tips on how to start a really great fire in your fire place

Anyone have any?! 'Cause, let's just say, if I was a Girl Scout, I would have failed miserably at getting my fire badge!

When we moved into this house 9+ years ago, my kids were young. We set up a play table and chairs right in front of the fire place and made the choice not to use it until they were older to avoid any possible accidents. This past summer, I told the kids that this was the year.

I was going to do this right. I called a chimney company to have them inspect my chimney. One part has to be replaced but doesn't effect having fires so I went ahead, got the wood stand, the tools and bought some firewood. I still had those long fire place matches from the last house we lived in back in Atlanta.

I bought the wood from our supermarket. It was convenient, the wood appeared to be fine and I didn't expect there to be a problem. We didn't need a lot because I only intended on having fires here on weekends I have the kids.

This past weekend I had the kids. They were excited Saturday night because we were going to have a fire. My first mistake was using newspaper as kindling. Bad idea. With the flue open, the room still started filling with smoke! Luckily, the wood hadn't yet ignited, so I put out the fire and aired out the room.

A little while later, we tried again without the newspaper. Match after match, and nothing happened. Nothing. It seemed this wood was flame retardant! I used the entire box of matches and still the wood wouldn't catch fire! I stuck matches in every crevice possible and we thought we had fire a few times but it turned out it was just the match sticks burning! I noticed some parts of the wood were charred but never actually caught fire!

My kids told me about the Duraflame pine cones that their dad uses. I had seen those while shopping in Target the other day but thought, "How hard could starting a fire possibly be that I need these pine cones?!". Now it seems that I do, in fact, need those pine cones, or some other fire starting product, if I ever want to see any actual wood-burning fire in my fire place!

Any suggestions? Does anyone out there take pity on a poor, pathetic fire starter-challenged woman?!

even i think this is funny

Several weeks ago, while getting my dose of the trashy magazine I like to read, I noticed an advertisement.

It's not really the advertisement that's important, it's the woman in the advertisement who caught my attention.

My daughter noticed it too...

(heh) "She looks a lot like you when you broke your ankles."

And she was right.

Don't look at the shitty quality of the image.

Don't look at Julia Louis Dreyfus' face...'cause we don't look a damn thing alike. Although I really want her hair.

Don't look at her dress.

Or her shoes.

Do pay attention to the expression on her face and the way her feet are positioned.

click to enlarge

That was totally me.

She looks funny with twisted ankles and the "Oh fuck me!" expression! However, looking at her ankles alone makes me cringe. I can remember the chain of events leading directly up to my tumble down the stairs. Looking at an image that resembles my experience is amusing but my actual experience? Not so much!!