Infinite value

Part of my volunteer work includes sharing a devotional at community meetings. I have been thinking a lot about “the worth of souls” in recent months, and those thoughts made their way into my most recent devotional. It’s nothing fancy, but I was struck by the wealth of verses across world religions that focus on how important each person is. And I thought I’d share it here. ❤️

These are verses about the value of each individual person, or the infinite worth of each soul, from the holy texts of various religions including Sikhism, Judaism, Hinduism, Buddhism, Bahai, Islam, and Christianity. You may recognize some of them.

The worth of the soul cannot be described.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

A true yogi observes Me in all beings and also sees every being in Me. 

As a mother would risk her life to protect her child, even so should one cultivate a limitless heart with regard to all beings.

Ye are the fruits of one tree, and the leaves of one branch.

Whoever has saved a life, it is as though he has saved all of humanity.

Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of them will fall to the ground outside your Father’s care.

Remember the worth of souls is great in the sight of God.

Each person has infinite value, and this is why we do the work that we do. Amen.

Notes on faith

I was looking for something else in my Google drive and found these notes from an interview I did in 2019 for a podcast that used to publish regularly but stalled indefinitely with the pandemic. I enjoyed reading through my pre-Covid thoughts on faith. I pretty much still feel the same way about faith 4 years later. I can handily sum my faith up using the LDS Articles of Faith (https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/comeuntochrist/article/articles-of-faith), although I also feel like it’s very useful for me as a believer, and for anyone who wants to understand me or my beliefs, to acknowledge the struggle and the wrestle of faith.

Something that 2023 Eliza would add to the issue of women and the church is the issue of LGBTQ marriage equality and the church. That’s something I’ve noticed and pondered for years, but didn’t think super hard on it until my late 30s. I personally hang on to the 9th article of faith on this topic (we believe that God will yet reveal many great and important things). At the same time, I don’t presume to speak for the church. So instead I hang on to the hope that I have for change. Hope, which as I’ve seen so eloquently described in an Ensign essay which I’ll find the link for later, is “expectation based on experience.”

Anyway, so that’s the State of the Faith for me. What do you think?

PURPOSE: The purpose of the Faith is Not Blind Podcast is to give listeners the opportunity to listen to narratives of people who have confronted some type of uncertainty in their lives, and yet have deliberately chosen to be actively faithful. Many of our listeners won’t have come from homes where they learned how to discuss spirituality and faith in a nuanced way, so these narratives will tutor and teach them how to have complex and constructive conversations about faith. 

THE NARRATIVES: These stories are case studies about people who not only see the gray area, but use their faith to help them navigate through it. These stories should be honest, yet hopeful. Please don’t feel like your story needs to be polished or didactic. Ideally the podcast will be conversational and casual, yet insightful. We’re not trying to give people answers as much as offer them ideas about how to grapple with questions in ways that encourage personal growth as well as a strengthened relationship with God and Jesus Christ. 

THE INTERVIEW: The interview will have a general framework, but the flow will be organic and spontaneous. Be prepared to give a brief biographical sketch of yourself in the beginning of the interview. Include details that will relate to your narrative. 

I grew up in California. Went to BYU, got married, finished school, grad school, moved to Northern Virginia with my husband and we’ve lived here for 13 years. We have four kids. Our oldest child is high-functioning austistic, which is what used to be called Asperger’s.

POSSIBLE QUESTIONS: You may be asked some of the following questions, but these are just general ideas to consider as you prepare for your interview. 

How would you describe your religious foundation? What was your home like growing up? How did your parents teach you to live your religion? 

Strong. We were always active at church. I’m the fourth of six kids and I grew up in a medium-sized town in Southern California, with a core group of kids my age who were also active at church. My family said family prayer every morning and night, had family home evening, we all went to seminary, my dad was the bishop. My parents are politically liberal but very religious. I didn’t actually know they were politically liberal, or that being so could be seen as an issue in the church community, until I was an older teenager.

How were you taught to gain a testimony? For you, what was your testimony based on?

My parents certainly led by example. I remember “catching” them praying quite a lot. My spiritual and religious habits came from them. They didn’t get super deep in terms of complexity and nuance. But they taught us straight from the scriptures and they took us to church every week. I think as a teenager, my testimony of the Book of Mormon and of Jesus Christ came through seminary, youth conference, and visits to EFY. I felt very keenly the need to repent of the mistakes I made and to try to be a better person. No one necessarily told me to, just the scriptures I memorized in seminary. I felt the Spirit the most through music and I still do.

What was one of your foundational spiritual experiences? What did this experience teach you that helped you deal with later questions? 

Receiving my patriarchal blessing when I was 15. I felt very “seen.” I felt for the first time that I had a job to do. I have read it a million times, in every stage of life and faith. Some of the religion classes I took at BYU were foundational for me too. Dr. Brown was my favorite religion professor, S. Kent Brown. I still remember him telling us to ask ourselves, “Can I stand the light? And can I stand the darkness that comes afterwards or before?”

As a child or teenager, how did you view God? How was this view of God influenced by your parents? How did your relationship with your parents and the way they parented you shape your view of both God and religion? 

