When Ted Met Sally

This week in Sally Forth, Francesco Marciuliano is exploring what would have happen if Ted and Sally had never met. He is also exploring other counterfactuals on his Francesco Explains It All blog.

But some things are fate. They just might not have happened as we imagined them. Here is my version of When Ted Met Sally.

Without Sally, Ted would have been drawn deeper and deeper into his neuroses.

And without a stabilizing influence, Sally's business instincts would have had no limits.

But somethings are meant to be, no matter how dark and twisted.

And they lived happily ever after.

Birthday Wishes From Me Via Ted Forth

Loyal and dedicated readers of my blog will know that my wife and I have the same exact birthday. You can read the whole touching heartfelt story here. And clearly, Ces of Sally Forth fame and Medium Large notoriety knew that as well.

In fact, I’m going to go so far as to put on my Weingarten Cap Of Asshattery and declare that the first panel of today’s strip, appearing on my and my wife’s exact birthday, is a touching tribute to a relationship that has now spanned thirty birthdays dedicated specifically for me. For it was on this day in 1980 that I drew her aside while we were at the University of South Florida Model United Nations and gave her a birthday card.

So, my darling wife, if you read this post, let it be known that my love has only grown over the twenty-nine years since I first gave you that card.

And Ces, if you have the original artwork for that strip, the first panel would be the perfect payment for being the only entry in the Medium Large Guy Look-Alike Contest. That first panel sums up how I have felt for nearly three decades about my wife, partner, and friend. The last two frames where Ted petulantly defends himself against jealous recriminations, not so much.

A Forth Family Life Day

The most beloved tradition in the Forth household is the annual viewing of The Star Wars Holiday Special, a little-known variety show turd that would have been flushed down the pop culture memory hole if it weren’t for fanboys playing with their new VHS or Betamax videocassette recorders. Thanks to the intertubes, it can be found on YouTube, LimeWire, and the BitTorrent client of your choice if you are so inclined. And of course. there is a website totally devoted to it.

Now the full story how this atrocity ever made it on the air is an online exclusive Vanity Fair article. How somebody’s, anybody’s, schlock meter didn’t peg during the production is unfathomable to anyone not familiar with the conventions of late 70s variety show/holiday special conventions.

Just the names of the people involved should have set off alarms. The writer was Bruce Vilanch, the Jabba-esque permanent writer of bad Oscar ceremony patter. Other writers involved included Shields and Yarnell veterans. The original director quit in frustration and the cantina characters nearly asphyxiated in their costumes.

The on-air talent included Jefferson Starship (Star Wars/Starship, get it?), Bea Arthur, Art Carney, and Diahann Carroll. The movie cast appeared at gunpoint. According to the article, Carrie Fisher’s condition was that she got to sing a song, which apparently inspired some of the Postcards From The Edge hitting bottom scenes.

The only redeeming value is the introduction of Bobba Fett as a cult character. But it sure seems a high price to pay.


So if you get bored by the Christmas Story marathon or just need a break from the relatives, read the article and spend some quality time watching the entire campy crapfest.

And may you all have a Happy Life Day with all the Wookiees in your world.

Sally Forth On Film

Updated: 10/31/08
The Sally Forth Expo was a big success. Every rabid fan of the coolest working mom in comics was there. The big announcement was that Sally and her family and friends will be following in Garfield’s illustrious pawprints and make the move to the big screen. While a few minor details need to be worked out like filming, casting, financing, and negotiating rights, the producers feel confident that they can work with King Features Syndicate to get Francesco Marciuliano’s indentured servitude contract transferred cheaply enough to get the script on the way.

And while there was a lot of buzz, the titular (my very favorite word) role has yet to be cast. Unfortunately some very talented stars had to be crossed off the list because they are getting a little long in the tooth. Sorry, Sally Fields. As much as we would love to make the tagline “And Sally starring as Sally”, the powers to be decided that Gidget just didn’t work it with the target Atari Generation demographic.

