Magical Mondays: The List

Last June, I had listened to some old Napoleon Hill recordings, and per their recommendation, made a list of some objectives as well as how I intended to pay for the things I wanted to accomplish. For a few weeks, I slept with it under my pillow, then one day moved it to a drawer and forgot about it. I found it the other day while cleaning out some things and was pleasantly surprised to see that all of the things on the list have come to pass with perhaps one exception - and even that exception is actually true at the moment (whether it will continue to be true over the next few months remains to be seen).

Here's an example of an objective/accomplishment that I had written on 6/14/14:

I wake up in the mornings feeling happy, peaceful, excited and inspired to work on whichever type of art I choose to do, and that is how I spend my "working days" - all of the effort to accomplish this feels like fun and is easy and enjoyable because I am working with my strengths and passion.

A payment example:

I will work toward my objectives every day.

There are several more, but you get the idea - and they are all true as of today.

I keep the list by my computer so I see it every morning now. It helps on those days when I have doubts (and I do have those days!) to remember that dreams do come true.

Analysis Paralysis

There I was, merrily typing away this weekend - 2K+ each on Friday and Saturday - and got up this morning to try to put in at least two more today.

I'd had a long dry spell that I always blamed on the day job and lack of time/energy, etc.  But the truth was that I just didn't know where the stories were going. I was afraid I couldn't create a believable, exciting enough plot. I got tangled up in doubts and couldn't seem to extricate myself to move forward. The harder I tried to force it, the worse it got.

Until this past Thursday evening.

While thinking of something else entirely, a line I'd read somewhere flashed in my mind. "Plot is simply what the characters have to go through to reach their goal."

Aha!

I'd been fretting over action, intrigue, etc., but it all hinged on goals. What did my characters want? What were they trying to achieve?  Simple, right?

I suddenly felt very relaxed and simultaneously energized. I let that epiphany settle in for the next several hours until I was totally at ease with the idea. Lo and behold, Friday evening, after already having worked twelve hours, I sat down and easily added another 2K+ words to a manuscript. Didn't even break a sweat. Got up Saturday and did the same thing. In fact, I could have written more, but I deliberately held back so I wouldn't wear myself out.

I got up this morning, determined to do it all again... until I read this blog on believable characters. 

It's a great blog, it really is. But things like that tend to bring me to a screeching, doubt filled halt.  Suddenly, I was hung up again on not being good enough. Were my character flat? Cliches? Unoriginal? 

Oy vey! How could I possibly write a novel? I'm not nearly good enough!

Now I'm trying to recover from the doubts again. It took me the past two YEARS to come to grips with plot. Now I have to deal with character, too?!

You know what?  I'm just going to try to not worry about it right now.  Just keep writing until the darn thing is finished and then go back to see if the characters need more work. At that point, I can use Rick's great blog as a thermometer to see they're ill. And I'll be grateful for it then.

Right now, I just need to stop worrying about it and get on with the process. Like Nora Roberts says (I think she said it) "You can fix a bad page, but you can't fix a blank page." 

Though, actually, I think you fix the blank page by filling it up with stuff - even if it's bad. :)

Lies We Tell Ourselves

You're not good enough...You have nothing to say...You'll never finish this, because you never finish anything...You lack what it takes to follow through...You should give up now because you're wasting your time...No one will ever read this...

And so on.

Vicious, nasty inner critics that have paralyzed my writing for days, weeks, sometimes even years.  All based on one thing:  Fear.  Fear I'll never get published; fear that I will.  Fear no one will read it; fear someone will.  Fear it will be bad; fear it will be good.  You name the inner conflict, I've felt it.  And apparently, I'm not alone.

I've just finished reading a book on overcoming writer's block by Karen Peterson called "Write. 10 Days to Overcome Writer's Block. Period."  In it, she promotes the idea that the left and right sides of our brains put out conflicting information when we're afraid of something, and gives some exercises to help figure out how to get around that, such as writing and answering certain questions using first our dominant hand, then the non-dominant hand to see where the conflict might lie.  She also gave lists of things to check off, using alternating hands.

I really didn't expect to see different answers for the questions, but was astounded when I did the exercises: my left hand really didn't know what my right hand was doing!

For example, for months I've been plagued by the thought that I have nothing to say, therefore, I shouldn't write (not even blog - that's a big reason why my blogging has been so sporadic.)  But when I checked off the lists of questions that included "I have nothing to say" and "I have so much to say I don't know where to start" I actually checked both - each with a different hand, and didn't realize it.

