Wednesday, May 05, 2010
General Election Pop Anthem Special
The General Election looms tomorrow. Knackered? Footsore? Your brain turning to cheese at repeating that you agree with Nick’s Four Fairnesses seventy-three times a day? Then here are three songs to perk you up. They’re all from the 1990s – no, not Things Can Only Get Better; too much like intruding on private grief – and include, for me, the ’90s’ two greatest pop anthems. The first is foot-stompingly Liberal; the second, a total fake (and not quite the proper song, either); the third wasn’t a big hit, but it’s difficult to find a bigger hitting out at the Labservatives.
I’ve been horribly ill throughout the campaign, but today lifted my spirit if not my body with some music. In a strange way, it was inspired by this week’s Doctor Who DVD release, The Creature From the Pit, David Fisher’s witty novelisation of which has just by remarkable timing has just been broadcast over the last week on BBC7, read by Tom Baker (the final part’s tonight at half-midnight, but you can still catch most of it on iPlayer or, of course, buy the CD). No – I’m afraid none of the songs are about giant green blobs, but a point for each of the two key Liberal messages in the story, and a further one for which well-known Kate Bush single it made me think of, and why. This afternoon, then, I staggered to bed in horrible pain and curled up with Kate to sing me to sleep. While dozing, I remembered her fabulous, bonkers but politically unsuitable anthem Ken, which got me thinking of political songs, while Kate in general got me thinking of the wonderful ’90s Doctor Who New Adventures and their obligatory Kate Bush song titles. That collision in my brain demanded ’90s political anthems… So here they are.
I doubt the Levellers have any party affiliation, but if there’s any finer anthem that sums up Liberalism for me, I haven’t heard it (that techno remix of The Land having failed to chart). Where Labour and Tories want to give you goodies if you fit into their precise definition of a good life, and punish you if you don’t, Liberals think the government can’t know best for you, because everyone’s best is different. Who’s the only party backing a Freedom Bill to sweep away many of Labour’s bossy, vindictive, stupidly timewasting 4,300 new laws? Who’s the only party that wants to give a large tax cut to the vast majority of people, however they choose to live their lives, rather than the Tories’ bribe to people in the right sort of marriages and massive tax break for double millionaires? I agree with Jonathan Calder and – like Simon Goldie – I agree with Nick. Vote Liberal Democrat, and sing along! Or not, according to taste.
This is mean – though not remotely unfair – and isn’t a patch on proper Pulp. It does, however, make a point, and made me laugh.
Labour? Tory? Just the same. If you’re thinking of voting for either tomorrow – just how overwhelming is your amnesia?
Or there’s the thing Newsnight got Right Said Fred to do, but there’s nothing sadder than a commissioned pop anthem, is there?
I’ve been horribly ill throughout the campaign, but today lifted my spirit if not my body with some music. In a strange way, it was inspired by this week’s Doctor Who DVD release, The Creature From the Pit, David Fisher’s witty novelisation of which has just by remarkable timing has just been broadcast over the last week on BBC7, read by Tom Baker (the final part’s tonight at half-midnight, but you can still catch most of it on iPlayer or, of course, buy the CD). No – I’m afraid none of the songs are about giant green blobs, but a point for each of the two key Liberal messages in the story, and a further one for which well-known Kate Bush single it made me think of, and why. This afternoon, then, I staggered to bed in horrible pain and curled up with Kate to sing me to sleep. While dozing, I remembered her fabulous, bonkers but politically unsuitable anthem Ken, which got me thinking of political songs, while Kate in general got me thinking of the wonderful ’90s Doctor Who New Adventures and their obligatory Kate Bush song titles. That collision in my brain demanded ’90s political anthems… So here they are.
