The Voice of Your Story

As you begin to pay attention to your own stories and what they say about you, you will enter into the exciting process of becoming, as you should be, the author of your own life, the creator of your own possibilities. ~Mandy Aftel, natural perfumer and author of three books on perfume

A human being is nothing but a story with skin around it. ~Fred Allen, comedian and radio personality

There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you. ~Dr. Maya Angelou, Global Renaissance Woman

Most people live and die with their music still unplayed. They never dare to try. ~Mary Kay Ash, founder of Mary Kay Cosmetics

The life of every man is a diary in which he means to write one story, and writes another; and his humblest hour is when he compares the volume as it is with what he vowed to make it. ~J.M. Barrie, author of Peter Pan

This week’s topic at “The Woman Within” Lenten speaker series at my church was The Voice of Your Story, or how important it is to give voice to our stories. To not let them die with us or within us. We heard the story of Anna in the bible and of Harriet Tubman of the Underground Railroad. We had a lovely 82-year-old speaker who told us stories about growing up with her grandmother, and how the self-reliance and wisdom her grandmother taught her was what sustained her through many a rough time in her life.

In short, she gave voice to her story.

During the program I realized I have already begun giving voice to my story, through my books, this blog, and my PMDD blog. Mostly through the PMDD blog. What the evening did was let me know I am on the right track, and inspire me to get moving again on my PMDD book, so that I can get it out there for others to read and try to understand the baffling phenomenon that is PMDD.

By telling my story, I will help others to understand theirs.

To that end, I’ve spent a good part of the week researching all sorts of aspects of PMDD, so that my information can be as up to date as possible.

Other than that, things are rolling along as well as can be expected for a woman with too many things to do and not enough time to fit them all in :). But our Lenten women’s speaker series is something I do for me, March once again having been declared “Me” month, where I only do things that nourish me mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Because of that, I know that by Easter and the Resurrection I will have a renewed focus on my life and projects and goals for the year, and will be ready to move in whatever direction God moves me to go in.

Taking Time to Listen to Your Body

I'm going to have this post do double duty, since I'm still recovering from vacation. This will also be posted on my PMDD site, but applies to women's hormonal health and the need to listen to and take care of our bodies in general. That said, here goes:

I’ve been scanning the PMDD loops and forums, and there are so many women out there crying out for help. As I read the posts, I can pinpoint some things they are doing to make their PMDD worse, without even realizing it. Nobody intentionally wants to make themselves feel badly, especially a PMDD woman. We know—even if at times it seems only like a distant memory—what it feels like to feel good, and we want to feel that way all the time.

As I said last week, the information is out there. The problem is it’s scattered all over the place, and some of it isn’t quite true. Some of it is slanted toward getting us to purchase products in which the author of that information has a financial interest. In the interests of my research I’ve bought several books and tapes and products designed to make me feel better, even “cure” my PMDD. Most have failed, because the information they are based upon is faulty to start with.

For instance, there is one doctor who insists over and over again in his literature that PMDD is caused by using birth control pills and hormone replacement therapy. If that is the case, I shouldn’t have it, because I’ve never used either. But a vast majority of women have used one or the other, and so by claiming that they cause PMDD, he is guaranteed to have a wide range of women wondering if that is the cause of their PMDD and flocking to buy his products. Instant consumer base.

Based on the scientific information I have read, in particular the information produced in the past five years—information which is not referred to at all in this doctor’s literature--it’s clear that birth control pills and hormone replacement therapies worsen your PMDD, but do not cause it. The studies I have read indicate that overall there is some relief in the initial months when using these methods to treat your symptoms of PMDD—and that is all you can do with these methods—treat the symptoms—because neither of these treatment methods address the underlying cause of PMDD.

But after a certain period of time—usually several months—both clinical studies and anecdotal stories show that birth control pills and hormone replacement therapies make your PMDD worse. And if that’s not enough misery for you, when you stop taking these drugs for your PMDD, your PMDD worsens even more. Because your body has to do all that additional work to recover from the damage that was done to your hormonal balance through using these methods of treatment. The bottom line is you end up feeling worse than you did before you started these treatments.

Realize now that the failure was not yours. The failure was in the treatment, which is at best a one-size fits all treatment for what is a highly individualized disorder.

I have not used bio-identical hormone replacement treatment, so can not address that subject here. At this point I’m still on the fence about that. I have been able to manage my PMDD symptoms through rest, diet, nutritional supplements, and exercise. I still have episodes, but they are mild compared to what they once were, and more than manageable. I would like to make them go away completely, and in the interests of doing so (and research!) hope to try bio-identical hormone replacement therapy in time, but have yet to find a doctor in my area who will prescribe them. So for now I muddle along, but again, my symptoms are mild and more than manageable.

Two other things that make your PMDD worse are:

Any prescribed drug, including anti-depressants.
Any over the counter drug, including NSAIDs, or non-steroidal anti-inflammatory drugs—that’s right—ibuprofen. That wonderful substance that does wonders for our cramps and sore joints only adds to our PMDD burden.

I’m not saying to never take drugs again. There are genuine disorders, diseases, and conditions that can not be managed any other way. I’m saying you need to be aware that these things make your PMDD worse, and that it’s not just you and you’re not crazy.

For instance when you reach for that bottle of ibuprofen, you need to reach for it knowing you’re making a trade off…relief from your cramps now, or relief from your PMDD later.

Just knowing this makes me pause, and decide whether my cramps and aches are really bad enough for me to need that ibuprofen. Or do I really just need some rest and relaxation to give my body the time it needs to deal with the inflammation on its own?

