Kane and the City: Josh

-

"Good morning ... =) Kaloload ko lang. Musta? --- Josh here," the text read.

I mentally scanned my memory and suddenly remembered a guy a couple of nights ago. Semi-kalbo, moreno, and tall, Josh caught my attention even before we entered the club.

"Ano sa tingin mo? (What do you think?)" I asked Chris, pointing him out.

"Puede," Chris replied, nodding his head.

Target spotted. Game on.




"Uy Josh! Kamusta? Ahhh ... How'd you get my number?" I texted back.

"Well ... it wasn't exactly hard to find. You were practically on everyone's phone book," Josh said teasingly.

What the fuck. On everyone's phone book? I am not on everyone's phone book. Or ... am I? Jesus.

"Ikaw talaga. Hey, sorry ha, about the other night," I said. "I got so drunk. Nakakahiya sa iyo. Naabala pa kita." By the end of the night, I had passed out and was softly snoring while everyone else was eating breakfast and Josh took care of me.

"Ok lang. You're cute when you're wasted and tired. Hahaha."

My God, I thought to myself shaking my head. Mga lalaki talaga. (These boys!) They'll say anything to get into your pants. I suspected what was coming next.

"How are you?" he continued. "I am bored. Walang magawa. Let's meet up?"

I knew it. Sigh. Men can sometimes be terribly unexciting. There are a thousand and one ways to ask a girl out and Josh chose the "I'm bored, let's go out" route. I don't mind if all a guy wants is sex, but come on. Excite me, thrill me, make me tremble.

I was about to decline but ... Josh was cute. In fact, he was very cute. The kind of guy I can ask to escort me to balls and parties. Might as well, I told myself. Sayang naman,

We agreed to watch Prometheus, a science fiction film I had been mildly curious about. I made an effort to look nice. I put on a nice shirt, dabbed some perfume and off I went. On the way, I suddenly wondered why I didn't have his number. If I like a guy, I normally would ask for his number, Something was pricking my memory, but I couldn't figure it out. Never mind, I said to myself.



I was idly fantasizing how the date will go. Are we going to hold hands? Kiss? How will his lips taste like? Will he ask me to go home with him? Will we have sex? What's he like during sex?

I was getting ... excited. First dates are always thrilling. There's always the mystery shrouding the person, the volumes of unanswered questions in your head, and the promise of a good fuck. I know, I know ... I sound like a guy ... waitttt, I am a guy. And I guess like any other guy, I think of sex 99.9% of the time.

You know when you're in the middle of dinner and your date is talking about his trip to Cambodia and how amazing the Angkor Wat was but in your head, instead of seeing temples, you're already mentally undressing him. Or how you're already planning the steps that will lead to both of you fucking in your bedroom. Disgusting, I know.

By the time I arrived at the meeting place, I was all hyped up. And then I saw him.



Waittttttt ... he looked bigger than I remembered. From where I was, Josh looked uhm ... a little chubby. I cautiously approached him. Yep. Definitely bigger than I remembered. Okay, I can probably let it go, I told myself. I was determined to have a good time and he does have a pretty face. I can do with that.

After the usual hi's and hello's, we began chatting and that's when I suddenly remembered why I didn't get his number. Fucking shit.

Josh baby talks.

God. I wanted to smack my face. Why, oh why?






Josh and I ended up having a lot of fun. We ate afterwards and he told me all about himself, his closeness to his mom, his friends, what he likes to do. We had several good laughs and he even brought me home. I could sense he liked me, but by that point in time, he was firmly segregated into the friends category.

"Hay honey, nakakainis," I lamented to Arlan. "He could have been really hot, bakit kasi ganoon siya. I mean, I just don't get men who baby talks."

"Hindi mo kayang palagpasin na lang? I mean, ok naman siya otherwise."

"Hindi ehhhhh."

"Ang arte mo kasi. Kaya tuloy hindi ka nagkakaboyfriend."

"What? You mean, (gasp) it's me? I've always thought it's them."

"No, K. It's you."