The Levellers – One Way
I doubt the Levellers have any party affiliation, but if there’s any finer anthem that sums up Liberalism for me, I haven’t heard it (that techno remix of The Land having failed to chart). Where Labour and Tories want to give you goodies if you fit into their precise definition of a good life, and punish you if you don’t, Liberals think the government can’t know best for you, because everyone’s best is different. Who’s the only party backing a Freedom Bill to sweep away many of Labour’s bossy, vindictive, stupidly timewasting 4,300 new laws? Who’s the only party that wants to give a large tax cut to the vast majority of people, however they choose to live their lives, rather than the Tories’ bribe to people in the right sort of marriages and massive tax break for double millionaires? I agree with Jonathan Calder and – like Simon Goldie – I agree with Nick. Vote Liberal Democrat, and sing along! Or not, according to taste.
David Cameron – Common People
This is mean – though not remotely unfair – and isn’t a patch on proper Pulp. It does, however, make a point, and made me laugh.
Chumbawamba – Amnesia
“Do you suffer from long-term memory loss?”I know that it’s very on-message to talk about the hopes people had for New Labour back in 1997, and certainly, by comparison to the Conservatives today, Tony Blair had a wild storm of optimism around him. But, bitter old git that I am, I always loathed him – I thought he was a Tory from the word go, and though “I told you so” is never an appealing line, I’m not standing for election tomorrow, so I’ll point out that I did indeed tell people so. I said it at my count on election night 1997 (where I stood hand in hand with my beloved Richard on the stage, on the telly – yay!), coming an heroic third in a Labour-Tory marginal, an unemployed Lib Dem against a Labour millionaire. After congratulating her on her win, I warned everyone in the hall (in the sort of barnstorming speech I so rarely get the chance to make) that Labour would let them all down and be exactly like the Tories. I was shrieked and howled down by Labour – as committed to free speech as ever. Of course, I wasn’t entirely right: in so many ways, Labour’s thirteen years have been so much worse than the Tories. So Chumbawamba’s song here greatly appealed to me, though it wasn’t in tune with the times and I was just about the only person who bought it.
Labour? Tory? Just the same. If you’re thinking of voting for either tomorrow – just how overwhelming is your amnesia?
Or there’s the thing Newsnight got Right Said Fred to do, but there’s nothing sadder than a commissioned pop anthem, is there?
Labels: British Politics, General Election, Labservative, Liberal Democrats, Liberalism, Music, Personal, Tom Baker
Thursday, April 15, 2010
“OMG! Voting For THEM Might Let THEM In!”
It’s tired already. The soundbites, the leaflets, the screaming newspaper headlines – when it’s this hysterical from the start, what will it be like come May? So what’s the real truth?
And you know what?
Prepare yourself for a shock: every single one of those hysterical accusations is true.
But not one of them is true for the whole country.
They may well be true for individual constituencies… Though no-one knows for a fact which ones, because voters change their minds. OK, with quite a few you can make a pretty good guess, and most of the time it’ll be right – but even then, it’s only a probability, and in only one seat at a time.
The newspapers and leaflets and soundbites that say it applies across the whole country – like the literally millions of Unite-funded Labour leaflets claiming it’s between Labour and the Tories in seats where the Tories are in a poor third place and there’s either a Liberal Democrat MP already or perhaps soon will be – are simply telling a massive, shameless lie. It doesn’t say much for any positive reasons for voting, does it?
Yesterday, I saw Gordon Brown on TV saying that the Liberal Democrats really agreed with Labour – while his unelected crony Lord Adonis has made this into an art form (my friends Stephen and Prateek, like most Lib Dems, are not impressed) – and David Cameron on TV saying that the Liberal Democrats were really closer to the Conservatives. At the same time, I saw Conservative leaflets claiming a Lib Dem vote was a vote for Labour, and yet more Labour leaflets claiming – usually shrieking hysterically, insofar as you can do that on paper – that a Lib Dem vote was a vote for the Tories.
Here’s a newsflash. While Labour and the Tories both try alternately to insult, bully and love-bomb Liberal Democrat voters into supporting them, Liberal Democrats aren’t Labour or Tories. Most of us believe that the Conservatives and Labour are much closer to each other than they are to us: whether ideologically, with both hideously authoritarian; or on their near-identical records in government of green inaction, centralisation and warmongering; or just for a laugh about the Labservatives. But that’s a teeny bit of negativity coming through.
