Labrynthian Theory

I can't remember exactly what brought the movie Labyrinth to my attention recently. Was it talking with Biz-P? Or did our discussion come around because I was thinking about the movie for some reason? I'm just not sure. Either way, a conversation a couple weeks ago lead to the shocking realization that Biz-P did not adore Labyrinth as much as I did. In fact, he - get this - hated it!

It took me some time to remove my jaw from the floor. I'm not sure I was able to speak with BizP for the rest of the day. The next day I tried singing him some of the songs from the movie, but he was undeterred in his hatred. I was completely flabbergasted - how could this be? I told my husband, DigitalA, about it. "Can you believe he doesn't like it?" I said incredulously. "Yeah, I don't like it either." This was even more unsettling to me. "But... But... the only copy of it I have was actually yours from before we met!" I protested. "Well, it must have come from my mom or something, because I never really cared for it." My jaw remained on the floor of the car for days.

Having finally come to grips with the idea that my own husband didn't love Labyrinth, I moved on to determining how this situation could possibly have come to pass. How did they not love Labyrinth? David Bowie and Jim Henson Muppets - I find it magical and wonderful, Biz-P finds it disturbing and creepy, DigitalA just doesn't think about it at all. BizP and I eventually determined the deciding factor must be the age at which we first watched the movie. I don't remember exactly how old I was when I first saw it, but it was released in 1986 and I owned a recorded version from HBO on VHS by 1989. This puts both me and DigitalA in our late teens on first viewing. Biz-P did not see the movie until recently, putting him in his early 30's at first viewing. This must have had something to do with it.

Having formed our theory, I put it to a rigorous scientific test - I posted the question on an online forum I frequent and tallied the answers. I also rented Labyrinth from our local library and played it for my children. My results confirmed and refined our theory. I asked my forum friends and my children to rate the movie on a grade scale of A to F. A is AWESOME I loved it. B is It was good, I liked it. C is meh, don't really care one way or the other. D is I didn't really like it. F is I hated it, do not mention that drivel to me.

For males, the dividing age seems to be 13. I only had a few male respondants, but the only two that gave the movie an A or B rating saw the movie by age 12. Those that saw it from 13 up gave it a C or below.

For females, the dividing age seems to be 18. One respondant saw the movie over that age and gave it a C. The remaining respondants, with only 1 exception, who saw the movie by age 18 gave it at least B, with most of them giving it an A, or even an A+++++++++.

My children confirmed the results as well. Stringz (13) gave it a C, he really didn't care about it. Squeegy (12) gave it a B, enjoying it and wanting to see it again if we owned it. Giggles (8) gave it an A+++. Princess (4) seemed to enjoy it, but was too young for a proper grading.


So, the moral of this story? If you have children, or when you have children, be sure to play your favorite childhood movies for them by age 12 in order to assure that your love is passed on. Waiting too long could leave you at odds with your loved ones over the merits of your all-time favorite campy kids movies.