That night, I got to thinking about all the failed dates I've had in the past three years.  I've been pretty lucky since I somehow manage to meet guys every now and then. Most of them were great, they were fun, we had a lot of good times and I enjoyed being with them.

But there was always something lacking. They weren't smart enough, or cute enough, or they were too young, too old, too girly, too fat, too thin, too simple, too complicated. When things eventually end, I always say "Hey, it's me, it's not you". But in truth, I thought I was just being kind. Sparing them the hurt and pain; let me be the bad guy. It's my fault.

But now I wonder, is it really them ... or was I unwittingly telling the truth all along? Is it me?
-

The Goodbye Kiss

-

Previously:
Gossip Girl: The Inglourious Basterds

"Short hair is more commercial, more sell-able. And I ... I wanted to be sold. As the locks of hair started to fall, I felt like all the heroines in all the books and films I've seen. I'm Romeo's Juliet, I'm Dante's Beatrice. I'm Serena and Blair, I'm the Devil Wearing Prada."

"From now on, no more Mr. Nice Guy."



Gino had to leave earlier so Lloyd and I were left alone the next day. It was the second time we hung out together, so the atmosphere was less tensed, more comfortable. Lloyd was polite. soft spoken, and surprisingly sweet. He had come from the province to work in Manila and he was supporting himself, as well as some of his siblings.

He had just begun work as a real estate agent and he was worried about his prospects. He was telling me about the nature of the job, the potential gains as well as the difficulties.

"If it's unstable, why not look for another job?" I asked. "I mean, you could earn a lot in the BPO industry."

"Yeah. In my previous call center job, I could earn 25,000 pesos a month or more, but that's not enough Kane."

"Ha? That's a lot of money already," I protested. "You mean, it's not enough?"

"Not if you have to support not just yourself but others as well. My brothers and sisters are still in high school. There's still college."

"Ah."



The more we talk, the more I found Lloyd endearing. He's hard working, charming, kind, not to mention cute and extremely talented in bed. He snuggled up beside me and we lay together for a few minutes, neither one of us talking.

This, just like this, I thought to myself. I missed being intimate with someone. It has been awhile and though I tend to drown myself with work, parties and sex, the need for human intimacy has always been there. The quiet moments you spend with your lover, a simple kiss, a hand held.



"Hey, I gotta go soon Kane," Lloyd said. "But I really had fun," he said and grinned. "Salamat ha. (Thank you.)"

I  nodded. "Sure. I mean, I really enjoyed your company," I answered. "Come, hatid na kita. I'll bring you down."

The evening was quiet. The street, which was often raucous and noisy during weekdays, was still on Sundays. Lloyd hugged me tightly just as he was about to leave. "Mmmm," he whispered and nestled his head on my shoulder.

"I'll see you soon, " I said, and gave a soft smile. I kissed him on the lips even though there were passerbys in the street and embraced him. I didn't want to let go, I wanted the moment to last forever. I squeezed him tighter, and tighter ... aching in the thought that I will never see him again.

Yes, that's right. I won't be seeing Lloyd again. But why, perhaps some of you will wonder. The answer is simple. His time is up.

But he doesn't know that yet. That knowledge will come later. Much, much later. When he stops being invited to hang out with us, when he no longer gets asked to attend parties with us, or even simply for sex. When his messages are answered late, or perhaps won't be answered at all. Slowly, he will understand. But not yet. We still have now; this moment so sweet and exquisite its memory will burn into my mind and last for all eternity.
-

Gossip Girl: Reversals of Fortune

-

It's said that we're all strapped to Fortune's wheel. Nowhere is this truer than in the ever-changing landscape of love. As one couple enjoys an upswing ...

"K!!! Oh my God! I missed you!!!" E said, giving me a tight hug when we saw each other. He had been busy settling in his new apartment, a new job and it has been awhile since we had gone out.

"So ... kamusta ka? (How are you?") I asked. I had missed my friend terribly and I had been wondering at his silence the past weeks. 

"Okay naman. Eto ... Naiinis ako. It's been two months na since nagstart ako mag work (since I started working.) Hindi ko pa rin masakto. (I still can't get my life back on track.) I had an accident, a burn recently kaya nag absent ako sa work (I was forced to be absent from work)." 

