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Here I Go Again...

OK last blog was making me a bit dreary and "old" feeling. Soooo...I'm updating again. May take a day or two. So far, it just FEELS better!

A Whole New World

Wednesday nights are fast becoming one of my favorites.  Everyone has something to do that night, so the house is often quiet.  This past Wednesday, even DH was out, so it was REALLY quiet!  My solitude was interrupted when I heard the familiar ding of my cell phone.  It was crying out, “You have a text message!”  Knowing the kids are out, I went to check it and here’s what I saw on the screen:  

“Can you tell j not to pick me up with really embarissing music he embarrassed me infront all of my friends  (8:28pm)”

Literally as I clicked this first one open, the second one came…

“Can you call him now (8:28pm)”

So I called my DS 3 who was picking his 12 yo brother up after the basketball game at the middle school.  I said, “Can you please not embarrass your brother?  Can you turn your music down and try to remember what it was like being in middle school?”  He laughed and said, “OK, Mom!” 

The texts went quiet, so I assumed all was well.  When they returned home later that evening (after a trip to the local Chic-fil-a), DS 2 tells me another snippet of this story. 

When he drove into the busy parking lot at the middle school, he rolled down his windows, turned up the music and started singing at the top of his lungs.  Of all the songs he could have chosen, he chose to sing “A Whole New World” from Aladdin!  It is no WONDER DS 4 texted with such vigor!  They were both laughing about it by the time I heard this portion of the story.  I posted it as my Facebook status and left well enough alone!

The next day, my friend Kelly saw me at work and hollered at me to come over.  She said, “I’ve got to tell you something!”  Kelly proceeded to tell me that she and her husband were at the game watching her nephew play and happened to be in the parking lot when this car pulled in blaring “A Whole New World”.  She recognized my DS 3 and his brother although she was about 10 cars away! 

Kelly says she and her husband laughed about it the rest of the night—after SHE sang along with DS 3 for a few minutes unbeknownst to him! 

I told her my perspective of the story and we both had a good laugh over it.  She came back today to tell me that her husband was still laughing about it and couldn’t get the song out of his head all day yesterday!

I’m reminded that every action we take has a ripple effect.  And I’m thankful that this one has left smiles on so many faces (including DS 4’s)! 

Secretly I want to sing to HIM my response to his embarrassment: “Don’t you dare close your eyes!  Hold your breath-it gets better!”   

Great Quote

My Grandmother sent me this email tonight and I LOVED it, so I thought I'd include it here on my blog:

Sometimes, when I look at my children, I say to myself, 'Lillian, you should have remained a virgin.'  -   Lillian Carter (mother of Jimmy Carter)

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I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered. But I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: - 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'  

- Eleanor Roosevelt

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Last week, I stated this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen. I have since been visited by her sister, and now wish to withdraw that statement..

- Mark Twain

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The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible

- George Burns

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Santa Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.

- Victor Borge

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Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.

- Mark Twain

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By all means, marry. If you get a good wife, you'll become happy; if you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.

- Socrates

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I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

- Groucho Marx

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My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.

- Jimmy Durante

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I have never  hated a man enough to give his diamonds back.

- Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Only Irish coffee provides in a single glass all four essential food groups: alcohol, caffeine, sugar and fat.

- Alex Levine

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My luck is so bad that if I bought a cemetery, people would stop dying.

- Rodney Dangerfield

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Money can't buy you happiness .... But it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery

- Spike Milligan

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Until I was thirteen, I thought my name was SHUT UP .

- Joe Namath

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I don't feel old. I don't feel anything until noon. Then it's time for my nap.

- Bob Hope

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I never drink water because of the disgusting things that fish do in it..

- W. C. Fields

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We could certainly slow the aging process down if it had to work its way through Congress.

- Will Rogers

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Don't worry about avoiding temptation.  As you grow older, it will avoid you.

- Winston Churchill

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Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty .. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out..

- Phyllis Diller

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By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to go anywhere.

- Billy Crystal

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And the cardiologist' s diet: -  If it tastes good spit it out.

He's a Tapper...