Using more information from the book, I delved a little deeper into that conflict, and realized that in fact, I have a LOT to say, but have been terrified of saying it; which is why for almost a year, I haven't said much of anything.  I also realized where the source of that fear came from and have been able to smack it down.

It was quite an interesting exercise.  I have a way to go yet, but found it helpful.

Meanwhile, to deal with that critic who keeps telling me I can never finish anything, I also took a long look through my hard drive. Yes, I did find 22 incomplete manuscripts.  But I also found 11 completed.  "Hah! Take THAT, inner critic!"  Obviously, I can write a story from beginning to end.

Then on to the next lie: "You'll never get published and no one will ever read/like what you've written."  For some reason, that's been a persistent belief, until I realized that I've only ever submitted 3 stories, and all three were published, and all three had strangers write to say they enjoyed them.

So, roll up your sleeves, it's time for the inner critic smackdown!  Kick those doubters to the curb!  What lies has your inner critic told you that you were able to prove wrong?  And didn't you feel like Rocky when you knocked them out? :)

Time Out

It has been brought to my attention rather forcefully this year that I only have so much time and energy to go around (who knew?), and so I've decided to go into a self-imposed exile for the next year.  I'll be taking down my website and other blogs, and just leaving this one up, because I know that I won't be able to stay completely away. I'd miss you guys too much.  :)

However, I've had a few late night/early morning epiphanies that have left me with the decision to take a year off from attempting to write and create art for profit.  For the next year, I hope to focus on solely the love of the craft(s), as well as reaching deep to discover the things most important to me.  You'd think those things would be self-evident, but they really haven't been for almost two decades now.  I'm calling this: "The Year of Living Honestly: Finding Purpose and Courage in Truth."

Lofty, huh? :)

Yet, it's true.  I've been prone to depression most of my life and felt it coming back lately.  Upon further examination, I discovered that my life has been completely lacking in what I'd call honest purpose since I gave up my religion, husband, and most family and friends 16 years ago.  During one of those 3am soul-searching sessions recently, I asked myself how it was that I used to be so sure of myself, so brave in doing many things that did not come naturally to me, and realized that it was because I BELIEVED in what I was doing. I had the courage of conviction.  Can't say that I've been convinced of much of anything in a long, long time.

Hence, a desire to find out what, if anything, means so much to me that I'd be willing to face anything to protect it.  And to figure that out with as little stress as possible.  I can't quit the day job just yet (much as I would love to!) - still have bills and daughter's tuition to pay.  Though, who knows... I may yet do so.  Her education is important to me, but how it gets achieved and paid for is always up for review.  As are those bills... :)

Nevertheless, I can stop stressing about trying to write, paint, etc. and all the promotional work involved in that to make money from it (which I haven't been doing lately anyway because I haven't had the energy to keep up with it all).  So... that's it.  I'm going to do my best to just create for the sheer joy of it, for the learning that will come from that, and not stress myself out. 

I'll be honest with myself and others about how much I can, or cannot, do.  I'm resolving to not friendly with people I don't like just because they'd be useful to know in my job.  I won't smile at liars, I won't glare at friends, I won't enable the weak to maintain their weaknesses (or my own), and hopefully, I'll find some peace.

Wish me luck. :)

Fear

A little while ago, I mentioned in an email to Edie Ramer that I needed to re-read a blog she once posted on overcoming the fear of writing a book that feels "too big." She informed me that she never blogged about that subject.

Oh, the old gray mare ain't what she used to be... now I don't remember where I read it since it was at least a couple of years ago. Does that topic ring any bells, anyone? :)

See, Edie was kind enough to read a little something I sent her, and she said she liked the excerpt from a series idea I've been working on. It's an idea that I really like, but... I'm terrified of writing it! I'm afraid I'm not up to the task, so I put it away, but it keeps tapping on my shoulder. I've even started writing little out of order bits from across all three "planned" books in an effort to still get something down, but not freak myself out so much by actually writing sequential chapters.

And darn it, I love those little bits I've got so far. They tease me just enough to say "this could be really good" but I'm still terrified of going for the whole enchilada. I'm thinking maybe I should just keep writing these short paragraphs out of order to fool myself until eventually, I've got the whole darn thing written. ;)

All over the 'net and in various books you can find the advice to "just write, don't be afraid to suck, just get the words down and you can fix them later." This is probably great advice. Or would be, if I could just get past this phobia.