    I was pretty matter-of-fact about it. This was THE true church, and wasn’t I lucky to be born into it? My parents are orthodox Latter-day Saints, and they believed in accepting all the callings and going to all the meetings and supporting all the activities. It was definitely a sense of duty. I felt that God was kind and forgiving. I felt that he was happy with the way I was living my life, and that approval meant a lot to me. I suppose I have always wanted approval from my parents too, and so there may be something deeper there. As I got older I learned that they were a little more unorthodox in some ways than I had thought. My mom is a feminist, like me. I feel like I can talk to her about anything related to women and the church and she understands. My dad is incredibly generous with his attention toward whomever is talking with him at the moment. People flock to him with their problems. He and my mom both care very much about “the one” sheep and I would say that is a framework I want my life to fit into as well.

Describe a moment in your life when your religious paradigm shifted. Please be prepared to tell this story with both detail and honesty. What caused the shift? How did this shift change the way you viewed God or religion? 

Right around the time I turned thirty, for the year or so before and after, I felt completely lost, a little bit like I was drowning almost. I found out later, after going to therapy, that I had anxiety and some obsessiveness happening, which was sort of a lingering postpartum issue that I had tried to bury. I woke up in the middle of the night one night, literally sat up with the urgent thought out of nowhere, “What if Jesus isn’t real?” I had never considered the possibility before, at least not seriously. And I wasn’t even really thinking about my faith in those years, I was just living my life, active in church, raising my kids. There was some tumult locally at that time with Ordain Women, but I didn’t feel like that was affecting me that much, although maybe it was and I just didn’t recognize it. 

I felt like everything as I understood it just sort of vaporized in that specific moment in the middle of the night. After that I just sort of walked around with my eyes darting back and forth (not literally, but that’s what it felt like), feeling like everyone could tell that I was different. But this epiphany sort of got lost in the shuffle of my own mental illness for about the next two years. I went to therapy and figured out some of what was going on with me. I pushed the Jesus question aside until later.

How did you deal with your questions? What resources did you use? How did the way you saw religion help or hurt your process?

So I think I have had two different issues, the major one being wondering if I believed in God at all, and a more minor one being confused and at times angry about my role in the church as a woman. 

For the first one, figuring out my faith, once I felt like my mental health was in manageable bounds, I turned to the Book of Mormon because I felt like praying wasn’t working, and I made a goal to finish the Book of Mormon in two weeks. It took me three weeks, but I was completely immersed in it. I had the audio playing on double-speed all day. Seeing the arc of this ancient civilization and the cycles that the people went through of prospering and then becoming humbled, seeing myself so completely in that metaphor, opened my heart in a new way. Moroni said you receive no witness until after the trial of your faith and I’ve read that a million times but it finally was concrete to me. I love the symbol of the heart that you see throughout the scriptures, that people’s hearts are softened or that they have a new heart. I felt that I got a new heart through this process. I can’t go back to how I felt before, the knowledge that I thought I had, but I don’t want to.

I have done the B of M “speed read” a few times since then and I kind of compare it to a Whole 30, which is a crash diet that cuts out sugar and processed foods and is meant to reset your cravings.

I can’t really pin down a process or resources in terms of the day to day maintenance. Very close friends of mine have stopped believing over the years, and family members, and every time we got another announcement from someone we loved who was leaving the church, my husband and I just decided yet again, we are committed, we are not going to go down that road. It has been hard for me, especially my first few close friends who left. It has gotten a little easier as I’ve clarified my own views and thrown myself into teaching my kids what I believe.

As far as women and the church, well, that’s still my cross to bear.

How does defining a testimony as a linear or static concept damage faith? How do you feel that a testimony should change or develop over time? Is it worth the risk?

I guess the concept of a linear or static testimony damages faith when we get older and start getting more and more information, and our life becomes full with other things, and we change. We go through developmental stages even as adults. This relates to autism actually; so, the autism diagnosis is a “spectrum,” which I think most people think of as linear (low-functioning vs. high-functioning) but it’s actually more helpful and more accurate to think of it like a true full-color spectrum, like a big circle full of all shades of every color, because people with autism (like people without autism) are SO unique. I also think about the image of the winding staircase, where you continue to cover a lot of the same ground but higher up. I think the circle is just a better shape to describe life than a line.

How do we get away from binary thinking (true/false binary) while still experiencing at least some degree of belief?

I guess my answer veers into agnosticism, but the fact is that we can’t know everything. We don’t know what will happen next, we don’t know all the details behind whatever transaction is happening in front of us, life on earth is complicated, so why wouldn’t faith be too? I really like the visual of the fetus in the womb who can hear noises, can see light, but has no idea what awaits her on the other side. I feel that way about eternity and heaven. I get these sort of glimpses or flashes. But I really don’t know. Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard.

What roles does cognitive dissonance play in your life? How can cognitive and spiritual tension be constructive? How does spiritual tension operate in your life? 

    I suppose thinking and seeking can be an exercise like any form of exercise. You need resistance and tension in order to grow. That growth never feels good in the moment, though.

When faced with the choice to leave the church or to stay, what made you stay? 