"Oh my God. Are you okay?" 

"Yeah. Pero minsan, parang nakakawalang gana. (But sometimes, it just feels shitty.) Parang I'm trying to start over pero ang daming malas pa rin," he said. 

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said squeezing his hand. "Arcee helping you?" 

"He is. As in. He's been amazing," E replied, nodding. "I don't know how I could do this without him. Grabe K, ang suwerte ko sa kanya. (I feel so lucky I have him.)" 

E and his lover Arcee have been together for a couple of years now. I've seen their love deepen and blossom and they've weathered the storms that hungrily come to seek havoc on relationships. But, they persevered. I suddenly envied them. 

"You are," I said, giving him a hug. "Masuwerte kayong dalawa sa bawat isa. (You both are lucky to have each other.)" 

"Hay ... tama ng drama. (Let's cut the drama.) Enough about me," E said laughing while disentangling himself. "So...  how are you and this guy of yours?" 

"Ahhh ... well ... uhmm ... " I said. 












... another is plunged downwards ...

"Well ... we've been fighting a lot," I confessed. "And I think it may be over before it really began."

I was having a quiet lunch alone, engrossed reading the book Fasting, Feasting by Anita Desai when Jeremy dropped the bomb.

"I need time to think about stuff in light of what has happened," he texted. "I'll keep in touch okay? You have a great week."

"Oh ... okay." I was shocked. "Sobrang na stress ako sa sinabi mo.(I'm so stressed by what you said.) I mean, we are going to fix things right? Or are you considering ending it?" I asked.

"Apparently, stress is all I give to you," he replied. "Anyways, you should take the time to think about stuff yourself," he replied with a smile at the end of the message. Like this. :)

"I hope you answer my question Jeremy. Because whatever our problems are, I don't think of ending things as an option. Now, if you are considering it, at least warn me."

"I cannot answer that question right now," he replied. "But you seem to be okay naman so that is a good sign."

I'm not okay. I wanted to say that it was unfair, that he was unfair. I wanted to shout and scream at him ... but I did not. I'm supposed to be a mature man who can handle his emotions well; isn't that what being an adult means? He needs his space, what can I do but respect his wish? My throat constricted and I suddenly teared up. Get a grip on yourself, I said.

""I'm not okay," I said to Jeremy. "I was hoping we can fix our issues. But ... I respect your wish. I'll wait, I'll be here." 



I have had four lovers and each of them left me at some point in time. Lahat sila iniwanan ako. I know ... I know ... it sounds dramatic and tragic, the kind of stuff characters in Philippine telenovelas would say, but it's true. I've always been the kind of guy who fights for love. Sometimes I wonder how careless people can be. They say "I love you" but what does that really mean? Tell me. What does that mean? 

Because of my past, my greatest fear in a relationship is being abandoned, that my supposed to be life partner will give up, just like all the others before. Hearing this from Jeremy brought back all the fears I have, that once again, he may be giving up. Perhaps as Graham Greene once wrote, our love had turned into a love affair ... with a beginning and an end. Or maybe it was an affair all along and I was just too blind to see it.

Intense. That is how best to describe Jeremy and I. 

"Sobrang hirap E," I said. "We're so intense and therefore when we're happy; we're intensely happy. But when we fight, it also becomes quite intense."


It has been almost two months now since we met and I suppose the glitter and fascination are wearing off. Jeremy and I have entered the phase where you suddenly start seeing the things you dislike about the other person. We argue and bicker constantly about traits, values; the things that matter when you look for a lifelong partner.

"I've been yearning for a relationship for so long I forgot the unpleasant side of it. Hindi ba puedeng happy lagi?" I said trying to make light of the issues. 

"It's work Kane, you know that. A lot of work," E said trying to console me. 

"I know but sometimes it feels like there are so many things going against us. He can be so difficult," I said. "Not to mention I'm still struggling with the fact that he is married and has kids. It can be too much to take sometimes. I don't want to be a mistress forever. And what he did ... it hurt me. He hurt me. That he can give up so easily? We're just scratching the surface of what real problems really are."