DS 4 has always been a tapper.  Some of you might think of this as someone who raps their fingers on whatever is around.  Nope.  That's my DS 2.  DS 4 taps to get attention.  You know, like a shoulder tapper.  When he was little, it was not uncommon for him to take my face in both of his hands and look me straight in the eye to get me to really look and listen to him.  I've been in church before, totally engrossed in the music or praying, and he's tapping away to say something to me. As a 12 year-old he doesn't do it as much physically anymore.  Instead he kind of does it verbally.

Admittedly, I should take more time to actually stop what I am doing and listen to him.  Or, for that matter, any other person who wants to talk.  It's a shortcoming I have, but I am a multi-tasker and I often listen with one ear and look with one eye.

This afternoon, he "tapped" again while standing at our sliding door.  He had been outside and came in with that fervor I've come to expect when he wants you to drop what you're doing to pay attention to something he is seeing or doing.  And in true fashion for me, while mid-chapter of a good book,  I thought, "I really don't want to 'come quick' right now!"

I stood up and followed him outside and he pointed up into the bright blue sky.  And he said, "Check out all those little birds!  There are hundreds of them flying around!"  And there were.  I don't know what kind of birds they were, but they were happily circling our house and squawking while they did it.  And he marveled at it.  With both eyes and both ears I did too.

Then that familiar pang of guilt hit.  I know I need to be in the here and now more.  I know I need to take the time to listen, be, and do with them while they are young.  For someday he might not care that the birds are flying overhead.  And more importantly, he might not want to share it with his Mother.

My goal this week?  When they tap...I want to stop, drop what I'm doing, and listen.  Shoot, isn't that something from which we could all benefit?  It's why the famous saying came to be...

Stop and smell the roses!  Which sounds a lot nicer than "When I tap you, LISTEN!"

Open Doors

Last week I had to spend a couple of days in Tampa with my Mom.  She had some doctor's appointments and on Friday, had surgery to remove a lump in her breast.  (I am so thankful that it came back benign!)  While at the hospital on Friday, DS 2 came and went with me to lunch.  I threw something in the side of my van before we left and distinctly remember pushing the lock twice to get it to "beep".

When DS 2 and I returned, I glanced over at my van and saw the side door open.  My heart sank!  My computer, Mom's purse, and other valuables were in that van before I left.  I stared at the open door with a zillion thoughts running through my head starting with, "OH NO!  THIS is going to be a process!"  With extreme pessimism I approached the car.  We were, after all, in the middle of Tampa near the University Campus.  When I rounded the corner of the parking space, I could see the tote bag with computer and purse inside.  And finally, I breathed!

Fast forward to today.  Last night when I went to bed, DSs 1 and 3 were out with friends as there was no school today.  Well, DS 1 doesn't have school...but he didn't have anything else today either.  I was the first one up because I DID have to work.  6:15 came early.  I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and went out to our living room where I noticed how dark the house was.  (Normally there's a light on somewhere.)  I was suddenly drawn to the front door where the street light was shining through a crack.  It wasn't a crack that is normally there.  The front door was open.  About 12 inches!

A familiar feeling overcame me.  The heart sank.  I thought about waking DH up...but decided against it.  Instead I went to check that all kids were in their beds.  Check.  Nothing appeared touched.  We appeared alone.  The only thing moving was our little cat who was adamantly staring out our BACK sliding glass door. As I relaxed I remembered that the bigger cat LOVES to escape.  I followed little kitty to the back door and there, staring from the porch was the escape artist.  I opened it and let him in.  (It turns out the lock had a problem and didn't catch when one of the boys came home and locked it.)

While reflecting later on my drive to work, I thought about both scenes.  Both doors open when they should have been secure.  Both caused a momentary panic.  And both ended up just fine.

 I am reminded just how many times doors that seemingly should be shut in our lives suddenly are found open.  And I think the natural human tendency is that fear keeps us from moving through them.  Yet, so many times we DO peek inside or even step inside to find that all is well.  While I'd like to find no more physical doors in my life open when they aren't supposed to be, I DO hope that the next time one of life's doors opens for me I step through it without fear and discover something wonderful on the other side!

Book Review: Choosing to SEE

I still remember the night of May 21, 2008 when we saw a breaking news report about a child of Steven Curtis Chapman being in critical condition after an accident at the family's home.  The next morning, our local Christian station further reported and talked about the tragedy that had taken place in this family.  The Chapman's youngest adopted daughter, Maria, had been hit by a car driven by one of her brothers in the driveway of their Tennessee home.

