And my "Get-the-golden-rule-under-your-belt-one-way-or-another-week" continues!
Tonight, my friend, Elaine took me to see Grease at a local theater. She received these two tickets for her birthday a couple of weeks back. Since dh is out of town, son 4 stayed at Grandma and Grandpa's, and the older boys had plans, we decided at the last minute to take ds 3 with us. I called the theater to make sure they had tickets available and was told, "You come in early and the box office manager can work his magic." For those of you who read my Menopause the Musical blog...relax...we are NOT going to the "box seats" this time!
As promised, the box office man did find us a seat in the same row, just 6 seats down from our two seats. Since we were in row three, we thought this would be best...and we thought for sure that people might not mind just scooting over one seat so son 3 could sit with us and not have to sit alone. After all, he's only 11.
Seats 11 and 12 showed up---season ticket holders. They were a nice older couple who had just come back from watching their granddaughter perform in the same musical in Connecticut. Definitely proud grandparents. In our conversation, we explained that we were hoping people might be willing to shift in the row to allow son 3 to stay next to us. The gentleman said, "That shouldn't be a problem...but you never know. You know how people sometimes are." He assured us that he and his wife would be happy to move if the seat next to them stayed empty.
It looked pretty promising until moments before the show when seats 7 and 8 showed up. Now I should make sure that every reader understands that we live in a community with many retirees and people who have earned the "right" not to budge from what they want when they want it. And, unfortunately, many of them exercise that right on a regular basis.
We tried to explain to these two people our predicament and asked kindly if they were willing to shift ONE seat to the right so that ds 3 didn't have to sit alone. The man said emphatically, "I paid for seats 7 and 8 and I will NOT sit in seats 6 and 7!" Am I the ONLY person who thinks this was absolutely ridiculous????
DS moved down alone to seat 3 to wait and see if we could shift the other way. In the meantime, the lady and husband with attitude snuggled up next to me in their seats and did not say another word. I admit that I had to ask forgiveness for my thoughts at that moment...but restrained from saying anything to them. (With help, maybe I'll get this rule thing down, yet.)
At showtime, the seats next to our new friends in seats 11 and 12 were still empty...we all moved down at their suggestion...and ds 3 sat right next to the people who have earned and exercised the "right" not to budge. Actually, it centered us more than we already were.
We thoroughly enjoyed the show.
Now, I realize this truly WAS a contrast of characters. See, the people in seats 11 and 12 explained to us that they are Christians and don't see why people have to be so rude and inflexible. We learned a lot about these two people during the evening and really enjoyed our time together. Seats 7 and 8 never spoke to anyone else the rest of the evening. They didn't even look like they LIKED each other much less anyone else around!
I told son 3 later, it's a lesson that we all need to remember. When we have the opportunity to demonstrate kindness for others, then we need to do so like the people in seats 11 and 12.
I only have one question: I wonder if this cancels out the pizza experience?
(disclaimer to all retired persons: I am well aware that there are wonderful people living out their retirement years with compassion and kindness. I also know that my comment about those retirees living in our area in no way applies to everyone. In other words, "If the shoe doesn't fit, don't wear it.")
Friday, September 30, 2005
Monday, September 26, 2005
The Golden Rule vs. The Pizza Rule
Most of you know that my dh is a pastor. On Sunday he preached about that lovely Golden Rule from the book of Matthew: "Treat others the way you want to be treated." (paraphrased)
I was OK with the sermon. It wasn't anything new to me. I've been hearing this rule (and mostly trying to live by it) for years. I DID think, however, "You know? You really could be more tender with sales people when they frustrate you." And I calmly whispered a prayer and asked God to help me make it so.
I did pretty good for the first 24 or so hours. DH is out of town this week. I had meetings late at work today and two of my sons had to leave for sports practice/training. The dinner window was very narrow for us. We spoke on the phone when I was on my way home around 4:50. All four kids agreed that pizza would be a good thing. So, I told them to go ahead and order. The order was completed just before 5:00.
