Crabgrass In The Lawn Of Life

I Was Dreaming When I Wrote This

Apparently the cats decided since they missed 1999, that 2009 would do just as well.

Labrynthian Theory

I can't remember exactly what brought the movie Labyrinth to my attention recently. Was it talking with Biz-P? Or did our discussion come around because I was thinking about the movie for some reason? I'm just not sure. Either way, a conversation a couple weeks ago lead to the shocking realization that Biz-P did not adore Labyrinth as much as I did. In fact, he - get this - hated it!

It took me some time to remove my jaw from the floor. I'm not sure I was able to speak with BizP for the rest of the day. The next day I tried singing him some of the songs from the movie, but he was undeterred in his hatred. I was completely flabbergasted - how could this be? I told my husband, DigitalA, about it. "Can you believe he doesn't like it?" I said incredulously. "Yeah, I don't like it either." This was even more unsettling to me. "But... But... the only copy of it I have was actually yours from before we met!" I protested. "Well, it must have come from my mom or something, because I never really cared for it." My jaw remained on the floor of the car for days.

Having finally come to grips with the idea that my own husband didn't love Labyrinth, I moved on to determining how this situation could possibly have come to pass. How did they not love Labyrinth? David Bowie and Jim Henson Muppets - I find it magical and wonderful, Biz-P finds it disturbing and creepy, DigitalA just doesn't think about it at all. BizP and I eventually determined the deciding factor must be the age at which we first watched the movie. I don't remember exactly how old I was when I first saw it, but it was released in 1986 and I owned a recorded version from HBO on VHS by 1989. This puts both me and DigitalA in our late teens on first viewing. Biz-P did not see the movie until recently, putting him in his early 30's at first viewing. This must have had something to do with it.

Having formed our theory, I put it to a rigorous scientific test - I posted the question on an online forum I frequent and tallied the answers. I also rented Labyrinth from our local library and played it for my children. My results confirmed and refined our theory. I asked my forum friends and my children to rate the movie on a grade scale of A to F. A is AWESOME I loved it. B is It was good, I liked it. C is meh, don't really care one way or the other. D is I didn't really like it. F is I hated it, do not mention that drivel to me.

For males, the dividing age seems to be 13. I only had a few male respondants, but the only two that gave the movie an A or B rating saw the movie by age 12. Those that saw it from 13 up gave it a C or below.

For females, the dividing age seems to be 18. One respondant saw the movie over that age and gave it a C. The remaining respondants, with only 1 exception, who saw the movie by age 18 gave it at least B, with most of them giving it an A, or even an A+++++++++.

My children confirmed the results as well. Stringz (13) gave it a C, he really didn't care about it. Squeegy (12) gave it a B, enjoying it and wanting to see it again if we owned it. Giggles (8) gave it an A+++. Princess (4) seemed to enjoy it, but was too young for a proper grading.


So, the moral of this story? If you have children, or when you have children, be sure to play your favorite childhood movies for them by age 12 in order to assure that your love is passed on. Waiting too long could leave you at odds with your loved ones over the merits of your all-time favorite campy kids movies.

Like a Cannonball (Run II)

I was in high school when my dad and step-mother got together. My step-sister, Guppy, is almost 4 years older than I am, and so was already out on her own. One of the first times I met her was the night she took me and two of my friends down to Lowell, MA, for a concert. A Menudo concert. Yes, I was in high school in the 80's, why do you ask? Guppy wasn't exactly a fan, but going to a concert together seemed like a nice "sisterly bonding experience", so I got her a ticket and she offered to drive.

We got directions to the concert venue, and we had a map of the city. Have you ever driven in New England? It's ... interesting. For all of you lucky people that grew up in the middle or western parts of the country, I'll just say one thing. All New England roads, whether in the city or out in the boondocks, were laid out not by engineering crews, but by wandering cows. Needless to say, we're trying to figure out if that little bitty alley counts as the first left or not, decide not, miscount and miss our turn. I look at the map and say "Hey Guppy, there's a traffic circle just ahead, we'll turn around there." Except you can't turn around there. Because for some reason the so-called traffic circle on the map did not actually make a complete circle in the road and we ended up going off in the wrong direction.

