What I've Learned from Running Half Marathons

I finished this race today.  I didn't finish as fast as I wanted to, but I did beat my February time by 16 minutes. My first 3 miles was my best pace ever (37 minutes---see note about starting too fast below), at 6 miles I was still at a good pace 1:17.  I even did well through mile eight.  At this point, we ran out to the pier where the wind was BRUTAL.  By mile 9 my feet were KILLING me and I had to go to the bathroom.  Just after mile 10, we ran through Tropicana field (where the Tampa Bay Rays play--around the perimeter of the field).  I was thankful for the SOFT astroturf and was able to RUN it out in there.  Mile 11 was just OK.  The last 3/4 of a mile, I was able to RUN. IT. IN.  This is huge for me as it meant I did have something to give.  Now to just pace it out a little better this February.  Below are the things I've learned from running half marathons(so far).

Well, I don't know if I really have all that much wisdom since I've only officially run two now.  But I have DEFINITELY learned (and keep learning) every time my feet hit the pavement.  Here, in no particular order, are some of the lessons I now have under my belt:

1.  You have to "run your own race".  My son (the Coach) has said this to me again and again.  It's HARD, though.  I WANT to be as fast as some of my friends.  I HATE seeing people pass me that I think I should be able to beat.  I have to remember: that's THEIR race and not mine.  (Still, I often set my sights on a runner or two or three that I want to beat in the end...and I can't lie, I find that motivating---just keeping it real).

2.  Today, while having a particularly hard time with my foot, I saw a sign that said, "Remember your 'why'." That's important for me.  I have to remember WHY I run.  I run because it's something that I never thought possible for me.  I run because it makes me FEEL good (most of the time).  I run because it's a way to clear my head.  I run for those who can't run...YET!  I run because it's helped me have a healthier body.  (For the record, while that foot was throbbing its way through mile 11, I saw a sign that said, "Your feet hurt because you're kicking butt!"  (I liked it.)

3.  If you're a SLOW runner (like me), it's not fair to yourself to minimize your runs.  Ever. I would not post my 13.1 sticker on my car after I finished Disney Princess in February 2012.  My time was much slower than I wanted.  I stopped and took pics along the way.  I convinced myself I wasn't worthy of putting that sticker on the car because I "wasn't a 'real' runner".  But, again, the Coach comes through and says, "The first time you run, you're a runner."  My 13.1 sticker will be on the car this week.

4.  Keeping track of your progress is motivating and a reminder of the growth you've had.  I'm thinking this is such a lesson for anything we're learning.  It's good to look back and see where you've been.  I am serious when I say I could not run SIX FEET when I started. Any record keeping helps with perspective.  It's good to know the steps you have to take to move forward too.  Data can be a very good thing.

5.  When you've gotta' "go" you've gotta' "go".  I learned, the hard way, that your body functions differently when you run.  Soooo...although I'd like to avoid the porta-potty at the races, I know that taking the time to take care of your body's needs is what really helps you move forward. And when you're in the middle ages, you have to listen to it...waiting is...well...not pretty.

6.  Running with people is a good thing.  I don't mean actually side-by-side running, because I really prefer to run with myself/alone.  It's one of the only times my world is totally silent.  And I love it!  I have these ladies that I've come to call friends who keep me motivated more than they may know.  Many are already serious runners.  They all have hearts the size of Kansas and can encourage ANYONE to keep moving.  I love having "running friends" who understand the maladies that often accompany this sport (from shoe issues, to toenail issues, to bathrooming). I love the encouragement and love they give.  (As an added bonus today, I got to meet my blogging friend, Linda from 2nd cup of coffee!  She came down from Indiana to run this race and it was definitely one of the highlights for me.)

7.  Starting too fast can be KILLER!  I tend to do this.  I know there's a scientific reason for it.  But isn't it true with everything?  If you come out of the starting block too fast, you lose momentum and have trouble really sticking with it till the end.  I'm trying to learn pacing in MANY areas of my life...running reminds me it's worth learning.

8.  Pushing your way through something hard is VERY REWARDING!  Sure I love the medal.  I love the celebration at the end.  I love cheering for others coming across the finish line.  But realizing that you can stick with something and get through it just feels good.

There you have it, the top 8 things I've learned in the last 18 months.  I'm sure there are more lessons, but right now I need to go put up my throbbing foot!  