Any suggestions? Any idea where I read that other blog? :)

Times, they are a changin'

Day after tomorrow I'll be taking my daughter to the airport, where she'll board a plane for Phoenix with very little by way of plan once she arrives. My brother is at least going to pick her up and let her stay with him for a week or two while she looks for an apartment and/or roommates. And she won't listen to anyone who tries to talk her out of this.

At her age, I was much the same. Sometimes, I still am willing to take that blind leap of faith with no net. BUT, I'm her mother, so that's different. :) I'm also currently, as she would put it, "tweaking out" badly. My nerves are shot.

Meanwhile, to take my mind off this, I read an old Kathleen E. Woodiwiss novel the other day, and realized about three pages into it, that it would never have been accepted for publication today. Editors and agents would have passed immediately without reading beyond the first couple of pages due to all the head-hopping, impossible point of view sentences, and info dumps. The book was published in 1982, and in the 70's and 80's, Ms. Woodiwiss's books were always best sellers.

I did find the story hard to follow sometimes because of the same-sentence point of view shifts, and can see why that became a major no-no. But other times the head hopping actually added a bit for me when it kept the pace moving, rather than having to start another lengthy bit with another character's POV. I just found it ironic that a best seller from twenty years ago would not get very far if the first few chapters were submitted to an agent or editor today.

I wonder how things will change over the next two decades? Any thoughts?

Back to the Drawing Board

Well, it's been a hectic couple of months with many stops, starts, and sputters. I'll spare you the gory details and get right to lessons learned.

One, life is tricky, messy and unpredictable. (Yeah, you'd think I'd know that already, but I seem to keep needing reminders.)

Two, sometimes because of number one above, you just have to hit the reset button and start over.

Three, starting over can be a good thing.

The whole Maine move is on hold right now (job description & funding changed, they offered the possibility of another one in a few months - but too late for me due to lease renewal dates.)

Soooooooo, that gave me a little more time to think about things and where I *hope* to be headed over the next year. (Notice I said "hope" - not plan. I'm done with planning for now. I'll just hope, try to do what I can, and see what shakes out, because really, we don't have nearly as much control over things as we'd like.)

Thus, saddled with my "what now?" funk, I had a little more time on my hands last weekend and attended an intense online workshop with Cobblestone Press on creating cover art. At the end of it, they chose to contract three new cover artists - and one of them was me. That was unexpected and exciting. :)

At some point during that weekend, I had mentioned to someone how once, after reading a story I'd written, a friend of mine made the comment that I should stick to painting. Ouch. Then, after seeing 5 new reader reviews of Managing Maggie on Fictionwise (the scale being great, good, ok, and poor) - one said great, one good, two just ok, and one said it was poor. Ouch again. Even if you take out the cheerleader and the hater, you're still left with just one "good" and two "meh, it was ok. Take it or leave it."

It made stop and think about what I was doing, what needed work, and whether I'm really cut out for this. I have to admit I felt like throwing in the towel. But after a few hours of feeling sorry for myself, I decided to use it to my advantage. It made me even more determined to prove them wrong, just like I did with that "stick to artwork, babe" friend of mine. (Just for the record, I was published before she was, so *there* pfft.) ;)

It also made me realize I was shortchanging the readers who kindly took a chance on me when I didn't give it everything I had. So now, I'm back to the drawing board. Lots of work ahead of me. I just hope I'm up to the task.

Any insights into your own life/writing lately that you'd like to share? Anything in particular you do to pick yourself up and start over?

Conflicted

Well, I just put the finishing touches tonight on a short story I've had kicking around for a while. As I read it one last time, something kept bothering me, but I couldn't put my finger on it at first. The writing was clean. The dialogue was cute. The characters were fairly engaging. I smiled in parts... but... but... still, somehow... overall it was BORING.

It took me a few minutes to figure out what should have been blazingly obvious from the start: there was NO conflict. None, whatsoever. Attractive girl and attractive guy meet and are attracted to each other. They hook up. The end.

Gaack!!!!!!!! How did I miss that while writing and editing almost 7000 words? Now, do I go back and torture them? Throw in a time bomb and a runaway freight train? Give one of them amnesia or sudden desire for a sex change operation?