But here are the actresses that have made the short list:

	Terri Hatcher Having never made the successful jump to the big screen, this desperate housewife would make a very sexy mom to a big screen Hilary. Less convincing would be that any potential Ted Forth could have landed her.
	Sela Ward While at 53, she is a little older than Sally’s youthful 40, her canonical performance as a harried divorcée in "Once And Again" keeps her in the running. If Meryl Streep can play a near-convincing aging hippie in Mamma Mia, Ward could pull off baby-boomer Sally.
	Anne Hathaway As she outgrows The Princess Diaries, Hathaway is breaking out of her Disney-fied squeaky clean roles. While a little young for the part, she has the lanky awkward figure necessary to play the smirky businesswoman.
	Alan Cumming This thespian chameleon can disappear into any role, and who better to mix Sally’s soft femininity and savvy business persona into a single character.
	Angelina Jolie If you are going to dream, dream big. And is it really that big of a stretch from Mrs. Smith to Mrs. Forth? This could be her return to the Oscar podium.
	Lauren Graham I've added this write-in candidate as late entry. The Gilmore Mom knows plenty about cracking-wise and making obscure pop cultural references. Her TV character even had a toxic mom to deal with. What better experience could you ask for?

I haven’t done a poll in a while, so make your picks and we will forward on our results to the studio. (Be patient with the vote counter, it lags a little, but your vote is being counted. You get what you pay for.)




BlatantCommentWhoring™: Any one else deserve to sit on the casting couch?

Sally Forth Expo Info

Blogging may be light this weekend as I’ll be attending the big SFX extravaganza. As teased by Crispy Gamer, this annual event puts the Penny Arcade Expo and ComiCon to shame. I hope to see you there. Here is the publicity flyer for more information:

Sally Forth Expo

October 18, 2008
Main Street Days Inn
Gilligan Ballroom - formerly the Weight Room
(somebody broke the Stairmaster)

Join us for a full day of Sally-riffic entertainment as you bond with fellow Forth-philes and enjoy all things retro, suburban, and bland.

9:00	Registration Meet and greet Jackie while she skims off the cash box to finance her next backpacking trip to Europe. Jackie will also be giving change all day in the Game Arcade where you can play vintage video games including Dig-Dug, Joust, Galaga, and Burger Time. High scorers on each machine will be recognized at the banquet.
10:00	Keynote Speaker - How to Deal With a 'Ralph' in Your Office Sally Forth Be sure to hear our heroine as she shares her secrets to co-managing with a Machiavellian partner as well as balancing life as a career woman, mother, and PFLAG chapter president.
10:05	How To Get Free Money & Faster Raises Ralph With over twenty years of managerial experience, including two in the food services industry, Ralph shares his tips on how to undercut rivals and steal the thunder from coworkers while claiming all the credit. Meet in the lobby for this once in a lifetime opportunity.
11:00	Managing a Mid-Life Office Romance Alice Our favorite cougar tells why it is important to turn off the broadcast feature of your networked copier before any lunch time supply closet trysts.
12:00	Lunch On your own. See the front desk for directions to Applebees or Bronco Burger. Or visit our dealer room where you can find all those childhood treasures that got thrown away including Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots, Trivial Pursuit: Big 80s Edition, and those hard to find gladiator movie boxsets.
1:00	How To Deal With Disappointment Laura Sally’s mom dispenses tips on how to lower your expectations and mask your disgust with your effeminate son-in-law, pudgy granddaughter and slutty youngest child. A list of very prescription-friendly physicians will be distributed.
2:00	Trading Cameos For Hipster Cred Francesco Marciuliano Ces explains staying cool while being a tool for King Syndicates by name-dropping all your much more talented and edgier friends into the strip. Guest appearances by Jeff Jowdy and David Murrell.
3:00	Getting Frisky In A Family Strip Ted Forth, Arlo Day, Walt Duncan, and Hi Flagstone A roundtable discussion on just what you can and can’t get away with. Expect some special back-stage stories about what happened in the fifth panel that you never got to see.
4:00	“We’re Just Friends” Hilary and Faye A symposium on the joys of platonic female bonding with a special tribute to Peppermint Patty and Marcie.
5:00	Co-Ed Team Crossword Puzzle Tournament Find an office spouse to enter this thrilling double-elimination competition. With special guest judge Aria.
6:00	Dinner and Awards Featuring an all-you-can-eat meatloaf bar ($15 supplement) We will also be presenting some special awards in the following categories: Toxic Mother Of The Year Horror Movie Creature Song Of The Year Machiavellian Manager Lifetime Achievement Award And the evening will round-out with a PowerPoint Slide Show of this season's softball league highlights.
7:00	Costume Contest Show off your best 80s’s style business wear. Ladies, break out those big floppy bowties. And gents, let’s see some Gordon Gecko quality suspenders. If you can't make it in person, be sure to send your pictures direct to Ces.
8:00	Concert: Vampire Monkeys Direct from their sold-out Roseland appearance and mid-size arena tour of South Korea, we are proud to welcome the Vampire Monkeys with opening act Pela and special guest appearance by New Delhi Monkey Gang.
10:30	Movie Night Join us in the video lounge for continuous showings of “The Last Starfighter” and “The Star Wars Christmas Special”

We expect another sold-out event so register early. You would hate be shut out again after last year’s drunken debacle made the front page of The Comics Reporter.