Open Doors

Last week I had to spend a couple of days in Tampa with my Mom.  She had some doctor's appointments and on Friday, had surgery to remove a lump in her breast.  (I am so thankful that it came back benign!)  While at the hospital on Friday, DS 2 came and went with me to lunch.  I threw something in the side of my van before we left and distinctly remember pushing the lock twice to get it to "beep".

When DS 2 and I returned, I glanced over at my van and saw the side door open.  My heart sank!  My computer, Mom's purse, and other valuables were in that van before I left.  I stared at the open door with a zillion thoughts running through my head starting with, "OH NO!  THIS is going to be a process!"  With extreme pessimism I approached the car.  We were, after all, in the middle of Tampa near the University Campus.  When I rounded the corner of the parking space, I could see the tote bag with computer and purse inside.  And finally, I breathed!

Fast forward to today.  Last night when I went to bed, DSs 1 and 3 were out with friends as there was no school today.  Well, DS 1 doesn't have school...but he didn't have anything else today either.  I was the first one up because I DID have to work.  6:15 came early.  I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and went out to our living room where I noticed how dark the house was.  (Normally there's a light on somewhere.)  I was suddenly drawn to the front door where the street light was shining through a crack.  It wasn't a crack that is normally there.  The front door was open.  About 12 inches!

A familiar feeling overcame me.  The heart sank.  I thought about waking DH up...but decided against it.  Instead I went to check that all kids were in their beds.  Check.  Nothing appeared touched.  We appeared alone.  The only thing moving was our little cat who was adamantly staring out our BACK sliding glass door. As I relaxed I remembered that the bigger cat LOVES to escape.  I followed little kitty to the back door and there, staring from the porch was the escape artist.  I opened it and let him in.  (It turns out the lock had a problem and didn't catch when one of the boys came home and locked it.)

While reflecting later on my drive to work, I thought about both scenes.  Both doors open when they should have been secure.  Both caused a momentary panic.  And both ended up just fine.

 I am reminded just how many times doors that seemingly should be shut in our lives suddenly are found open.  And I think the natural human tendency is that fear keeps us from moving through them.  Yet, so many times we DO peek inside or even step inside to find that all is well.  While I'd like to find no more physical doors in my life open when they aren't supposed to be, I DO hope that the next time one of life's doors opens for me I step through it without fear and discover something wonderful on the other side!

Remember February...

I think I am going to post this little picture on my bathroom mirror. I need it as a reminder of where I've been.

Without going into all the details...cause they are not all that relevant...I want to say that February was a living nightmare for me. Actually it started around the end of December, escalated through March and April and didn't begin to really subside until May and June.

Like any trial, stuff tries to rear it's ugly head long after the "thick of it" is over. You think "Oh my gosh, here we go again." Or, "I knew it wasn't really over." But the truth is, we often just need to think back to the midst of the trial. For when we can gain that perspective, it makes the little episodes in the here and now a bit more bearable.

I realized this week that it doesn't matter what the trial is, or was, the perspective is everything. For example, years ago when raising toddlers, it might have said, "Remember Sleepless Nights". When they were preschoolers it might have said, "Remember potty training".

Right now my sign would say "Remember February". It's that reminder to look back once-in-a-while to where I've been. It helps me appreciate the beauty and blessing that is in the here and now.

And that kind of perspective is a good thing!

Some days are diamonds...

I know I'm dating myself when I reference a John Denver song here...but the song that has rolled around my head today is "Some days are diamonds, some days are stone." It's not so much for the extended lyrics which are the musings of a jilted lover when he consider how life has been "without her"...but his answer is appropriate for many situations beyond lost love:

"Some days are diamonds some days are stones--Sometimes the hard times won't leave me alone--Sometimes a cold wind blows a chill in my bones--Some days are diamonds some days are stones."

This is the thing though...we can fixate on the stone OR we can look for the gems that are often found inside!

Whether it's a diamond day, or a stone day, may we all find the gems that surround us.

Last week, during one particularly stress-filled time, someone shared a little science with me. As she listened to my dilemma, she drew a little diagram on a piece of paper. She said, "Let me show you something about how the brain works." In my mind, I thought "Yeah, yeah, I know I've heard all about the brain...I AM a teacher, after all." But, when she turned the clipboard around and expose her rough sketch, I knew I was seeing something I've never thought about before:

She showed me a sketch that looked a little like the one above and said, "When the emotions/feelings get BIG, the brain gets really small and the ears fall off." I let it sink in and really thought about it.