Dealing with PMDD is more about awareness than anything else. It’s making ourselves aware of what our body is trying to tell us. For example, we need magnesium—chocolate craving—we need carbs—to boost the level of serotonin in our brain—we need sleep—to allow our brains can naturally re-regulate themselves.

Our bodies are designed to heal themselves naturally, given the right nutrients and rest. In our busy society, more often than not, we don’t have the time to stop and listen to what our bodies are telling us. We’ve been conditioned to carry on, no matter what, and consume whatever pill, food, or drink is handy to get us through. Recently I heard an ad on the radio for some kind of product you can puff into your mouth that brings you up to five more hours of energy. It has some nutrients in it to make it sound healthy, but it also has a heavy dose of caffeine—which cancels out any questionable benefits of the nutrients added. Never mind that a PMDD woman needs to avoid caffeine like the plague.

This company promotes their product as something you can take in the afternoon to get you through the rest of the day. So you can be even more productive than you already are. It’s touted as a good thing. Something to make you virtually indefatigable. In our case, a superwoman.

But if you’re tired, your body is telling you that you need rest, not that you need something to override your body’s natural warning system that you’re heading for a breakdown.

So sure, if you use this product--or any of the countless ones just like it you can find next to cash registers at any number of stores--you get the added boost for that particular afternoon. But what about the damage you are doing to your body, which is already screaming for relief? What about the price you will pay with a whopper of a PMDD episode down the line?

Is it really worth it? Or don’t you deserve any better?

Bad News for Those With Hormonal Imbalances

Okay, I know I promised a post on ways to regain your hormonal balance this week, but first we have to talk about the kind of things that can throw you out of balance. Because everything you do to put yourself back in balance won’t matter one bit if you keep doing things that send your hormones out of balance. One thing will cancel out the other and you’ll be going nowhere fast.

That’s where I feel like I am right now. I haven’t been right since I spent several days in the whirlpool at the Y, trying to loosen up a bad shoulder. The bad shoulder was caused by driving too rigidly for several hours while under a lot of stress. You know how the best way to drive is calm and relaxed (and NOT on the phone), aware of your surroundings and what’s coming your way. Well, I was driving to a strange place, meeting strange people, had to be there at a specific time, didn’t know how much farther it would be, got caught in road construction, and had a lot on my mind. Not ideal conditions for driving, especially for a PMDD woman. Stress sets us off like nothing else can.

So my neck and shoulder locked up, aggravating an old rotator cuff/pinched nerve injury, and because the pain was so intense, I sought the comfort of the whirlpool.

Big mistake, and a heavy price to pay for 20 minutes a day of sheer bliss. Two months later, and I’m still paying that price.

Most of us don’t realize our skin works like a bodily organ, much like our kidney, liver, or a lung. Skin absorbs things in the water or air, like toxins and pollution, the same way it absorbs lotion. Skin also releases toxins we absorb, inhale, or ingest, through sweat.

I knew this could happen, but the pain was so intense I didn’t care. I couldn’t type, couldn’t read, couldn’t do any of my favorite things. So I opted for denial and took a chance.

Next thing I know, I’m sitting in a tub full of toxins—specifically an overchlorinated whirlpool, overchlorinated because God knows who is using the whirlpool or what germs they might carry—just to get a little relief from my pain. I only did it for four or five days, just long enough to help the pain subside, but--between that and my new stress over not being able to read or write or spend any time worth mentioning at the computer--it was more than enough to mess up my hormonal balance.

So, number one: Chlorinated pools are no good for women with hormonal imbalances. I mention this specifically today because it’s summer here, and what do people do to escape the heat in the summer? Head for the nearest pool.

But think about this…you know what chlorine does to your hair. You know how itchy it makes your skin feel. You know how sticky you feel after you get out of the pool and dry off. How you smell of chlorine until you take a soap shower. Did you know you shouldn’t wear gold into a pool because the chlorine will weaken it, eventually causing it to crumble? Ask your favorite jeweler. I had the tines on a ring completely dissolve after a few trips to the whirlpool. I had to have the tines on the ring recrafted, and the jeweler said absolutely…keep all gold out of the pool.

So, if you still believe none of that chlorine is soaking into your body, then check out this link that discusses swimming and chlorine toxicity. Children are most at risk, but so are women’s hormonal balances. Not to get too far off topic, but fish have died from just the chlorine in tap water.

So tap water is also a concern for women with hormonal imbalances. (Drinking distilled water is best.)

Other things a woman with hormonal imbalances needs to avoid are (and I know this will have you shaking your head and saying no way, forget it, like I did for too many years to count, but if you want to stop feeling miserable, this is what you have to do):

Alcohol: Alcohol is especially dangerous to women with PMDD, but affects all women with hormonal imbalances.

Caffeine: Caffeine stimulates the nervous system, but worsens your hormonal imbalances.

Chocolate: Women who suffer from hormonal imbalances crave chocolate. Pure, dark chocolate is rich in magnesium and eicosanoids, which our bodies need. Unfortunately, most chocolate is also laden with fat and sugar, which worsens the imbalance. Dark chocolate, with 70% or more cocoa in it, is the best kind to eat for your hormonal needs. Not the kind with nougats or creme filling or caramel in it. Those only offer even more sugar and fat.

Oh, and never drink milk with your chocolate, or it cancels out the antioxidant benefits obtained.(So much for milk and brownies...)

Nicotine: Nicotine stimulates the nervous system, but worsens any hormonal imbalance.