Let me ask a simple, positive question about why you think Liberal Democrats are Liberal Democrats: it’s much, much easier to get ahead and get power in a slightly bigger party that, thanks to the electoral system, has alternated in absolute power for most of the last century. I can see why people would become Labour or Tory even if they don’t really agree with them at heart, because, pragmatically, it makes a kind of sense. But given what a struggle it is even to be heard, let alone win power as Lib Dems – though we’re on 23% in the polls today, and have 63 MPs, when I joined we were on 19 MPs and struggling to make 5% – why on Earth would we bother if we didn’t believe in it?
Some Liberal Democrat supporters this election have got tired of all the negative campaigning and anti-voting, and set up a new Positive Voting site. Why not take a look? As opinion polls have often said – if everyone who said they’d vote Liberal Democrat ‘if they could win’ voted Lib Dem… Then we’d win.
If you’re passionately in favour of the Conservatives, or Labour, or any of the others, and if you’re really not keen on the Lib Dems… Well, then don’t vote Lib Dem. But why not take a look at what we stand for, if you’re not sure, and if you like what the Liberal Democrats say – then vote for us. Don’t be bullied into something you loathe fractionally less than something else.
Here’s the full Liberal Democrat Manifesto.
Or you could just read Nick Clegg’s and Vince Cable’s top priorities.
For me, I’d say vote Liberal Democrat for fairness. For freedom. For a green future. To fight poverty, ignorance and conformity.
And because we’re the only party that’s had the honesty to put all the figures in our Manifesto so you can work out for yourself if the sums add up.
The more votes and the more seats Liberal Democrats win, the more likely it is that Liberal Democrat policies will count in the next Parliament. Even while Labour’s had absolute power on a third of the vote, we’ve still made the difference on issues like the Gurkhas and civil liberties: every Lib Dem vote increases the chance of a Lib Dem government, or at least of stopping the other two being able to do every single thing they want to without anything like majority support and let some new ideas in for a change.
Which brings me to my final reason for a positive vote for the Liberal Democrats – even if you’re not a Liberal Democrat by natural inclination. If you think more voices need to be heard in politics… If you think absolute power when most voters oppose you isn’t healthy… If you think a government should represent the people… Then vote Liberal Democrat, not to shore up the system, nor to inherit it, but to break it open.
Because, you see, electing MPs by proportional representation would all but eliminate feeling you have to make a choice between the lesser of two evils when there’s something better on offer. Of course it wouldn’t stop people and parties campaigning negatively in other ways – there’ll always be attacks, and that’s an argument for another day – but it would cut off at the knees most of those daft ‘voting X is only a vote for Y’ babbles. Your X would simply be your X – or, in the Single Transferable Vote system the Lib Dems prefer, your 123: putting it simply, most types of PR give fair shares but too much power to parties, but STV gives voters a double power. Not only does it reflect your votes in proportion, but it lets you choose which individual candidates you want, either within or across different parties. Sounds a bit technical? It would mean the safe seats that led to the lazy arrogance of the MPs who most abused their expenses would be swept away, too.
The Conservatives will never choose to back proportional representation – unless actually letting the people in is the only way they can get power. And we all know now that Labour will never change the system on their own. In 1997, they had the largest majority in the House of Commons (on one of the lowest pluralities of votes) for a century. They promised in their manifesto that they would hold a referendum on proportional representation. They had the power to do it: they didn’t. They made the same promise in 2001. They broke it again. Last year, with defeat staring him in the face, Gordon Brown promised a referendum on ‘the Alternative Vote’ – a half-way system does give preferential voting, but that’s often even less proportional than the one we have now (at random). Then, just a week ago, they dropped that policy in the House of Commons. Now they promise to bring it back after the election. Of course you will, Gordon. No. You broke your promise when you had power, then broke it again, and again: offering a much weaker policy at some time in the future doesn’t deserve a second glance (though you might take a pause to realise that the Labour leaflets pretending sitting Lib Dem MPs can’t win deceitfully pretend the country is one big seat, despite the fact they’ve been the main protectors of it being lots of little ones).