    It’s part of my heritage and the way I want to live my life. It’s how I want to raise my kids. My family and I have a lot to contribute. I want to be that reassuring voice to people who are struggling, that it’s not black and white and that it’s a journey. I haven’t ever considered leaving.

What helps you stay in the Church now? Is it that you don’t see reasons to leave or do the reasons to stay outweigh those reasons? How do you see it? 

    I have lots of reasons to stay. The scriptures speak to me. I like the structure that the church offers to study and understand the scriptures. I love the songs. I love Primary for my kids (and for me). I love the community. I love the rituals of the sacrament and the temple. 

I don’t particularly have reasons to leave. I see things I don’t like, things I disagree with. Some of the things that bother me the most, I believe will change eventually. Others maybe not. There are lots of reasons that people leave. I’ve never been able to convince anyone that their reason for leaving isn’t enough. Because it is enough--for them. Even if I wish it weren’t.

What have been some of the most helpful resources for you as your faith has developed? 

    The Book of Mormon. Talking with lots of people, particularly my husband and my sisters. I love the book Women at Church by Neylan McBaine. And the book Letters to a Young Mormon by Adam S. Miller. Everything by Clayton Christensen. And Bruce and Marie Hafen. ;) There’s a Facebook group called Q.Noor Sisterhood that I really like too. I loved Searching for Sunday by Rachel Held Evans. I loved an article I read in the Ensign once that referred to what people commonly call a “shelf” (as a place to put troublesome doctrine) but the author thought of this instead as a puzzle. When you’re putting together a 1,000-piece puzzle you are constantly trying to make pieces fit and then setting them aside to try again later. It might take forever and you might need a lot of help, but eventually you’ll find a place for the 1,000th piece.

How do you try and avoid seeing in binaries? Do you have a specific experience which helped you to stop seeing in binaries?

 I think just raising my kids, in particular my one child and realizing that there’s so much I don’t know about any given situation. I have been in SO many situations that I never ever thought I would be in. Usually in public, when my child is doing something that I think reflects badly on me (and on him). But I just have to push through, and I know I’m a good mom and he’s a good kid, even if it doesn’t look like it to strangers in the moment who don’t know our life. So, I just assume when I witness similar events in public that the mom I don’t know whose child is going off the rails, is also trying her best.

In your opinion, why are binaries dangerous? How do you try and teach your children to avoid black and white thinking? What risks do you see in this type of approach? How do you navigate those risks? How do you help your children navigate those risks? 

    I am still trying to figure out how to teach my children to avoid black and white thinking. With autism, a lot of things are black and white. That’s the only way the world makes sense when you’re getting so much input and it doesn’t all line up and settle in the way it does for a neurotypical person. We’ve run into this so many times when trying to explain and discuss complicated things. From the beginning we’ve always been pretty open with our kids about everything. Sex, racism, history, politics, church, faith. But then I sometimes hear my words twisted because my son takes them to be literal. So I have to be really, really careful about that.

How do you avoid judging others who may think in binaries? How do you avoid judging others who may choose to leave the church? 

    That, I think, just takes time and experience, and you also have to be willing to apologize if you get into it with someone. Of course I pass judgment on anyone who doesn’t agree with me (since obviously, being myself, I know soooo much ;), but I know that people pass judgment on me too and I think we just have to accept that and try to show love by discussing our differences (or not discussing them, if that’s better for the relationship at that time) and just be committed to embracing the diversity that comes from living in the world. 

One thing that has helped me immensely, which may sound like burying my head in the sand, was to unfollow everyone I know on Facebook. I only follow family, and some discussion groups that have to do with my personal interests but are mostly strangers. It was just too easy to pass judgment on people in my life based on these little sentences they wrote or articles they shared.

In Faith is Not Blind, GK Chesterton’s three levels are mentioned (optimists, pessimists, and improvers). What do you do to be an “improver” in your own life? 

    As far as church goes, I try to be pretty open and curious in church meetings. Particularly in ward council. I’ve stuck my foot in my mouth so many times, but I feel like a faithful feminist voice is needed in those meetings. There’s this sort of trendy yet classic idea that’s been circulating the last few years of being vulnerable. Brene Brown. I’ve gone with that in all my conversations at church. I’m pretty open. And I am curious about what people think or believe and why. Sometimes it backfires (and sometimes I go into an anxiety spiral afterwards) but I think most of the time it’s positive.

Who are some specific people in your life who have modeled how to be an “improver?” What have you learned from them? 

    Hmm. I think people who run for local politics (school boards, city councils, etc.) are sort of a classic example of this. It seems that the higher up you get in politics, the more likely you are to have to bend your ideals or maybe even get into corruption. But that beginning local level, fresh new candidates, I really think that people are dedicated to improving, not looking through rose-colored glasses and not throwing up their hands, but really taking the information and trying to solve problems.

How does your specific area of expertise help you to deal with your religious questions? How does it complicate your faith? 

    I’m a librarian at a community college, so in a lot of my teaching and working with students I emphasize looking hard at the source of information: evaluating it for currency, relevance, authority, accuracy, purpose (CRAAP). I also emphasize looking at every side of an argument. So I guess my experience with teaching kids how to research helps me not be so absolute in what I believe, but also maybe I overthink things sometimes.