I was heartbroken for this family as the station DJ's continued to share the story from their perspective.  Then, they traveled to Tennessee for the funeral of this little girl.  And I found myself grieving even more for them yet moved at how many ways they acknowledged the hope that was theirs in Christ especially in the midst of tragedy.

Now and then more reports would run on the news stations.  Some months later I even saw the entire family appear on Larry King Live and recount their journey with much humility and faith.  I remember watching portions of that clip and hearing how each of the older kids and adults were healing from the tragedy.  I thought, "Wow!  I wonder what my response would be in the same situation?"

One of the neat glimpses of God that the Chapman's got was the day after the accident after pleading with God to "show us something tangible so we can know Maria's with You!  Let us SEE you in this!"  Shortly after this prayer, they were retracing Maria's steps around the house and her Dad found a piece of notebook paper with a picture of a six-petaled flower with a stem and two leaves.  One petal was colored in blue (her favorite color).  The center was orange.  And written on the other side of the paper, next to a picture of a butterfly, Maria had written the word SEE (a word she'd not written before).  The family believes this picture was like Maria speaking to them from heaven saying "SEE?  Can you SEE?  Everything is going to be all right.  I am here with Jesus.  I am fine.  Heaven is real, the gospel is true, you just have to SEE!"

Nearly two and a half years following the loss of Maria, Mary Beth has written their story.  She doesn't just recount this one tragic, yet ashes to beauty chapter, of their lives. She starts at the beginning of her marriage to Steven.  Through her back story you get to know that Mary Beth is as much a "normal" woman with ups, downs, highs, lows, plans, and dreams as any of the rest of us.  I loved this as it allowed me to connect on so many levels.

Mary Beth begins by sharing just how polar opposite she and Steven are....and I thought, "Oh sister, I hear you!"  They married young (though younger than DH and me).  They didn't have two nickels to rub together early in their marriage.  They had their children young (and somewhat close together).  Her two boys are similar in age span to my two.  And even later in life, their adoption stories, though different than the one we are having right now, still strike similar cords.

Over and over again in her story, she says that her family has been entrusted to be stewards of this story.  I thought that was an interesting perspective on the pain that befalls all of us at one time or another.  It's important for us to be stewards, take what is evil and redeem it for good.  In fact, I LOVED learning that there is a "Part B" to the "SEE" message in Maria's little drawing.  I don't want to share it here because I don't want to spoil it for you.  Suffice it to say that again and again the Chapmans have been allowed to SEE just how God is using their story--Maria's story--to change the world.

Whether you are an SCC fan or not and/or have experienced grief or not, this story is one that deserves a place in the "to-be-read" pile.  For me, it became a "to-be-devoured" as I finished in two days.  It truly is, as the book jacket suggests, "A Journey of Struggle and Hope".  I'm so glad Mary Beth Chapman invited us along on her journey!

12 Again...

I often have teased my boys over the years that I've been through ____ grade five times (once when I did it and once for each of them).  Now that LG is in our family, some grades will be SIX times for me.  Today I was thinking that ages aren't much different.  I remember turning 12.  I remember BEING 12.  I remember wanting to be older and be able to do things my older friends did.  I remember being in turmoil emotionally and going from happy-go-lucky to woe-is-me in a split second.  In some ways, the boys haven't gone through 12 like I did.  Yet some other pieces are very familiar. Adolescence is adolescence.  I started my "fifth time through 12 today" with DS 4's birthday.

I've shared on my blog before about the surprise he was to me (and to us).  And he, too, has had some rough days of adolescence that seem to define the tween and early teen years for so many.  Lately though, I've had glimpses of something more.  I've seen glimpses of a young man emerging where a child has been.  It only took me five times through to see that these little peeks into the future were probably there for each of them (and for me).  I just wasn't looking for them.

I think, in so many ways, DS 4's life has taught me to look at things that I hadn't seen before.  It has taught me to savor moments and to understand just how precious life is.  He's taught me to realize that my plans are so often not God's plans. He's also been a constant reminder not to rush things.  As he's wanted to be bigger and older since he was little.   For these lessons, I will be eternally grateful.