A vote for the Liberal Democrats is a vote to deliver real change. It’s not the only possible vote for change in all seats: if making every vote count is your main aim, then in Scotland or Wales you might look to see if Plaid Cymru or the SNP are ahead in your seat, while in one seat in England – Brighton Pavilion – the Greens have a decent chance. I’d argue even then that you should vote Liberal Democrat, of course, but that’s because I do passionately believe that we need a party that’s fair, liberal and green, and mine’s the only one that’s all three. And I’ve already given you my reason my STV’s a better, more voter-powerful system of proportional representation than those other parties support.
If you support any smaller party, or even if you are Labour or Conservative supporter, and you want proportional representation, so every vote counts – then in nine out of ten Westminster Parliament seats the Liberal Democrats are almost certainly the party which is best-placed to gain PR. So, why not give us a try? If enough people support us this time, we are committed to changing the system – and then all those leaflets can go in the dustbin, and you can vote safely for your first choice for ever afterwards. Where the Labservatives want to scare you into voting for them by keeping the crooked system that might make you feel that’s necessary, the Liberal Democrats want to break open the system and run the risk you’ll then feel free to run to someone else. I think that’s a better way, don’t you?
And finally (courtesy of my friend Andrew)… Who do you get into bed with if you vote Liberal Democrat? The dreadful truth!
- Voting Lib Dem might let Labour in!
- Voting Tory might let Labour in!
- Voting Green might let Labour in!
- Voting UKIP might let Labour in!
- Voting Labour might even let Labour in!
- Voting Lib Dem might let the Tories in!
- Voting Labour might let the Tories in!
- Voting Green might let the Tories in!
- Voting UKIP might let the Tories in!
- Voting Tory might even let the Tories in!
- Voting Tory might let the Lib Dems in!
- Voting Labour might let the Lib Dems in!
- Voting Green might let the Lib Dems in!
- Voting UKIP might let the Lib Dems in!
- Voting Lib Dem might even let the Liberal Democrats in!
And you know what?
Prepare yourself for a shock: every single one of those hysterical accusations is true.
But not one of them is true for the whole country.
They may well be true for individual constituencies… Though no-one knows for a fact which ones, because voters change their minds. OK, with quite a few you can make a pretty good guess, and most of the time it’ll be right – but even then, it’s only a probability, and in only one seat at a time.
The newspapers and leaflets and soundbites that say it applies across the whole country – like the literally millions of Unite-funded Labour leaflets claiming it’s between Labour and the Tories in seats where the Tories are in a poor third place and there’s either a Liberal Democrat MP already or perhaps soon will be – are simply telling a massive, shameless lie. It doesn’t say much for any positive reasons for voting, does it?
Lib Dems Must Really Want To Be Either Labour Or Tory, Mustn’t They?
Yesterday, I saw Gordon Brown on TV saying that the Liberal Democrats really agreed with Labour – while his unelected crony Lord Adonis has made this into an art form (my friends Stephen and Prateek, like most Lib Dems, are not impressed) – and David Cameron on TV saying that the Liberal Democrats were really closer to the Conservatives. At the same time, I saw Conservative leaflets claiming a Lib Dem vote was a vote for Labour, and yet more Labour leaflets claiming – usually shrieking hysterically, insofar as you can do that on paper – that a Lib Dem vote was a vote for the Tories.
Here’s a newsflash. While Labour and the Tories both try alternately to insult, bully and love-bomb Liberal Democrat voters into supporting them, Liberal Democrats aren’t Labour or Tories. Most of us believe that the Conservatives and Labour are much closer to each other than they are to us: whether ideologically, with both hideously authoritarian; or on their near-identical records in government of green inaction, centralisation and warmongering; or just for a laugh about the Labservatives. But that’s a teeny bit of negativity coming through.