Refined Sweeteners: Sugar, corn syrup, high fructose corn syrup, or any processed sweetener worsens any hormonal imbalance--and yet the brain craves sugar, needs it to survive. So we can't get away from eating sugar altogether, but we can choose to eat healthy sources of sugar—fruits, vegetables, whole grains--over refined sources, so that our brain gets the kind of sugar it needs to work properly, while the rest of our body doesn't suffer from the effects of too many sweets, such as obesity and diabetes.

Sugar-Free Food and Drinks: Sorry, ladies, but sugar substitutes only worsen hormonal imbalances and we need to avoid them altogether.

Doesn’t leave us with anything fun to eat or drink, does it?

That’s not to say you can never have an ice cream cone again, or a glass of wine, or a diet soda, or anything made with chocolate. (In fact, here’s a blog dedicated to the health benefits of dark chocolate, so that you don’t feel totally deprived. Can you tell chocolate is the one vice I haven't been able to give up yet?) But while your hormones are out of balance--and you will know they are out of balance by the way you feel—it’s best to avoid these things until you are back in balance, and your body is better able to handle the occasional jolt to your hormones caused by one of these substances.

How Hormonal Imbalances Affect Your Brain

I'm sorry. Yesterday got away from me, and tomorrow is more of the same. So this will be it until Sunday. Shoulder is acting up again, but the hormones, they are much better. As always, when things go askew, I look for answers, so last week I read the book Women’s Moods: What Every Woman Must Know about Hormones, the Brain, and Emotional Health. It was a great book about overall hormonal health and described how hormonal issues are physiological imbalances in the brain that manifest as emotional behavior, because the hormones involved affect the areas of the brain that regulate our emotions.

On the one hand, I wish I’d read this book years ago, as it was first published in 1999. On the other, I’m glad I didn’t. While the authors completely explain the devastating effects women's hormones can have on your emotional life, they are firmly in the camp of using medication to treat these brain disorders that affect women throughout our reproductive years.

That’s fine if you want to go that route, but there are other options available now to women who suffer from hormonal imbalances. These options are given a cursory mention and dismissed. Which, if I’d read the book ten years ago, or even five, I would have come to the conclusion that there was no alternative to my hormonal imbalance short of medication.

That, for me, would have been very depressing indeed. I know there are millions of women out there who have severe hormonal imbalances that may well require medication to control them—notice I say control them—not manage them. Me, I manage my symptoms through nutrition and exercise and positive lifestyle choices. If I took medication I wouldn’t need to be so vigilant about my health—the medication would handle the problem for me. But in my case, with the PMDD, I can’t see taking medication every day for something that only occurs a few days a month.

Still, there are days when the thought of it tempts me. But most days it does not.

As I said, to have read this book five years ago would have been devastating for me. Because the authors insist over and over that without treatment, your imbalance will only get worse. There is no light at the end of the tunnel without treatment—this is absolutely true--but their treatment of choice is medication.

So, that aside, I was able to read the book and learn much about the causes of hormonal imbalance and how and why these imbalances can and do get worse later in life without some type of intervention.

Hormonal imbalance is a very serious and practically rampant problem for women, and is all but neglected by the medical community. The only people paying attention are those who can profit from the condition. Most of the information women receive regarding hormonal imbalances comes from companies whose drugs have been approved for treatment of these imbalances.

Which is why we need more books like Women’s Moods to read, even if it is somewhat outdated. Because we need more than to be told a certain medication can solve all our problems. We need to understand the underlying causes of these imbalances and find ways to heal ourselves and prevent the need for chemical solutions. We need to understand the unique female brain/body connection and how it makes us vulnerable to mood problems at the most challenging times in our lives. Puberty, pregnancy, post-partum, peri-menopause, menopause, and post menopause. Every time you have a child, your hormones undergo an enormous amount of stress, and yet society acts as if there’s nothing to it. Life goes on and you cope.

But what happens when your ability to cope fails you? What happens when, as these authors aptly describe it, you have an internal “earthquake” and mood disorders erupt?

All this attention is given to heart health, but brain health is equally important. We need to learn to care for our brains as diligently as we do our hearts. Not only the heart can be strained by a woman’s genetic make up, life experiences, and stress load, but so can the brain. If our brain doesn’t work right, we don’t work right, and all sorts of mayhem can ensue.

No amount of “being strong” is going to re-regulate a brain that has gone askew. It just isn’t going to happen.

The way this book and many others describe it, our brains have neurological pathways that become worn over time like ruts in a road. When any situation arises, our brains immediately locate the memory of how we dealt with that situation in the past, so that we can effectively do so again. And each time we deal with that situation again, a new pathway is created over the old pathway.

This works fine if your brain is healthy, or operating at optimum level. But what if your brain is not? Then your brain is creating new pathways over damaged roads, and only more damage ensues.

Genetics plays a factor in this, of course, but so do your thought processes. In short, how we deal with stress affects our hormones, which in turn affects our brain. This stress can come from any and all sources, trauma from an accident or abuse, be it physical, emotional, sexual, mental, spiritual, financial, you name it, or from naturally occurring life events such as birth, death, marriage, divorce, loss of a job or health or relationship, to name just a few.

When your hormones are in balance, your body deals with these stresses in a normal and healthy way. When your hormones are out of balance, your body and brain do not. Little stresses can be magnified into big stresses, completely out of proportion to the situation. When your hormones are out of balance and your brain is dysregulated, you can feel like you are under attack 24/7. Your brain makes no distinction between the threat of an oncoming car or someone who simply disagrees with your point of view. Both, to your dysregulated brain, are threats to your very existence.