Now *I* have conflict. It's a Christmas story, so I have plenty of time to revise it. Yet part of me just wants to leave it as is and forget about it. I'm tired of looking at it. I could also just put it up on Smashwords as a free download. Yet... that's probably not the best idea if I'm trying to build readership. The other option is to forget it completely and pretend it never existed.

Sigh...

I'm also in the middle of trying to pack up my place to be ready to move by the end of next month, which means I really have to be ready by the end of this month, since I have to give my landlady notice and she'll want to bring people through. I really don't have time to worry about a story with no conflict. I have enough conflict of my own, right? Because I've also been in the process of interviewing for a job in Maine, and they're pretty interested in me right now. And moving across country (again!) is a huge undertaking.

Regardless of where I end up, I still have to move out of my current place so I can afford to pay college tuition for my daughter. And maybe one thing that would help with that tuition might be selling more books... hmm.... I think I see two tortured heroes coming up.

How are you doing? Any editing woes or victories to report?

Announcements and Abashments :)

Since I so much enjoyed having Amber and Devin over to visit, I've also invited a fellow Cobblestone Press author, Jude Liebermann, to come by this Friday to talk about her book, Drew's Awakening, that will be coming out on the same day.

Meanwhile... for those of you who write the "naughty" books, I'm just wondering if any of you experience embarrassment when your friends and family (or coworkers) find out what you're up to in your spare time. My dad found my blog (gasp!) and made mention of my writing in an email to brother, whose wife then asked me what her FIL was talking about, and I didn't answer. Later, my brother asked again, but I told him he couldn't handle the truth. ;)

His wife is a very sweet, lovely woman who would most likely be horrified if she saw my stuff. And really, there is a certain "ick" factor in family knowing about this. My daughter, who does know, has said she could just never read anything I wrote because it would be way too much information. I wholeheartedly agree.

It makes me wonder.... I sometimes won't buy candy because I'm embarrassed for anyone to see the "chubby chick" with chocolate. After that happened a few times, I came to the conclusion that if I'm embarrassed to be buying it, then I really don't need to be doing it in the first place.

I'm wondering if that applies here, as well. Which is NOT to say that I think writing erotic romance is bad, I just sometimes wonder if it's for me if I'm that uncomfortable with people knowing about it. If I can't look my brother in the eye and say, "Hells yeah, I wrote that and I'm damned proud of it!", then I have to take a good look at what the issue is.

I'm proud of my friends who write erotic romance and promote their books, so why am I uncomfortable with people knowing about mine? Am I more prudish than I realized? Or is just a family/coworker thing? TMI for certain people only?

It makes me feel like I'm living a double life because on the one hand, I DO want to tell everyone about it, and say it with pride. On the other hand, maybe some people just really don't need to know...

Meet Author Amber Scott

Happy Friday! Today, I'm so pleased to have author Amber Scott (occasionally aka Amber Dayne) with me. I'm also pleased that she graciously is also interviewing me over at her blog today as well. So, let's get started....

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KS: Hi Amber, it’s great to have you here today. I mentioned you in my blog a few days back, and I’m excited that you agreed to allow me to grill…er, interview… you today about your writing.

Probably the most common complaint from writers is that they never have enough time to write. I know you have two small children at home, yet since I met you four years ago, you’ve had a baby, had six books published (Irish Moon aka The Last Templar, The Best Revenge, Jessie’s Girl, Wanted, Soul Search, and PlayFling) and now you’re also working on screenplays. This doesn’t even count the stories you’ve written which haven’t been published yet. Can you give us an example of your “typical” writing schedule?

AS: I tell you, when you throw articles and blogging in there, too, I get dizzy thinking about it. Thankfully, I’ve figured out how to take each task one at a time, or like Anne Lamott’s book explains, Bird by Bird. With two young children and a husband vying for my attention, I’ve learned how to write in small spurts and with a little one on my lap. A few years ago, I let go of the notion that I should be able to carve out a couple hours a day reserved for writing. Instead, I gave up TV and am constantly back and forth to my computer, to the kids, back to my story, over to dishes and so on. It’s an imperfect system I find I have to tweak and adjust to every day but I’ll get there.

KS: Well, you must be doing something right! I listened to your interview on Romantically Speaking w/ Danielle Monsch (http://www.talkshoe.com/talkshoe/web/talkCast.jsp?masterId=73538&cmd=tc) and you mentioned your love of writing in different genres (I’m totally on board with you on that!) and I’m wondering what has been your favorite of the stories you’ve written so far, and why?