It's true. It's ageless. It happens to kids. It happens to adults. When we let our emotions take control, our ability to think and reason (that amazing brain) shrinks and we often lose the skills we need to listen. The key, she went on, is to achieve balance. It's not that we want to be emotionless...we just want to have a balance between reasoning and emotion which allows us to really listen.

It's a lesson I needed to hear that day. It's something I am trying to remember as I navigate the waters I'm in lately. And it's something that I am remembering when dealing with kids (my own or others).

This morning, my prayer was, "Help me balancee, Lord. Make my emotions the size they SHOULD be without taking over everything else. Help me to reason when I need to do so. And most of all, may my ears stay attached so I can hear what I need to hear."

Becoming a Mountainclimber

I LOVE the MOUNTAINS! I always have. When I was a little girl, I used to dream of one day living on Walton's mountain. When I am surrounded by them, I find that I am more calm. Relaxed. Settled. Except when they are "life mountains".

We all have them. Some are large and others are smaller and more "foothill-like". Life mountains are those problems and situations that arise that seem huge and at times, insurmountable. This morning it occurred to me that as much as I LOVE the physical mountains, there are times I long for only a flat ground of faith upon which to walk. Then the question came to me, "How much faith does that take?" The truth is, the answer is a weak, "Not much!"

"If you have faith like a grain of mustard seed, you will say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move, and nothing will be impossible for you.” (Matthew 17:20)

While it's nice to think that they all would just move out of the way with the exercise of a little faith, they don't always. Instead, step-by-step and inch-by-inch, we have to climb them. Conquer them!

I'm at the base of a mountain. I cannot see the climb, the peak, or the other side. But I am sure that there are blessings on it.

I am reminded of a conversation I had with my DS 3 when he was only 4 years old and preparing to go to Kindergarten. With tears in his eyes, he said he didn't want to go to Kindergarten. I asked why. His answer shocked me, "Because I might have to go to fifth grade!" What!?! Fifth grade??? What did THAT have to do with going to Kindergarten? He soon told me, "You have to get shots when you go to fifth grade!" He was looking at the entire mountain and figured if he never took the first step, he wouldn't have to take the 101st step.

We all do it. We all stare up at our life mountains at times and cry out to God, "I don't WANT to go!" But he gently nudges us to take the first step...and the next...and the next and the next. Because he's there the whole time.

Today I'm choosing to climb the mountain WITH faith! Here are the promises I am taking with me on my journey:

Nahum 1:7
The LORD is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him.

2 Corinthians 4:8
We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair.

Psalm 138:7
Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life; you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes, with your right hand you save me.

Isaiah 43:2
When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

1 Peter 5:7
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.

Lessons learned while pedaling...

Though it's quite a distant shot, DS 3 and LG are pedaling down our street in this picture. I am pedaling behind them...and shooting the photo (which is a pretty good feat if I do say so myself). Unseen in this photo is DS 4 who was also along for the ride.

We have been working with LG to learn bike riding. DH has run along side her. DS 3 has held her up and taught her balance once she gets started. DS 4 shouts encouragement to her as she makes her attempts to do it all by herself.

Yesterday, we took off to ride around the neighborhood. LG is pretty good once she gets going, but she requires someone to hold the bike steady and give her the starting push to begin.

I started her off yesterday and the three of us followed along. She rode pretty far then hit a stopping point. She didn't fall, but getting started was a chore. We wanted her to learn to do it herself. So we coached from the side while she worked on it. After a few long minutes, she did it! All by herself!

As you would expect from an unsteady rider, there were other stops and starts. And she had a couple of moments of sheer frustration. At one point she announced that she would be "walking her bike back to the house!" I told her "No, you are going to do it. Just take your time and look forward!" She held her hands up and showed me that they were red. I determined that she must have an absolute death grip on the handles! Still, the boys and I reminded her to stop looking at the pedals, loosen the grip and look forward. And gently we nudged her back up on the bike.

Every time I spoke the words, they resonated with me. "Loosen the grip and look forward." I thought, "That's exactly right!" When we are in the midst of a trial. When we can't focus. When we feel whiny and cranky and tired and would rather take an alternate route...perhaps we just need to loosen the grip and look forward.

Soon, LG was able to finish the ride. She rode home a little tired. She was a little sweaty. But she was triumphant. She rode farther than she ever had. She rode alone longer than she ever had. SHE. DID. IT!