How has your education added nuance to your understanding of God and religion? How do you think education and critical thinking can help deepen faith? 

    I have always thought the main thing that helped me have such a good experience going to the temple for the first time, was my English degree. It’s all about symbolism and patterns. As I have gotten older I have seen that more in the scriptures as well.

How would you encourage others to approach difficult theological or spiritual issues? What has worked for you? What hasn’t worked for you? 

    I think it’s really important to talk to people who have wrestled with faith and have not become bitter. Also, I think we’re just used to getting things quickly and that’s now always how faith works. For me, I get these glimpses, or memories, or I have this experience where something just breaks inside. It’s a lifelong process. I’m sure I don’t have this all figured out.

How would you describe your relationship with God now? What experiences have helped to create this relationship? 

    I would say it’s about gratitude more than anything. In times when I felt like I wasn’t even able to pray, I could always say a prayer of thanks. “Thank you for (X).” It’s an evolving relationship. Much like any relationship. A healthy relationship isn’t one-sided, though. After my relationship with God is one-sided for awhile, then I always come back and apologize. The more I am able to pray and stay connected, the more I get those glimpses and flashes of something bigger out there that I can’t quite explain. It might be a long time--a really long time--between glimpses. But they carry me through.

Holy

Every once in a while I start blog posts off with the musing “I wonder who reads this anymore?” I usually wonder this when my blogging has tapered way off. As it has.

I wonder who reads this anymore?

I was looking through my Church Talk File for something specific and came across this one from summer 2020. I’ve been thinking about holiness for a few years now. Enjoy. (If you are a religious person. :)

Several years ago I was talking with my brother-in-law Bruce about some commotion that was happening at the time with our church, which was in the news and was pretty public. He mentioned the push for “keeping the Sabbath day holy,” which you may remember was a part of a LOT of church lessons and meetings about 6-7 years ago, like a LOT. Like enough that we joked about it, “ANOTHER lesson about the Sabbath day?!” 

He said, “I could not understand why, when all of this other stuff was happening, that we kept getting this message to keep the Sabbath day holy. I thought about it and thought about it, and then I realized… of course. Of course this is the message. Recognizing holiness is the message, and not becoming casual is the message. We need to have conversations about the other stuff too, but this might be the most important thing we need to remember, right now.”

I have thought about that conversation dozens of times since then. I feel pretty confident about my ability to keep the Sabbath day holy. It’s a fairly fluid commandment, we aren’t given super specific instructions about it, and every family observes it as they see fit. Maybe I’m more or less orthodox than you are, it’s not a curve that we’ll all be graded on. But learning to keep something holy is actually a foundational tenet. I noticed that of the 10 commandments, it’s one of only two that doesn’t begin with “Thou shalt.” Instead, it says, “Remember.” Which President Kimball said was the most important word in the dictionary. “Our greatest need is to remember.”

I have also been thinking about how I actually have felt closest to God at times when I was working my hardest. When I was giving birth or when I was running a really hard race. James E. Faust said that “holiness is the strength of the soul.” Physical strength only comes after really hard work, when you’ve pushed your body to its limits again and again, and spiritual strength also comes through work. Pushing your soul until you think your heart might break. And eventually maybe it will break. President Faust said that holiness “comes by faith and through obedience to God’s laws and ordinances… Holiness speaks when there is silence, encouraging that which is good or reproving that which is wrong.”

I would venture that experiencing and recognizing holiness can’t quite be prescribed perfectly for every person, just like keeping the Sabbath day holy can’t be prescribed perfectly for every person. We learn to consistently recognize holiness in ourselves and in our environment when we have worked hard to get there.

I don’t think it’s a coincidence that when God spoke to Moses through a burning bush, or when He delivered the 10 commandments, that Moses had just climbed a mountain. I haven’t been to Mount Sinai but its elevation is 7,000 feet up. For comparison, Old Rag in Shenandoah is 3,000 feet up. Moses was a shepherd so he was in pretty good shape, and he was very familiar with those mountains, but I bet he was sweating a little.

The poet Elizabeth Barrett Browning wrote that “Earth’s crammed with heaven / And every common bush afire with God; / But only he who sees takes off his shoes.” I think we’re more likely to see these “bushes on fire” if we are out there in the world working hard, and deliberately looking for holiness and heaven around us. We will find them if we look for them. We will find our Heavenly Parents if we look for them. We will find our Savior if we look for Him. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

Thanks for a prophet

I love this guy and really do believe that he is in tune with God in a way no one else on earth is. I'm thankful for his message about gratitude today.

Search me

I found this scripture awhile ago and I just really like it. Thought it would be appropriate to contemplate further on this Sabbath day. 

Search me, O God, and know my heart; 

try me, and know my thoughts; 

And see if there be any wicked way in me, 

and lead me in the way everlasting. 

Psalm 139:23-24

"Come here" and "go there" (part 5)

"As the clatter and clamor of life bustle about us, we hear shouting to 'come here' and to 'go there.' In the midst of the noise and seductive voices that compete for our time and interest, a solitary figure stands on the shores of the Sea of Galilee, calling quietly to us, 'Follow me.'" 

