A long one....you should probably just skip to the end!

You think you may be seeing things but I assure you, you are not. I really am updating the blog. I figure its been about a year so I should. One of my friends recently made a post and she made a good point. I'm not good at writing things down in journals. I'm not good at writing down memories at all. So, this blog is my only record of feelings, memory's ect.

So, this post is mainly for me. For me to be able to look back and remember. This being one of the hardest years so far of my life, I know I will want to look back on this so that one day I can say.....I know now why I had these trials and I am glad I can look back and my memories and the feelings I had at that time. Considering I ever know WHY I have the trials I do in this life. So, here goes.

I don't remember a whole lot from August to December of last year (since I last posted) Probably because it just wasn't as memorable as this year. So, i'll just start from this year.

From almost the start of 2010 i've had health issue after health issue. My health just seems to be gradually declining every month. And every month I tell myself that I can't keep doing this, I can't keep being sick everyday. I am done. But, every month I seem to get something else happen to me. Maybe once I accept that this is my new life and not be so negative about it then i'll start getting better. Who knows.

I live with chronic pain. Chronic pelvic and low back pain. I have a bladder disease called intersticial cystitis. For most people they actually really don't know their they're bladder exist unless they have to pee right? Well, I am reminded on a daily basis that I have one and its painful. If I eat the wrong thing, stress out to much, sit for to long, stand for to long I end up in a full on flare where my bladder feels like its on fire. I also feel like I constantly have a bladder infection. If you've ever had one you know what thats like. That's something that isn't necessarily new per say (I was diagnosed in 2007) but, has definately gotten 30 times worse this year. I also have endometriosis, which i'm sure is pretty familar to most. Endometriosis grows on everything in your lower abdominal, pelvic region. It CAN cause very painful periods, infertility, and chronic pelvic pain. Anyway, now that I have spilled those guts everywhere I will continue

In late January my short term insurance policy was up. I needed to renew but, couldn't find anyone who would take me. And the only insurance company that would accept me wanted me to pay a $13,000 condition specific deductible for my endometriosis(so basically if I had issues or surgery for that I had to pay that deductible) THEN if I had a$ 9,000 additional co pay for anything related to my kidney's and a $7,000 separate deductible for anything related to my bladder. So, basically I didn't have insurance. I may as well just be paying out of pocket right? At that time I decided that it would best to go full time at jetblue for the insurance. I really had no other choice if I wanted doctor care. Which I so desperately needed. So, I started full time and my insurance started Febuary 1st.

In late January I started to feel like I had kidney stones kidney stones. My pain was getting so bad that I decided it was time to go get a cat scan. My cat scan showed kidney stones AND gall stones. I thought seriously, I'm already dealing with periods every 2 weeks for some unknown reason migraines everytime that happens plus my bladder pain could my health possibly get worse? So, the kidney stones were small enough to pass and the gall stones would eventually cause issues if they were blocking anything. I decided that I didn't want to end up in the emergency room so I scheduled a time to get it out. Sure enough as the day got close I was really feeling those gall stones. Almost a month to the day after I had that removed I started feeling alot of pain in my back again. This time it was different. It wasn't like kidney stones. It started on a Friday night and I kept ignoring it. It gradually got worse. Saturday morning I cancelled my client and stayed in bed. It was bad. I ended up staying up the whole night in pain. Waited until the morning and told Richard I needed to go to the ER. I'm not one to just up and say take me to the ER I don't feel good, and I always wait way to long. They did another cat scan and said, you have another kidney stone. But, in addition to that you have a really really bad kidney infection. So, I was put on antibiotics. It was still really really bad on Monday. I was in alot of pain that no pain killers were helping. I called my doctor who told me to go back to the hospital. There they set me up for in home nursing and I recieved IV antibiotics for 5 days. Then for 2 more weeks I was on more antibiotics. The months following I had more bladder infections so I continued to stay on antibiotics.