Today's been special.  We have had a standing "deal" with our kids for birthdays:  "You can have a party OR you can have $100 in cash."  Most often, they chose the $100.  I know this does not necessarily make me a nominee for Mother-of-the-Year...but that's another blog for another day.  He's often chosen a party.

This year, though, he was torn.  He mentioned wanting a new basketball hoop.  Yesterday, I brought him the giant box and he was surprised and EXCITED. And most important, thankful!

Today the surprises continued as DS 4 received the gift we've been holding back from him.  He's been playing a guitar for weeks at church that was donated for a mission thrift sale.  He's been asking for it...even swooning over it.  Last week, DH and I picked it up for him (and got them to throw in a small amp and case with it) for less than 1/10 of the price we found it for online.  DS 4 came out of church crushed when the person told him the guitar had been sold.  Several times this week he's said, "I can't believe they sold my guitar.  I wanted to buy it."

Today we presented him with it and he said, "Wait!  Am I DREAMING?"  He was thrilled.  No, he was beyond thrilled.

It was so worth it to see him enjoy something he's been wanting and waiting for.  Speaking of which, I hope he's going to enjoy these next few years because they too, have been something he's been wanting and waiting for, since he was a little boy.

Happy Birthday DS 4!  I love you!

Book Review: Redeeming Love

My first book of 2011 was a GREAT ONE!  Redeeming Love is an amazing retelling of the book of Hosea from the Bible written by Francine Rivers.  I purchased it a while back and it's been in the middle of a huge "to-be-read" pile.  DS 2 read it and  when he did, I moved it higher in my pile.  And I am SO GLAD it did!  I was riveted from page one!

Rivers resets the biblical story of Gomer and Hosea in California's gold country in the 1800's.  Her character's are named Michael and Angel.  Angel is a prostitute who is haunted by her past.  Her life was filled with betrayal after betrayal.  She was sold into prostitution by the age of 8 and is filled with hatred for life in general, but most especially for the men who used her.  

Then her life changes drastically.  She meets Michael Hosea who is called to marry her and to love her with unconditional love, which she totally rejects. Michael is so in tune with God's will and he pursues and eventually marries Angel.   He gives her love that she has never known before despite her vehement resistance and constant rejection.  

I love how Rivers shows that it's often multiple people's life examples that bring about changes in our own.  Michael and Angel meet some very special friends and family members who enter their lives and take key roles in ministering to Angel and helping her see that there is good in the world. I also love that she makes it very clear that healing is a process and very rarely happens overnight.  It is primarily Michael's unfailing and powerful agape love that reaches into her stone cold heart and life over and over again, that finally breaks through to her.  

The reviews of this book are simply amazing:  

Singer/Songwriter Amy Grant said:  “….the truth that ran through that story (Redeeming Love), absolutely took me to my knees. And I was a changed person when I finished reading that book.”  from an interview with Ted Koppel, ABC News 

Patsy Clairmont calls it "Spellbinding"  

Liz Curtis Higgs says it's the "Most powerful work of fiction you will ever read."  

I agree!  I found myself thinking about my own "skeletons"...of course, none are as painful as those Angel dealt with, still we all have them.  And again and again I found myself remembering that NOTHING absolutely NOTHING can separate us from God's love.  And most importantly not ONE PERSON is unredeemable!  

The story was easy to read and hard to put down!  And honestly, I found myself wanting to read "part II"!  I was happy, yet cautious, when I found out that this book is being made into a movie.  I have yet to go to a movie of a book I've loved and been satisfied.  Still, I'm glad because this is a story that is as relevant today as ever!

Her Heart Shines...

My in-laws wanted to get LG several "little things" for Christmas.  They know she's a girlie girl.  They know she likes frill, pastels, and sparkle.  So, when they walked in the store and saw this shirt hanging high on the rack, they immediately said, "That's PERFECT for LG!"

The picture on the left shows my FIL modeling how the shirt was hanging when they found it.  (I know he's a whole OTHER blog post for another day. :-) ) I'll have to take a picture of LG IN the shirt and add it later.

Anyway, sure enough, LG LOVES this shirt.  She wore it several times after Christmas.  So when we went back to school this week, it didn't surprise me when she put it on over her uniform.