Let me ask a simple, positive question about why you think Liberal Democrats are Liberal Democrats: it’s much, much easier to get ahead and get power in a slightly bigger party that, thanks to the electoral system, has alternated in absolute power for most of the last century. I can see why people would become Labour or Tory even if they don’t really agree with them at heart, because, pragmatically, it makes a kind of sense. But given what a struggle it is even to be heard, let alone win power as Lib Dems – though we’re on 23% in the polls today, and have 63 MPs, when I joined we were on 19 MPs and struggling to make 5% – why on Earth would we bother if we didn’t believe in it?
A Positive Vote
Some Liberal Democrat supporters this election have got tired of all the negative campaigning and anti-voting, and set up a new Positive Voting site. Why not take a look? As opinion polls have often said – if everyone who said they’d vote Liberal Democrat ‘if they could win’ voted Lib Dem… Then we’d win.
If you’re passionately in favour of the Conservatives, or Labour, or any of the others, and if you’re really not keen on the Lib Dems… Well, then don’t vote Lib Dem. But why not take a look at what we stand for, if you’re not sure, and if you like what the Liberal Democrats say – then vote for us. Don’t be bullied into something you loathe fractionally less than something else.
Here’s the full Liberal Democrat Manifesto.
Or you could just read Nick Clegg’s and Vince Cable’s top priorities.
For me, I’d say vote Liberal Democrat for fairness. For freedom. For a green future. To fight poverty, ignorance and conformity.
And because we’re the only party that’s had the honesty to put all the figures in our Manifesto so you can work out for yourself if the sums add up.
The more votes and the more seats Liberal Democrats win, the more likely it is that Liberal Democrat policies will count in the next Parliament. Even while Labour’s had absolute power on a third of the vote, we’ve still made the difference on issues like the Gurkhas and civil liberties: every Lib Dem vote increases the chance of a Lib Dem government, or at least of stopping the other two being able to do every single thing they want to without anything like majority support and let some new ideas in for a change.
Which brings me to my final reason for a positive vote for the Liberal Democrats – even if you’re not a Liberal Democrat by natural inclination. If you think more voices need to be heard in politics… If you think absolute power when most voters oppose you isn’t healthy… If you think a government should represent the people… Then vote Liberal Democrat, not to shore up the system, nor to inherit it, but to break it open.
Because, you see, electing MPs by proportional representation would all but eliminate feeling you have to make a choice between the lesser of two evils when there’s something better on offer. Of course it wouldn’t stop people and parties campaigning negatively in other ways – there’ll always be attacks, and that’s an argument for another day – but it would cut off at the knees most of those daft ‘voting X is only a vote for Y’ babbles. Your X would simply be your X – or, in the Single Transferable Vote system the Lib Dems prefer, your 123: putting it simply, most types of PR give fair shares but too much power to parties, but STV gives voters a double power. Not only does it reflect your votes in proportion, but it lets you choose which individual candidates you want, either within or across different parties. Sounds a bit technical? It would mean the safe seats that led to the lazy arrogance of the MPs who most abused their expenses would be swept away, too.
The Conservatives will never choose to back proportional representation – unless actually letting the people in is the only way they can get power. And we all know now that Labour will never change the system on their own. In 1997, they had the largest majority in the House of Commons (on one of the lowest pluralities of votes) for a century. They promised in their manifesto that they would hold a referendum on proportional representation. They had the power to do it: they didn’t. They made the same promise in 2001. They broke it again. Last year, with defeat staring him in the face, Gordon Brown promised a referendum on ‘the Alternative Vote’ – a half-way system does give preferential voting, but that’s often even less proportional than the one we have now (at random). Then, just a week ago, they dropped that policy in the House of Commons. Now they promise to bring it back after the election. Of course you will, Gordon. No. You broke your promise when you had power, then broke it again, and again: offering a much weaker policy at some time in the future doesn’t deserve a second glance (though you might take a pause to realise that the Labour leaflets pretending sitting Lib Dem MPs can’t win deceitfully pretend the country is one big seat, despite the fact they’ve been the main protectors of it being lots of little ones).