AS: Thank you so much for listening. Danielle is a lot of fun and made the interview really easy. It was like talking to a great friend. I wish I could pick one genre I prefer! It seems like it’d make the career building part of all this easier. Alas, I go where the itch takes me. I’m polishing an urban fantasy, called Realm, right now, continuing the doomed cupid series Play Fling, and started plus two screenplays, D-Word and Threshold. I’d say the two things I tend to stick to are paranormal elements and comedy but not necessarily together.

KS: Any one particular scene/hero/heroine out of all the genres that has really stayed with you?

AS: Jessica Hayes in Jessie’s Girl has really stayed with me. I think gay and lesbian fiction is regrettably still seen as taboo but I hope it will become mainstream. Love is love, right? Jessie has such a difficult decision in this story. She falls for the girl her brother, who is also her best friend, thinks is ‘the one’. And Sabrina falls as well. Only Sabrina hasn’t quite come to terms with what ideal life versus real life means. Their story was heart-wrenchingly wonderful to write.

KS: It was a great story and the conflict was very moving. Speaking of conflict, most writers are familiar with the “inciting incident”, “the dark moment”, and the “return with the prize” in stories. I’m wondering if you may have experienced some of those in real life on your path to publication, what they were, and if you’d like to share them?

AS: My inciting incident to novel writing came with my first NaNoWriMo. It took me from dreaming of being a writer to actually writing and I got hooked. My dark moment came when I read Stephanie Meyers Twilight saga and had an epiphany: If I didn’t love my own characters as thoroughly as she clearly loved hers, was it worth pursuing this career? I took a break and realized, yes it’s worth it. The pain, the fear, the lack of sleep. And I stopped writing with that lingering desperation to find some secret formula and simply write for the fun of it now. My writing improved. My return with the prize has to be my first contest win, an Honorable Mention in the Save the Cat! Last logline of 2009! contest. The late Blake Snyder, author of the series and whose site hosted the contest, is my biggest writing hero. I really wish I could have met him.

KS: Congratulations - that's quite a journey, Amber! Where can readers find your work now, and what can we expect next from you?

AS: Right now Play Fling is at Smashwords.com and Scribd.com for a limited promotional release while I submit it to agents and editors. I’ll be placing a couple of freebie novels up on each site as well this summer. My screenplays may join the novels once they’re polished and registered with the Writer’s Guild. I see self-publishing as a great way to earn readers and share the process with them. I’m shopping my urban fantasy, Realm, also but contemporary erotica has been whispering in my ear again. I hope to have another novella completed and submitted to Liquid Silver Books soon. I adore this publisher and hope to continually add to my booklist there. You can also find me at 1stTurningPoint.com, a place for authors to learn and share all about promotion.

KS: Wow, you sure do keep busy, and I look forward to seeing more from you. Is there anything else you’d like your readers to know?

AS: Simply how much I appreciate their taking the time to share my inner worlds. Having a reader feels like sharing a favorite song or movie with someone. I cherish it. As a thank you today, I’d like to offer a free ebook download of Play Fling at Smashwords.com. This is the story of a doomed cupid determined to match a repressed divorcee with her ex. There’s just two problems: a too young, too hot college boy distracting her matchmaking target and the fact that she stinks at playing cupid. Simply enter code: SE77K. It expires March 17th. Thank you so much for having me, Kate. We’ve come a long way and here’s to much, much further! KS: Here, here! Thank you, Amber. :)

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So, what questions do you have for Amber? Side note: Amber is generously giving away copies of Play Fling for the time being, but my publisher would kill me if I gave away so many books. :) However, not to be selfish, everyone who comments here and/or on Amber's blog today and wants to be entered to win a copy of Managing Maggie in one of the following formats: .PDF, .mobi/Kindle, or .LIT simply has to state their preferred format in their post.

Magical Monday - Stolen Words

I found this over the weekend. It may be familiar to some of you, but it was brand new for me and stopped me in my tracks.

If only you'd remember before ever you sit down to write that you've been a reader long before you were ever a writer. You simply fix that fact in your mind, then sit very still and ask yourself, as a reader, what piece of writing in all the world Buddy Glass would most want to read if he had his heart's choice. The next step is terrible, but so simple I can hardly believe it as I write it. You just sit down shamelessly and write the thing yourself. I won't even underline that. It's too important to be underlined. Oh, dare to do it, Buddy! Trust your heart. You're a deserving craftsman. It would never betray you.