DS 2 and I had a nice calm conversation about his day, life in general, the future, and other stuff while we waited for the dinner to arrive. Finally around 5:45, he said, "I'm going to call them and see where it is." He did. The man on the other end of the phone assured him that the driver left "10 minutes ago" with our pizzas. Knowing it would arrive any minute, ds watched eagerly out the window.
Around 6:00 we received a call from the pizza place and the driver told ds 2 that he was lost. DS gave him directions.
Ten minutes later, nothing.
I called the pizza place and asked them what happens when the pizza takes over an hour to deliver...and the manager said, "Tell the driver that Brian said it's free." That's all fine....but really doesn't solve the entire problem.
Patiently we continued to wait. Then the driver called me back. He told me where he was (less than one mile from my house). He told me that he was a driver for Dominos (I ordered Papa Johns) and that he was a manager who doesn't usually drive and he wrote down directions. I spoke slowly and calmly and was still living by the Golden Rule even as I realized that I had just been told by a Papa John's employee that he works for Dominos--and that he is a manager!
I called my new friend Brian, the manager of our local Papa Johns. I asked him the name of the driver that would be delivering my pizza and he said "John". I asked him if he was a manager. Brian said, "sort of we just hired him a week ago." I asked, "Did he used to work for Dominos? Because he thinks that he still does. Does this concern you? Because it concerns me greatly." He replied, "It certainly does. What did you order?" I told him and he promised that he would send out new pizzas with a different driver in 30 minutes. I hung up.
Right after I hung up, John (who thinks he works at Dominos) called back and said, "Did you order pizza?" I said, "yes." Then he said, "Can you give me directions?" At this point, I lost it. I said, "No. You can take the pizza back to your store. Just drive straight back there!" He once again said, "I'm a manager." I stopped him and said, "I don't care if you own Papa John's, I do not want you at my house!" (Goodbye Golden Rule, Hello Pizza Rule!)
45 minutes later, a sweet young lady rang the bell with my pizzas in tow. She started to tell me how much it would be. I smiled and said, "No, I think it's free." She reminded herself where she was and said, "Yes it is. I'm sorry about the delay." I thanked her...restrained myself from commenting on the word "delay"...and handed HER a tip for delivering my order.
Here I am three hours after this incident all began asking myself, "How could I have acted differently?" Well...I suppose I could have left off my commentary, stayed firm and a bit more calm than my last phone call. I know I am still rough around the edges. Thankfully, God allows me wiggle room and will continue to prune me until I get it right.
I just hope there's not a McDonald's rule, too!
I was OK with the sermon. It wasn't anything new to me. I've been hearing this rule (and mostly trying to live by it) for years. I DID think, however, "You know? You really could be more tender with sales people when they frustrate you." And I calmly whispered a prayer and asked God to help me make it so.
I did pretty good for the first 24 or so hours. DH is out of town this week. I had meetings late at work today and two of my sons had to leave for sports practice/training. The dinner window was very narrow for us. We spoke on the phone when I was on my way home around 4:50. All four kids agreed that pizza would be a good thing. So, I told them to go ahead and order. The order was completed just before 5:00.
DS 2 and I had a nice calm conversation about his day, life in general, the future, and other stuff while we waited for the dinner to arrive. Finally around 5:45, he said, "I'm going to call them and see where it is." He did. The man on the other end of the phone assured him that the driver left "10 minutes ago" with our pizzas. Knowing it would arrive any minute, ds watched eagerly out the window.
Around 6:00 we received a call from the pizza place and the driver told ds 2 that he was lost. DS gave him directions.
Ten minutes later, nothing.
I called the pizza place and asked them what happens when the pizza takes over an hour to deliver...and the manager said, "Tell the driver that Brian said it's free." That's all fine....but really doesn't solve the entire problem.
Patiently we continued to wait. Then the driver called me back. He told me where he was (less than one mile from my house). He told me that he was a driver for Dominos (I ordered Papa Johns) and that he was a manager who doesn't usually drive and he wrote down directions. I spoke slowly and calmly and was still living by the Golden Rule even as I realized that I had just been told by a Papa John's employee that he works for Dominos--and that he is a manager!
