the sink goes THERE!" and tossing it into the corner. Whee!

(P.S. I'm having some computer problems -- ones involving flames and smoke and such -- so please don't take it personally if I'm slow to reply to e-mails the next few days.)

My childhood nightmares were TRUE

Annie found this truly terrifying basement. Yes, that's a basement. To be fair, the listing does say that there's a "BASEMENT FULL OF WATER." And look -- there it is! So we'll have to find something else to pick on... like... um... this!


No, never mind, the listing also says that "BASKET BALL COURT FL NEEDS TO BE REPLACED."

Wait.

What?

Basketball court?

What kind of a house is this? Let's look at the Google street view:

Huh.

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION

HOW I SPENT MY SUMMER VACATION
by
The Chair

Here I am, on my way:


First stop: my aunt and uncle's house. We sat out back and talked (here we are with my cousin):



Next I went to visit my old college housemates:



I guess I we relived the old days a bit too well, because I woke up here:


One I'd recovered, I was off to explore the big city:


One thing I like about travel is getting to meet people who don't look like all the people back home, if you know what I mean:


They took me and my old housemates to a cool party in someone's basement -- wild times!


My old housemates were a bit freaked out, though. They're so uptight:


Finally, back home for a much-needed rest.

Poor Santa. Poor, poor Santa.

What do I know about chimneys? Nothing. So maybe this is all just fine. Maybe.

How? How does this happen?

How does a tub get in this condition? Do I really want to know? Probably not.

Smells delicious!

Ahhh... nothing says "home" more than freshly baked chocolate-chip cookies, even if the batter is the stuff you (by "you" I mean "I") get in the giant tub from Costco. And, um, even if "home" appears to be an abandoned construction site.

Run, bathtub, run!

Run as fast as your little clawfeet can take you! And save the houseplant, too!