- Joseph B. Wirthlin, "Follow Me," April 2002

Image via Popular Mechanics, The Real Face of Jesus: What Did Jesus Look Like?

Bonus scriptures:
"And whosoever shall compel thee to go a mile, go with him twain. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away"

"And Jesus, moved with compassion, put forth his hand, and touched him, and saith unto him, I will"

"For intelligence cleaveth unto intelligence; wisdom receiveth wisdom; truth embraceth truth; virtue loveth virtue; light cleaveth unto light; mercy hath compassion on mercy and claimeth her own; justice continueth its course and claimeth its own; judgment goeth before the face of him who sitteth upon the throne and governeth and executeth all things"

"Ye are the light of the world. A city that is set on an hill cannot be hid. Neither do men light a candle, and put it under a bushel, but on a candlestick; and it giveth light unto all that are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven"


Bonus links:

• Stand By My Side by Liese Rodger. "I am a Black woman who has lived in Utah for twelve years. Utah is a state with a rich history that its people are immensely proud of. But for a people so enriched in the stories of their oppressed pioneer ancestors, I often wonder why it is so difficult for many to see the parallels between their own oppression and the deeply rooted, ongoing history of their minority neighbors."
• We Are Witnesses by Charlotte Mountain. "What has made [George Floyd's] murder so different? It is that we are witnesses.... This video was shot with a steady hand by a 17-year-old girl named Darnella Frazier. Keep her in your prayers. The Latter-day Saint religion has a great tradition of anointing and setting apart children for great things. I believe that for this day Darnella has been set apart. She showed us the truth. She made us witnesses."
• Why I'm Skeptical of New Christian Allies by Marc Antoine Lavarin. "Something majestic is taking place in the midst of this struggle. However, in order for us to seize the moment, we must avoid the path of safe and easy allyship that doesn’t require theological transformation."
• Womanist Theology and Mormonism (Maxwell Institute podcast) with Janan Graham-Russell. "When you think about your religious beliefs, your theology, how much consideration have you given to your race? How has the color of your skin affected your understanding of God, of Jesus Christ, or of your religious community? Maybe you’ve never thought much about it. If you’re a black Latter-day Saint in America, you virtually can’t escape these kinds of questions. Many black American Latter-day Saints know that questions about the color of their skin and their faith are deeply intertwined. Add the component of gender and the questions multiply."
• "There Is No Equality": William E. Berrett, BYU, and Healing the Wounds of Racism in the Latter-day Saint Past and Present by Rebecca de Schweinitz. "Shortly before The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints’s 2018 'Be One' event, celebrating forty years since the LDS Church removed racial restrictions on temple and priesthood participation, Black Latter-day Saint podcaster and author Zandra Vranes asked white members to consider 'what you or your Mormon ancestors were doing between 1852 and June 7, 1978.' It’s an important question that forces us to, in Eugene England’s words, 'face our unbearable Mormon loss of innocence.'" 
• Black Lives Matter, Black Lives Matter, Black Mormon Lives Matter by Meg Conley. "We are not individualists. Individualism is anathema to Mormon theology. If heaven can only be built through physical and spiritual collective action (and the temple is a physical and spiritual place) then God’s Kingdom on earth can only be built through both physical and spiritual action. Our ancestors said their prayers and then got off their knees and acted for the community."
• New Volume of Saints Reveals the Many Sides of Brigham Young by Peggy Fletcher Stack. "This image of the 'Lion of the Lord,' as he was known, sits atop monuments, stands on statues and graces a university named for him. In today’s 16 million-member Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, however, believers know little of Young’s many sides — tender, stubborn, willful, racist, yet profoundly religious with a great love for the temple."
• Follow Christ to Eliminate Racism by Bryant Jensen, with contributions by Janan Graham-Russell and Melissa Inouye. "By following Christ to eliminate racism, we participate in the “ongoing Restoration” of His gospel and prepare for His Second Coming. We are all children of God, members of a body. Some members have been terribly mistreated, for a very long time. Let’s work arm-in-arm—Latter-day Saints of all racial and ethnic backgrounds—to eliminate interpersonal, institutional, and implicit racism. He lives and loves us all, with our differences. He asks us to do the same." 
• Healing the Wounds of Racism by Darius Gray. "1. Acknowledge the problem. 2. Recognize it in ourselves. 3. Learn a new approach. 4. Listen."

*

Series:
Part 1: Unspotted from the world
Part 2: Seek ye diligently
Part 3: Mourn with those that mourn
Part 4: In much patience
Part 5: "Come here" and "go there"

In much patience (part 4)

And, here are action ideas 7-10.

Please consider these action ideas, many of which you may already be practicing, and resolve with me to make our circles at church more open, more generous, and more holy.

If they seem obvious to you: great! You're probably already doing these things! If they seem suspect or like overkill to you, maybe examine why.

TL;DR:
7) Don't ever make it about me.   
8) Avoid asking personal questions rooted in stereotypes.   
9) Listen, learn, and become friends.  
10) Repent.