The bike ride was refreshing. I enjoyed spending time with the kids. I can't wait until she's even more confident and we can try out some of the bike trails that are around here. But the most important thing that happened for me wasn't the memory making...it was the life lesson that was waiting to gently nudge me home!

Keep Christ Where?

I was the first car at the red light. Right behind me were about 6 - 7 more cars waiting to move on to whatever their destination. My son called me while I was sitting there. I answered. (I don't even WANT to hear about talking on the phone and driving.)

While talking to him, the light turned green. I hit the gas. Apparently, it was too slow for the cranky gentleman in the car behind me. He and a woman were riding in the car together. He LAYED on the horn. I thought, "Certainly he's not honking at me! I am moving forward. What ELSE could he want?" As soon as we were safely across the intersection, he went to the lane beside me and gave me a gesture or two while obviously screaming at me as if I could hear him.

It was a sight to see.

But, even more of a sight was what was stuck to the back of his luxury vehicle. Not one, but TWO of these signs:

There was one stuck over each of the back lights so you could see it no matter which side of his car you were on. Two! And, in my not-so-angelic thoughts I said, "Yeah buddy, you SHOULD keep Christ in Christmas!"

That was two days ago.

This morning I ran out to finish up some of the school's holiday shopping for needy kids. I drove around the parking lot a couple of times and spotted a lady pulling out of a front space. I looked around to be sure no more cars were waiting. None. I put my blinker on. She saw me.

Just as the driver pulled out, a lady in a red truck sped around from an aisle over and went in the space. I layed on horn. I pointed to my blinker. I hollered as if she could hear me. She looked at me and hollered back saying, "I was over there!" (I am a pretty good lip reader.) So I said, "I was RIGHT HERE!" She didn't care. She parked. I drove away to find another space.

Then, right there in the parking lot, I had to thank God that I didn't have a "Keep Christ in Christmas" sticker on MY car! Even though I didn't gesture rudely to her. I was obviously MAD. She knew it. There was no way to hide it.

So, I think maybe we should consider a new bumper sticker: "Keep Christ in your CAR!" I know. I know. You can't put him in your car anymore than you can pin down a cloud...but I'm sure you get my drift. The fact of the matter is...he's there. Shoot, he's EVERYWHERE. And we all need to be mindful of it. So maybe I'll change my sticker to just say: "Keep Christ"!

Happy Tuesday!

Are you KIDDING me??

Some things just make me wonder. It's not uncommon for me to get the newspaper, read a headline, and ask "Are you kidding me?"

A couple of days ago, I read the paper and saw where there was a beating at one of our local golf courses. Apparently a 60-something year old man was on the golf course and got hungry. He pulled a grapefruit off of a tree that he passed. The tree, however, belonged to a nearby homeowner who was in his early forties. The homeowner sees this guy eating the grapefruit and comes out and beats him with a golf club!

Are you KIDDING me? If you've ever seen a citrus tree, then you know they produce a LOT of fruit! First of all, it probably wasn't really THAT good cause it's still a little early for citrus and we haven't had a real cold snap. They are much better after that. Secondly, I'm pretty certain there would have been HUNDREDS of grapefruit on the tree.

OK, so I know the guy was trespassing. I know it wasn't "his" tree. But geez. I think this reaction was a bit over the top.

The news of Tiger Woods hitting a fire hydrant or tree, or whatever he hit with his car, has blown my mind. Good grief! If any other Tom, Dick, Harry, or Sally pulled out of their driveway--despite the reason--and damaged a tree/car/hydrant we would not have heard about it. It wouldn't have even mattered if there was domestic violence issue. We STILL most likely would not have heard about it. Yet, the media wants to dig into Tiger's personal life and still keeps the prodding going.

WHEN will people get it? It's not our business! If Tiger needs to replace the hydrant, the tree, or the car...he can.

Then there is the news of senseless, senseless killing sprees! Makes me SICK! Just what is it that makes a man run into a coffee shop and kill four people he doesn't know? I don't get it.

Honestly, I don't read the newspaper everyday. I skim it sometimes. Other times I don't look at all. Most days I'm happy to go about my merry way without really thinking about it. Ignorant? Maybe.

Yet, on those days when I DO read it, there is almost always an article or two that makes me ask the question. The past few days, I've asked it more than normal. Honestly, I find it depressing and disturbing at times...and downright confusing others! Cause, on most days, they're NOT kidding me!

It's hard sometimes...

