EQ?

My boss tells me I have no EQ.
Then, she corrected herself by saying that it's not that I don't have EQ, just that I need more.
And I really ponder over her statement (which she really repeated a lot of times and told me today I need to have coaching session with her).

Do I really have no EQ??!!


These days, I seem to be at the mercy of everyone else.
Especially a person whom I'll name as Wong.
I still don't know what wrong I've done to her,
except that it probably appeared to her that I was pushy over some issues which will be to her disadvantage.
She'll really treat me as tranparent.
Not that it really mattered to me,
but it'll make my job difficult.
And my boss may think I really have no EQ.

I also don't know when I started having no EQ.
Or low EQ.
It never occurred to me in this way.

To make matters worse,
I think a couple of people really hate me.
Squeaks appear to hate me to the core for no apparent reason.
(maybe she has realised or heard that I don't like her?)
She'll just ignore me,
and be cordial to the rest.
but I still would like to keep a cordial working relationship with her.
Because we work together.
(ok, ya, I'm a brat. I have a weird thing for wanting to be on good terms with everyone!! but so??!! I like mah!!)

The others, I am not that sure.
'Cos I just got transferred to another team.
So many unfamiliar faces.
Unfamiliar unhappy unfriendly faces.

So I tried to be nice (I'm usually nicer to strangers).
But I realised I also need to set some buffer or what I would call "line" since I am their coaches in order to perform and function as one when they get outta hand.
I was seeking that balance which I know it's hard to attain.
Been trying to build that rapport.
but I must say, I am really lucky to have these group as my coachees.
I'm impressed with their level of teamwork and discipline.
just need a little fix-ups and pushes here and there.

I was like I'm back to the OJT days,
but I tried to take it on a positive note.
Somehow, I feel very tired to be going through the whole thing again.
But have to "ying zhe tou pi, shang".

At alot of moments, I feel demoralised.
And I realised it's the human relationships which upsets me a lot of times.
And I dunno what to do except encouraging myself to work on with my clients.
It's very much easy to work with them and feel that sense of satisfaction.

I love my job,
but I hate the fact that I've gotta deal with some colleagues who don't separate work from personal feelings.
I'm counselling myself most of the times,
just to feel less depressed and demoralised.

Sigh~
And I wonder what is really wrong with me.
And why I keep letting such negative feelings get in my way.
Sometimes I just wanna get things done, but end up hurting others' feeling unknowingly in the process.

To those whom I have hurt unknowingly,
I'm SORRY!
It was never anything personal!
I was just trying to get my job done!!!!!

I am just depressed again...
I should really free from others' opinion.
And try not be affected by them.

But how to when I am who I am???