7) "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted"
See also: mourn with those that mourn, in previous post.

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Eeeeeek, this is a tricky one. Ever hear of White Tears? You probably have. (Either way, I recommend About the Weary Weaponizing of White Women's Tears by Luvvie Ajayi Jones and White Women's Tears and the Men Who Love Them by Robin DiAngelo.) "White Tears" don't  mean a white person's natural empathetic human tears. White Tears are a emotional tool to help me center a situation around myself. There are a whole lot of tears flowing at church, and there always were and there always will be. So where is the line?
Action: If I find myself in an uncomfortable or emotional situation with a person of another race--or I am talking about race at church, for instance trying to stand up for someone who is a victim of racism, or maybe I'm bearing my testimony or it's some other emotionally charged moment--and I need to cry, because crying happens, I will make sure my tears are not about me. If they are about me, and I can't redirect the emotion to focus on what the problem really is, then I will excuse myself until I'm ready.

I *think* I can avoid this situation by processing those types of tears on my own at home so they don't sneak up on me in public. If I'm accused of being racist and I feel tears coming, I will promptly apologize--"I am so sorry that I hurt you, and I will listen if you'd like to say anything further"--and then promise to get back to the person ASAP once I've composed myself. I am not talking about empathetic tears in an intimate and loving conversation. I am talking about self-centering tears.



8) "In much patience, in afflictions, in necessities, in distresses, in stripes, in imprisonments, in tumults, in labours, in watchings, in fastings; by pureness, by knowledge, by longsuffering, by kindness, by the Holy Ghost, by love unfeigned, by the word of truth, by the power of God"
Whew, this discipleship thing is harder than it looks.

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Action: You might want to laugh at this one because it sounds so ridiculous, but it's really very unfunny. One way to help scale back the inadvertent offensive questions, and simultaneously to check our own biases, sounds really obvious and more than a little nerdy. If you have a question about Black people: before asking a Black person directly, try googling it first. Really. Have you ever asked a Black person if they wear sunscreen? I'm reluctant to admit that I did once. I had never thought about it before. I knew about melanin but apparently not very much. We were at the pool and I offered this friend some of my sunscreen: "...or actually, do you wear sunscreen?" His answer was friendly and succinct: "Yes, I wear sunscreen." That was about 4 years ago. Ugh. I am a curious and open person, and I sometimes can get over-personal with people. But I am trying, and I think (?) I'm less likely to ask those questions now than I was 4 years ago.

You're probably better versed in human biology than I was at the time... at age 33... (hmmm) so anyway, you won't run into that one. But what other weird ideas or questions might any well-intentioned person be harboring? Do they border on stereotypes? If a question about Black people (or Asian people or Latinx people or any people as a "people") pops up in my mind, if there's anything I'm wondering, try googling it before asking anyone. And then if I'm surprised by the answer, examine why. Dig into that.

While I'm googling, maybe even google around to figure out if I'm saying stuff I shouldn't be saying. (I literally just googled "what not to say to Black people" to see what's there, and a ton of articles popped up. Clearly a lot of people are wondering this... or a lot of people are wishing that people were wondering this.) Note: This applies to any race I do not belong to.

Besides. After stocking up on all of that information, and digging the biases out of myself, I may just find that I can have a normal conversation about normal stuff and not be an idiot who is accidentally offensive. Please note: I am NOT an antiracism expert, if you want to be academic about it there are lots of classes and seminars and things to help with this type of idiocy which enough of us want to overcome including me, that it's a problem and there's a market for it, and an extra great thing about purchasing these services is that it is supporting Black-owned businesses. A few courses that I have seen that look great are run by Dr. Mica McGriggs, Dr. Lucretia Carter Berry, and Monique Melton.

Side note about this. Sometimes people ask me a personal question about a "label" I belong to that they do not belong to--such as Latter-day Saint, or stay-at-home mom, or white person--and they preface it with "I don't want to be offensive," and I always laugh because I am a ridiculously open book, there are almost no questions you could ask me that would offend me (except maybe if you catch me between day 22-28 of my cycle, and that is a stereotype that is very true in my case). That confidence and openness comes from privilege. It comes from the fact that most days, people don't ask me naive questions about my race, because they know a lot about my race, because it's the dominant race in America. Also, I am unafraid of just about anyone who is asking me these questions. I know that "privilege" is a buzzword that has been around a long time, and sometimes it feels political or like an excuse, but it makes so much sense. I love Jasmine Bradshaw's explorations of it at First Name Basis. Anyway, just wanted to note that just because I don't think anyone could offend me, doesn't mean I should ever assume that my questions are inoffensive.


9) "Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath"
Feel free to let me know if you've mastered this one. I like to talk and I'm usually right. Right?? ;)

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We've just established that just because I'm not easily offended doesn't mean I should assume that what I say is always inoffensive. Now about being swift to hear: listening instead of talking is so hard sometimes but so important. As far as action goes, number one is always going to be personal relationships, and we will all work on those in our own spheres. But we don't know everyone. And if we're a white Mormon, it's fairly likely that we aren't close with very many Black Mormons. Below I will share a few Black LDS people's perspectives that are available on the Internet, that I have found helpful.