I have a "boundary pusher". You know, the kid who is told "no"...but still crosses the line just to see how far he can go? Actually, I gave birth to more than ONE boundary pusher. Still the creme-de-la-creme is my youngest son. I know that there are many factors that lead to this behavior. Perhaps it's because I was a bit of a boundary pusher myself as a child. Perhaps it's because his father was. And perhaps it's also because he's been successful at it more than a few times in his short life. I know that I am not good at always drawing the black and white line. What can I say? I see the gray!

It doesn't matter HOW he developed the skill. What matters most is that we recognize it and handle it properly. There's nothing I can do about his DNA. I can, however, work on my response to the moments when he's pushing.

Today, was a bit of a test for me. He asked if he could come to my office for lunch. I have work to do. A lot of it. He thinks when he comes in here and quietly watches TV that I can still get my work done. For the most part, he's right. But it's still a distraction. I told him "No, not today."

He started with the "Pllleeeaassseee!" which has about 10 syllables when he's trying to move the boundary. I explained that he asked the question, I gave the answer and that was final.

Then, I did the thing I learned in Psych. 101: "ignore the behavior and it'll go away". I turned my back to continue opening car doors at parent pick-up. Almost as if it's a mantra, I was repeating the Psych. words over and over in my head while the pleading and begging was happening behind me. It was quiet begging, but it was still begging. I said nothing except "good morning" to the kids who were arriving at school. Finally, I felt this hand on my shoulder and a bit of a hug followed up by these words, "Well, have a good day Mom!" And he walked away. He walked away!

He didn't see my eyes well up with tears. He doesn't know that I wanted to grab him and say, "OK come for lunch." He also doesn't know that the Trace Adkins song plays over and over in my head when I skip these "opportunities"--"You're gonna' miss this...".

Mostly, though, he doesn't understand yet, that the very WORST thing I could do is not stick by my "no". He'll figure it out someday. I realize it may be when I am a Grandmother watching him raise his own children. Still I know he'll get it.

Do you know WHY I am so sure?
Because i'm sure my own parents are watching me navigate the parenting waters and whispering a great sigh of relief that I finally understand!

In the nick of time...

I NEEDED this today. I hope it encourages you too.

Pretty Packages...

I met another "pretty package" recently. You know, someone who seems to have life all together. They are all around us. Shoot, it occurred to me today that I may even give off that appearance once-in-a-while. Some people will admit their flaws and imperfections. Others would rather continue the facade.

Yet, the truth is...all pretty packages have places that are imperfect. We all have places that don't look as pretty. Those seams that don't quite come together. Or the parts that aren't packaged as well.

An amazing thing happens, though, when God himself reaches into our lives. He takes the broken parts; the parts that don't quite fit; the parts that are flawed and imperfect...and he pours out his Amazing Grace on them. And the parts that aren't as pretty to see are made whole through the eyes of love.

And, that, my friends is what makes us perfect just the way we ARE! Do you know he loves you? Do you know that he knows exactly which part of your life is falling to pieces? And he LOVES YOU! HE. LOVES. YOU. He wants to wrap his arms of love around you and renew and restore your soul. He wants you to be HIS pretty package...for it's not the outer wrappings he sees. No. It's the heart. I love that.

In my mind, there's no better picture for this than when God was appointing David to be king. Samuel was looking at the strong men in Jesse's family. He was drawn to the older boys. The ones with brawn. But, God had other plans:

7 But the LORD said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things man looks at. Man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."

So beautiful!

Some things just make me say...

HUH!?!?!

Yesterday, this little news tidbit came across my computer screen:

Houston Woman Fries and Eats Pet Goldfish After Fight with Husband

Authorities say a Houston-area woman who was burned up at her former common-law husband fried their pet goldfish and ate some of them.... The seven goldfish were purchased together by the couple during happier times....Police spokesman Vance Mitchell says the man reported on Saturday that the woman took the goldfish from his apartment.....Mitchell says the two argued earlier about some jewelry the man had given her but took back. She wanted the jewelry returned....Officers...arrived to find four fried goldfish on a plate. The woman said she already ate the other three

Call me crazy but she fried and ate seven 99cent goldfish to make him mad enough to give back jewelry??? And she thought it would work???? AND this was a police matter???? And it's worthy of national news on the Internet??

I just don't get it!

AND...in OTHER "HUH!?!" News...