I-N-T-I-M-A-T-E

Ces has been taking Sally Forth, that eighties throwback about a career woman in Corporate America, deep into Ice Storm territory as Ted Forth (my hero) makes a new friend at work. However, this friend has a vagina. And jazz hands. Here are some places this story line could go:

• Re-enactment of the elevator scene from Disclosure
• A really, really awkward Christmas Party with an embarrassing encounter at the meatloaf bar.
• A seven letter Tammy Wynette song.
  
• Door-slamming bedroom farce when Ted talks Sally into going with him to a pop culture convention and a certain new friend shows up as well.
• Co-ed naked Rock-'Em Sock-'Em Robots.
• Science fiction revelation where the new friend is revealed to be Ted from the future after his inevitable gender re-assignment surgery.
  
• A heart-warming monogamy-affirming resolution where Ted learns the boundaries of workplace relationships.
• A boiled pet bunny. 'Nuff said.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Just how far will Ted go?

Comic Strip Temporal Dynamics

or Why Gene Weingarten Is An Asshat


In what seems to a prescient rebuttal (since strips are written weeks in advance and the Hilary Forth for President post only happened last week) to Gene Weingarten’s continued wrong-headed theories of temporal dynamics, today’s Sally Forth directly states that all comic strip continuity dates backwards from the present. Otherwise the accumulated anachronisms would become unbearably limiting and characters created in the 80s or earlier would be unable to make jokes about anything contemporary like cell phones or internet surfing.

Gene Weingarten styles himself as some sort of comics expert but he continually spouts completely ridiculous assessments of comics. His opinions are colored by his pals in the industry. Stephan Pastis of Pearls Before Swine frequently contributes to Gene’s online chats, but nobody is a bigger asshole buddy of Gene than Jef Mallett, creator of borderline-disturbing independently-wealthy elementary school janitor Frazz. While the comic is all aboveboard, no real school employee would be allowed to be as cozy as this Calvin-haired custodian is with prepubescent kids.

Now Gene Weingarten and current Sally Forth writer (and longtime indulger of my solitary obsession with the Forths) Francesco ‘Ces’ Marciuliano have butted heads in the past. In a 2002 chat about comics, Gene Weingarten had this to say:

I knew the guy who started Sally Forth 15 years ago. He was a lawyer who could not draw. His early cartoons were just TERRIBLE. And because they were terrible, they were sort of charming. Then he hired a slightly better (but not good) cartoonist, and things went downhill rapidly. Sally Forth is one of those comics that is listless because it is no longer drawn by its creator.

The Washington Post online comics site credits the strip as "Sally Forth
by Steve Alaniz & Francesco Marciuliano; drawn by Craig MacIntosh" despite the fact that Steve Alaniz hasn't had anything to do with the strip for years. That Ces writes but does not draw the strip has also befuddled Gene for a long time. Here is a direct exchange between the two from 2003:

Francesco Marciuliano: Can you keep the comic strips where the author didn't so much give up the ghost but simply writing duties and royalties, like my job at "Sally Forth"? I need the money, people! Where else am I supposed to get that kind of cash?! Cockfighting? The chicken will beat the living crap out of me.

Gene Weingarten: Howdy, Francesco. I was a friend of the first guy who started Sally Forth. Whatsizname. The lawyer. Funny man. Couldn't draw. He was right to get out of the drawing biz You draw better. I know that's not saying much, but I think you draw well.

"Whatsizname" is Greg Howard. Not that tough to remember for someone you claim to know. This led Ces to make the following life-changing realization:

*No matter how many emails you send him, no matter how often you post on his Tuesday discussion board, no matter how frequently you point him in the direction of your syndicate's Web site, Washington Post humorist Gene Weingarten will never get that you only write "Sally Forth," you do not also draw it.