n addition to that, in May I had surgery that was to hopefully help my bladder feel somewhat better and I began going to a Physical Therapist to help my pain. After what seemed to feel like things were kinda calming down I decided that it was time to address my other issue which I won't discuss much of. Basically I wasn't having what you would call a regular digestive system and alot of stomach pain. Turns out I have a colon infection called C-Diff. I took my first round of antibiotics and thought my infection was gone. After that I went into my GYN and talked to him about my endometriosis. He had suggested that alot of my pain was coming from my endometriosis and that it might be best to go in and remove it with a laser which hadn't been done for about 5 years afterwards. So, thats what I did the beginning of this month. Turns out, there was alot of endometriosis alot more than normal. (as if this stuff was normal to begin with!!!) He also thinks there may be endo growing in places that he can't see. Lovely! A week after my surgery I began having alot of stomach pain. Lets just say the pain was so bad that i'd rather be in labor. After enduring it for 12 hours through the night I decided I really needed to go to the doctor. I waited till he was there and talked to my Gi doctor. He told me to immediately come in. I did.....and he was like Kerra, I appreciate that you came here first BUT, why are you here...go over to the emergency room now. After doing a cat scan and finding a stone in my appendix and after like 10 hours of sitting there they decided they wanted to admit me. That night while at the hopsital I found out that I still had C-diff. So, on to a second round of antibiotics and a colonoscopy the next morning. NOT FUN! Avoid it at ALL costs! Lets just say I didn't sleep for like 48 hours. They decided that the stone in my appendix wasn't the cause of my pain, it was the infection. But, I won't be surprised if I have to have my appendix removed within the year.

Anyway, i'm done with my second round of antibiotics and I'm pretty sure its still not gone. I have to test again but, if I do still have it, I have to see a infectious disease specialist....whatever that is! So, that about sums it up for my year as far as my crappy health goes. By the way, before we move on to better things to talk about, let me warn you all.

My C-diff was cause by antibiotics. If you ever are put on antibiotics be careful and take a probiotic which builds up your health bacteria after its been killed or else THIS might happen to you!

By the way, if you've made it this far I hope you realize NOW why I haven't posted in a while and i'm surprised you've even read this far!

As for our family, Richard started working for jetblue in March and is happy to be working for a good company. I celebrated my 24th birthday and Richard his 27th!

Phoenix is such a little boy now!! He turned 2 in April.

He has grown up so much and he is the light of my day everyday and my little buddy. We do everything together.

I would have never been able to get through this year without him or Richard. I love them both so much. Its amazing how much love that you can have. I never knew I could have so much love in my life until these 2 came into it. My wonderful husband works so hard for our family. Like this week. Tomorrow he will have worked 56 hours this week!!! Wednesday, he woke up at 5am to work a shift that he picked up for someone in trade because he took my birthday off! I love watching him and Phoenix together. I love wathcing the love in his eyes as him and Phoenix play together.

Although Phoenix has his moments and he does throw his tantrums he is getting easier and easier to take care of. He will sit for hours playing with his cars or his "choo choos". That kid has me wrapped around his little finger.
This year we also added an addition to our family. I'm sure most of you already know. Scott is a part of our family now. Scott is a Scottish Terrier and the most lovable little dog. And him and Phoenix are great buddies.
Scottie also knows when i'm sick and he is always following me around and laying beside me when he knows I don't feel good. Its pretty sweet.

He's also become Richard's running companion when scott can keep up with him that is :).

We have also begun to potty train Phoenix during the past couple of months and its been really fun. We are still working on it but, he has done SO great! I really can't say enough about that kid. He's spoiled.....thats for sure.
I'm sure there is more I want to say and I'm sure I will again....sometime ;) But, for now I'll leave it at that. Its been a really hard but good year for our family. Richard and I have grown together so much more than we thought we would have with the trials that we've gone through and I wouldn't trade THAT for anything! Although most days I think that Richard is having an equally hard time coping with my sickness as I am he is doing so great at it and he is always there for me when I need a shoulder to cry on, or to cry/laugh on because its almost become comical how many things can happen to us in one year. I love you Babe, or Puff Daddy, Honey, Rich....whatever the heck you want me to call you ;) Thank you for always being there for me.

If you've made it to the end of this i'm surprised but, thank you.

Hopefully it all made sense being that its 4am....i'll probably find errors tomorrow and correct them.

Have a good holiday weekend all!

(The professional pictures were taken by our wonderful friend Tyler de Haan in Novemeber and we have that last one hanging in our entry way. Thanks Ty, we really love them)