It’s not logical, in fact is completely irrational, but that’s what it is. Your dysregulated brain is not properly processing the threat.

This is why women with mood disorders or even simple hormonal fluctuations seem so irrational at times. But we’re not crazy, we’re simply out of balance.

Come back next week for ways to regain that balance.

Taking Time to Listen

Wow. After being away from the computer for so long, I don’t know where to begin. All this listening and learning I’ve been doing lately. Every day brings new ideas for things to write about. The problem is making the time to write them…and lately, with my messed up shoulder, having the ability to type.

My shoulder seems to be much better today. Thank you for all your prayers and well wishes. I was able to keep up with my email, even though I didn’t answer a lot of them. That would involve typing. But I do appreciate everyone who checked in on me and thank you for your concern. And I do appreciate my guest bloggers, who took up the slack for me while I was recuperating. And I appreciate knowing I can count on my friends to step into the breach should it happen again.

In the end, my solution came from listening—after a long period of not listening, apparently. So much so that I was ready to scream from the non-stop pain on Saturday. Relentless, it was. So I started going through my mind, trying to recall other times I’ve felt this way and how I got past it, and finally I settled on stretching.

Twelve years ago I spent nearly two years dealing with a frozen shoulder until I found a doctor who said, “I know what the problem is!” and within minutes he’d provided me with some stretching exercises that took care of the problem. This was after months and months of x-rays, MRI’s, physical therapy, relaxation therapy, a group class on depression I attended, (but didn’t participate in because I wasn’t depressed, I was in pain, darn it), and several attempts by doctors to prescribe anti-depressants. When I refused them, I was labeled an uncooperative patient and told, “Well, then I don’t know what to do for you.”

Why does it seem that the medical professional’s front line response to something they don’t understand is that you’re the problem and you need anti-depressants?

But I held out, and finally found a doctor who knew what was going on. So since this pain felt similar to that pain I recalled his advice and on Saturday evening went to the Y and did some passive stretching with the nautilus machines. Almost immediately the pain decreased, and by Sunday morning I could type for a few minutes again. I went back to the Y on Monday and did the passive stretching again, and yesterday I was able to type for an hour and a half. I can’t wait to go back and do some more stretching today, and hopefully in a week or so I’ll be back to normal again.

It’s said we have the solution to all our problems or dilemmas within us. All we have to do is stop and listen. I wish I’d done so sooner, but I was too busy resisting. I was too busy keeping busy. If I can’t do this, I’ll do that instead. So I cleaned my office, I cleaned my house, I kept moving because I thought that to stop moving would make it worse and freeze my shoulder up again.

In a sense I was right. The motion kept the pain at bay until a stressful phone call sent me tipping over the edge. My muscles tightened, my nerve got pinched, and I was back to square one.

So that situation needed to be examined as well. Either examined, or given up to God.

I chose to give it up to God, and immediately felt better. Now I have to work on not snatching it back :).

We all have things in our lives we have no control over. My experience these past several weeks has been that to worry and obsess about them does more harm than good. Stress from worry can also keep you from being able to do the things you can do, especially when your body is temporarily being uncooperative. What could have devolved into a downward spiral has now been averted by simply taking the time to listen and do what needed to be done to heal.

But even as I was doing this, I realized that most women don’t have that luxury—to be able to drop everything and focus on healing. Until it’s too late and we have no choice but to see to ourselves or end up disabled or dead.

What’s bothering you today? Is it your back, your head, your knees, your legs, shoulders, neck, hands, heart or elbows? What can you do for yourself today to ease that discomfort? If you don’t know, can you take ten minutes today to focus on your body and listen to what it’s trying to tell you? Can you take another ten minutes tomorrow?

Our bodies are amazing. Designed by God to regenerate and heal all on their own if we but give them the time and space and freedom to do so. Instead we push them and push them, and then wonder why they rebel against us. We feel betrayed, and look for quick fix solutions, most of them external to our bodies. I can’t tell you how tempted I was to just zone out on painkillers and muscle relaxants and go to bed.

But I knew that if I did, I would wake up more stiff and sore than ever, with cotton mouth and a groggy head, and nowhere closer to a solution than I’d been when I opted out. Drugs have their place. Sometimes nothing less will do. But most times, our conditions are not that dire. We just need to slow down and listen.

Ads are Not Health Advice

Just a little something to point out that ads (both then and now) don't always have your best interests at heart--so I wouldn't recommend relying on them for health advice.

This was from an email I received about ads from the 1930s. Amazing. Who knew Lysol could save a marriage?

In case you can't read the words, here they are:

Day after heartbreaking day I was held in an unyielding web...a web spun by my husband's indifference. I couldn't reach him any more. Was the fault mine? (Well of course it is, you're a woman, sweetie. So what are you going to do about it?) Well...thinking you know about feminine hygiene, yet trusting to now and then care, (oh, yes, that nasty now and then care) can make all the difference in happiness, as my doctor pointed out. He said never to run such careless risks...(never mind using something totally toxic to wash away what nature intended for you to have) and prescribed Lysol brand disinfectant, for douching--always.

But I broke through it. Oh, the joy of Tom's love and close companionship once more! Believe me, I follow to the letter my doctor's advice on feminine hygiene...(who, being a man in this case, would never have the opportunity to try this remedy himself) always use Lysol for douching. I wouldn't be satisfied now with salt, soda, or other homemade solutions. Not with Lysol a proved germ killer that cleanses so gently yet so thoroughly. It's easy to use, too, and economical. (Wow, we're even saving the family money while we poison ourselves...)