-JD Salinger

Many writers have been told to "write from the heart." But we're also told to write for the market. We've been told to "write what you know." Arthur Levine says to not write what you know, but write what you are, your own unique emotional experience. The difference is subtle, but his blog post about it a few years ago connected with me as surely as did Salinger's words above. (And as soon as I find the link again, I'll post it.)

Amber Scott will be my guest blogger this Friday, and in her interview she mentioned an epiphany she had that was along the lines of the quote above. I won't go into detail about it right now, but leave that for her to tell you on Friday. (By the way, she and I will be visiting each others blogs that day, and you will have extra chances to win free books if you visit both sites.)

Magical Mondays has always been about those transcendent moments in life when you just have to sit back and stare in wonder at the ways in which the Universe works. Finding that passage from JD Salinger was just such a moment for me. It is, as he says, so simple it's almost terrible; hard to believe. I've often leaned toward writing the books I want to read - have even heard the advice to just that before - but what I want to read probably isn't all that popular. But really, how do I know that if I haven't tried?

Oh, dare to do it, Buddy! Trust your heart. You're a deserving craftsman. It would never betray you.

Do you dare?

More on Cats and Writing

I know there are a few of you who will appreciate this. :)

Magical Mondays - Real Goals

Have been thinking about goals and manifestation lately, and came across this interesting video:



You'll need to watch through the end to see the main point - how we can test whether we REALLY want something or not. I did a little self-test with this and the results were somewhat surprising. I already knew I've been hesitant about some things I've thought I wanted to have in my life, but there were others that I didn't realize I would have still hesitated for. That got me to thinking about creative visualization and why some things manifest ,while others do not. Could it be I was holding back and the universe knew it before I did? I think it's likely.

You don't even have to have a partner to do this test- just really picture yourself being able to grab whatever you want out of someone's hand as they offer it to you. Do you take it automatically, or is some little voice in the pit of your stomach going, "well, maybe..."?

Honestly, who knew I would have had second thoughts about that winning lottery ticket? I sure didn't. But it did get me to thinking about why that is, and now I think I'm a little better equipped to start manifesting the things I really do want.

Try picturing someone offering you health and happiness for your loved ones - pretty easy to take that one. Now, picture them offering you fame, fortune, 6-figure writing contracts, etc. - whatever you think should entice you. Which ones are easy takes, and which ones might make you hesitate?

Inspiration

Hi out there! Is everyone surviving the transition to winter? We actually had snow here the other day - it was a bit depressing on top of the nasty cold I've got.

Anyhoodles, I came across two inspiring bits of information/quotes today and felt they were worth sharing. See, I joined the Medifast online support group (decided to give it another go - I'd done it before and I know it works, but I needed more support this time around) and I found two things on their message boards that hit home for me. What was great about them is that these things can apply to any area of our lives that we're working on, whether it's weight loss, writing or anything else. So what were they?

One, was this quote: "Talk to that person in the mirror as if he or she were a good friend going through this."

Simple, but it really got to me. I'm probably much harder on myself than anyone else is, so I taped a copy of that to my bathroom mirror where I'll see it every day.

The second thing came from a woman had been reading a book called "A Whole New Mind" by Daniel Pink, which isn't about weight loss, but she found an activity in it called "But Out!" that she found helpful enough to share, and I'm glad she did.

The exercise was this: Compile a list of some of the important changes you'd like to make in your life and what's keeping you from realizing them, such as:

I'd like to spend more time with my family, but I travel a lot for my job.
I'd like to eat better, but I'm surrounded at work by sugary snacks.
I'd like to read more, but I rarely have time when I can sit down with a book.

Now go back to each item and replace the word "but" with the word "and":

I'd like to spend more time with my family and I travel a lot for my job. I need to find ways to bring my family along during some of my travels.
I'd like to eat better, and I'm surrounded at work by sugary snacks. So I need to pack my own supply of healthful snacks to reduce the temptation to eat the bad stuff.
I'd like to read more, and I rarely have time when I can sit down with a book. So I need to get books on tape that I can listen to in the car or at the gym.

Exchanging "and" for "but" can move you out of excuse-making mode and into problem-solving mode.

Isn't that great? Simple, but effective. (Or, simple AND effective) :)

Now I'm off to get my butt back to bed so I can shake this cold. How are things going for you?