Action: I will actively seek to listen to Black LDS people's perspectives (in all their varieties :) and to be a friend. Everyone makes friends in their own ways, but a few would be invite them over to dinner (someday when we're visiting each other's houses again...), make plans based on mutual interests, follow them on social media. You know, the usual. So: this action will be in my personal circle as well as voices that I connect with online, that I will continue to listen to, not just as a passing fad.

Obviously this doesn't mean cornering the next Black person and saying "Hello, please tell me your story of being Black at church!!!" [cringe] It means becoming friends; learning about each other is part of that.

PSA: With the below links, I am including specifically people I am familiar with who talk about the Black LDS experience. There are also many many many MANY Black people of many faiths who have made their voices available online to listen to, enjoy, and learn from. Feel free to share any suggestions you have.

Black LDS Legacy and Black Lives Matter to Christ (see previous post)

Beyond the Block: Every week these two discuss the Come Follow Me curriculum. In their own words: "Brother Jones and Brother Knox describe themselves as staunch advocates for the theology and harsh critics of the culture when it comes to Mormonism. A black life-long member and queer convert respectively, they bring a less heard perspective to the notoriously white and heteronormative faith."

First Name Basis: Look for Jasmine of First Name Basis on Instagram or any podcast app. She is Black biracial and a Latter-day Saint. "I'm Jasmine Bradshaw, a researcher, educator, podcaster, and founder of the First Name Basis Community. I truly believe that creating a more loving, inclusive, and just society starts within the sacred walls of our homes. First Name Basis exists to give you the tools you need to teach your children about race, religion, and culture. In this space we prioritize truth, hold one another accountable, and celebrate growth!"

Sistas in Zion: Tamu Smith and Zandra Vranes are on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook, and they have written multiple books together. "The Sistas in Zion are two friends, Zandra Vranes and Tamu Smith, who started a blog to keep in touch when one moved out of state. Their journey, detailed in their blog, touches on all aspects of life, but most especially and most importantly on being inclusive in a world that is increasingly polarizing and divisive."

*Bonus: Not LDS, but faith-based:
Black Coffee with White Friends: Marcie is a generous and faithful Black person who shares her perspective purposefully with thousands of white friends. "I am usually the only black person in the room. That is what this is, what this blog is all about: me being the only one, most days, in most of the places I go.... Unknowingly, we so often narrow our scope of black and of white. So therefore, we narrow our experience of the complexities of each color. We miss the nuances because we can't see the differing hues. These stories I hope widen our lenses. My days radiate a unique color of the Imago Dei reflecting a particular shade and hue that He specifically chose for me to wear, and said that it was 'Good.'"


10) "When we undertake to cover our sins, or to gratify our pride... the Spirit of the Lord is grieved"
Pretty strong language that speaks for itself.

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I saved the best for last! JK. This is complicated. Not all members of our Church, believing or not, have been happy with our leadership's tentative stance on our racist past. I'm personally not that happy with it, although I think I understand where it's coming from. The NAACP is maybe medium happy with it. But I think I look at this through a specific lens, which is that I am faithful and have already spent many years reconciling a lot of the tough stuff. So it's easy to say to myself: this is a mess, but it's been a mess more often than not, and we still have a prophet, and we still have lots of people who are speaking up and staying faithful, and it is all going to be OK.

Jumping straight into the tough stuff all at once without a friend to lean on, though, can lead to a devastating faith crisis. If you're old enough, you may have already been through a faith crisis or two, and having friends to lean on can make the difference. Regardless, we have all been called to repentance lots of times, not just in D&C 121 (above) but also pretty recently, about this very topic.
Action: Daily, a little at a time, with the glimpses of clarity I can see as I'm trying my best, I will do what President Nelson has said: "The Creator of us all calls on each of us to abandon attitudes of prejudice against any group of God’s children. Any of us who has prejudice toward another race needs to repent!" How does a person repent of their sins? Something along the lines of: "confess them and forsake them." Also, repentance is not a quick or easy fix. It's a rebuilding.

Am I going to publicly self-flagellate so everyone knows I ONCE WAS LOST, BUT NOW AM FOUND?

No.

Besides, in LDS theology, repentance is not a one-time thing. It is daily and it is personal. I will examine my past and present actions. I will do the work in whatever way makes sense to my heart. I will keep coming back. I will not stop.



Bonus scriptures and links listed in next post.


Series:
Part 1: Unspotted from the world
Part 2: Seek ye diligently
Part 3: Mourn with those that mourn
Part 4: In much patience
Part 5: "Come here" and "go there"

Mourn with those that mourn (part 3)

Part 3! Action ideas 4-6.

Please consider these action ideas, many of which you may already be practicing, and resolve with me to make our circles at church more open, more generous, and more holy.

If they seem obvious to you: great! You're probably already doing these things! If they seem suspect or like overkill to you, maybe examine why.

TL; DR:
4) Apologize when I offend someone, even accidentally.
5) Speak up when witnessing racist statements or events.
6) Practice "comfort and cleanup" skills (thanks to Dr. LaShawn Williams for this concept)


4) "Now, it came to pass that when I had heard these words I began to feel a desire for the welfare of my brethren"
I care deeply for my fellow humans. I do not want to hurt anyone.