Yesterday, while I was in her classroom for something completely different, her teacher told me that the shirt was catching the sun's rays in the morning and making the room look like a disco!  She said the kids were mesmerized watching the reflections dance around the room.  Then, she said LG kind of realized it and she could see her moving the shirt to catch the sun's rays to make it happen.  So, she had her put the shirt away.

I hadn't really noticed it before she said something.  That is, until we got in the car yesterday and her shirt was back on and capturing the sun' rays and sending colorful lights all over my car.  I, too, was mesmerized--which is NOT good while you're driving!

One thing I've learned about LG in the 15 months she's been in our family is that she's a lot like her shirt.  She  LOVES to make things sparkle and shine. Her heart is the size of Kansas and she wears it for others to see. She's brought joy beyond measure to our family.  She's introduced frill where there was little or none.  She has brought a different form of laughter to us as she finds humor in completely different places than the boy do or did.  So I say, "Shine on, LG!  Shine on!"

Just don't do it while your teacher is teaching or your mother is driving!

Digging in Closets

I have closet issues!  Big time!  If you have followed my blog for anytime at all, then you might remember this February 2007 post where I revealed my bedroom closet.  If you're not a "link clicker", let me save you and just show the evidence of my closet frenzy THAT day: 

I threw EVERYTHING out of my bedroom closet.  It looked like the picture on the left.  I spent two full days and a heap of money on organizers to get  it to look like THIS:  


 Then in October of that same year, I wrote this post about my linen closet.  My linen closet (which holds much more than linens) looked like this picture on the left.  Do you see a pattern here?  I am starting to wish they had "messy closets" anonymous!  Anyway, I learned this VERY COOL sheet folding technique while I visited my blogging friends in Savannah.  And I put it to work on my closet and created this:

And then.  Two years went by.  Two years!  It was January 2009 and it was 3:31AM.  And my closet CRASHED!  Yes, I do mean crashed.  Here's THAT evidence photo.  I didn't do an "after" photo of that event.  It took me a little longer to get it all fixed up after that.  And honestly,after the crash  it never really went back to the way it was in 2007.

When I was younger, I had a friend, Carol.  She knew that if anything ever happened to me, that she was to go in and clean under my bed and my closets before my Mother got there!  Since I've been in this town, I've half-joking told one or two friends the same thing. 

I TOLD you have closet issues! 

Fast forward to last night.  DH and I met with LG's case manager.  She has to do a complete home study to deem us ready for adoption and an appropriate placement for LG.  Now, the interview process is long and quite personal on many levels.  They talk to you together as a couple and alone.  They pry.  They dig.

As we were rapping up our 90-minute interview last night I asked her, "Is there a time you need to inspect the house further for this paperwork?"   She hesitated and said, "Yeah...at least one time I need to walk the entire house and look in the closets to make sure you don't have any skeletons in there."  I'm telling ya' my heart SANK!  I could let her pry into our personal lives all night long, but the closet comment gave me hives! 

I'm no fool.  I know that my closets are not going to be a deal-breaker for an adoption.  I mean I've been in some pretty filthy homes that were deemed "acceptable" by child welfare.  Still, though, I'm feeling the urge to purge once again.  Before I do, let me just start by saying,

"Hello, I'm Susan I've fallen off the wagon and I've got messy closets!"

A "Newer" or "Different" Model?

As you might know, DS 3 and DH are pilots.  They love everything about aviation and small planes. I do not. Still, I am happy that they enjoy it and can share their passion with one another. Here they are flying in Ohio this summer with our extended family.   

Now, one of the "jokes" in our family is that DH got his airplane because I said "You can have an airplane if we can get a kitten."  We did and he did. 

As you know, when you're really "into" something, you notice it everywhere.  They are no different.  When planes fly over, they often comment.  When they see one in a magazine, they comment.  When they see one on TV, they comment.  They dream.  They talk about the possibility of having one of their own someday.  I'm used to it and usually ignore it.  Something tells me I might need to listen more...

The other night while watching TV with the family, they saw a float plane.  Both of them kind of salivated a bit.  This is how the conversation went:

DH:  "Ahhh..J...look at that! Isn't it beautiful?"
DS 3:  "Yeah!"
DH:  "How'd you like to have that???"