And so it goes...

“The best laid schemes o’ mice an’ men / Gang aft a-gley.”
-Robert Burns

Marcia Colette (who is still riding high on her first print contract) asked for the final numbers of my two-week challenge.

Sadly, they are what they were in the last post - 84 pages out of 280. My best laid plan was to write as much as I possibly could in the two weeks before November first, when I knew I would have to do some serious job hunting. I decided to try to write at least 20 pages or 5000 words a day (depending on which came first) for those two weeks. (This was an effort to break out of some serious writer's block - or laziness, whatever you want to call it.) :)

Well, as it turned out, I got off to a good start the first 3-4 days, then I got two contract jobs that I needed to take (in order to take care of little details like food and shelter) and those contracts ending up being so much work that I've been putting in 12-15 hour days for the past week and a half. In fact, I need to work this weekend, but I'm taking a short break just to save my sanity. (Not to mention I'm fighting sinusitis with accompanying pain and dizziness.) Nevertheless, I have a lot of work and a Monday deadline looming, so I'll have to get cracking soon.

In the midst of that, I actually even signed up for NaNoWriMo - what can I say, I'm a glutton for punishment.

Soooo..... how did/do I think I'll accomplish all this? I had commented on Spyscribbler's blog recently that I was completely clueless when I started writing. (I'm still fairly clueless, though I like to think I've learned a little.) In some ways, that complete ignorance served me well when I was just starting out. See, I hadn't as yet learned that writing is hard, and getting published even harder. In my naive enthusiasm, I thought I could handle it.

It reminded me of a time, many years ago, when I moved five large bags of something - I believe it was cement mix. See, back then, I only weighed 103 pounds. My (now ex) husband and his brother had left these big bags blocking the back walkway to the porch and I went outside and moved them to the side of the house.

When the guys came home, they wanted to know where the bags were. I showed them where I'd put them. They asked how they got there. I wondered how stupid could they be, and said I put them there. They didn't believe it and asked me to show them. Still mind-boggled at what idiots they were, I picked up a bag and moved it. Sure, it was heavy, but it wasn't impossible.

They were stunned and I still couldn't figure out what the big deal was until I looked more closely at the bags. They weighed a hundred pounds each. The guys had left them in the middle of the sidewalk because they were too heavy to carry for any length of time, yet I'd moved them all several feet away.

There is not a doubt in my mind if I had actually read the weight on the bags before moving them, I wouldn't have been able to do it. In fact, after I knew they weighed only three pounds less than I did, I suddenly couldn't carry them as easily. I had been working on the assumption that they weighed about 40 lbs each. I knew they were heavy, but I had no idea. My ignorance gave me the belief that I could carry them, and I did.

I gave this post the tag "Magical Mondays" (even though it is Saturday) because that experience illustrates the power of belief. I might have done better with my challenge if I hadn't allowed the belief that I was too tired/too stressed to overtake me. On the other hand, since I did so well on the days I wasn't working, I now believe that I can handle Nano. Heck, if I could write 5000+ words a day (the equivalent of moving 100 lb bags for me) I'm sure I can write 1667.

That's all they figure it takes to complete NaNoWriMo. 1667 words a day.

Piece of cake. :)

GMC

And I don't mean General Motors.

Good old Goals, Motivation and Conflict. How I've scoffed at them, disdained their relevance, pshawed the very idea. How they've come back to bite me in the butt.

I mentioned a dream I had last night in a reply to Sidney from my previous post. Before I went to bed, I'd been wondering what to do about a WIP, how to fix the fact that it seemed a little dull. I proceeded to have a dream where one of the main characters spoke to me. Although he spoke about himself and the heroine in third person, his advice was "Send them on a quest."

He told me they needed to do something. Search for something. He said even if I just sent them to the grocery store, they needed to be looking for something.

I woke up and realized "he" was right. They weren't doing anything--mainly sitting around thinking about each other. Their motivations weren't clear, their goals nebulous at best. Conflict--not so much. Sure, there was some, but none of it was earth shattering. There wasn't much action or growth.

Who knew these things were important to a good story? :P

Sigh... now I have to go back and figure out what these people really want, why they want it, and how they might try to get it. Maybe even throw in a roadblock or two. And I here had a hard enough time just giving them names...

Meanwhile, back on the ranch, C.S. Harris has a great blog about "punching up" paragraphs. Well worth the read. (Of course, her blogs always are.)