"And I know ... I know. He probably feels hurt too. That I hurt him," I said.

"You know, I know it's not easy," E said. "But what you have is passion Kane. Very few couples have that. Most of us settle for safe, which is what you want. What I have. And that's a good thing."

"But if I have a chance at something as intense as what you feel, I'd hold on to it for as long as I can," E slowly said. "And I mean, Ikaw yan eh. That mind-blowing, blood-curling, orgasmic shit I'm-on-top-of-the-world kind of love."


"And if, at the end, it still doesn't work out?" I asked.


"Then it will make for one beautiful memory."

 
"Well ... it seems it's already not working out," I said, sighing. "Hay E. Ang hirap. I miss him."

"Alam ko Kane. Alam ko."

"Do you think you'll make it?" he asked.

"Honestly, I don't know. The odds are not in our favor," I answered. I was quiet for awhile, remembering Jeremy. "But I'd like to hope we will. I mean, isn't that what the great love stories are all about? Beating all the odds?" 







They say love makes the world go round and round. But sometimes it only feels like you're a fool on a merry-go-round. But top ... or bottom, don't get too comfortable kids. Because the only thing you can rely on is that the wheel will keep on turning.












XOXO

-

Gossip Girl: Disco Inferno

-

Previously on Gossip Girl:
Crazy Cupid Love

"So ... what's your birthday wish honey? You happy?" I asked.

 "I am, I  am. It's been a great year,  and I'm happy you guys are with me. But ... sana makahanap na tayo ng someone to spend our lives with," he replied wistfully.

"Sana nga. Hay ... sige na nga, kahit mauna ka na!" I said and hugged him. 

Summer, Kind of Wonderful

Summer Tips

Sorry for the silent treatment Gossips. I know it's been almost a month and some of you may have wondered where I've been, but I'm here now to officially welcome you to the start of what promises to be a sizzling summer. 

As the sweltering heat slowly engulfs the city, stirring hidden passions and desires long frozen by winter's cold embrace, there's really only one thing we can do. 

Fight fire with fire.

 "You owe us dinner!" Vackie told me the next day. "I can't believe it. Kainis ka. (I hate you.) You left us for some guy!"

"I'm sooooo sorrrrrrry honeeeeey. I swear, wala na akong nagawa. I was drunk and hinila hila na lang niya ako," I tried to explain, mustering up the courage to apologize for suddenly disappearing the previous night.

"Unfortunately for you K, there are witnesses. We saw you. And in fact, ikaw ang humila hila sa kanya!" V said accusingly.

"Ahhhhh," I fumbled and started to laugh. "Talaga? Hahaha. Well ... fine. You caught me. I must say though ... it was worth it. Ang sarrapppp ng sex honey! Plus, it was my second time to try a motel."

"Oh my God! Motel girl ka na?

"He insisted kasi and I played along na lang. Whew. He's got the moves like Jagger. And I watched us in the mirror … it is kind of hot pala no?"

My memory was a blur of bottles of vodka, dazzling crimson lights and my friends and I wildly dancing as Calvin Harris played his epic "Feel So Close".

24 hours earlier

"Gentlemen, I've got five tickets to Calvin's concert tonight. Are we going … or are we going?" I announced.

"OMG!!!" Carlo squealed. "How did you get them? They're so expensive kaya! But wait, we have work tomorrow!"

"I know, and that's why we're all coming down with the flu. I mean, you are looking a little pale," I said teasingly.

"Well ... I do feel a little hot," Carlo said playing along. "Hahaha. Fine! So who gave you the tickets? Did you have to sleep with someone?"

"As a matter of fact, no," I replied disdainfully. "I don't do those things you know. Let's just say … I was very persuasive."

That night was one of the best my friends and I ever had. The music, the lights, the alcohol, the energy of the crowd ... it was enough to make you feel like you would live forever. This ... just like this.

"The guy I met, his name is Randy," I narrated. "He's actually not from here. He works in the Middle East and is just in town for a vacation. Honey ... he has a girlfriend."