I called my new friend Brian, the manager of our local Papa Johns. I asked him the name of the driver that would be delivering my pizza and he said "John". I asked him if he was a manager. Brian said, "sort of we just hired him a week ago." I asked, "Did he used to work for Dominos? Because he thinks that he still does. Does this concern you? Because it concerns me greatly." He replied, "It certainly does. What did you order?" I told him and he promised that he would send out new pizzas with a different driver in 30 minutes. I hung up.
Right after I hung up, John (who thinks he works at Dominos) called back and said, "Did you order pizza?" I said, "yes." Then he said, "Can you give me directions?" At this point, I lost it. I said, "No. You can take the pizza back to your store. Just drive straight back there!" He once again said, "I'm a manager." I stopped him and said, "I don't care if you own Papa John's, I do not want you at my house!" (Goodbye Golden Rule, Hello Pizza Rule!)
45 minutes later, a sweet young lady rang the bell with my pizzas in tow. She started to tell me how much it would be. I smiled and said, "No, I think it's free." She reminded herself where she was and said, "Yes it is. I'm sorry about the delay." I thanked her...restrained myself from commenting on the word "delay"...and handed HER a tip for delivering my order.
Here I am three hours after this incident all began asking myself, "How could I have acted differently?" Well...I suppose I could have left off my commentary, stayed firm and a bit more calm than my last phone call. I know I am still rough around the edges. Thankfully, God allows me wiggle room and will continue to prune me until I get it right.
I just hope there's not a McDonald's rule, too!
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Soccer Anyone???
Son 2 is in week 3 of soccer season. Son 4 will start playing in a couple of weeks (and received his first "real" uniform today). For the past two Saturdays, dh and I (and some configuration of the rest of our family) have been at the soccer fields watching Son 2 play. Now he is not just a "rec" player. He LOVES this sport (and always has). He dreams of playing World Cup Soccer someday.
DS 1 used to play and also enjoys this sport. He has been entertaining the idea of playing again recently.
DS 3 has never really played...nor has he ever really wanted to. His talents are in other areas.
Occasionally, Son 2 goes to the local field and kicks around with friends or other "teams" that are out there playing. Most recently, he discovered a Hungarian mens team that goes out there to play. Tonight, he and his older brother decided they are going to go see if they are playing and try to get in the game.
Pretty soon, son 4 came out and was dressed and ready to accompany his big brothers to the field. His brothers showed great grace and told him he could tag along.
While eating dinner tonight, son 3 announces, "No one invited me!" To which son 2 replied, "You're always invited." Pretty soon, HE came out looking for his father's soccer cleats so he, too, could go to the field. I am definitely blown away by this!!
Five minutes ago, the four of them...dressed and ready....left for the field.
It's quiet in the house...except for the TV that is playing college football and dh and I typing on our computers. I'm thinking I might encourage them to go to the field more often :-)
As they left, I thought: I truly am blessed by the way they support and encourage one another. Of course, there are days when they don't even like to be in the same room...but today's not one of those. People often ask me how we do it with FOUR boys...this is how. They have learned to co-exist---to have a genuine care and concern for each other most of the time. They know how to be individuals...but they also enjoy each other.
I am thinking the next time they don't want to even breathe the same air, I might ask:
"Soccer anyone???"
DS 1 used to play and also enjoys this sport. He has been entertaining the idea of playing again recently.
DS 3 has never really played...nor has he ever really wanted to. His talents are in other areas.
Occasionally, Son 2 goes to the local field and kicks around with friends or other "teams" that are out there playing. Most recently, he discovered a Hungarian mens team that goes out there to play. Tonight, he and his older brother decided they are going to go see if they are playing and try to get in the game.
Pretty soon, son 4 came out and was dressed and ready to accompany his big brothers to the field. His brothers showed great grace and told him he could tag along.
While eating dinner tonight, son 3 announces, "No one invited me!" To which son 2 replied, "You're always invited." Pretty soon, HE came out looking for his father's soccer cleats so he, too, could go to the field. I am definitely blown away by this!!
Five minutes ago, the four of them...dressed and ready....left for the field.
