How do you say goodbye?

When Mom died and it was Dad with 4 little girls, Granny didn't hesitate to step up.  Then for so long, it was the six of us.  We were all making it up as we went along, and we were all reliant on each other.
(See what my sisters said about Gran here: Katie, Amanda, and AJ)

Granny is so much a part of every childhood memory that I have.  She was always the first car waiting outside the school.  She would be so patient as she waited for us to climb in, but then she'd go crazy trying to get out of the parking lot around all of the other waiting cars.  I don't know if I'll ever meet another person as reliable as Granny.  If she said she was going to be somewhere, she'd be there early.


One of my favorite memories with Gran is when my Young Women's class had a Mother-Daughter date.  It's the only time I've ever been to one of those things, and I went with Granny.  At one point in the evening we played a game testing how well the mother/daughter teams knew each other.  Me and Granny won.  I remember being so proud that night.  She knew everything about me.  She kept my secrets.

For years the signature on my library card was my name written by Gran, because she got us cards before we knew how to read.  She also gave us bags to put books in.  We would go to the library and go crazy with all the books we picked out.  I learned to love reading from those trips.  She never forced or pushed, it was just something we all did together.

When I was on my mission in Vanuatu, Gran wrote to me every single week.  The Elders never delivered mail without giving me something from Gran.  I even got 2 cards from her the day before I flew home.  Every time she would also include an empty card and envelope, so I could just write back immediately.  To some that might sound pushy, but it was just being helpful.  If she could do anything that would make it easier for us, it was done.


The past 5 years of my life have been pretty crazy with moving all over the country.  Every time I called Gran, she knew what the weather was like where I was.  My apartment is full of things she gave me to make the places I went to feel like home.  Refrigerator magnets, blankets, and pens and stationary to write to her.  The first time I moved to Ohio I called to tell her I'd arrived safely and moved in.  I said I'd gone grocery shopping so I should be ok and she said, "as long as you have cereal and milk".  According to her, if I have cereal and milk I can settle in and not feel homesick.  She was so smart.

I was never tempted to lie to Gran.  Most of the time when someone asks how I'm doing, I'll say "fine" or "good" without even thinking, but Gran always got the honest answer.  She could tell by my voice whether I was happy or not, and would always remind me how much she is thinking about me.  I'd be living by myself in a big city and feeling incredibly lonely, but I knew that Granny was thinking about me.

I called her a few days before the stroke.  She picked up after 1.5 rings, as usual.  "Oh hi honey!"  I told her about how things were going with my new job, apartment, and roommate.  She had no idea what I do for a living, but she always listened and was encouraging and supportive.  She said, "you sound happy, I'm glad you like it there."

My stomach dropped when Dad told me she'd had a stroke.  I talked to her on the phone one last time and told her I love her and I'm thinking about her.  She told me she loved me and that she's thinking of me too.  "I love you, goodbye".

Sometimes when she sent cards, she also sent pages of quotes she'd collected.  I found one today, and one of the quotes was: "Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it's letting go."

We all made it up together.  We all needed each other to get through the day to day.  I tried to prepare myself for this, but I wasn't ready.

Granny, I'm sure you already know this, but I'm not doing so well right now.  I don't know what the weather will be like here tomorrow, and I don't know who to tell my secrets to.