Yep, if you ever meet me, or Guppy, or my friends Knuckles and Stampy, just ask us about "Getting Lost in Lowell" and we'll laugh. What an experience. We drove around a bit, trying to retrace our steps in a large MA city where half the roads are one way the wrong way and the other half wind in circles or dead end. Finally, we pass a fire station. Guppy pulls in to get directions - after all, who would know the town roads better than a policeman or a fire crew? Guppy was a volunteer firefighter and EMT in NH. After she got our directions, she tells the crew - "Thank you, now I'm going to stare at your trucks for a while." And she did. One of my earliest memories of my sister, Guppy, is stopping to look at fire trucks while lost in Lowell. :)

Well, the directions worked great of course, and we get to the concert. Now, as I mentioned, Guppy was older than I, and out of high school. I myself was already on the upper edge of Menudo's fan-base's age range. Picture Menudo as the Hannah Montana of the 80's, and a concert venue full of screaming pre-teens, a few teens, several bored parents and one embarrassed 20 yo. Poor Guppy, she was so out of her element. I remember Knuckles, Stampy and I standing up, singing along and dancing, a couple times, and Guppy just sitting there, listening, and probably thinking "Holy cow, I'm older than everyone on stage by at least 5 years!!"

Thankfully, the drive home was not nearly as eventful. I'm sure if you asked her, Guppy would tell you that the highlight of her evening was getting lost and taking the time to look at fire trucks!

Hail To The Meek

A thunderstrom ripped through Oklahoma on Friday. I'd been at work about an hour, when BizP walked around the office, umbrella in hand. "Golf ball sized hail expected any minute. Y'all might want to move your cars." See, unlike The Golfer and his management buddies who park in an uncovered but semi-sheltered lot right next to the building, the rest of us peons park in an uncovered, wide open lot about a 1/2 mile away. BizP and OoRah decide to bite the bullet, pay the $5 for the day and move to a covered garage. They get to the end of the block, and it's raining pretty hard. OoRah decides, "Forget this, it's not worth it." and turns around. BizP lowers his umbrella to his waist, hoping to sheild at least some of the now-horizontal rain, and soldiers on. (Hee Hee - ironic word choice!)

Sometime later, I'm standing at OoRah's desk, discussing the merits of whether I should have moved my car, when BizP returns. A drenched, dripping BizP holding his useless umbrella at his side. He issues us a well-appreciated warning. "I'm going to be in the breakroom wringing out my shirt. You do not want to come in there for a while."

Three cups of tea later, BizP is still shivering. I offer him my jacket, which fits him much better than in OoRah's. "Hey," I tell him, "at least I have a nice plain blue jacket and not something girly." Through chattering teeth he stutters "Do you really think that matters to me right now?"

I walked over to BizP's desk to check out his gift from V which, due to his forgetting to bring it back to work Thursday and my being out for the reveal on Wednesday, I had not seen in person yet. (More on this later, V did an AWESOME job.) At this point I see a sight on BizP's desk which demands that I hightail it, mid-sentence, back to my desk to grab my camera.


Yes, those are BizP's shoes and socks- drying on his desk. The pulled out insert makes the photo, doesn't it?


Now, with the shoes on the desk, our intrepid explorer is running around barefoot. I couldn't resist a photo of that.

As I'm standing there, taking photos of his gift from V, BizP makes an observation that completely floors me. "Hey look, the pillow is absorbing the moisture from my hinder."


Dude. I can't top that.

I might come close, perhaps, by mentioning that there were no hail strikes within 10 miles of our office or vehicles on Friday.

Not. one.