I'm not usually so snarky, but it gets to me how advertising preys on our deepest fears and insecurities to sell their products. That's the main reason I don't watch television. I don't need somebody out there telling me what I need in my life to be happy. I can decide that for myself. Health ads are the worst. Have you been to a doctor's office lately, and spent your waiting time watching the special health channel programs they offer as a public service? Interspersed between tidbits of genuinely good lifestyle advice are all these ads with happy people dancing around that you could be just like if you can talk your doctor into giving you whatever miracle pill they're promoting.

It seems the companies sponsoring these programs are creating demand for their products by making you think you have problems, diseases, and disorders you might not have, while conveniently leaving out the part that almost always there are other, safer remedies for you to try first. If you do indeed have a problem.

Seems like nothing's changed since the thirties.

Which means we need to become our own best advocates for what we put into our bodies. We need to stop listening to all the hype, and start listening to our inner wisdom. You know when something's wrong in your life or in your body, and deep down, you know that only in the most extreme cases, where genuine disease is present, is anything from an external source going to help.

My last post was on listening, on how important it is to have just one someone in your life who will listen to you and bear witness to your life. But it's equally important to take the time to listen to yourself. Our bodies are amazing and will provide the answers if we but listen to them. Mine, I know, is as sensitive as can be to any new substance (food, drug, supplement) or experience (exercise) that I introduce to it. By listening carefully, I can keep it in balance and avoid having to spend time in my doctor's office watching shows that mess with my mind.

So take time out today to listen to what your body is telling you, and let me know what you find out.

Be well...not duped.

The Power of Sharing Our Stories

This week I attended the last program of our women’s series on healing at my church. This one was a recap of the four previous programs and ended up with a segment on sharing. We were invited to share our journey over the past five weeks, what we’ve learned, how our life has changed because of what we’ve experienced through attending the sessions.

The second week each participant chose a word from a basket of little pieces of paper with one word each on them. The idea was to meditate on that word and find out what special meaning it had in your life. I missed that week, so I got my word later. It wasn’t until this week, and people began sharing, that I realized everyone got a different word. For some reason, I had thought they just put five or six standard words in the basket and recycled them. But no. They had prepared 120 words, and each participant received the word that was especially meant for her at this point in her life.

As each woman who chose to speak stood and explained what her word was, and the meaning she found in it, the stories that unfolded were both heartwarming and tragic. There’s so much pain in the world, and women, who are relational, and who have awesome powers of endurance, seem to be the ones chosen to carry that pain. We care about the people we love, the people we serve, and in doing so, take their pain as our own.

Our church also has a special ministry, called the prayer shawl ministry. It was started by a woman whose sister was dying and while in her hospital bed, she received a prayer shawl to comfort her. A prayer shawl is one that has been knitted for the specific purpose of providing comfort to someone in need, and has been blessed and prayed over by the prayer shawl group after one member creates it. The person who creates it and the person who receives it most often will never meet, but you can also receive a prayer shawl from a friend, as I have.

This woman lost her sister, but brought the prayer shawl idea home, and started a new ministry within the church. Now they meet twice a week to knit shawls and bless them for others. Since the program was started, they have given out nearly 300 prayer shawls.

Since the evening’s topic was sharing, a few women had come prepared with stories to tell, to get the ball rolling. Each was visibly shaken by the telling, and broke down in tears. The women who listened, or received these stories into our hearts, were also visibly affected. Sniffles and hugs and hand holding and comforting rubs on the back abounded.

Then other women stood and voluntarily offered their stories, mostly about the word they had chosen and how they had tied it into their lives. Some of the words mentioned were trust, choices, focus, faith, healing, and solitude. One woman said when she read her word, she thought, “What a stupid word.” After the laughter died down, nods and murmurs of agreement ensued.

But in each case, the woman agreed that God knew what He was doing, when He presented her with that word, and reflecting on it had changed her way of thinking.

At the end, the prayer shawl ministry leader rose and asked if the group could present shawls to the women among us most in need of comfort. No one turned one down. Would you? Six shawls were brought out and prayed over by all of us, then lovingly draped across the shoulders of the women who had shared, and smiles and hugs ensued all around.

It was a powerful, moving experience. And the comment was made that we are all sisters in our pain and suffering, and that most times women are so busy being strong for others and trying to hold our families or situations together, that there’s no one there to comfort us. Mainly because women tend to suffer in silence. We don’t share our burdens, because we don’t want to burden anyone. We all know already how it feels to be the one who carries the burdens of others, and don’t want to intrude.

But women need to share. Not just our sorrows, but our joys and celebrations as well. There is a delicate balance to life, and within each tragedy arises hope if we will let it, and within each celebration comes the promise of sorrow. It’s simply the way things are. Life is not an endless series of highs, or an endless series of lows, but rather a blending of the two that move in a never-ending cycle. Have you ever seen someone crying for joy? A perfect example of the balance as it should be.

I have long believed that what brings you great joy will bring you an equal amount of pain. Therefore I go into any situation that brings me joy accepting that, and when the pain comes, I know it’s all part of the process. I’d much rather live that way than go through life feeling numb with a closed heart. It’s the pain that allows me to appreciate the joy, and to make the most of those precious moments when they come.

Out of these women’s pain came, if not joy, then great caring and kindness and love. That wouldn’t have happened if they hadn’t been willing to stand up and share what they were going through. We wouldn’t have been able to reach out to them if they had stayed silent.

Therefore I honor them, and salute them for having the courage to speak up, and I feel blessed to have been a part of their comfort and healing. And now when I see them, I will remember that we are all going through something at any given moment in time, and will--as another woman suggested we all do when we see each other in the future--be happy to reach out in sisterhood with compassion and kindness.