But Gene began to come around. In 2005, Sally Forth was named as his Comic Of The Week, drawing this reaction from Ces:

Shocked! Shocked I am to find that The Washington Post's resident (or at least self-appointed) humor expert Gene Weingarten chose the above "Sally Forth" as his "Comic Pick of the Week"! This almost makes up for the three years in which he more or less equated the strip with an unsuccessful bowel movement.

See, in Gene’s world everything revolves around him. One of his tired bits is his hatred of the name Madison, so when someone else makes a joke about the ubiquitous moniker, the only possible explanation is that it was inspired by him.

Madison, Wis.: Was yesterday's Sally Forth a shout-out to you?

Gene Weingarten: Could be!

The thought that the name Madison is equally annoying to other comics escapes him. This is a little self-absorbed from a guy about to steal Dave Barry's booger schtick because his jokes about underpants are played out.

All this is just to lay the groundwork on the thesis that Gene is an Pulitzer Prize-owning asshat that wouldn’t know a good comic if it hit him in the face. Nonetheless, he is an influential pompous prick and perhaps dozens of panty-flinging groupies hang on his every word. That doesn’t make him right about comic strip timelines. Most comic strip characters don’t age for very good reasons. Nobody wants to read jokes about Linus’s prostate exam instead of the Great Pumpkin.

Many strips get around this by being as non-topical as possible. Nancy and Sluggo would look very weird dressed emo or goth. Red and Rover deliberately stays very fluid in its setting so that it can make both topical and nostalgic gags.

When comic strip characters age, they tend to do so VERY slowly like in Baby Blues or Marvin. The exceptions that prove the rule are For Better Or For Worse and we daily see what a trainwreck that has become and Gasoline Alley where half the most beloved characters should have taken a dirt nap a decade or two ago. Others like Opus and Funky Winkerbean jerk forward in time at awkward intervals that destroy the pace and rhythm of the strip.

Hi and Lois has been in print for three centuries now and the clothes and lingo have all kept up with the times, more or less. Thank God. The strip is unfunny enough without having to be stuck in some sort of 1950s timewarp because Gene Weingarten says you are limited to the the era it started in.

Weingarten is constantly hinting that he and his son are working on a syndicated strip that, of course, would be the funniest gift to the comics page ever. Let’s see what he does in a decade or two when the characters need to keep up with the times. Until then perhaps he should back off on the people in the trenches putting out amusing strips on a daily basis rather than pontificating with his weird theories that would suck the life out of the funnies page so it fits his warped misconceptions.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Should comic strip characters age and should the settings stay contemporary or reflect the era they started in?

Update (1:35 p.m): In his chat today, Weingarten took credit for the Sally Forth gag at the top of the page despite the two week plus lead time for newspaper comics.

Gene Weingarten: I meant to add this to the comic picks. It's terrific. I am pretty sure I was the inspiration for this. Last week, in the Gene Pool, I noted Hilary's real age. Marciuliano mentioned this in his blog. I think he got that strip in in a hurry.

The prosecution rests.

Another Update (2:20 p.m.): Ces explains the time warp much funnier than I can.

Yet Another Update (7/31/08): In an update to his chat, Weingarten admits that he didn't inspire the strip:

I was wrong in guessing that Francesco Marcuiliano's sudden, startling mention of Hilary Forth's true age (36) was in playful response to my having done just that six days before The Gene Pool. I contacted Francesco to check: It turns out this was an amazing coincidence.

He doesn't say what exactly prompted him to contact Ces, but I would like to believe that my blog post gnawed at him and he decided to set the record straight while ignoring my very existence. It's no less presumptuous a theory than his that a July 23 post of his would cause someone to scramble out a comic strip by July 29 in rebuttal.

Hilary (Forth) For President

Pulitzer Prize winner and pompous blowhard Gene Weingarten as part of his schtick claims to be the world's foremost expert on newspaper comics, a claim that can be easily disputed by Josh Fruhlinger, THE Comics Curmudgeon. Nonetheless, in his Washington Post discussion group, Gene put out the following comics related topic:

Tell us which comics-page, comic book or animated cartoon character should be running for president and why.

I've given this a lot of thought, and my presidential candidate is Hilary Forth, Ted and Sally's eleven-year-old daughter. Her age might seem to post a Constitutional problem, but that's misleading: Hillary was 11 when the strip debuted in 1982, so she is currently 37. She gets my nod for the simple reason that she is the only character out there with a sense of humor, a sense of humility, a highly cynical streak, and an ability to manipulate others to achieve what she wants, which is the definition of diplomacy. Also, she is just plain cool.

