eMarkHarmony

Hey, I found time to make a new sketch. Newborns sometimes allow an hour or two for you and I took advantage.

Here's the pitch:

Some people have very specific tastes when they are searching for that special someone. At eMarkHarmony, we don't care what you like as long as what you like is a bit Mark Harmon-y.

Tiger Woods Ad - Doggy Style

Just fooling around with my new Flip camera. Tiger Woods messed up and this is probably what people see when they look at him. I do think my dog is more adorable. Good staring, Penny.

Tor's New Year's Resolutions for 2KX

Happy New Year's from all of us at Tor's Take! It's time to make proclamations that none of us are going to keep, I mean, am I riiighhh(incoherent coughs and harrumphs)? Here they are, dammit.

• Be more consistent with my 2010 letter shorthand.
• Find a nice girl and settle down.
• Guess correctly on a "How Many Jelly Beans Are In This Barrel?" contest.
• Shoot a sheriff and admit to it melodically.
• Get a parole officer to keep me focused.
• Give back to the world with more popular YouTube videos.
• Teach a homeless man how to recycle his home so that he will recycle forever.
• Punch Jeff Daniels.
• Break a mirror to get 7 years bad luck thus ensuring the world won't end in 2012. You're welcome, everyone!
• Market my new video game, Stand-Up Hero, for XBox 360, Wii, and Playstation 3.
• Stage an intervention for Krazy Glue.
• Set up meeting with Coach and Louis Vuitton to create a stylish bindle as part of a Hobo Couture collection.
• Take over at least 2 of Tiger Woods' lost endorsements.
• Lead a New Jersey invasion hell-bent on overtaking and absorbing Pennsylvania.
• Perform in a 16 city tour of a 2-person Vaudeville show with William Peterson entitled "Tor-Pete-o."
• Make baked ziti.
• Finally rid the world of stereotypes by replacing them with iPodtypes (for the kids!).
• Make sure people never forget Michael Jackson.
• Get a blank check from Miguel Ferrer and spend 90 minutes eluding him and Tone Loc.
• Start campaign to make Alex Trebek a contestant on "Are You Smarter Than A 5th Grader?" to put him in his stupid place.
• Learn a parlor trick.
• Have tea with any available queen.
• Free the puppets from the tyrannical rule of Metallica. 24 years is enough.
• Open an East Coast location of the Peach Pit.
• Keep blogging.

What are yours?

Thoughts On My New "Head Shot"

NOTE - This is not photoshopped. I swear on my wife.

The following picture is a still from a new video where I play Jacob from Twilight (coming Monday!). Like the mysterious Bigfoot, sometimes the camera catches things we did not know were real. Please don't stare at it too long. I want you to still desire other things in life besides me.

It's not everyday that the camera captures how you see yourself in your dreams. It's about time my outside caught up to the beautiful person I am on the inside. I didn't know Canon made a sexy lens attachment. (I've learned that the camera refuses to take any more pictures because it can never achieve this again. Also, the camera is pregnant.) Look at those eyes. You ladies are lucky I'm happily married because those eyes can melt your heart. Then I would catch those meltings in a cup and drink them so you would be a part of me. My shirt fought valiantly trying to contain that chest and those arms but failed. It will be missed.

I think the world needs this Kevin Tor more than it needs the one typing this blog entry.

Let's look at how the two Kevin Tors (labeled "Hot Kevin" and "Bland Kevin") would talk in life:

Bland Kevin - "I like to make people laugh."

Hot Kevin - "New studies show that I'm the best medicine."

Bland Kevin - "Hey honey, dinner is almost ready."

Hot Kevin - "Do you smell what Hot Kevin is cooking?"

Bland Kevin - "I think motorcycles are scary."

Hot Kevin - "I make love to motorcycles...slowly."

Bland Kevin - "I think I'm coming down with something."

Hot Kevin - "I sneezed once. My nose knows better than to try that again."

Bland Kevin - "Hey, can I borrow a pencil?"

Hot Kevin - "Write this down for me and I'll let you stare at my pec."

Bland Kevin - "What do you want to watch tonight?"

Hot Kevin - "I want to take you to a meadow and smear you in sap so our bodies can fuse together as one! Then, Night Court."

Bland Kevin - "I live in a nice townhouse."

Hot Kevin - "I have a sweet loft on Mount Olympus. I let Hercules crash on my futon."

NoBuddies - Actor Whisperer Part 2 (Episode 12)

Sometimes things make me laugh. Other times, they make me cry. And then there are times when I just start swinging my fists around for no good reason. Part 2 of "Actor Whisperer" will make you do all three.* Tune in and partake in online television history as NoBuddies airs a 12th episode for the first time in any of its many seasons of existence. We couldn't have done it without you.

Girl got deep into her method training for Football Princess 2. The gang brings in the Actor Whisperer to talk her down. Does it work?

Bill - William Franke
Gray - Sean McCormack
Cal - Kevin Tor
Girl - Sue White
Alexis - Catherine Nicora
AW - Dan Truman

Directed by William Franke
Written by William Franke, Sean McCormack, & Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rokamic (ccMixter)
"Montage" by Kevin MacLeod

* Only 2 are guaranteed. The "chosen people" will do all 3.