DS 3 Takes the Stage With Top Secret Performance

Last night, my DS 3 participated in the school's "airband competition". You might remember when he and my DS 2 shot a video for the Grammy Awards in January. Well, the past few weeks "Mr. Creative" has resurfaced and decided HE'D get on stage for this event.

He kept the plan tightly under wraps except to say "You're going to be SO proud. It might be the proudest moment of your life!" I don't know about you, but when your teenager tells you stuff like that, generally you're thinking quite the opposite! Then last night, just before we left to go to the high school I got this phone call: "Hi Mom. No matter what you see on stage tonight, I just want you to know that I still like girls."

And there you have it, folks, something else that made me say "HUH!?!" There was no waiting once we got there. DS 3 signed his act up to be first on the program. He decided that he wanted to be the FIRST person ever to perform for an audience on the brand new stage AND that if he went first and it bombed, the audience would forget it by the time the night was over. I've raised thinkers if nothing else.

The act did NOT bomb. It was funny. They changed clothes three times and yes, "I Kissed a Girl" (from their Grammy video) resurfaced. And, yes, there was a "son in a dress" involved. It was choreographed well and DS 3--who has not always been my most coordinated child--did a GREAT job moving on the stage. I laughed so hard!

On the way home, he was so excited! He loved the feel of just getting up there and having fun. He is already planning for next year. And yes I am VERY proud of him.

He also noted that one of his friends said, "Wow, I should have done it with you." He had begged people for weeks to do it, but they wouldn't get on stage and go for it. I told him that I have been in that kid's shoes many many times. I've refused to just get out there and do something that I wanted to do because I didn't want to embarass myself. Yet, I also know that when you push yourself to do something like that you usually do have a blast.

I'm a proud Mama. I love it that my guys love to have fun. I love it that they enjoy their lives and occasionally throw caution to the wind (in a good way). I love it that they enjoy school in many ways.

As one of their teachers said to me last night, "Now we just have to figure out which one of your sons looks better in a dress!" He followed up by telling DS 4 (my fifth grader) that he better start looking for a dress now...cause he's probably going to need it!

And THAT made me once again think "HUH!?!?!"

Happy Thursday all!

This Warrior is a Child

Years ago there was a song that spoke to me so deeply. Today I woke up singing that song and knowing that I needed to hear it once again. The song, "The Warrior is a Child" by Twila Paris, has spoken to me on more than one occasion.

By nature, I'm a fighter...not in a fisticuff sort of way...but in the way that I'll tackle stuff that needs tackling. I'm not afraid of the battles that go on all around us daily. I confess that sometimes I determine my "battles" on my own, though. I know that some things are not for me to fight. Still, like all human beings, I find myself in the midst of stuff sometimes.

Today, I was reminded again that I need to remember that deep inside my armor, I'm still a child...one that falls down and relies on God's grace every single day. So that's where my post is going.

Here are the lyrics of this beautiful song for those who may be feeling the sting of a battle today. Afterward, I've posted a video that I found on Tangle so you can hear the song sung by singer Gary Valenciano. Such a powerful reminder for us all!

Lately I've been winning battles left and right
But even winners can get wounded in the fight
People say that I'm amazing
Strong beyond my years
But they don't see inside of me
I'm hiding all the tears

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and cry for just a while'
Cause deep inside this armor
The warrior is a child

Unafraid because His armor is the best
But even soldiers need a quiet place to rest
People say that I'm amazing
Never face retreat
But they don't see the enemies
That lay me at His feet

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and and cry for just a while '
Cause deep inside this armor the warrior is a child

They don't know that I go running home when I fall down
They don't know who picks me up when no one is around
I drop my sword and look up for a smile
'Cause deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
Deep inside this armor
The Warrior is a Child

Hot Dog, It's Tuesday!

One glance at my bloglist tells me I should have considered doing a "Tuesday Meme". There are several of them out there. I almost gave in, but I really wanted to share our Sunday beach experience. Once again, I reminded myself there is no need to conform and I can just be "Me" right here.

As many of you know, our church has quite an active outreach program. It's rather "low key" as it's simply being out in the community being, doing, and giving random acts of kindness to others. When people ask "Why?" or "Is this really FREE?" We say, "Yes, it's free, it's our way of saying God loves you." And that's it. No pressure. No strings attached. Just a gift.

This past Sunday we took part in our second beach hot dog give away. Our first one was two months ago almost to the day. It wasn't without some fun as we had to weather quite a storm upon our arrival there.