Identity Crisis

I recently purchased a Katie Melua CD and like it a lot, but I found a review of her music on the web that struck a chord with me. (no pun intended :)

The reviewer mentioned that it was obvious by the several different styles and covers of her music that she was still trying to find her niche.

Hmm.... I went. Hmmm....

Last night, after transcribing handwritten chapters of my latest short story targeted to Ellora's Cave, I had a dream that I was still writing that book. Now, I know I've posted on here before that I think I'm probably not the best person to be writing erotica, and in the dream, I was writing happily away, then became sad when I noticed that the story didn't have enough sex and that the sexual language wasn't graphic enough. I was upset because I liked the story as it was and didn't really want to change it. My characters were sweet, and I really liked how they were coming along.

I woke up realizing that must have been in my subconscious as I wrote because I reread the story, and while there are some graphic details and strong words, it's still pretty tame for erotica. I started wondering if I should just stay true to the story and characters as they present themselves and have to target another publisher, or try to force them to fit the style for Ellora's Cave.

Woe is me. I really wanted to do this for EC - I'd like to have something published by them, I just would. However, not sure if this one will make it. Sigh.

Have you ever tried to force your writing to take a turn to satisfy a publisher/editor/"the market" and if so, how did that turn out?

Sink or Swim

Someone I work with mentioned today how many times she felt like she'd quit if she didn't have a mortgage, then went on to say that there were dreams she'd had of starting her own business, but was afraid to pursue it because she was afraid of not having enough money to get by in the beginning. She then said that she was starting to think that if she ever took the plunge, she'd probably work harder at it because it would be sink or swim. She was questioning whether to just forge ahead and damn the torpedoes, as several other people she knew had done.

I nearly fell over, because before she started talking, I had just been thinking that exact same thing. I keep telling myself to hang on a little longer, until I have enough money saved to last a while, but then some days I feel like I can't hold out a second longer. I've been wondering if I should just take the plunge and know that I had to make a success of what I wanted to do because there would be nothing to fall back on.

It's hard to balance dreams and responsibility. I have a responsibility to my daughter to make sure we have a roof over our heads along with food & clothing. I have a responsibility to the credit card companies I do business with to not file for bankruptcy. ;)

But don't I also have a responsibility to myself to live a good, full, and fulfilling life? Just how selfish can I be? Who'll care two thousand years from now if I quit my job or not? Of course, my daughter will care significantly for the next 4-8 years at least. (rest of high school & college) But to comment on the obvious: life is short, and nothing is guaranteed.

Today, Edie at Magical Musings asked the question, "Do you wake up planning on doing one thing and knowing you should do another?"

My answer: Every single day.

The question I ask is, what is it I truly ought to be doing? Recently (and unfortunately, I can't recall exactly where at this moment), I read that if at any time we ever desire to create--to play music, to write, to dance, to paint, even to start our own business--it is the Universal Spirit attempting to create through us; and should we heed this, we will be led in the right direction. I'd like to believe that. The risks are more than a little scary, though. Do I follow my dreams and perhaps fall on my face, or do I stay in a "safe" place (that could turn me loose at any moment anyway, should they fall into trouble) - how do I hedge my bets?

Do you ever feel that way?

Romance

I was blog hopping this morning through some of my favorites, still a little crabby from a long, hard week, still questioning whether I should even attempt to write romance being the cynic I am, and came across this.

Love Letter

I'm going to go find some more Kleenex now.

 

Style and Taste

If you asked my daughter, she'd assure you most vehemently that I possess neither. But I'm not concerned about fashion sense (she's right--I have none), I'm concerned about writing.

I've mentioned before that I don't think I'm a very good judge of my own work, and lately that seems to keep hitting me between the eyes. I think I vacillate between two very different styles: one whimsical and sparse, the other serious and verbose. I have the most fun with the whimsy, feel it's "truer" to my voice, yet I've noticed people tend to respond more positively to the serious stuff--the stuff that I think is bad, over the top and the purplest of prose even as I write it.

Could it be that my attempts at humor are like my attempts to wear blue jeans--shouldn't be done, especially with elastic waists? Are those bits I dismissed as painfully purple really the sweater I'm embarrassed to wear, yet always receive compliments on it when I do?

I honestly don't know. How do you know if your stuff is good or not? Do you think you're a good judge of your own writing?