It's quiet in the house...except for the TV that is playing college football and dh and I typing on our computers. I'm thinking I might encourage them to go to the field more often :-)
As they left, I thought: I truly am blessed by the way they support and encourage one another. Of course, there are days when they don't even like to be in the same room...but today's not one of those. People often ask me how we do it with FOUR boys...this is how. They have learned to co-exist---to have a genuine care and concern for each other most of the time. They know how to be individuals...but they also enjoy each other.
I am thinking the next time they don't want to even breathe the same air, I might ask:
"Soccer anyone???"
Sunday, September 11, 2005
Reflections on Son 2
As promised, I am going to try and reflect on his birthday and life. It seems like 16 years goes by so fast. I remember being 16. I was not nearly as focused or ready to enter my "next stages" as he is. He is already thinking about what he wants to do when he "grows up". And his dreams and goals are good.
This weekend has really made me reflect on all that he has accomplished in a very short time. He is an active member of our Youth Group. He is a leader. He plays drums. He plays soccer. He enjoys time with friends. He is a great student. That's a lot!
I am so proud of son 2. He is growing into a fine young man. There's a part of me that wants to shelter all of them and not let them go out into the "big world". He is proving that he is ready for it, though. He shows us by the decisions he makes and the maturity with which he approaches life.
On Monday, he'll cross another threshhold as he goes to get his license. We will have two young drivers in the family. It saddens me in a way...and yet I anticipate it. He is ready. It is time. Happy Birthday Son....Be careful out there.
This weekend has really made me reflect on all that he has accomplished in a very short time. He is an active member of our Youth Group. He is a leader. He plays drums. He plays soccer. He enjoys time with friends. He is a great student. That's a lot!
I am so proud of son 2. He is growing into a fine young man. There's a part of me that wants to shelter all of them and not let them go out into the "big world". He is proving that he is ready for it, though. He shows us by the decisions he makes and the maturity with which he approaches life.
On Monday, he'll cross another threshhold as he goes to get his license. We will have two young drivers in the family. It saddens me in a way...and yet I anticipate it. He is ready. It is time. Happy Birthday Son....Be careful out there.
Saturday, September 10, 2005
Happy Birthday Son 2!!
I have started this three times and each time my computer is shutting down before I get to post. So, I'll type more about his life in these 16 years later....
In the meantime, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Son 2!! I love you!!
In the meantime, HAPPY BIRTHDAY Son 2!! I love you!!
Monday, September 05, 2005
And the fun continued....
The celebration of Grandma's birthday continued into yesterday (Sunday). We met yesterday at 1:00 at the Harding Memorial in Marion. This is a beautiful historical structure in her hometown. Each of Grandma's four kids were there with their spouses and extended families. Each family unit chose a "color code" to bring some uniformity to the photo. It really turned out neat. There were 42 of us in all for the photo.
We rounded out the day at my Aunt's farm. This is always fun. We enjoyed plenty of food. The kids enjoyed playing in the field, picking apples and pears. The adults sit around and share stories of the past while catching up on each other's lives.
And there are always games: We played bocce ball....a VERY fun family game. The kids played football and soccer among other things.
DS 1 got a special guitar session with my Uncle who plays guitar and writes music and his friend and co-writer. They are both very talented men who enjoy sharing their gift of music with others. It was so neat to watch son 1 sit and soak in the session. My Uncle and his friend included son 1 in several songs and helped him learn some more bass runs. They truly honored who he is and the musician he is becoming. I thought as I watched this....THIS is how we pass on legacies to those who come after us! Thank you both for passing along and sharing your talent with my son.
DS 4 really enjoyed playing with the dogs and a few football games with boys that were at least twice his size. He simply doesn't want to believe he is only 6! I don't think he was phased by any size or age difference during the entire weekend. In fact, it dawned on him as we drove home last night that he "missed the food"! He was way too occupied with all the people, pets, and activities to stop and eat. (Dad and Mickey D's saved the day.)