Oh, and my word? It was peace.

Peace be with you, now and always.

Guess Who's Coming to Dinner?

For several weeks now, I've been wanting to write another post about PMDD. Well, wanting isn’t really the word, but it’s been on my mind. The problem is, when you’re having an episode of PMDD, almost every thought you have is negative, so you don’t want to do it then, you'll just depress everyone with your negativity, and when you’re not having an episode of PMDD, PMDD is the last thing you want to think about. It’s like a bad dream you just want to forget.

But I had an episode yesterday, which reminded me of my intention to write about it. I’ve been lucky lately. This time last year, the episodes were coming regularly and lasting for what felt like forever. Weeks at a time. I spent the summer and fall changing my diet and seeing doctors and reading anything I could on the subject. I learned enough to make the episodes not last so long, and for a few months, they stopped altogether. What a blessing that was. But I also learned that each case is individual and what works for me might or might not work for someone else, so there’s no way I can sit here and tell you what you can do to ease your symptoms.

That’s the problem with PMDD. It affects every woman who has it differently, and even if you have two women with the exact same symptoms, the treatment for them won’t be the same. Mine, I found, was a fundamental nutritional issue. I had been trying to lose my pre-menopausal weight, and almost every diet plan out there says to cut down on carbs. Well, that won’t work for me. PMDD is caused by a drop in your serotonin level in the brain, and what do you need to keep that serotonin level up? Carbs!

So just about every diet out there is impossible for me. This used to frustrate me. Now I simply enjoy my carbs, knowing they are keeping me from experiencing a dip in my serotonin levels and therefore a day (or week) devoid of productivity. I do everything I can to make sure they’re whole-grain, healthy carbs, and that makes a huge difference in how I feel, but I can’t do without carbs altogether, and I can’t stick to the 15g of carbs per meal or whatever it is they recommend for losing weight.

The only way I’ll be able to lose weight is to exercise it off. So I’ve signed up for something at my Y called Walk 100 Miles in 100 Days. I don’t get there every day, but when I do, I walk two miles to keep on track. No weight loss yet, but I’ve walked 25 miles in three weeks, and my jeans are feeling a whole lot looser.

Anyway, yesterday I was in the throes of an episode of PMDD. It blew in like a bad storm around ten in the morning, and I struggled with it for the rest of the day. Wanting to weep for no reason, yawning and sighing constantly, craving carbs like crazy. I wasn’t hungry, I just wanted to EAT. The last thing I felt like doing was walking my two miles, but I made myself get out of the house and do it—and felt a whole lot better for it afterward. Prior to the walk, all I wanted to do was eat and sleep. Afterward, I felt more awake and alert, and was satisfied with just a salad. I did spend a great deal of time yesterday reading, but that was okay. Everyone deserves a break now and then.

Today I’m feeling much better, more optimistic and hopeful. Not that I wasn’t feeling optimistic and hopeful before. I’m naturally optimistic and hopeful. But yesterday, thanks to my PMDD, my natural optimism totally tanked. That’s what PMDD does to me. So you can imagine how, for years before I discovered what was happening—that my brain was experiencing a dip in my serotonin level due to my naturally fluctuating hormones—I simply thought I was going crazy. I mean, one day all is well in my world and I’m sailing along, as happy as can be, and the next—while nothing has changed in my situation or circumstances—suddenly everything is hopeless and pointless and I have no motivation or direction. It’s like some other being has come in and taken over my body. My body that just wants to eat and sleep all day. I call her The Alien.

So yesterday I didn’t give in. I knew what was happening and I wasn’t going to let her get the best of me. I would alter my activities, take it a little easier than usual, but continue to eat normally and get my exercise in, even though both were the last thing I felt like doing.

And today, because I didn’t give in to that Eeyore cloud of hopelessness and despair, I’m back on track again. Because once you give in, the hopelessness feeds upon itself, and the bad food choices you make (going for the sugar or caffeine) only mess with your body chemistry more, sending you on a roller coaster ride of insulin surges and emotions that leave you exhausted, mind, body, and soul.

Today, thanks to the moderation I practiced yesterday, life looks good again.

But it’s not easy to separate yourself from whatever unhealthy messages your serotonin-deprived brain is sending you. It takes a lot of energy and willpower. I’ve been saying willpower doesn’t work with PMDD, but to some extent it does. Sure, your body craves carbs—so give it some good ones. Sure, your body craves sleep—so take it easy and rest. But you don’t have to give in altogether and keep the cycle going. You can nip it in the bud by taking time out to take care of yourself, so that you’re better able to take care of all the other people and things in your life that need taking care of.

And now, I’m off to take care of those things. Got people coming over for dinner tonight and I need to get the house ready :). Fortunately, they are people who are well acquainted with my PMDD, so if by evening my energy is flagging, they will understand and we’ll have a great time anyway. They'll know it's not personal. All I have to do is open the door and say, “She’s back,” and they will know what/who I’m talking about. My PMDD. Aka The Alien.

I thank God for bringing such good friends into my life.