We DO live in south Florida, which does have a pretty tropical climate. This means that a storm can pop up at almost any time in the afternoon. It also means that it really only lasts for a few minutes most of the time. This Sunday the weather fell right in line.

Here are some of our pictures:

The team set up at the picnic tables under the trees. We had 400 hot dogs to cook! The storm rolled in and literally to the left of us it looked like the first picture below and the next picture shows what it looked like if you simply turned a little bit!

Though the storms came, we were able to keep everything (except our people) dry! Twenty minutes after it rained, the team hit the beach and surprised people with this simple act of kindness!


DS 3 and I were talking and laughing about it and he said, "I'm pretty sure Satan sits around and thinks, 'Hmmm...that church is going out again...what can I do to try and stop them?'" I don't know if it's that extreme, but I do know that there is a very important lesson here that is summed up in a new Need to Breathe Song--"Even when the rain falls, even when the flood starts rising, even when the storm comes, I am washed by the water..."

Here's their new video which has a MUCH deeper message than enduring a little rain at a church outreach event!!

Lessons from the Front

Every morning I work Parent Drop-off. I love this duty! I get to greet families as they arrive at school in the morning. I can learn a lot about a child by noticing how he/she is dropped off in the morning.

Today, though, I learned a bit more about my patrols that help me. These are fifth grade students who open car doors and greet students. During a lull in the traffic, I overheard A telling R, "Yeah, the dog bit me on the head and almost went right through to my brain!"

She said, "Wow, that must have hurt!"

He replied, "Yeah it did. Do you think that's why I'm weird?"

Being ever aware of self esteem conversations, I said, "A, I don't think you're weird!"

R looked at us both and said, "Yeah, we're all weird in one way or another. So, you're fine."

And there you have it folks....a sweet little lesson from a fifth grader (who has more wisdom in her small body than some adults I know) to start your week!

Have a good one!

Thursday Thoughts

DH is home after an 18-day work trip. We're glad he's here.

I read this quote today and I thought it was what I needed:

"Don't waste your life in doubts and fears: spend yourself on the work before you, well assured that the right performance of this hour's duties will be the best preparation for the hours or ages that follow it." Ralph Waldo Emerson

I wonder how much of my life HAS been wasted while I've sat in doubt or coward in fear? It's true that step by step and inch by inch we have to move forward and do the "right thing" in the moment. I would add, though, when we mess up--that's when we have to accept the grace that is extended to us.

I think I can...I think I can...I think I can...

If you know any teachers, or you are one yourself, then you know that sometimes we accumulate "stuff". This is especially true for elementary teachers who are always looking for concrete ways to make a lesson meaningful for kids. I am no different. I have more than 3000 books in my classroom library alone. I also have many many other resource materials for kids and teachers.

This summer I moved it all to a new portable. My "old one" was being taken away by the district to be used in other places. So, DSs 2 and 3 helped me move over the course of two days. I spent several days this summer fixing it up and preparing it for both kids I would teach and teachers I would train. My boss even commented the first week of school how nice it looked.

Last week we found out that we are gaining two teaching units. One of them is at the grade level that is surrounding my current "home away from home". I do not teach in the regular classroom, I do a lot of support work. There really is no other "logical" place for the new teacher to go.

So, here I move again!

I am undoing what has been freshly done. I'd like to tell you that my attitude has been positive and willing the entire time. And, certainly for the most part I know that you do what it takes to make the entire thing work. I'm still sad, though.

Today I will be schlepping stuff once again. This time without boxes--because I had already disposed of them all.

Hence the title of this post. I need that kind of step-by-step "eating the elephant" thinking right now. It's how I plan to get through the next few days and accomplish the task set before me. The thing is, I know that the task is much bigger than moving stuff. I know that it's also about being an example with my attitude, my talk and my actions.

I think I can...I think I can...I think I can....

When the Songbird's Annoying!

Like most people, I love the sounds of the outdoors. I like the rain when it falls gently outside my window. I like the chirp of the crickets and croaking of frogs at night when I'm going to sleep. It is relaxing and makes me feel like I'm being lulled to sleep by nature.

We have a pond in our backyard, so we get to hear many of these noises during most nights. Summertime is especially busy as we go to sleep. This year, we have a new sound, though.

It's a songbird. Well, I don't know if it's REALLY a "songbird"...but it's a bird that is singing. LOUD!