BizP has decided that he doesn't care if there is a Vibe-hating monster loose in the city, or if all the concrete in all the covered garages suddenly disintegrates and the buildings collapse - he is never, ever, moving his car again.

If he starts home now, he might make it by Thursday.

Look Who's (Not) Talking

The following conversation took place the 3,238th time I took Princess potty while out and about one weekend.

Princess: "Mommy, how come you go potty every time I go potty?"

Mommy: "Because I have to go too. My tummy tells me when I have to go potty. Just like your tummy tells you."

Princess: "Mommy!" (said in a 'don't be ridiculous' tone.) "My tummy doesn't talk!!"

Mamma Mia

Excerpt from an IM conversation last month:

DA: So, do we have the Ren Faire this weekend, or can we put it off until later?

LPF: We've got Giggles' Girl Scout trip on the 16th, but so far open the rest of the weekends, we can do Ren Faire whenever. Why?

DA: Oh, nothing.

(time passes)

DA: You have plans on Saturday night.

LPF: Oh, ok. Given that Sunday is Mother's Day, I'm guessing I should keep my big nose out of it and leave it at that?

DA: Probably.

LPF: Gotcha.


Have you ever tried to plan an evening out, set up your oldest kid to babysit the younger kids, while having no idea where you are going? "Mommy, where are you going?" "I don't know. Out." "But where?" "I don't know. Out." "Daddy, where are you going?" "Out." "But where?" "Out." "But where?" "Kids listen! It's Mother's Day tomorrow - I Don't Know, and I Don't Want To Know until I get there!!!!"

DA told me to dress semi-nice. Slacks fine, but jeans probably ok too. I erred on the side of dressy and wore slacks with a plain dark turtleneck sweater. I did my hair and even wore make-up. (pause here to let you all recover from the shock.) I didn't poke around too much as I enjoy a good surprise, but I did skim the paper and didn't see anyone I recognized playing in the area that weekend. The only thing I could think of was a comedy club. Given that most clubs have a 2 drink minimum and DA can not drink at all, I grimly anticipated having to get sloshed.

Thankfully for us all, that was not the case. :)

We went out to eat (Tostado Nachos at TGIFridays - yum!), then headed to downtown Tulsa. All the way into downtown, parking the car, and even all the way into the Tulsa Performing Arts Center, I had no idea what we were doing. I saw many signs at the PAC for the upcoming Wicked tour. But that's not until July, I thought to myself, so we can't be seeing that. (Note to DA - I wouldn't mind seeing that if we can swing it.) We were in the theater, walking down the aisle to our seats before the big sign on the back of the stage finally told me what I was in for. "The Ten Tenors".

Once I got past the fact that the name of their tour is not a real word - Nostalgica? - I had a wonderful time. They do a mix of Opera, Broadway and Rock music, and the show was fantastic. I truly enjoyed every moment. It was probably about a 2 hour show, with a 20 minute intermission between. My opinion? I could have stayed another 2 or 3 hours if they would have continued singing for us.

Two interesting notes from the show:

1. How fun is it that out of all million or so songs to come out in the 1980's, they chose our song ¹ as one of the 5 - 7 for their 80's medley? (Yeah, I just saw the show and I already forgot how many. So sue me.)

2. Okay, who in their right minds throws an ABBA song into the middle of a Queen song? ² Sure, the lyrics fit perfectly and it was only 2 lines, but it was definitely the most unexpected moment of the entire night.

If you have a chance, go see the Ten Tenors. If you are a music fan and are even a little bit open to opera, you will thoroughly enjoy yourself. I'm sure the DVDs will not be quite as good as the real thing, but I do intend to add all their DVDs and CDs to my christmas wish list.

¹ Eternal Flame by the Bangles
² "Mamma Mia, here I go again" from Mamma Mia inserted into Bohemian Rhapsody. No, seriously. I'm not kidding. They really did.