For those of you who have never heard of PMDD, the core symptoms are:

Markedly depressed mood, feelings of hopelessness, or self-deprecating thoughts
Marked anxiety, tension feelings of being “keyed up” or “on edge”
Marked affective lability, e.g., feeling suddenly sad or tearful, or increased sensitivity to rejection Persistent and marked anger or irritability or increased interpersonal conflicts

Other symptoms of PMDD

Decreased interest in usual activities, e.g., work, school, friends, hobbies
Difficulty concentrating
Marked fatigue
Marked change in appetite, overeating or cravings for specific foods
Hypersomnia or insomnia
Feeling overwhelmed or out of control
Physical symptoms, including headaches, breast tenderness and/or swelling, joint and/or muscle pain, a sensation of “bloating,” and weight gain

Women and Insanity, Part Two

Since it’s so close to Halloween, I thought I’d continue my thoughts on Women and Insanity. Over the weekend, I watched the movie, The Changeling, starring Angelina Jolie. I didn’t know what it was about, just that it was Angelina Jolie and she had a missing child. What I discovered was this was a true story, a story about the disappearance of Walter Collins in 1928.

Now, women in 1928 had precious little rights, and especially single mothers like Mrs. Collins, who supported herself and her son by working at the telephone company. Until her son disappeared, she was a quiet, unassuming, hard-working single mom who adored her son and was just trying to make a good life and home for them to the best of her ability in the times she lived in. She got called in to work on a Saturday when she had planned to take her son to the movies, and (although this wasn’t made clear in the movie) instead sent him to the movies alone. He never returned.

Mrs. Collins spent five frantic months looking for her son, and the Los Angeles police department, who a the time was already under fire, was looking even worse. So they concocted this scheme where another young boy would pretend to be her son, and they could announce that the case was closed.

The only problem was that Mrs. Collins knew immediately that the boy was not her son, and protested. Because by closing the case, that meant the police would stop looking for her real son. So she became a mother on a mission, desperate to find her child.

Meanwhile, the police tried to tell her she didn’t know her own son, and why couldn’t she be happy with the one she had. They tried to make her out as a loose woman, having had five months to party and live it up while he was gone, and now that he was back, she wanted to deny her son and shirk her responsibilities toward him. She finally became so outspoken that the chief of police had her committed to an insane asylum until she signed a paper that said the boy was her son and she had been mistaken. She refused.

Call me naïve, but I was shocked that this could happen less than 100 years ago. I mean, my initial post about women and insanity had to do with pioneer women in the 1800s. You’d think things would have improved in a century or so. But apparently not. Over the weekend, I found this, from a college paper on women and mental illness.

It states: "Mental illness during the Victorian era revolved around the empowerment of men. Hysteria fuelled from a fear of intellectual women. Women were denied tasks such as reading or social interaction due to a fear of becoming a hysteric. Women were further forced into the stereotypical passive housewife role. Anorexia was an attempt to fit the male standard of beauty. These women refused food in order to appear "feminine" and become a frail ornament for their husbands to show off. They also furthered the idea of the passive housewife, lacking personality or emotion. Those who took a stand for their beliefs or exercised a sexual emotion were deemed insane as they rejected the feminine ideal. Such women were forced into asylums to keep others in line; they were sacrificed to show that those who spoke up would be punished. Thus, the rest of the women remained silent. And finally, spinsters and lesbians were a major threat to male domination. These women preferred life without sexual interaction with men. They rejected the social norms of woman as passive, emotionless accessories and instead embraced personal choice. They too were deemed insane and subject to male-induced public criticism to try and reform them as well as fuel the idea that this sort of behavior was not acceptable. "

So poor Mrs. Collins never had a chance. Fortunately, however, there were enough people in the community who would stand up for her, and went looking for her (as she was whisked out the back door of the police station and off to the mental institution in the dead of night) and found her and got her released. She then was able to get released all the women in the institution classified as Code 12, which turned out to be a euphemism for someone the police wanted to get rid of.

A book on the subject I would recommend is Women of the Asylum: Voices from Behind the Walls, 1840-1945 (Paperback)

Here’s a snippet of what one reviewer had to say about it:

"This book is an interesting compilation of personal accounts of women who were imprisoned in asylums for various reasons, usually at the request of a relative. It seems throughout most of this time period, all it took to get a person imprisoned in an asylum was a statement from the doctor that the person was insane. Consequently, if a woman angered a man in her family, he could have her imprisoned by pointing out that she was not performing her duties as a woman around the house and for the community, such as at church…often, individual thinking landed a woman in the insane asylum. One of the women questioned the doctrine of her church; thus, was imprisoned for religious problems. This same woman wrote a very articulate account of her treatment and the treatment of other women in the hospital, which made me wonder exactly what it was that they saw wrong with her views on the church. The only conclusion I could draw was that it had to be her individuality that brought her into the asylum.

The most striking thing about this book is to look now onto what these women went through, and consider these were absolutely normal occurrences at the time…While these stories explain the reasons women landed in the asylums, they also told of the treatment of them and the other inmates. These stories are clear, but the authors/editors also explain what types of treatments were used at different times and how these all tied in with how the patients actually responded. While you can see their legal rights starting to improve towards the end of the time studied here, there is a definite slip in the treatment and attitude towards the inmates as these hospitals grew in size…"

The bottom line, I think, is that the times dictate what is crazy and what isn’t, and I have to wonder why it is that no matter where you look, even today, women seem to fall on the wrong side of crazy every time.

Women and Insanity

For the past six months, I've been doing research for a book on women's health, in particular PMDD, or Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder, a biological/physiological condition that occurs in concert with a woman's menstrual cycle, and has, amid much controversy, been categorized in the DSM-IV as a mental disorder. I'm going to start sharing my findings here on Wellness Wednesdays, in the hopes of helping women who suffer from not only PMDD, but a host of other hormone-related issues (such as thyroid, menopause, PMS, post-partum depression, and countless others) realize that these issues are indeed biological in origin and not mental.