I'm more than willing to give Hilary my props. I have written several posts featuring her before, most notably the perversely popular New Delhi Monkey Auditions post as well as a year of her diary entries (which features the same exact strip Weingarten linked to). But Gene has no concept of comic strip temporal dynamics. Hilary will always be eleven years old and her birth date will always be eleven years before the current year. That is just how frozen-in-time strips work. Hilary is no more eligible to run for president than Blondie is able to draw Social Security.

Still, the concept of the youngest Forth running for higher office is intriguing. Using the same suspension of disbelief that makes Teenage Girl President or Prez Rickard possible, I've imagined what a Hilary candidacy might be like.













Ces has already heartily endorsed Gene Weingarten's nomination and you can be certain that I will do anything I can to help the campaign.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Which Hil(l)ary would you vote for?

Standard Disclaimer to King Features Syndicate Lawyers: Fair use, parody, non-commercial, yadda, yadda, yadda...

WikiTedia

Click on picture for entire strip.

When Francesco Marciuliano hemmed and hawed and hinted that maybe My Hero, Ted Forth, the unemployed slightly off-kilter husband of Sally Forth, deserved his own Wikipedia page, I took notice. As the web’s leading Ted Forth expert (the key to internet superlatives is a narrow focus on obscure topics) I could not let this challenge go unanswered. I quickly whipped together a few things and got it up and going. Another fan of Francesco Explains It All (and he does it so much better than Clarissa ever did) cleaned up the references and fellow Comics Curmudgeon woodrowfan added a few tidbits as well. And that is what WikiTeamwork is about. Obsessive fans of ridiculous trivia preserving it forever.

This wasn’t Ces’s first go at WikiBegging. Back in his Drink At Work days, he lamented that despite being the star mid-reliever on the Sally Forth team, he did not have a WikiPage. WikiEthics prevent someone from writing their own WikiLoveFest, so Josh Fruhlinger, the Comics Curmudgeon himself, stepped up and got the ball rolling.

So impressed was I with Josh’s sense of public spirit, that I went and created a page for him. Alas, that page is no more. Some WikiCensors came along and determined that Josh, despite having the internet’s preeminent blog covering newspaper comics, was not “notable” enough to merit a few kilobytes of storage on the precious WikiServers. Notability is the stock in trade of who and what merits WikiPresence. If you read the requirements for notability strictly enough I’m not sure Mother Theresa or George Lucas would pass muster. In the blink of an eye, Josh became a WikiNonentity and my hard work vanished.

WikiCommandos are a notorious uptight bunch. They go around slapping threats and admonitions on pages that don’t meet their rigorous WikiStandards. If you look at the WikiPage for Comics Curmudgeon, it is festooned with warnings about lack of references and poor style. It seems nothing is ever quite up to snuff to these high-falutin’ WikiRules.

So that my humble tribute to Ted Forth does not suffer the same fate as Josh, I have replicated the WikiEntry below with revisions to my original post in italics.

---

Ted Forth

Ted Forth is a character in the syndicated comic strip Sally Forth. Ted is a perpetually forty-year old white collar worker of indeterminate career.^[1] Since mid-May of 2007, he has been laid-off and seeking new employment.

Ted's gentle nature and slightly effeminate^[2] manners have made him the frequent subject of parody and ridicule, including by the writer of the strip Francesco Marciuliano. Other people find Ted to be a refreshing and realistic portrait of modern fatherhood.^[3]

Plot sequences and running gags involving Ted include:

• He has an obsession with 1980s pop culture trivia.
• His ten-year-old daughter Hilary does not know what he does for a living. This stems from the fact that Ted's job is never explicitly mentioned, and fans of the strip often debate about it.
• He becomes highly competitive while coaching girls' softball.
• He despises his mother-in-law who insults his masculinity.
• His favorite food is meatloaf.

---

I've deleted the references section for clarity, but thanks to Scott Nazelrod for getting the right WikiFormat.

I expect I will someday enter a WikiPissing match with some humorless WikiGoon about the notability of poor Ted. And if there is no room for Ted Forth in the WikiVerse, I don’t want to WikiLive there.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: Who deserves WikiFame?

When Harry Met Sally Forth

One of the weekend features of the Washington Post is the Style Invitational Contest. Each week they run some silly competition that is often literary or current events related. One of their staples is the caption contest. This week the former Czar of the SI (rumored to be a close, close friend of Gene Weingarten) suggested giving a cartoon caption and making the contest to describe (but not draw) the cartoon for it. His example was for the caption "When Harry Met Sally Forth".