NoBuddies - Actor Whisperer Part 1 (Episode 11)

Have you ever wanted to be so good at something that you put in all the work to make sure you are the best? Me, neither. But Girl does in this first episode of a two-parter that will have you asking, "How are there 11 episodes already? I've barely watched two. So the next one makes 12?" Yes it does, loyal viewer. Yes it does. Watch!



Girl gets a sweet role in a kids' movie. Training goes a little too well.

Bill - William Franke
Gray - Sean McCormack
Cal - Kevin Tor
Girl - Sue White
Alexis - Catherine Nicora

Directed by William Franke
Written by William Franke, Sean McCormack, & Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rokamic (ccMixter)

"Montage" by Kevin MacLeod

More Sally Forth

You know, I was never much into comic strips but when you are a character in one, it makes them so much more appealing. After an unnecessary two-day hiatus, Kevin returns in today's "Sally Forth." I know my character is just picking on Ted all the time but I think we need to know more of my back story. I feel delving into what makes Kevin tick would bring this comic up to Sally FIRST. Am I right? I am. Write your local Sally Forth-carrying newspaper and ask for more Kevin and I'll keep bothering the author.

NoBuddies - Bill's Game Intervention (Episode 10)

This episode is based on a good friend of mine's love for video game hockey. There are really people out there like this and awareness needs to be raised. Can you tell this was actually the 4th episode we shot even though it airs 10th? That's why there's the sound issues that you all thought we took care of. The rest of the season will have the pristine sound you have come to enjoy in the last 5 or so episodes. Thanks for watching.



Bill takes his hockey game a little too seriously. Gray and Cal intervene.

Writer's Note - That is not my hand on Bill's upper thigh. It is an unfortunate screen capture.

Bill - William Franke
Gray - Sean McCormack
Cal - Kevin Tor

Directed by William Franke
Written by Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rockamic (ccMixter)

Monday's Sally Forth

If you are like me then you felt the Sally Forth from yesterday did not give enough back story on the character of Kevin, based on me. Where did Kevin come from? This smart ass appears out of nowhere? Why is he so mean to Ces, I mean Ted? Well, fear not. Kevin appeared in the Monday strip which I missed out on because I was too busy patriotizing the world. Anyway, this should clear up any confusion from the Tuesday strip so enjoy me again. I'm textually hilarious.

I'm In Sally Forth!

Being friends with the person who writes a comic strip has its perks as evidenced by today's Sally Forth. I play the role of Kevin which I do adequately in real life but awesomely in newsprint. I'm going to have to start having Ces script my real life because he makes me so much funnier than I really am. Check me out and laugh!

Thanks, Ces!

NoBuddies - Don't Mess With Taxes (Episode 9)

We at NoBuddies (just me, they hate when I speak for them) feel that Tax Day should not be a worrisome time. At the very least, you should spend 3 minutes and 9 seconds for yourself and you can take that strangely accurate amount of time and use it on our next episode. It has taxes and masking tape and anger and humor. That's 4 things! I'm no accountant but I think you can write it off or maybe deduct it from the amount in Box 19. Again, not an accountant. Enjoy.



Tax Day is upon us and Bill is starting to feel the pressure. Cal does nothing to alleviate it.

Bill - William Franke
Gray - Sean McCormack
Cal - Kevin Tor
Girl - Sue White
Alexis - Catherine Nicora

Directed by William Franke
Written by William Franke & Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rockamic (ccMixter)

NoBuddies - Pregnant Girl Part 2 (Episode 8)

Wondering how Cal will handle being a dad? Don't know what I'm talking about? (Click here, jerk.) Welcome back. Good, right? You still didn't watch it. Come on! It's good. Do it. Do it. Do it.

The second part of pregnancy episode. Will Cal do the right thing and be a father to Alexis and his baby? If you've been watching NoBuddies at all, the answer is no.

Bill - William Franke
Cal - Kevin Tor
Girl - Sue White
Gray - Sean McCormack
Alexis - Catherine Nicora

Directed by William Franke
Written by Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rockamic (ccMixter)

NoBuddies - Pregnant Girl (Episode 7)

We're up to a very special episode of NoBuddies. Watch NoBuddies. Hit 106 in NJ says it is "very funny." Seriously, they said that. I don't know if they want to go on record as saying it but I'm not waiting for an answer.



Will there be a NewBuddy in the apartment 9 months from now? Gray is pulling for no.

Cal - Kevin Tor
Girl - Sue White
Gray - Sean McCormack
Bill - William Franke
Alexis - Catherine Nicora

Directed by William Franke
Written by Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rockamic (ccMixter)

Tor Vs. Z100 (Part 3)

Parts 1 and 2. Some people would say that an unknown, most likely not funny comedian going after a large media powerhouse like Z100 and Elvis Duran would be a foolish undertaking. To those people I say, "WHAT'S THAT OVER THERE?" Now that they're distracted, I thought I would present to you something that I did when I got the following comment:

Lmao oh god i was listening to Z100 and they mentioned this XD

Growing up in Jersey, I was pretty psyched that Z100 played my song. So psyched that when I was in the shower, I decided to practice my interview for when I would be on because they were totally going to call me up and ask me about it. Here is how I imagined the interview:

Elvis Duran

We're on with Kevin Tor, writer of the parody Butterface.