In short, no, you're not going crazy. Your hormones are simply out of whack. Week after week, I'm going to explain the various reasons why you feel the way you do. Why you think you're losing your mind, and why you're not. Better yet, I'm going to tell you what you can do to bring your hormones, and your life, back into balance.

We are blessed in that--while mainstream medicine for the most part continues to dismiss, discount, and ignore women's hormonal health concerns--the good news is it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be, as will be outlined by my guest blogger today, fellow Wild Rose Press author Loretta Rogers.

So thank you, Loretta, for helping me to kick this new direction for my blog off with a historical perspective on what in most cases were no doubt simply hormonal issues, if any imbalance was present at all. As you will see, sometimes all a man needed to commit a woman to the insane asylum was a desire to do so.

Because divorce was a rarity during the pioneer/frontier days, men devised other ways to get rid of unwanted wives and children, and that was by declaring them insane and placing this unwanted loved one in an insane asylum. Actually these early asylums were in reality prisons and not medical centers. These institutions were filthy, dark places where people were treated more like animals than human beings. The asylums usually provided only the basic necessities of life. Food was poor, cleanliness was not stressed and the rooms were often very cold. Diseases were quick to spread throughout the asylum.

Some of the reasons women were institutionalized are unbelievable. In the early 1800’s wives and daughters were often committed for not being obedient enough to their husbands or fathers. You’ve heard the term, “children are to be seen and not heard.” This applied to wives as well. If a woman spoke out and went against the “norm” she could be committed.

With no birth control, it wasn’t unusual for a woman to give birth to another baby while still nursing her last child. And a brood of six to twelve children wasn’t unusual either. With her body no longer firm and supple, her energy level somewhere between zero and double zero, and with the daily routine of cooking, cleaning, plowing, and all the other demands, a woman was run ragged. It’s no wonder she grew old long before her time.

All the husband and/or father had to do was simply write the word “lunacy” on the admission form. Lunacy was an acceptable reason for divorce. The woman’s husband would declare her insane, put her in the asylum and then file for the divorce. A few months later, his marriage records to a younger bride usually showed up.

Other reasons to be “put away”, were depression, alcoholism, just being a little different from the norm, and even going through menopause. Doctors just didn’t know how to deal with mental issues and the result was to put their patients in the asylum. These women were locked up and forgotten by their loved ones. The fathers/husbands often forbid the family members to visit. It was as if the wife or daughter had simply died. Most of these women did stay at the insane asylum until their death.

If a father had no sons, but didn’t want his daughter to inherit his fortune or worldly goods, he could have her declared insane, institutionalized, and leave his money to a favorite nephew or his ranch to a ranch hand he considered as a son. If a man’s wife had died in child birth and he couldn’t find a woman to wed who was willing to become a stepmother to his large brood, or if he couldn’t marry off any of his eligible daughters, he simply declared them as lunatics and placed them in an asylum. Sometimes daughters were committed for unwanted pregnancies. Other children were committed for being disobedient or for illnesses such as Down’s Syndrome or Autism. Being born deaf or mute, retarded or physically disfigured was another reason a child might be committed.

Oftentimes, the husband might tell others that his wife or child had died. If a newspaper office was available, he might even have an obituary printed. Yet the person was very much alive at the asylum. While it was rare for a sane person to be released from an asylum, it did happen. Imagine what it was like for this woman. Having been declared dead, she had no identity.

Some of these asylums were built next to, or part of, the prison system. This was to help cut back costs of care, food and facilities. Rape was prevalent in asylums. Because women had been declared insane, it was deemed they had no powers of reasoning, no feelings or emotions. In other words, they were considered walking zombies. Because of this deranged thinking, (no pun intended) prisoners and even asylum employees used the women for their own pleasures.

If you are into genealogy and have run into a brick wall trying to locate a female relative, the US census has a place on some of their census, example 1850, that had a place to mark if deaf, dumb or insane. The probate section may carry Lunacy Record Books at the county courthouses. Some Wills will declare if someone is insane or having lunacy. If someone seems to have disappeared, they may have been “sent away.”

Therefore, when we refer to the ‘good old’ days, we might remember these women and their lives, and be thankful that they paved the way for us.

Loretta C. Rogers. http://www.lorettacrogersbooks.com/

Isabelle and the Outlaw

Keep Clicking to Make a Difference in 2009

When life's problems seem overwhelming, look around and see what other people are coping with. You may consider yourself fortunate. ~Ann Landers

I'm still clicking away daily at the Hunger/Literacy/Breast Cancer/Child Health/Animal Rescue/Rainforest site. It really helps, getting that daily reminder, which any of the sites you choose to click on will gladly send you. I just happened to click on the animal rescue link, so that's who sends me my daily email.

What was really neat, was one day when I got my email a few weeks ago I learned that the week's winner of that week's $1000 award from the site was the Days End Farm Horse Rescue Shelter, which is in Lisbon, Maryland. My friend Maggie wrote a romantic suspense novel (Amazon link) about a horse rescue farm, and the villain who wants to sabotage it, and is donating the proceeds from the sale of her book (Wild Rose Press e-book link) to....The Days End Farm Horse Rescue shelter.

Small world, isn't it?

In 2008, people simply clicking on the sites paid for

72.0 million cups of food for the hungry

7577 mammograms

989,957 children to get healthcare

522,292 books for children (over half a million books!)

14,957 acres of rainforest to be saved

and 77.8 million bowls of food for rescued animals

It's such a small thing to do. But what you do makes a difference.

Everything you do makes a difference. There is no kindness in the universe that goes unnoticed.