Harry Truman is at a table with Sally Forth. She is yammering, "So then Ralph said he thought the department should be reorganized and I pointed out that it was just like a man to blah blah blah . . ."

Harry looks at her balefully. Above his head, in a thought balloon, is a vision of her chair, with a mushroom cloud over it.

I have never entered the Style Invitational before, but I would be remiss in my duties as self-declared Worlds Biggest Sally Forth Fan if I did not enter. There were other captions available, but I only came up with entries for the Sally Forth option. The winner gets their idea illustrated by a staff artist, but I decided to risk copyright infringement and mash-up my own illustrations.

Entry 1:

Hilary has been having a tough time fitting into her new school until she takes an after-school class in magic and meets a new friend. Unfortunately Sally has some issues with the ‘tude the black clad buddy keeps giving.



Entry 2:

Sally’s cougar friend Alice has gotten a crush on the young new office worker who happens to be the son of a famous heir to the throne. Unfortunately, Sally has to admonish the two frisky paramours when she catches them in a compromising position.



Entry 3:

Sally has accidentally walked into the house of their neighbors the Hendersons (they live next to the Gezelters) and mistakes their Sasquatch houseguest for her unemployed husband.



In order to keep anyone from sniping my entries, the deadline for the contest was yesterday, so if you had a better idea you are out of luck. Winners will be announced September 1, so watch your WaPo online or check back here to see how I do.

BlatantCommentWhoring™: What famous Harry did I miss?

New Delhi Monkey Gang Auditions

It’s the lazy days of summer and Best Friends Forever Hilary and Faye are reforming their band, The New Delhi Monkey Gang. They have been contemplating changing the name of the band several times to something that is a little more television friendly in hopes of getting a deal with a major kid’s network. As Entertainment Weekly details, a show on Disney Channel or Nickelodeon is a major career opportunity. It’s more than a TV show, it’s albums, concerts and movies. Just ask The Cheetah Girls or The Naked Brothers Band (yeah, that’s a real show, hopefully not as pervy as the title would make you think).

For these Sally Forth characters to make the transition to the small screen, proper casting is vital. Here are some tween stars that might make the grade. It is going to take a precocious actress to fit the role of a perpetual fifth grader trying to make it in the musical world.

	Miley Cyrus Hannah Montana Current Age: 14 Miley just missed the cut for the Teenage Girl President casting call. In Hannah Montana she plays a pop superstar that goes to middle school incognito. She clearly has the musical chops to be a Dehli Monkey, but she might not want to get typecast in this type of show. Miley is clearly destined for bigger things, like a CW sitcom. Role: Hilary most likely. Gotta get more mileage out of that blonde Hannah wig.
	Miranda Cosgrove iCarly, Drake and Josh Current Age: 14 Miranda has a huge stage presence, but her musical talent is unproven. Her School of Rock role was as business manager, but some lessons should get her in the groove right away. Role: Faye all the way. She has withering sarcasm down cold.
	Jordan Todosey Life With Derek Current Age:12 Jordan has been playing a supporting role as Ashley Leggat’s baby sister Lizzie on Derek, but she is ready to move onto the big time. Going from a sidekick or sibling role to a starring vehicle is a traditional tweener show career path. Role: With enough peroxide, Hilary.
	Selena Gomez Wizards of Waverly Place Current Age: 14 Since starting out as a moppet on Barney, Selena has been working her way around the dial in bit parts and guest star roles. Now she could hit the big time. Role: Could be either, but the ethnic angle would make her lean towards Faye.
	Susan Olsen The Brady Bunch Current Age: 45 When it comes to pigtails, no one rocks them like the former Cindy Brady. Unfortunately, it would take a major time machine to get her back in her youthful prime. Role: Hilary, natch. There really is no other choice.

Hey Kids: This post is a joke. There is no real New Delhi Monkey Gang show holding auditions. Yet. And you can quit leaving your real name and e-mail address in the comments of my TGP Casting Call post. Didn’t your parents teach you about stranger danger and giving away personal information on the internet?

Everyone Else: Who would you cast as a character in a Sally Forth sitcom?

Update: In the comments, mooselet suggested Selena Gomez as Hilary. She would have to go blonde, but she can work the ponytails. I can definitely see it.