Kevin

What's going on, Elvis?

Elvis Duran

Very funny stuff.

Kevin

Thank you.

Elvis Duran

What made you write it?

Kevin

It just popped into my head after hearing Poker Face. So I wrote the lyrics and met with my friends Eric Fortin and Jen Kwok and we threw it together.

Elvis Duran

Jen Kwok sang it.

Kevin

That's correct. She did a great job and she was the body in the video.

Elvis Duran

That's what I wanted to get to. You made a video for this song that is just as funny.

Kevin

Yeah, we shot it at Comix, a comedy club I sometimes perform at.

Elvis Duran

In New York City.

Kevin

That's right.

Elvis Duran

...

Kevin

So...

The interview keeps going but I thought I'd stop here to spare you. Even my fantasy interview with Z100 is boring! It's a freakin' fantasy! There should be clowns and money given to me in exorbitant amounts that I don't deserve for writing a song parody! I can't even make Z100's morning show awesome in my dreams! That should be a major determining factor in who wins this war.

I am better than Z100. What would you rather have? A successful, syndicated professional morning show or a guy who blogs to 10 people on a weekly basis? I turn that decision over to you, radio stations. I could be your future. I've made 2 song parodies in the last 2 years. How many have they made? Hundreds? It's all about quality and I haven't heard theirs but mine's better because my mother says so. That's right, radio stations. I have my mother's backing. Do they?

-This message is paid for by the committee to give Kevin Tor all the radio stations that Elvis Duran and his morning show appear on.

Lady GaG - Butterface

Here is my parody of Lady GaGa's Poker Face. There were a lot of requests for a new song parody after Hey There Delilah so I have decided to give in. I also took note of all the requests to never sing again so you will be happy to know that I only wrote the lyrics and got someone else to sing them. 

Thanks to Jen Kwok for singing and dressing scantily. 

Thanks to Eric Fortin for mixing the track and dressing scantily. 

Thanks to Francesco Marciuliano for manning the cam. 

Thanks to Jason Verlaine, Paul Bauer, and Maryssa Smith for dancing their faces off. 

Thanks to Kambri Crews for giving us a locale. 

Thanks to Mom for helping me attain items I needed. 

If there are requests for the mp3, I'll post it like last time.

NoBuddies - The Fan (Episode 5)

We're starting to get into the groove. The new episodes are indicative of the show we are trying to make. I hope you will continue to check them out and pass them along.



Cal makes a new friend in the form of a fan.

Bill - William Franke
Alexis - Catherine Nicora
Cal - Kevin Tor
Gray - Sean McCormack
Girl - Sue White

Directed by William Franke
Written by Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rockamic (ccMixter)

NoBuddies - Moving Into Girl's (Episode 4)

This is the fourth episode and the first in our new location. This will eliminate that fish tank buzz that infiltrated the first 3 episodes. It should be awesome sound and tons of laughs from now on! Let's do this!



After losing the house on eBay, everyone moves into Girl's. Bill's not happy with the setup.

Gray - Sean McCormack
Bill - William Franke
Cal - Kevin Tor
Girl - Sue White

Directed by William Franke
Written by Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rockamic (ccMixter)

NoBuddies - Doing Enough (Episode 2)

This is the last of the longer ones! Shorties from this point on! Thanks for watching!

We learn Cal and Gray's ritual for getting ready to perform Bill needs everyone's taxes to get done. Girl shares a little secret about her childhood.

Bill - William Franke
Girl - Sue White
Gray - Sean McCormack
Cal - Kevin Tor

Directed by William Franke
Written by Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rokamic (ccMixter)
              "Montage" by Kevin MacLeod

NoBuddies - The Pilot (Episode 1)

Last year, I met some great people while taking an improv class at UCB. We decided to make a web series and after months of working out schedules and filming a total of 9 episodes so far, we are proud to put out the pilot episode. The first two episodes are going to be longer (8-10 minutes) but the rest of them will be perfect for the short attention span internet crowd (4-5 minutes). I hope you'll tune in for what is going to be a great series. I promise.

You can watch it below in low quality or go here and click watch in high quality under the video.

This is the first episode of a show about two struggling actors, a lazy comedian, and the accountant that they live with. It's time to meet everyone.

Gray - Sean McCormack
Cal - Kevin Tor
Bill - William Franke
Girl - Sue White

Directed by William Franke
Written by Kevin Tor

Music - "Flow is Special" by rokamic (ccMixter)

Marley And Me 2

I'm really happy they asked me to write the sequel to the hit winter movie and I'm super psyched to be able to share what I've done so far with you.

Kevin's Note - In all seriousness, this may be the most offensive video I've ever produced. That's saying something considering the comments I usually get.