At this point, LG chimed in and asked DH:  "Are you going to trade Mom in for a new airplane????" 

Of course, everyone laughed.  DH assured her that Mom and the airplane were not in the same arena.  All I can think is, "BOY am I glad we got THAT cleared up!" NOW maybe I'll be able to sleep at night.  :-) 

Life's Moments

Some things just knock you back into reality.  Once again, in recent days, I was lamenting the fact that I am ready for the kids to grow up just a bit more. Oh sure they ARE growing...but there are days when the quietness of the empty nest seem to move further away rather than closer.  You know, those life moments that get into the "can't see the forest for the trees" mode?  Now before anyone starts telling me how much I'm "gonna' miss this" and "they grow before we know it", let me say I KNOW.  I get it.  And I really DO try to savor most moments of the stages they are in currently.  I'm also human and I think if every human parent is honest, there are times when you wish you were done and could claim "success"! 

Anyway, yesterday I received an email from a former colleague that simply knocked me down and reminded me just how precious each of their moments really are!  Her 14 yo son was waiting to board a ski lift in NC last week.  WAITING.  That's all.  He collapsed in line and required CPR as he was in cardiac arrest.  He's 14!  And by all outward appearances, healthy.  They think he has a viral infection of the heart.  He is currently fighting for his life in a Pediatric ICU where he has been on a respirator for almost a week.  Also, pneumonia is settling in to his body and they are suspecting some degree of brain damage due to lack of oxygen.  But the doctors are saying that the "one week mark" gives more hope, too.  At that point, his chances of survival improve. 

Life IS precious!  Every moment.

If you believe in the power of prayer, would you please lift up 14yo Manuel and his family today?  They are believing for a miracle for him and for them.  They are trusting completely in God's grace to sustain them. 

I don't want to take one thing away from this situation and make it about me as my post may have started.  I'm just working out my own ebb and flow of day-to-day emotions.  And when I received her email I was reminded that I don't want to trade ONE MOMENT of raising any of my kids.  For every life moment not only helps shape THEIR lives,  it helps shape MINE.  For that, I am eternally grateful.

My sleep patterns are nothing short of weird lately!  It may be middle age.  I don't know.  Some nights I'm OUT like a LIGHT and never awaken until morning.  Other nights I'm literally up in the middle of the night unable to sleep.  Still others, I toss and turn in the bed almost half awake and half asleep.  Last night was one of those nights.  


Just before bed, I posted on Facebook the following:  "I'm sure the pillow is ready for me to come and lay my head upon it...now if I can just SLEEP when I get there!"  Maybe I        jinxed it by writing it "out loud".  Maybe not.  Still a couple of my FB friends agreed with
me. 


This morning, though I found this response to my post:  "Probably too much traffic in a busy mind!"  It was posted by a former pastor of mine.  The one who married DH and me almost 24 years ago.  Anyway, when I read his response, I thought, "Yep, that's IT!"  


Here's the only problem, I don't know HOW to quiet my busy mind.  I once again was reminded that my "word(s)" for this year are "BE STILL and KNOW".  So my prayer today is, "I hear you Lord...and I'm trying...but just in case could you send a "traffic cop"?"  I think I need one!

As the New Year Dawns...

In the past 48 hours there have been some sad tales that have crossed my path.  Some, more personal (and close) than others.  


Last night, while wallowing in the emotions of another event, I found out that a high school acquaintance passed last week.  We were Facebook "friends"...and really weren't great friends in school...but this was someone who always had a smile and a laugh for those around her.  And, at 46, she was young!  


Then a phone call came that DS 2 and his GF were in a fender bender.  Some woman pulled into their path and they hit her.  Thank God it was nothing more than a minor accident.  He said it could have been much worse. Still, it's one of those moments that kind of stops you in your tracks.  


Today he called to tell us that his GF's Grandpa had an accident on his farm in Georgia and that he was in the hospital unresponsive.  They were trying to revive him, with no success.  Then the call came to tell us that this man who we did not know had passed.  At the writing of this blog, DS 2 is driving his GF to Georgia so she can be with her family at this time of great sorrow.  


Honestly, I've had a few moments in the past 24 hours where I thought I'd like to just bury my head in the pillow and pretend the new year didn't arrive with some hurt and sadness.  But it did.  