A vote for the Liberal Democrats is a vote to deliver real change. It’s not the only possible vote for change in all seats: if making every vote count is your main aim, then in Scotland or Wales you might look to see if Plaid Cymru or the SNP are ahead in your seat, while in one seat in England – Brighton Pavilion – the Greens have a decent chance. I’d argue even then that you should vote Liberal Democrat, of course, but that’s because I do passionately believe that we need a party that’s fair, liberal and green, and mine’s the only one that’s all three. And I’ve already given you my reason my STV’s a better, more voter-powerful system of proportional representation than those other parties support.
If you support any smaller party, or even if you are Labour or Conservative supporter, and you want proportional representation, so every vote counts – then in nine out of ten Westminster Parliament seats the Liberal Democrats are almost certainly the party which is best-placed to gain PR. So, why not give us a try? If enough people support us this time, we are committed to changing the system – and then all those leaflets can go in the dustbin, and you can vote safely for your first choice for ever afterwards. Where the Labservatives want to scare you into voting for them by keeping the crooked system that might make you feel that’s necessary, the Liberal Democrats want to break open the system and run the risk you’ll then feel free to run to someone else. I think that’s a better way, don’t you?
And finally (courtesy of my friend Andrew)… Who do you get into bed with if you vote Liberal Democrat? The dreadful truth!
Labels: British Politics, Labservative, Liberal Democrats, Proportional Representation, The Golden Dozen
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
New Soiled Labour: A Cautionary Tale
With excruciating timing, just as the bloated zombie of the “New” Labour Government is (hopefully) due at last to lumber into its grave, one of the main reasons to bury it at a crossroads with a stake through its heart returns from the dead. Long-term readers may remember that I was never fond of the pure poison to the body politic that was for too long Prime Minister, so Mr Blair’s resurrection today in a body that (like Lord Voldemort’s) is no longer quite human started me thinking of the terrible lessons to learn from the fable of New Labour…
Wasn’t it astounding to see Gordon Brown, surely one of the few people on Earth who loathes Tony Blair more than I do, calling him back after all the hate everyone knows they’ve spat at each other to give one last lie for the gitter?
Wasn’t it astounding to see Labourites on Twitter pretending they’re pleased to see him again, with the celebratory hasbeentag #BlairsBack (still with #BrownsKnives?) fighting for attention with the competing #TheMummyReturns, #SendHimToTheHague and #MoneyTalks?
And wasn’t it astounding to see a man who’s not standing for election – who can’t be held to account – fly in on a tide of money and order us all what to do, as if he still had absolutely power? Wasn’t it just like old times for the Labservatives to assume that we must all do what they say, as long as they’re rich and arrogant enough, and no need for them to be elected? And wasn’t it absolutely bloody typical of the man who lied our country into an illegal war at the behest of God and George Bush – and with the full support of the Labservative Parties – to make his grand declamation, tell us all what to do… Then refuse to answer a single question, ordering out anyone who tried to hold him to account?
As you may have gathered, Mr Blair descending to Earth to lay his holy hand on us miserable sinners is reminding me just how much I loathe him. I disliked him very much even before he became Labour Leader; he fulfilled all my grim expectations as Prime Minister; and then as war criminal and George Bush cheerleader he became someone who I could no longer look at without feeling muscles clenching and teeth grinding.
It’s one of the paradoxes of politics that, although I dislike Mr Cameron far more than I do Mr Brown, I suspect that Dave (in his vacuous nebulosity) would be easier to deal with. Gordon Brown is a bullying, egomaniacal control freak and not up to the job, but I can’t help thinking that he means some of what he says – unlike Mr Blair, bar his warmongering. If there’s one good thing to say about the (looks at watch) still current Prime Minister, it’s that while he always wanted to have Mr Blair’s job, he never wanted to be Mr Blair. One reason I detest Cameron more of today’s two Labservative Leaders is that he desperately wants to be Mr Blair, only without the talent (which means, grudgingly, that he probably has less capacity for evil, though not for want of trying).