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We don't want to hurt each other. We don't want to offend each other. And if we didn't MEAN to hurt or offend each other, it boggles our mind that we could do so accidentally. They are being so sensitive! If I could just EXPLAIN what I really meant...
Action: If someone at church who belongs to a different race tells me that I have offended them by something I have said or done, I am going to apologize and listen. Full stop. God knows my intent. The person I offended only feels the impact, and they don't actually need me to explain my intent in detail. Maybe I can explain my intent to them later, once I've understood the impact I made and if we have come to an understanding and a forgiveness. But honestly? Once I've understood the impact, and we've come to an understanding and a forgiveness, my urgent need to explain why "I didn't mean it that way" will probably dissipate. *note to self: this is probably a good process to follow whenever I offend someone about anything...


5) "This is Zion—the pure in heart; therefore, let Zion rejoice, while all the wicked shall mourn"
I actually meant to put this verse in my first post because I'm using it ironically, but it got lost in the shuffle. If Zion is the pure in heart, then "racist" is a label for the wicked, and that's not me, right?!

 

The above video is a thoughtful and funny version of the "intent versus impact" principle: it explores a conversation focusing on "what a person did" versus a conversation about "who a person is."
Action: As a lifelong habit that goes hand-in-hand with listening to my Black friends and taking note of what seemingly innocuous statements said by me or someone else are actually racist: If I notice something racist at church, or in a conversation surrounding church, I will point it out. If I am afraid or caught off guard and don't point it out in the moment, I will take some time soon afterward and point it out privately in the way I deem appropriate for my relationship with the person (some form of "X sounded racist because Y"). And I will focus on the action or the words, rather than speculating anything aloud, or in my heart, about the person's character or intent. Not only because there's no way for me to know someone's intent, but also because if I accuse someone of bad intentions ("You are racist!"), they'll block me out, and rightly so, because I'm acting like I know their heart when I don't.

Side note: A white person is not going to be the expert on antiracism, but don't be afraid to speak up anyway. If another white person says they don't need to listen to what you say about racism because you're white, just absorb that. It's fine. You're white, but that doesn't mean you can't talk about race in a helpful way, if you are using what you've learned from Black people, and for that matter what you've learned from people of any race or ethnicity. You have a unique voice and unique circles that only you can touch. You'll stumble and that's fine too. Black Saints should not be bearing this burden alone.

6) "And now, as ye are desirous to come into the fold of God, and to be called his people, and are willing to bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light; yea, and are willing to mourn with those that mourn; yea, and comfort those that stand in need of comfort"
This is boilerplate Mormonism. One of our most famous scriptures. We want to be there for each other. Help and serve. Cry together. Hug each other.

I draw this connection specifically because of something I learned from Dr. LaShawn Williams during an MWEG town hall about Black Lives Matter. She used the example of playing to her strengths as a mom: she hates vomit and has a hard time handling it psychologically when one of her children vomits. But she is very good at handling "the comfort and the cleanup." Hugs, laundry, changing the sheets, etc.
She offered this Action: I will practice my "comfort and cleanup" skills. In a situation where a white person says or does something that is racist, and a Black person is hurt (this could be a comment in a lesson, or it could be a talk, or it could be a casual conversation), as a bystander we may or may not be confident enough to say something in the moment. We may or may not be brave enough to talk to the person who said the harmful thing. But either way, we can "comfort and clean up" by reaching out to the person who was a victim of the harmful words or actions. Letting them know that we witnessed it, showing them we care, asking them if they want to talk about it, but not pushing anything on them in a white savior sort of way. Following the Spirit to continue in the "comfort and cleanup" in the way that the people of Alma promised to do. This may also apply in any situation where we believe our Black friend may be suffering from any racist or racially charged incident, either personally or in the news.

Another note which is maybe kind of tangential but I'm putting it in anyway because I like it: this can also include developing a resolve to speak up about racism sooner in the future, and also a resolve to be mindful about weaving in this topic at church in the future, not because I have an Agenda, but because I don't want our awareness to be a passing trend. Over the pulpit (in a prayer or a testimony or a talk), in a lesson (with kids or adults), in a meeting (presidency, council, what have you).

*The key to doing this effectively is: be sincere, and put your "money" where your mouth is. If I have shown to my fellow members that I am dedicated--in my callings, in my service, in my testimony--then it's less likely I'll be dismissed as Just Someone with an Agenda.

**And by that logic, if I am anxiously engaged in the gospel and truly want the best for the church community, then it's less likely I'll be Just Someone with an Agenda. (This tweet from Luvvie Ajayi Jones about Dennis Rodman, and her Instagram caption, made me lol and illustrates a little bit of what I mean.)(Can you handle my tangents?? If you've made it this far: looks like you can.)

More soon.

*

Series:
Part 1: Unspotted from the world
Part 2: Seek ye diligently
Part 3: Mourn with those that mourn
Part 4: In much patience
Part 5: "Come here" and "go there"