"Ohh," V said.

"And a boyfriend."

"Ooohhhh."

"Sigh. What does that make me?" I asked.

"Errrr ... Manila's world famous tourist stop?" he answered and we burst out laughing. "You're like the Tour Eiffel. Or the Parthenon. Certainly not to be missed."

"Gaga ka talaga!" I said. "But seriously, grabe no? Some guys just want to have it all! Di na makuntento. May girlfriend na, may boyfriend pa, gusto pang kumantot ng iba! WTF!"

"Well ... boys will be boys, as we always say," V said.






"Actually may girlfriend ako," Randy confided while we were eating longsilog and pancakes for breakfast. We were both worn out from the lack of rest and our exertions.

"Ahhhh ... nasan siya?" I asked.

"Parating siya in a couple of weeks," he said.

"Hindi ka ba nagu guilty?" I asked him.

"Actually, ang gusto ko lang naman bigyan niya ako ng anak then kahit iwan nya ako, bahala siya."

Wow,  I thought to myself. I may not know this guy very well but that seemed mighty unfair to me.

"May boyfriend rin ako," Randy continued. "Pero hindi na kami nag se sex."

"O? Bakit?"

He was silent  for awhile, pondering his next thoughts. "Eh kasi, baklang bakla na siya."

"Minsan sasayaw sayaw siya sa harap ko," he continued demonstrating the dance. "Nandidiri ako pero kunwari natutuwa na lang ako. Siyempre ayoko rin siya masaktan."

I heaved a big sigh in my head. I was suddenly saddened by his story. I thought of Randy's boyfriend, who probably loves him, who thought he could be himself around his lover, because that's what they're supposed to do right? Accept us for who we are. No, make that love us for who we are.

I thought of Randy, who pretends to like his boyfriend's effeminate side even though he's quietly disgusted by it. Because he loves him and doesn't want to hurt him. So he pretends. I thought of his girlfriend who probably has no idea that her boyfriend is gay. All these deceptions and lies so as not to reveal who we really are, what we really want. There's a certain Shakespearean tragedy in it.

I kept all of this in my head, as I continued to quietly listen to his stories. Can I really blame him? We've all been there.






"So ... while you and Carlo were busy hooking up with random strangers, I actually met someone," Vackie said and paused. He seemed very excited.

"But you always meet someone," I replied, teasing him.

"No. This one's different," he tried to explain.

"But they always seem different, don't they?" I prodded. "At the start, at least. Until you get to know them."

"Basta. I am going to see him again tonight," V said. "I am leaving your town Whoreville behind, while you're still the mayor!"

"Hahaha. Gaga! Tingnan natin. Just don't come crawling back, begging to be let back in if things fizzle out!" I warned. "But seriously,  wow.  An actual date?"

"Yes. An actual date with no sex involved? How rare is that?'

"Hahaha. Hayyy ... buti ka pa."

Long after the clubs have closed, disco inferno rages on. For some, it's burning desire that keeps them going on at night.

"And you? What are your plans tonight?" V asked.

"Well ... I am meeting a guy."

"Again? Pang ilan mo na yan this week?" he said.

"My sixth. I know, I know. What can I do? This heat ... it's burning me up."

For others, it's the flame of uncertainty that plagues them.

"Hay honey, I hope this guy turns out to be nice. I've had so many hits and misses in the past years. Ayoko na!!!!!" Vackie said.

"Well, we'll never know right? Who knows? You just might get your birthday wish. Maybe he's the prince who won't turn back into a frog, unlike so many others," I said. We were laughing but deep down, I uttered a prayer to whatever gods there may be to give my friend some luck. We can all use some.

But whatever the new season brings, it's best to be prepared. Because the start of summer isn't the end of me. And whether they're sweating it out on the sultry sidewalks of Manila or cooling their heels in Barbados, no one does summer like our Upper Eastsiders.

Grab your shades and sunblock. This one looks like a scorcher. Until then, my lovely friends, you know you love me.






XOXO
-

The Way We Were

-

Note: Please play the video at the end before reading the story.