None of this is to deny Tony Blair’s abilities. He was a phenomenal talent, leaving his two Labservative successors standing. But having talent isn’t enough – it’s what you do with it. And he used his flair and his power to preach at the powerless and suck up to the powerful. He was a poisonous, hypocritical, sanctimonious liar. Mr Blair reminds me of the joke told by Denis Healey about David Owen, in the style of Sleeping Beauty:
The other cautionary tale to take from New Labour is simply this. The moment they were elected, they started tugging their hardest at all the levers of power, only to find they weren’t connected to anything. Their solution?
Build more levers! More levers! Always more levers*!
Still, after all that, if you’re a better person than Tony Blair – and that’s not hard – you might find it in your heart to pity him. Just a little. Have you seen pictures of him speaking today? The poor** man. Wearing those burning pants so long has finally barbecued him all the way up to his face.
Count Packula, Prince of Markness – yes, the Lib Dems have our own undead forces – has applied his razor-sharpteeth and discovered that, in endorsing Gordon Brown, Tony Blair has been careful to leave his own ‘plausible deniability’ in place. You think that’s an exaggeration? Seriously.
Update: having been unable to bear actually watching Mr Blair’s speech, I sat down to read some of it. It was worse than I expected.
He still has chutzpah; he attacks Mr Cameron’s message of “change” as “the most vacuous in politics”. It’s bizarre to hear the truth from Tony Blair, and yet a truth that can only ever reflect on his opponents, and not himself:
But the line that really turned my stomach – the one that the Liberal Democrats should shout from the rooftops, because it should make everyone still considering voting for the Labour Party ashamed – is when he finally came out and revealed what he really believes, deep in his shrivelled soul.
For all Labour’s attempt to be all things to all people, for all their attempt to chat up Lib Dems in 1997 and, again, now that they fear they need our votes, their record is of a savagely authoritarian party that has turned back the clock at almost every point to state power against individual choice, that has tried again and again to destroy the Rule of Law. One that has been, incredibly, far worse and more repressive than the Conservatives of the 1980s and 1990s. But who could have guessed that even Mr Blair would choose so revealing a selling-point as to shout that we must choose Mr Brown over Mr Cameron – because the Conservatives are TOO LIBERAL.
*The Labour Party has created more than 4,300 new laws since it came to office, at a rate greater than any government in the history of Britain.
**Tony Blair’s definition of poor does not exclude wealth beyond the dreams of githood.
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Wasn’t it astounding to see Gordon Brown, surely one of the few people on Earth who loathes Tony Blair more than I do, calling him back after all the hate everyone knows they’ve spat at each other to give one last lie for the gitter?
Wasn’t it astounding to see Labourites on Twitter pretending they’re pleased to see him again, with the celebratory hasbeentag #BlairsBack (still with #BrownsKnives?) fighting for attention with the competing #TheMummyReturns, #SendHimToTheHague and #MoneyTalks?
And wasn’t it astounding to see a man who’s not standing for election – who can’t be held to account – fly in on a tide of money and order us all what to do, as if he still had absolutely power? Wasn’t it just like old times for the Labservatives to assume that we must all do what they say, as long as they’re rich and arrogant enough, and no need for them to be elected? And wasn’t it absolutely bloody typical of the man who lied our country into an illegal war at the behest of God and George Bush – and with the full support of the Labservative Parties – to make his grand declamation, tell us all what to do… Then refuse to answer a single question, ordering out anyone who tried to hold him to account?
As you may have gathered, Mr Blair descending to Earth to lay his holy hand on us miserable sinners is reminding me just how much I loathe him. I disliked him very much even before he became Labour Leader; he fulfilled all my grim expectations as Prime Minister; and then as war criminal and George Bush cheerleader he became someone who I could no longer look at without feeling muscles clenching and teeth grinding.
It’s one of the paradoxes of politics that, although I dislike Mr Cameron far more than I do Mr Brown, I suspect that Dave (in his vacuous nebulosity) would be easier to deal with. Gordon Brown is a bullying, egomaniacal control freak and not up to the job, but I can’t help thinking that he means some of what he says – unlike Mr Blair, bar his warmongering. If there’s one good thing to say about the (looks at watch) still current Prime Minister, it’s that while he always wanted to have Mr Blair’s job, he never wanted to be Mr Blair. One reason I detest Cameron more of today’s two Labservative Leaders is that he desperately wants to be Mr Blair, only without the talent (which means, grudgingly, that he probably has less capacity for evil, though not for want of trying).
