Community

I've been thinking about the concept of a community today.  In the religion I was born and raised community is very important.  Your ward becomes you family.  Through an accident of residence, rather than an accident of birth, you are placed into an "extended family".  You get out of this family what you put into it.  Sometimes, no matter how much you try to you are still alone. 

The "family" from my youth was not the best environment for me yet I still think of these people as an extension of my life.  I spent so much time with these people that it doesn't seem to matter much that the activities and interactions were sometimes painful, sometimes worthwhile, but almost always lonely. 

That "family" had a wolf in its midst.  A person who was causing pain and damage.  It was an "open secret" that he had certain predilections.  At least among the youth.   Somehow, his behavior was overlooked or maybe unnoticed by the adults in the neighborhood.  Maybe it was the choices of the Mom that finally called him out, or it was the idea that someone so "good" could really be so "bad" but he slipped through the cracks and those whom he made uncomfortable breathed a sigh of relief when he moved away. 

He is now in prison and although that makes me so happy, and sad at the same time given the number of years and lives he destroyed before he was caught, it has brought me straight back to that "community" or "family", if you will, of my youth.  There is a lot of PTSD from bullying, loneliness, and rejection suffered at the hands of these people, yet they were part of my life for so long.  These people helped shape me and made me stronger and yet weaker at the same time.

I look around at the "community" that I've given my children and wonder if I am making a mistake.  For some of my kids it seems to be going well.  They are happy and loved.  However, for certain of my children this is not a good community.  I see the same hurt, rejection, and loneliness.  I am not convinced that the type of community built through my chosen religion is going to help me raise my children. 

I've come to learn that this community is good for those that fit the "mold", but is not going to work for me or my family.  Its probably time to walk away before the damage outweighs the good.  I wish more people understood the impact they have whether for good or bad because having just one friend at church can make or break you.