Of course I know this is the general ebb and flow of life.  And I know that no matter where I'm standing, mountain or valley, God is there!  I love that.  2011 has come in oddly for me.  I've been reflective.  


I have some personal things with which I am wrestling...and I'm sad for two losses (along with a couple of others) in this season...but I am also resting in the promise that I find in Psalm 46:  "¹ God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. ² Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea, ³ though its waters roar and foam  and the mountains quake with their surging."  


And so as I go in to 2011, I commit to carry out verse 10 of the Psalmist's words:  "...Be still, and know that I am God;"  In fact, for the past several years I have known people who kind of ask God for a "word" or "words" for the new year.  


In 2006, my SIL, Heather did this after a friend of hers did it.  For that year "my word" was "promise". Again and again, He showed how he keeps His promises.  Then, the next year, my heart was impressed with two little words: MOLD ME. In 2008, it was FORWARD as I was forced to look ahead and In 2009, it was "LAUGHTER".   Last year, I didn't really blog specifically about it, but looking back now, I am certain that a little post I gave early in January was clearly my focus for last year:  "To and Through."  Again and again in the past twelve months I've been reminded that what we come "to", God brings us through. 


And now, here I am feeling a bit reflective.  A bit melancholy.  Somewhat sad.  And, yet,  I am certain that "my word(s)" for this year are the simple phrase:  "BE STILL AND KNOW."  And that is exactly what I intend to do!   


Happy New Year to All!!

And the final status updates from 2010

October 2010

• When the party's over...I find myself reflecting just how much I LOVED giving LG her first "real" birthday party with friends over...and am singing to myself, "Girls just wanna have fun!"  
• Some moments just get to me.  Driving home from our second birthday party this weekend, "God Blessed the Broken Road" came on the radio.  LG was singing it at the top of her lungs.  Suddenly it had a whole new meaning for me.  
• Every great dream begins with a dreamer.  Always remember you have within you the strength, the patience, and the passion to reach for the stars to change the world.  Harriet Tubman 
• Having done all to stand...STAND!  (I have always loved it when you stop the Ephesians verse right there.)
• We are his portion and He is our prize.  Drawn to redemption, by the grace in His eyes.  If grace is an ocean, we're all sinking.  (DC*B) 
• Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.  (Unknown) 
• Life is the art of drawing without an eraser (John W. Gardner) 
• While cleaning to prepare for small group tonight, I thought about the times I've heard it said, "You could eat off of so-and-so's floors." Then I think "WHY would you want to?"  I'm glad for friends who care less about the floors and more about the company and conversation.  
• Perseverance is not a long race, it is many short races one after another.  Walter Elliott 
• Overheard from the three little girls playing pretend in the other room at my house:  "Uh-oh Mother, I think I have the witch hiccups!"  (All I can think is: "say it isn't so!")  

November 2010

• Spent 3plus hours emptying DS 4's room to prepare for painting day tomorrow.  His comment?  "I had no idea it was this much work getting ready to paint!"  Surprise!  
• "Experience is not what happens to you; it is what you do with what happens to you."  A Huxley 
• Best line from Raising Hope so far: "You can't work for that store.  You'll be the low man on the totem pole.  You ever seen a totem pole?  You'll have six men and an eagle standing on your head!"  
• LG and her friend E just put DS 1 in "jewelry jail"....toooo funny! 
• It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure.  He makes my feet like the feet of a deer.  He causes me to stand on the heights...You make your saving help my shield...and your right hand sustains me...You provide a broad path for my feet so that my ankles do not give way."  Psalm 18:32-36
• On this side of it...today's going to be one LOOONNNNGGG day...and the only words that come to mind this morning are..."Press on"!

December 2010

• People are like stained glass windows.  They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.  (Elizabeth Kubler Ross) 
•  Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothin gon earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.  Thomas Jefferson 
• I'm trying to convince myself NOT to feel guilty about not sending Christmas Cards this year.  I mean most of my list is here on Facebook...can we pretend that I sent you our updates about 140 characters at a time this year???
• One thing that bugs me about this time of year is that people go out of their way to give kindness...it's not the kindness that bugs me...only that it's not a habit for the other 11 months!