Blairytales of New Labour
None of this is to deny Tony Blair’s abilities. He was a phenomenal talent, leaving his two Labservative successors standing. But having talent isn’t enough – it’s what you do with it. And he used his flair and his power to preach at the powerless and suck up to the powerful. He was a poisonous, hypocritical, sanctimonious liar. Mr Blair reminds me of the joke told by Denis Healey about David Owen, in the style of Sleeping Beauty:
When Tony was born, fairies gathered round his crib to shower every possible gift on him. He would be successful, intelligent, lucky, handsome, charismatic…The moral of this story, as always, is that it’s not what you have that counts – it’s what you do with it.
But, unfortunately, the bad fairy also turned up. And she said, ‘He will have all those gifts, and more. But he will also be… A shit.’
The other cautionary tale to take from New Labour is simply this. The moment they were elected, they started tugging their hardest at all the levers of power, only to find they weren’t connected to anything. Their solution?
Build more levers! More levers! Always more levers*!
Still, after all that, if you’re a better person than Tony Blair – and that’s not hard – you might find it in your heart to pity him. Just a little. Have you seen pictures of him speaking today? The poor** man. Wearing those burning pants so long has finally barbecued him all the way up to his face.
Count Packula, Prince of Markness – yes, the Lib Dems have our own undead forces – has applied his razor-sharp
Update: having been unable to bear actually watching Mr Blair’s speech, I sat down to read some of it. It was worse than I expected.
He still has chutzpah; he attacks Mr Cameron’s message of “change” as “the most vacuous in politics”. It’s bizarre to hear the truth from Tony Blair, and yet a truth that can only ever reflect on his opponents, and not himself:
“Is there a core…? Think of all the phrases you associate with their leadership and the phrase ‘you know where you are with them’ is about the last description you would think of.”Is that just out-and-out hypocrisy from the man who “changed” the Labour Party by turning into a vacuum, precisely as Mr Cameron attempted to do with his own half of the Labservatives? Or is it the disdain of a convert who finally found something to believe in – conquering the world with George Bush – and so embodying a very particular cautionary tale, that if you elect someone who’s ditched everything they ever believed in, you never know what hideous monstrosity is going to crawl into the vacuum left behind?
But the line that really turned my stomach – the one that the Liberal Democrats should shout from the rooftops, because it should make everyone still considering voting for the Labour Party ashamed – is when he finally came out and revealed what he really believes, deep in his shrivelled soul.
For all Labour’s attempt to be all things to all people, for all their attempt to chat up Lib Dems in 1997 and, again, now that they fear they need our votes, their record is of a savagely authoritarian party that has turned back the clock at almost every point to state power against individual choice, that has tried again and again to destroy the Rule of Law. One that has been, incredibly, far worse and more repressive than the Conservatives of the 1980s and 1990s. But who could have guessed that even Mr Blair would choose so revealing a selling-point as to shout that we must choose Mr Brown over Mr Cameron – because the Conservatives are TOO LIBERAL.
“On law and order, they've gone liberal when actually they should have stuck with a traditional Conservative position.”Like yours, Mr Blair? And yet he hacked apart our liberties in ways even traditional Conservatives wouldn’t have dreamt of – and now, at last, he boasts about it, like the murderer returning to the scene of the crime. A monstrously illiberal Prime Minister, finally turned from dissembling to proclaiming his monstrosity with sneering pride. The man who believes he is always right has finally made a statement of such appalling hubris that it deserves to be repeated over and over until every Labour voter knows exactly what foulness they’re supporting.
*The Labour Party has created more than 4,300 new laws since it came to office, at a rate greater than any government in the history of Britain.
**Tony Blair’s definition of poor does not exclude wealth beyond the dreams of githood.
Labels: British Politics, Iraq, Labour, Labservative
