Things that amuse me, Vol. 11

Here's another selection of items that have been amusing me since the last time I posted a collection of these:

1. Within moments of telling us, with great emphasis, that the baby's head circumference is in the 97% percentile, my son E-'s doctor casually asked, while further inspecting him, if we thought he most resembles me.

2. I find the prompts alongside pages at Dictionary.com asking, "How many words do you actually know?" kind of insulting, or at least condescending. I don't need these kinds of belittling challenges-- I'll take my lucrative ad-ignoring eyeballs elsewhere, like a real book, maybe. THOSE don't judge me. Usually.

3. The kids are getting too smart... after my wife J- had a "candy for dinner" night while I was out of town last summer, they all declared it a success and she told them we could do it once a year. Five months later, a mere four days into January, my 7-year-old son D- said, out of the blue, "Hey, since it's a new year now....... can we have candy for dinner again tomorrow night?!?"

4. The other day, my now-5-year-old daughter M- pretty much hit the nail on the head in disgustedly describing a clown as, "Some weird guy... with a big red nose, and a really white face..."

Classic quotes, Vol. 34

Here's a selection of quotes from the past few months, from my 4-year-old daughter M-, my 7-year-old son D-, and my infant son E-:

M- (excitedly, pointing to a Bud Light truck parked near us at the gas station): Daddy, I see the waaater botttttle truuuuuuck!

D- (drawled slyly, while doing his homework, as if idly asking about the weather, or some other not-remotely-related topic): Hey Dad, what's forrrrrrty-three plus thirty-six?

M- (using her Important Announcement voice at the dinner table): This hot dog BUN is too hot! (asked if she's sure) ...No... the thing that's inside it. (asked, "You mean the hot dog??") Yeah, the hot dog.

E- (whenever he deliberately pushes or drops things off his high chair, with the detached tone of an innocent bystander): Uh-oh.

M- (very matter-of-factly, about a song she made up): It's a very long song... I can't sing all the words in ONE day...

Me (after our shared laughter at my wife apparently stopped by quite so funny): No, no, I'm not being mean-- I'm laughing WITH you, as we both laugh at you!

M- (very excited, and distinctly unfazed, regarding the corpse of an unfortunate mouse, victim of our cats): We should save it, and when it turns to bones, I can study them! Because when I grow up, I want to be a vegetarian, and help animals!!

Internet blackout

By way of issuing the latest "Happy New Year" on record, I'm gonna opportunistically hop on a rolling train that I will simultaneously claim to have pushed out of the station myself.

That's right-- I am the sole pioneer of the Internet Blackout of Wednesday, January 18. I'm so far ahead of everyone else on this, I've already been holding strong for 17 days!

So go ahead, all you late-coming, fair-weather bandwagoners-- I've been keeping the seats nice and warm for you*, grab whichever one you like! ...Except for that one, that one's for my feet.

Here's to registering our support for defeating all freedom-destroying laws (SOPA) and decisions (Citizens United)!

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* Don't ask how.