SAVE YOURSELF.

Its really up to me now. Or, it have always been my own decision to make, this whole time.

I guess as one grows up, you'll slowly learn to fill up the empty holes that have been left open for the longest time.

Its not easy to be independent. And im not gonna deceive anyone or myself that I am totally independent now. I guess all Im trying to say here is, Im gonna learn to face things myself. And Im sure with baby here by my side, it just makes many crazy issues in my life hell load easier.

Everyone needs to know when they should learn to let go certain things that they've been relying on and really grow up from the whole process.

Im happy now. I really am.

*I hope, with the way that you're handling this whole situation, you're truly happy with the outcome.i'll keep you in my prayer, Mum.*


Viv- thanks for calling every now and than to make sure im doing well. really appreciate it.

Kerlyn- Im not sure if you even read my blog. But I miss you. Thanks for standing by me too.

Baby- you begun my most fortunate episode of my life. And im thankful that you've assured me that its a never ending series. ILOVEYOU AH-BU DEAR!!!

NOWNOW,

Lemme end this post with a kiss from me, to you! Muahs dearies!

Times getting really rough for me.

Gosh, I havent been blogging for ages!!!
Well, I guess Im still trying hard to cope with my prettymuchscrewedup life.

I really miss my room, my mum and my bro.
Despite the fact that my family is no longer living together, I really do miss them.
Since young, I've always thought that my bro dont give a shit bout my existence cuz he's mostly engaged with his W.O.W.
But im really glad that its when times like these, my bro is really here for me to give me the last bit of faith that theres still 'family-love' in this world.

Okay, yes, I gotta admit, its another emo post. But Im really trying to not step too into the emo-zone..so if you cant stand stuff like these, close this window. :)

Friends like Vivian and Kerlyn have been so supportive and all and I really, from the bottom of my heart, appreciate it. Thanks so much dears! Especially Viv, thanks..you know what I mean!

I'll never forget the 25th of February 2009. Cuz it was that day that I was so fcuking humiliated. I feel embarrassed and disgusted with my mum's actions.

Okay, family matters aside. Im so glad I've got into AGNES b! So frigging happy la! Its really fun and colleagues are awfully nice. Am always looking foward to attend work! HAHA! Woots!

Baby is currently on his way to m'sia. Im like waiting anxiously for his call cuz hes expected to call me as soon as he returns! haha. Worried mah. anyways, Im really too loss for words as to how baby have been here for me through-out this nearly 8 months of our relationship.
There has been arguments lately that led to tears, but Im glad with the way baby handled it. He never likes to let arguments carry on to the next day which actually benefits me and baby cuz for one, I dont have to pout and look like some horrifying zombie attending work and two, baby dont have to, hmmmms, Idk, dont have to, doze of in camp? Lol.

Honestly, I learnt alot in this relationship. Or rather, am still learning. After all the tears and laughter we shared, I believe there can be appily ever after. I LOVE YOU BABY.


thanks for everything.

EXTREMELY OUTDATED PICTURES.
Baby!


HAHA. This is so funnay! We were looking at a deck of FHM POKER CARD gals. were like commenting on their CMI looks and all. Srsly have got no idea which gal made me give that LOOK. LOL.



BABY, Ai-shi-te-ru! <3

Fuck it, screw it.

Back's aching like crazy, boyf is booking in, mum's in a far away land, Im working til late., URGHSSS!

I need ta do a full-body check up soon! :(

Pray for me okays? Jesus says Im gonna be alright. I'll keep that in mind. But well, I'll still need a full-body-check up to confirm everytg, yes?

Bless me.
Bless you.

WORTHLESS

Maybe I really am.
This ranting blog of mine will never be a place where I can share happy things.
Im depressed. Half the time, I feel Im always up to some ridiculous acts.
Im caught up in a FUCK-UP job and crazy mum.

Baby, who is one of my piller of support often has to endure my rants and nonsensical attitude.
I seriously wanna disappear.
Who's there for you when you truly need someone?
I feel helpless.

Guess nobody would understand the shit that Im going through.
Nobody except baby.

I know shutting myself away from friends doesnt work.
But who am I to turn to when people are interested to know whats going on with your life?
Friends AINT here to stay.
I only have myself.

Theres no vice-versa care and concern between friends.
So heres the thing,
this is gonna be the only place where I'll rant from today's date.
I shall officially shut my rantings solely to my blog and baby.

How do I stop my tears from forming?

If only I can find a way to.

I feel so vulnerable at times.

Its like, my world is revolving solely around him.

Its crushing me.

I wanna be more independent.

Its like, his text, his phonecalls and his voice are my air to breathe.

I feel disgusted with myself that I cant be understanding enough that hes in army and thus, is unable to text or call as frequent as he wants to.

I need to stop being so demanding.

I need to stop crying.

I need to start solving problems on my own instead of telling him every single things/issues that have been happening from my day-to-day activities.

I need to stop giving up on this relationship. ( Sorry baby, I know I hurt you whenever I mention that.)

Lastly, I need to do some soul searching on why cant I stop being so childish at times and learn to cherish this man who God have arranged for us to meet.

Im sorry baby.

I miss my baby...

Baby's in KL now.
Damn it.

Urghs.

pouts.

You know that I could use somebody.

Hey people, are you guys already in the X'mas mood already?
Almost every night when I turn left, I'll get to see Jewel Box tower lightings. Its really niceeee!

Work is doing okay I guess, but, but, job search is still in my daily routine.HAHA.
How should I explain myself on that? Hmmmms...
Lets just say that Company and almost 70% of the ppl that Im working with is f***ed up.Hows that? (:

Its like, theres this communication barrier I guess. Imagine for my current post, there has already been 11 people who've quit. Seriously, I CANT'T wait to leaveeee!


Okay, away from my work-work-life. Mama's menopause stage is increasing day by day.Im going nuts. I think very soon, I might have to get some help. It's like, I can no longer communicate with her. I dont know what to do. Ever since my bro moved out, Im like fighting this DAILY BATTLE alone. ( baby is like my 24/7 support, although he cant pysically be next to me, man, ILOVEHIM! (:
I really have no idea where to go from here. I just pray that I dont have to argue with my msms after one long day at work.You know, its really hard. Although it might sound damn easy to many, man, you guys dont know my mama. She aint the fiery type. She the 'mental' type=mind game freak. She likes to provoke me. Get it? My mama likes to provoke me! So unless I laugh alone with her when she provokes me, she wins when I get mad. Its really crazy...

Away from work and home. Guess what, Im having some bloody shit infection. Have to take antibiotics for 10 dayssss! ):

Hours without baby passes really slowly. I just cant wait to give him a big hug later!!!SMOOCHES! <3

bye people!

IMISSYOUZINGZING!!! <3