Son 3 is fun to watch. My two nieces absolutely adore this one! He has such a special way with them. They gravitate to him and he seems to love it. I found him sitting and holding them several times. I also found them running around him and calling his name as they maneuvered through this busy day. He has been our photographer and videographer for most of the trip. I can't wait to see his final production! He ended his very busy day by helping his Dad clean and "fix-up" my Aunt's computer.
Son 2 was a little quieter yesterday. He did surprise me at one point though....my Aunt (who LOVES to play cards) asked, "Who wants to play Euchre?"...and son 2 piped up, "I DO!!" He must have seen the quizzical look on my face because he said immediately, "Mom, I told you I learned it at school!" And off he went with three adults he barely knew to participate in this family bonding moment. I think he and his partner won...I know he enjoyed the game.
Cynthia Rylant has a children's book out called, "The Relatives Came". I LOVE this book as it often takes me back to my childhood with this side of my family. One line in her book says, "We had to pass through three or four hugs just to get from one side of the house to the other." This is kind of how it is...there's lots of hugging, singing, playing, eating, and well...FUN!
This Labor Day weekend memories were made. I am thankful we live in a country where we can stop and enjoy each other...I pray that these are the memories that my own children will carry into their adult lives and pass along to their own children someday.
We rounded out the day at my Aunt's farm. This is always fun. We enjoyed plenty of food. The kids enjoyed playing in the field, picking apples and pears. The adults sit around and share stories of the past while catching up on each other's lives.
And there are always games: We played bocce ball....a VERY fun family game. The kids played football and soccer among other things.
DS 1 got a special guitar session with my Uncle who plays guitar and writes music and his friend and co-writer. They are both very talented men who enjoy sharing their gift of music with others. It was so neat to watch son 1 sit and soak in the session. My Uncle and his friend included son 1 in several songs and helped him learn some more bass runs. They truly honored who he is and the musician he is becoming. I thought as I watched this....THIS is how we pass on legacies to those who come after us! Thank you both for passing along and sharing your talent with my son.
DS 4 really enjoyed playing with the dogs and a few football games with boys that were at least twice his size. He simply doesn't want to believe he is only 6! I don't think he was phased by any size or age difference during the entire weekend. In fact, it dawned on him as we drove home last night that he "missed the food"! He was way too occupied with all the people, pets, and activities to stop and eat. (Dad and Mickey D's saved the day.)
Son 3 is fun to watch. My two nieces absolutely adore this one! He has such a special way with them. They gravitate to him and he seems to love it. I found him sitting and holding them several times. I also found them running around him and calling his name as they maneuvered through this busy day. He has been our photographer and videographer for most of the trip. I can't wait to see his final production! He ended his very busy day by helping his Dad clean and "fix-up" my Aunt's computer.
Son 2 was a little quieter yesterday. He did surprise me at one point though....my Aunt (who LOVES to play cards) asked, "Who wants to play Euchre?"...and son 2 piped up, "I DO!!" He must have seen the quizzical look on my face because he said immediately, "Mom, I told you I learned it at school!" And off he went with three adults he barely knew to participate in this family bonding moment. I think he and his partner won...I know he enjoyed the game.
Cynthia Rylant has a children's book out called, "The Relatives Came". I LOVE this book as it often takes me back to my childhood with this side of my family. One line in her book says, "We had to pass through three or four hugs just to get from one side of the house to the other." This is kind of how it is...there's lots of hugging, singing, playing, eating, and well...FUN!
This Labor Day weekend memories were made. I am thankful we live in a country where we can stop and enjoy each other...I pray that these are the memories that my own children will carry into their adult lives and pass along to their own children someday.
Sunday, September 04, 2005
She Never Knew a Thing (And Neither Did I)
I have been resisting the urge to write because I don't know if my Grandmother reads my blog or not. She turns 85 in a few days. For months, a plan has been brewing in secret to celebrate this occasion.
My extended family is from a small town in Ohio. DSs 3 and 4 and my Mom and I drove up on Thursday of last week. The rest of my Florida family flew up at various times between Thursday and Saturday. We have spent the last two days "dodging Grandma" as we have been waiting for this big event. In the meantime, I have had a lot of fun taking my Dad and my Mom around to video tape places from their childhood, and pieces of our family history. This was kind of a bonus to "the plan".