The moment Albert stepped inside the club, people stopped and stared. Guys paused midway their conversations, their whirling, dancing, drinking and crotch grabbing to steal casual glances at him. And then slowly look at me.

Why, you might ask. Because I was leading him by the hand which was, I suppose, a not so subtle way of saying "Back off ladies, the boy is mine." Except ... he wasn't really mine.

It was Albert's first time in the club. Which meant he was a fresh face.

"Don't you just love fresh meat?" I said.

"I know," Arlan replied. "They're just so … "

"Fresh?" I said, and we both laughed.



Albert and I dated a few years ago. We haven't seen each other in a while but we kept in touch through the years. He and his boyfriend had a huge fight and that was why he was out tonight.

"Actually Kane, andoon kasi boyfriend ko. Inaway niya ako para makalabas siya (my boyfriend's there. We had a fight just so he could go out)," Albert told me. He was hesitating to join us.

"Come on. You don't have to worry. Hindi naman kita pababayaan. (I'll take care of you)."

After a while, the inevitable happened. They saw each other and froze. When Albert introduced us, I could see the boyfriend was taken aback that Albert was out, and more importantly, that his boyfriend was out with us.



"I bet your boyfriend was shocked to see you earlier," I said. We were at home with my friends who decided to continue the party, and Albert opted to join us.

"Yeah. Akala niya siya lang ang marunong (He thought only he could play the game)," he replied.

I plopped down beside him on the bed. Tell me about him, I commanded.

Albert and his boyfriend have been together for about a year. He had recently found out his lover was cheating on him.

"Did you confront him?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"What did he say?"

"He said 'Ganito na talaga ako (This is how I am). Tanggapin mo na lang'."

I listened intently to Albert's stories. His voice was hushed, sad; can't stay, can't leave. Stuck. Fuck, he says. Why? He asks. Why am I not enough?



"Ikaw, kamusta ka (how are you)?" Albert asked.  "It seems like you're still the boy I first met," he said, giving me a crooked smile.

I shook my head. "Nahhh … I've gotten old Albert. I'm no longer the same boy."

"Do you still remember when we first met?" he suddenly asked.



Four years ago …

I was at a party hosted by a friend on a penthouse overlooking the glitzy city of Makati. I was out on the terrace, holding a glass of Merlot, admiring the skyline when I turned and bumped into a stranger. I spilled my drink and some of its contents were now causing stains on the guy's jeans

"Oh fuck. I'm sorry, pasensya," I said, embarrassed at my clumsiness.

"It's okay," he said. I looked up and saw that, the stranger was well, cute.

He had an accent which marked him as someone not from Manila. It was adorable. We found out we both actually hailed from the same province; that he had arrived in the city only recently. He and his friends were about to leave when he suddenly whispered text me, and surreptitiously gave me his number.



Present …

"I still remember ...  diba diyan tayo nag sex (wasn't that where we fucked)?" Albert said and suddenly, one by one pointed out certain spots in the room.

"Oh my God! Gago ka. You remember?" I said, astounded.

"Nakakainis ka nga eh," I said. "You didn't even suck me then."

"Hayaan mo na," he said. "Alam mo naman, bago pa lang ako noon and marami pang issues. (You know I was just new then in the scene and still had a lot of issues.)"

"But if you want … you can fuck me now," Albert added.

"Whaaaaat? Tang-ina mo. Gago ka. (You fucking piece of shit.) You wouldn't even put my dick in your mouth before and now you let guys fuck you. Nakakainis ka!"

I pretended to be miffed. "Come on, don't be upset na," he said. "Let's set a date so you can fuck me."

"You never got to keep your promise. You told me I'd be the first," I told him. Once, in the middle of our cuddling, he promised me I would be his first. But not all promises are kept.

"I know Kane. Some things just happen."



After a while, he bid me goodbye. I walked him out the door.

"Uy, salamat ha. (Hey, thanks a lot.) It was really good to see you again," he said.

I took his hand and squeezed it.

"You know … I really did like you," I slowly said, and smiled wistfully. He looked at me and nodded.

