My mum is about to enter her fourth week in hospital, I am learning that I have to advocate for her, confirm and re-confirm everything I am told, phone nurses, ask to have doctors ring me and then call and ask again.
I am taking Dad to see her many days of the week as he no longer wants to drive. He wants to talk to every random person: in the lifts, in the corridors, at the reception desk. And he wants to call the nurses for everything including alarms that are beeping in other rooms.
I am informing the family of whats happening.
I am trying to keep my head above water at work. Where we were three, now I am one.
If I hadn't had my ankle surgery four years ago and if I hadn't started sleep apnea treatment one year ago, I would never have coped with this train wreck.
The universe seems to have ordered things in my favour.
I miss you all and while some blogging might be just the therapy I need, most days I'm too overwhelmed to open the lap top.
Please don't pity me but do send your best wishes.
xox
Watching my elderly parents get slower in hospital, was terrible. They had been so clever and so independent, I never thought it would happen. But I was the only daughter, and they were lucky to see their sons once a fortnight :(
ReplyDeleteThe only thing that helped was remembering all the years of care that parents put into their child's early life - changing nappies, mashing and feeding every meal, waking up every 4 hours during the night etc etc
Be strong.
Hels,
DeleteMy parents have been great supports and cheerleaders for me, were baby sitters for my kids and now are still deeply interested in my adult children.
They deserve it but it's hard
As instructed, I am sending you my best wishes Kylie. You have a lot on your plate right now. However, having "known" you through blogging for a long time now, I feel sure you will remain level-headed and patient throughout this challenging period of your life.
ReplyDeletePatience eludes me at times but it comes back.
DeleteThank you, Neil
The care giver has to be looked after as much as those who need care. Look after your self. Irrationality is hard to deal with.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Red.
DeleteI'm pacing myself much better than last time
My best to you as you enter a new chapter in your life and attempt to navigate through uncharted waters successfully. We are (almost) 84 and (almost) 90 and I’m sure we are slipping a bit ourselves so I sympathize with both sides of your family’s equation.
ReplyDeleteRobert,
DeleteBeing old is hard and scary and it happens when people are tired.
The end is glorious though
Oh Kylie I send you all good thoughts, this must be so very hard. Do take some time for you and do absolutely nothing, maybe some gentle music or watching birds. Anything to give you some relief. So very stressful for you. We'll all be here for you when you're ready.
ReplyDeleteXO
WWW
Thank you, Mary.
DeleteI seem to be getting by with commute chats and I treat myself to a coffee at every hospital visit
Yes, this is how it was for me - complete overwhelm when my parents declined significantly at the same time. I was completely unprepared for it. I look back and chide myself for not being more on the ball.
ReplyDeleteTake the very best of care of yourself, and remember that there is only so much you can do by yourself.
Sxx
Ms Scarlet,
DeleteI knew a crisis would come but when is always the unknown.
I am not at all ready for the inevitable loss.
How could you have known different? We think parents are bulletproof
So sorry to hear this, kylie. I had been wondering how your parents were, and how you were doing dealing with things. You are so right about the advocacy; it's a treadmill of doing the same things over and over and it's exhausting. Please take care of yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but keep it in mind. Sending good thoughts and love.
ReplyDeleteThank you, my friend.
DeleteI'm doing my best to get the right balance
It was fortunate as you say that you had had the ankle surgery and the sleep apnea treatment and were better able to cope with the situation. You must be quite exhausted from all the demands.
ReplyDeleteFor now, I'm going ok but the balance is easily tipped too far one way
DeleteHow did I miss this post??? It sounds like your father needs outings to talk to people. Maybe that would calm him down a bit when he goes out with you. I know this is wearing on you. I commend you for your devotion to your parents. Can you get someone to stay with him. Does he cook, clean, and generally take care of himself? I am thinking of you, the caregiver, my friend, and a devoted daughter.
ReplyDeleteHi Linda,
Deletethank you for such a lovely comment.
Dad does his laundry and day to day tidying. There is cleaner who does the vacuuming and bathrooms. He's never cooked but is quite capable of sourcing food at his local favourites.
I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with all this stress and will say some prayers for you and your family. Life is hard.
ReplyDeleteWhat I came here to say is that I just so happened to take a look at your blog (from YP's) right about the time your daughter and her fella were about to begin their big adventure. I looked them up on Instagram so I could follow along, never realizing what a treat that would end up being. Their photos have been fantastic and they could easily make a beautiful "coffee table" book out of them. I bet they will never forget this trip of a lifetime. I will be sorry to see it end!
Kelly, how lovely of you to follow along!
DeleteThey've had a ball and will continue the good times with their wedding in less than 2 weeks!
Thanks for commenting, and welcome
I thought I left a comment.
ReplyDeleteIs it possible your father can be taken to a respite where he can get his conversations and you can get a bit of respite for yourself, a change from constant care for him? Be good to yourself!
You did! I am just slow to get it posted.
DeleteFor years now I have been working to get better supports in place and been resisted at every turn.
Finally I have had some agreement but the system is slow and is yet to kick in