I am so blessed with the people around me.

In fact, when I think about it, it makes me feel quite foolish for wanting to be alone at times, when one of my greatest treasures is the people I get to live life with.

The past few days I have been thinking how grateful I am for friends who I can count on, people like Tyson, Joel and Theresa... all three I know would come through for me if I needed them. I saw an older woman walking out of church yesterday with this little rain bonnet on and it reminded me of a dear memory with Tyson. Dear, because we laughed so hard, and because of the conviction that I gained that he'd look out for me. Riding the bus home one rainy day our Freshman year, we saw this sweet old lady wearing a rain bonnet, waiting at the bus stop. For some reason, I think I teased that would be me, and after a good laugh, Tyson assured me he would never let me be an old lady riding the bus.... no matter what. And that's how he is. When Kris and I needed a ride home from the airport this week, and he had a meeting planned, he said, "let me know- if you need- our meeting will be a drive to the airport." Joel, also committed to something else (and who drove us already TO the airport), let me know he'd make it work if needed. But it wasn't, because Theresa came, and in her gracious and funny way, didn't even make me feel bad about her having to make that long trek. I'm so grateful for these people- that I can call on, that I can inconvenience. There is a certain quote of friendship, which I have long loved "It is the severest test of friendship to tell a man his faults. So to love a person so much that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, that is true friendship." But, I think the severest test of friendship may actually be if you can call on them in need... knowing that you can inconvenience a person is perhaps one of the greatest, and strangest comforts there is. You still feel bad for inconveniencing them- but you feel more warmth and gratefulness for them then if that need had never arisen, so in some way, you are grateful to have a need that you cannot yourself fill. Oh how brilliant God is. :)

I'm rich I tell you. I saved my graduation cards 'til I returned from Vegas, and boy was I glad. I loved taking the evening alone to read through each one- enjoying the way each person wrote my name on the envelope and trying to guess who it was from. Words are certainly the clearest path to my heart. I even received cards in the mail from those who couldn't come (and one from a person I carried an invite around for days for and never saw! sad day!!). I am blessed to somehow have been given the friendship of a group of amazing women in our church, Kim Rankin, Linda Cline and Lynn Roberts especially- all three of whom seem to inspire and encourage unique passions in my heart. I have a remarkable young woman as my discipler and small group leader. It is these relationships and so many that surprise me with the Lord's remarkable attention to the daily steps in my journey. I love that he plants people like light posts along our journey to encourage certain devotions, water hearts, introduce ideas, grow passions. How much more complex to weave with human hearts, other human hearts. What beauty His ultimate and initial design must be. I sincerely cannot comprehend it and it brings me to tears. He is so much more careful than we think. He is so much more faithful to us than we believe. He is so much more invested in the threads that seem unravelling in your life than you are. Wait, He is the mastercraftsman. (As always- this is for me as much as I hope it is for you.)

Thank you all for what you invest in my life- the richness you bring. I am blessed.

I haven't blogged much this week, because it hasn't been an easy week. There have been a few thoughts I've felt moved to share, but when it came to it I just didn't feel like I could.

I've just finished the final words of Perpetua and I am so moved by the faithfulness of the Lord. Even that He had me reading this book through this week is His faithful hand on my life. It is strange that we feel so entitled to the things we do. We think it is normal, but it ought not to be. We should not feel so entitled to the life we do. Even the idea of "Spring Break." As students, we think it is our priviledge and right to have a "relaxing and fun week." The whole country has idealized the idea. And we all commit to it to some degree. Yesterday I was thinking, 'This is not how I expected to spend my spring break.' But today, I'm just shocked by my silly selfishness. Why should we deserve a spring break? Why should we expect such comfortable lives and delicate treatment? Why is it that the disciples of Christ followed Him into martyrdom, and were told by Jesus directly not to be surprised when they were hated by the world? Hated.

I receive love by so many. I turn, and I feel loved. Not because of me- trust me. Yet, when I feel pain or hurt, I reply, "I didn't expect this." Why not? Yes, the Lord is good, and I do not want to walk through life expecting bad things. But is pain, a bad thing? I'm just not sure. I want to say that my life will be touched at every corner with the blessings of the Lord- and I believe it actually will, but I don't want to declare that those blessings will always be comfortable, sweet commodities. The story of Perpetua is of a young woman, my exact age, who faced all the fears I am currently facing... though different forms. Still, I can't imagine the Lord showing me a better story to help give me courage and remind me that my life is not my own. And I ought not to grasp it, nor demand comfort. The martyrs saw their death as a blessing. Indeed, Paul considered each of his beatings, drownings, stonings, and eventual death to be the blessing and goodness of the Lord. He counted it a blessing to share in the sufferings of the Lord. The martyrs of early Christianity declared in their deaths, "God is good." Quite literally.

What is wrong with our Christianity today? Oh Lord, let me respond to whatever level of suffering you allow to touch my life, with dignity and nobility of heart, as a daughter to God, and a true bride to Jesus. Change me heart to value what You value, and to desire what You desire. Let me seek you and find you. You said ask and it will be given... let me have the courage to ask for the greatest in your eyes, not the easiest in my own.

Let whatever suffering we each taste not be wasted, but let it draw us into deeper intimacy with you, sharing in your suffering that we may be baptized in it, and taste deeper life with you. Let us seek you, and find you.. in whatever we taste today, not putting it off in hopes that tomorrow will be easier, more comfortable, less busy.


~~~~~~
Perpetua, by Amy Rachel Peterson

Buy it on Amazon.
Read it on Google Books (be warned, good pieces missing...)
A brief bibliographyof Perpetua and her fellow martyr, Felicitas thanks to Wikipedia.

The hours are winding down to my architecture midterm and I have dozens of buildings yet to memorize, so this will be short.

I must say though, I got so blessed today. Court started my morning off by giving me a beautiful mug she'd bought me. Worship was wonderful. The message today was the Word of God straight to my hungry heart. And then Kate Hallstrom walked up to me with a bag and handed me a blanket. I couldn't even believe it. She said "I think of you whenever I look at it, it's yours." You see, it sincerely is the most incredible blanket... it is beautiful, and cosy and everything wonderful wrapped up. Every time I have come to their house of the past several years I have told her how wonderful that blanket is. And the store she got it from stopped making them.

So blessed. Yesterday morning at work too, all my favorite regulars came in... one who doesn't come in all too often, but I just love seeing his face. I'd told my manager as we were opening, "I hope Brett comes in today." Several hours later, my face lit up to see him. THEN, he came back in, brought his wife and children so I could meet them. John, a weekday morning regular (my other favorite) came in- I've NEVER seen him come in on a Saturday. Another regular (we see him every day), brought his little daughter in and on their walk she picked me a Pussy Willow branch and brought it back in to me. Little things like that just seemed to light up my whole morning. I am so grateful for all these amazing little gifts I've been receiving.

Thank you ALL.