"I really did like you too," Albert answered in a quiet voice. "Perhaps, if we had met at a different time … "

So there we were. The years have passed but our pasts continue to haunt us. We were young, eager lads; now one's an unhappy husband, the other a gallivanting man around town. It seems the love we were looking for had somehow eluded us and all that we have right now is this tender thing; a memory of who we used to be ... and perhaps it is enough.

I hugged him tightly. "Goodbye, Albert," I whispered. He turned to leave. I stared at his back until his image slowly faded away.

-

The Games We Play (II)

-

Previously:
The Games We Play (I)



"Heyyy, kamusta?" Gino asked.

"Grabe Gino. I had a hot makeout session last night," I replied. "Ang sarapppp. Fucker."

"Sino?"

"Si Grindr boy. Ang sarap, as in. Parang high school lang. A lot of kissing. A little touching. Ear nibbling. Cuddling."

 

 

The night before …

"Hey, nasan ka na?" Grindr boy asked me. "I thought we were going to meet."

"Teka ha … maliligo lang ako."

"I have to sleep early kasi. Pero if you want, I can drop by to see you kahit sa lobby na lang. Pero sandali lang ha."

"Okay okay. Give me a few minutes."

It was a cold night and Grindr boy was wearing a sweater and shorts. He had come from Starbucks to study for his exams and he was carrying a backpack with all his books inside. He looked really cute, like one of those exquisite Russian dolls with permanent smiles on their faces. He's always smiling, this boy, and I can't help but smile back.

I invited him inside my place. I was excited and a little nervous. There are some men you just want to have sex with, and some you actually want to date. I had a feeling he might belong to the latter. I knew the drill. We would talk a little; then there would be some awkward silence. After a few casual exchanges, I moved in closer to him. He smelled really good.

I tasted the mint in his breath when we kissed.

"O, bakit lasang mint ka? You planned this no?" I teased him.

"Hindi ah!!!" he exclaimed.

"Come on. You wanted to see me at my place, you're wearing perfume, and your breath smells of mint!! You wanted to seduce me," I said.

"Di ah!" he protested. He was pretending to be indignant and was shaking his head.  "I just wanted to see you. Ikaw nga ang nag initiate ng kiss," he pointed out,

"I couldn't resist it; you were lying there looking so adorable," I told him. "I had four years of Catholic education, and I'm telling you, you are an impure thought."

We were both laughing at that time. After a few minutes more of cuddling, I stopped and looked at his eyes.

"You know, I'm fine with whatever version you want to tell people. I don't mind," I said. "Let me be the bad ass wolf preying on poor innocent boys, fine. I'll give it to you."

"Well ... the thought of making out may have crossed my mind," he admitted, grinning.

"Make out lang?" I asked.

 

"Kailangan ko pang mag aral eh," he said.

 

"Okay, manood ka na lang habang mag jerk off ako," I said. I saw his eyes go wide with shock, and very quickly, turn into helplessness. He didn't want to say yes; but he also didn't want to say no. It's alright, I said. I was just teasing you.

 

 

 

"O? Ba't di mo nalang sinex agad?" Gino asked.

 

"He had to study pa. And parang mas gusto ko na sweet girl muna," I said. "Although … gusto ko sanang papuntahin si John after. Pero parang too slutty?"

"Haha. Kamusta naman ang date niyo ni John?"

Two nights ago …

"Thank you Kane. Nag enjoy ako! Ingat! :))" John texted me.

"Hey John =) It was really fun listening to your stories. You're really quite the charmer," I replied.

John and I had dinner at a quaint Italian restaurant where I discovered he loved creamy fettuccini pasta, that he had just broken up with his first and only boyfriend, and that he is meeting a lot of men.

"Bahay ka na?" he asked.

"Yeah. Ikaw? Nasa ibang bahay ka na?" I said.

"Hmmmpf! Bakit ganyan ka sa akin? Ganyan ba tingin mo sa akin?"

"Uy, I was just teasing you. You know, even if you are with someone, it's perfectly okay. You're single, time to see and meet everyone."