The problem is, it doesn't happen as the night creeps in. It doesn't even happen softly as I lay my head on the pillow. No. She "sings" starting around 4am and goes for at least an hour and a half! This morning, while laying awake again and listening to her song, a thought occured to me. At any other time of the day, and even some of the night, I might find her song enjoyable. For me, at that hour, it's not. It's the right song at a very wrong time.

There's a lesson in there for all of us. We have all been giving a "song to sing"--a life to live. We have to make sure that our song is not annoying and/or delivered at the wrong time, however. So today rather than thinking of ways that I could go outside and shoo the songbird away, I whispered a prayer. "God, thank you for the lesson of the songbird. Help me know when to "sing my life's song" and when to be quiet. I'm sorry for those times it's just noise to those around me. Help me be in tune to you and your timing more often." And, then I thanked Him for using his wonderful creation to teach me yet another lesson. Unfortunately, though, I did "think" the P.S.: "P.S. God, could you PLEASE help this little songbird move on to someone else's tree tomorrow morning??"

Yep, I still have more to learn.

When May Comes...

Every year it happens.  May comes.  And every year since 2002, it's been the same for me.  

That was the year No Child Left Behind really took a foothold and third grade testing became a benchmark for promotion or retention.  There have always been tests.  Even when I was in school.  In the past, the purpose of testing wasn't so bad.  

I mean who DOESN'T want to know that their child is being taught at the highest level possible? And who wouldn't want to hold schools accountable for doing "right" by their "customers"--the students?  In the late 90's though, our state started giving every school a grade.  A report card if you will.  I suppose that'd be OK as long as we realize that we don't all start out on level ground.  

Some schools are filled with students that have every benefit in their lives.  They have parents that love them and give them many experiences upon which to build their education.  These students often have a zest for learning.   Others are filled with kids who wonder where their next meal will come from.  Or if Dad and Mom will fight again tonight...or even if they'll be home. Some come from places that are so impoverished that their lessons take place on the streets and have little or nothing to do with textbooks or pedagogy.     Still other schools are filled with a mixture of these two ends of the student spectrum.  Yet, we grade them all based on similar criteria.  

A few years after grading began is when we really had to look at individual students.  The third grade year was selected as a benchmark year.  After all, if a child can't read by the time he or she is eight or nine years old, there is probably a problem.  Thus, mandatory retention began.  The rule was (and is) that a child who scores in the lowest range on our state test MUST be retained in the third grade.  

Our lawmakers are not totally heartless.  No.  They developed some loopholes.  Some "good cause" criteria that allows a student to possibly be passed on when they score at the lowest level on the single assessment.  Here are a few of the criteria: 

*  If a child has been in the country less than 2 years and speaks no English, he or she can move to fourth grade.  

*  If a student demonstrates an acceptable level of performance on an alternative test.  

*  If a student has had an IEP for more than 2 years AND has been retained already at least ONE time. 

*  If a student has had intensive remediation in reading for more than two years AND has been retained TWO times.

So, every year, the scores come in and we find out who "didn't make it".  We look carefully to see if we can articulate for any of them based on the criteria.  And then we start documenting it all.  And every parent of every child who does not meet criteria gets a phone call home letting them know that their child...their pride and joy...didn't "pass" the third grade.  

Some years, the phone call sounds like one I had to make last week:  "Your child did not pass the state test again.  I know (_____) was in third grade for the last two years, but (_____) have to do third grade a THIRD time.  It's the law."  And it hurts me like CRAZY!  Three YEARS in the third grade???  For what!?!?!  

So, while I've called the "first timers" and even some who will now be on their "second retention in 4 years"...it's the one above that simply makes my passion flame.  (_____) has had a lot of remediation.  (_____) has had other test scores that indicate being on level or just below, but not failing.  There's even a twin who will be ahead of (______) now by TWO years if this goes through.  And a younger sibling who has also now passed (_____) by. (_____) will turn eleven years old in October. IT BREAKS MY HEART!  

Today, we broke the mold of checking one of the criteria and documenting it.  Today, we wrote a narrative to introduce those people who make the decisions to this child.  We are pleading the case and doing all we can under this law to help (_____) make it to the fourth grade. 

While I hate it, this is also the time of year when I know I'm doing exactly what I am supposed to be doing.  I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that I belong in education and at the school where I am.  For that, I am thankful.  

Still, tonight I'm whispering a prayer.  I'm praying this child, and all the others in our state with similar stories have someone to articulate for them.  I'm praying that someone will see the whole picture and make the right decision here.  After all, this child's future depends on it.