Last night, we carried out the real plan.
Fifty plus family members surprised Grandma with a reunion/party in her hometown of Marion, Ohio. My Aunt and Uncle had made arrangements to take her out to dinner for her birthday. On the way, my Uncle stopped by the VFW and told her he wanted to show her something in the back. The "in-town" family surprised her first. Then, they told her that there was one more surprise and the "out-of-town" family came walking in. She smiled and unending smile and cried and seemed totally shocked. It was really neat.
We had a dinner together then many more guests joined the fun as we sang karaoke and danced the night away. I love these times! I love the small town feel, the love and laughter of family, and just generally enjoying life. (An aside: the weather has also been WONDERFUL!)
Grandma wasn't the only person surprised at this event. As I said earlier, we had a DJ there to provide karaoke for everyone. Now, my family really loves karaoke. We have used this form of entertainment at weddings and family reunions for several years. My own family loves to play "Karaoke Revolution" on the Playstation. I've seen my boys sing and play in the privacy of our own home. Occasionally, they have stood up at family events and sang in a group or duet.
Last night, my two oldest sons took karaoke to a new level. DSs 1 and 2 started out by singing "Believe" by Cher. It was quite a performance. Son 2 became a totally new person behind the mike. Then, DS 2 sang "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson. It was quite a rendition...perhaps the best part was when someone threw a child's pull-up at him and he finished his performance with it on his head without missing a beat!!
Son 1 sang a more serious song later in the night and son 2 rounded out our family's karaoke contribution with a stab at RESPECT by Aretha Franklin. Yes, I was surprised.
I was also proud. Proud that they are not afraid or inhibited to have fun. Proud that they are comfortable in who they are. Proud that they enjoyed this special family time to the fullest.
It truly was a great night. I think Grandma enjoyed herself immensly as I did. It really was a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
My extended family is from a small town in Ohio. DSs 3 and 4 and my Mom and I drove up on Thursday of last week. The rest of my Florida family flew up at various times between Thursday and Saturday. We have spent the last two days "dodging Grandma" as we have been waiting for this big event. In the meantime, I have had a lot of fun taking my Dad and my Mom around to video tape places from their childhood, and pieces of our family history. This was kind of a bonus to "the plan".
Last night, we carried out the real plan.
Fifty plus family members surprised Grandma with a reunion/party in her hometown of Marion, Ohio. My Aunt and Uncle had made arrangements to take her out to dinner for her birthday. On the way, my Uncle stopped by the VFW and told her he wanted to show her something in the back. The "in-town" family surprised her first. Then, they told her that there was one more surprise and the "out-of-town" family came walking in. She smiled and unending smile and cried and seemed totally shocked. It was really neat.
We had a dinner together then many more guests joined the fun as we sang karaoke and danced the night away. I love these times! I love the small town feel, the love and laughter of family, and just generally enjoying life. (An aside: the weather has also been WONDERFUL!)
Grandma wasn't the only person surprised at this event. As I said earlier, we had a DJ there to provide karaoke for everyone. Now, my family really loves karaoke. We have used this form of entertainment at weddings and family reunions for several years. My own family loves to play "Karaoke Revolution" on the Playstation. I've seen my boys sing and play in the privacy of our own home. Occasionally, they have stood up at family events and sang in a group or duet.
Last night, my two oldest sons took karaoke to a new level. DSs 1 and 2 started out by singing "Believe" by Cher. It was quite a performance. Son 2 became a totally new person behind the mike. Then, DS 2 sang "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson. It was quite a rendition...perhaps the best part was when someone threw a child's pull-up at him and he finished his performance with it on his head without missing a beat!!
Son 1 sang a more serious song later in the night and son 2 rounded out our family's karaoke contribution with a stab at RESPECT by Aretha Franklin. Yes, I was surprised.
I was also proud. Proud that they are not afraid or inhibited to have fun. Proud that they are comfortable in who they are. Proud that they enjoyed this special family time to the fullest.
It truly was a great night. I think Grandma enjoyed herself immensly as I did. It really was a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
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