"Magpapakabehave ako, promise," John said.

"You don't have to, come on. Go enjoy yourself. So how many guys are you seeing now?"

"Ay wala pa. Ngayon lang ako lumabas ng dalawa lang. Uhmmm ... date ba yung kanina?" he asked me.

"Well, nobody dates anymore John. People just hangout," I said. "Except perhaps for old fashioned people like me."

"So date nga yun. Hehehe. Muah."

Aba, marunong itong taong ito. "Let's plan a real date?" I asked.

"Sige. Pero I'm not ready for something serious. I just want you to know," he said, adding a sad face to his text message.

"Sure. Let's go out without expectations. You can have your fun; I can have mine."

"Wow. Gusto ko yan! How liberal of you Kane," Gino said. "Pero kung ako sa iyo, kay John ka na lang kasi. Tignan mo.

He's 23. (Very young)
Attractive (Oo naman)
Living alone (Walang hassle)
Stable (May mararating)
And single (Puedeeee!!!)

Diba? Anong pang hahanapin mo? All in one na!"

"Sigh. Kainis. They both seem really great. Must a girl choose between two of her heart's fondest desires?" I lamented.

"So… is Grindr boy the one?"

"I think ... puede."

"So paano si John??

"He's ... the other one."

-

The Games We Play (I)

-

So there I was at the gym; doing something I wasn't used to. Working out.

My friend Gino is tall, dark, skinhead, muscular and he has that thing most gay men want: abs. He had taken it upon himself to teach me to work out and to work out properly.

"Remind me again why we're doing this?" I said, my face red with exertion after the fiftieth squat exercise.

"Para mas maging hot ka."

"But, (pants) I don't want (grunts) to look hot," I said, panting and sweating. "Okay na ako na ganito."

"Hay naku. Ang tamad mo talaga. Tapusin mo yan. (You're so lazy. Go finish it.)"

After our workout, we grabbed something to eat and the conversation eventually turned to men.

"So how was your lunch date?" Gino asked. He knew I met with a guy from Grindr earlier.

"Oh God Gino!!!! He's sooo cute!!!" I squealed. "I think he's the one."

"Hahaha. Parang tanga nito. He's the one agad???" he replied, laughing.

"Well, it really was a great lunch. He was so funny and cute and … he smiles a lot," I said, recalling the memory. "I kinda liked that."

"Hay naku, kung gusto mo, may ipapakilala ako sa iyo mamya. Mas okay ito, I'm sure. Ano… gusto mo?"

Well, I thought to myself, if you really want to know if he's the one, perhaps you first have to meet everyone.

And that was how I found myself drinking on a weekday night ahead of a full day of work the next day. The bar was unusually full, packed with people downing cocktail concoctions and waiters lighting dishes on fire.

I was already dreading the consequences of a hangover … except that John was really good looking. He reminded me of one of my crushes; except he's the younger, hotter version.

"Hey Kane, this is my friend John. John, si Kane."

John nodded. I gave him the smile I'd been working up. A pleasure, I said. A nice set of eyes, I noticed straight off. Boyish. Lean. I turned my back on him, knowing there would be an interval of not talking before the talking begins.

A nice man. Sigh. Is that too much to ask for? Once I went out with a guy who invited someone else to my apartment while I was away. I wailed and cried of course, when it was all over. Sometimes, I'm tired of praying "God, please let this one work."

"Anong inumin natin? (What do you guys wanna drink?)" Gino asked us both. I'm fine with anything, I told them. I was a little exhausted and I was spacing out.

Pay attention, I told myself. Smile. Get on with the plan. I was not being perky at the very moment I needed to be all brightness and charm.

John was nice enough so far. But I suddenly felt unexpectedly weary with the whole business. The flirting, the gamesmanship, the jockeying for positions.

I knew you were supposed to get all energized and breathless at the prospect of courtship, the teasing and maneuvering. Well, most of the time I am. But sometimes, it only makes me feel tired. Adventurer or not.

I noticed a couple at a corner, the girl was laughing at some joke the guy said. They seemed to be having a great time. I missed that about my past relationship, if nothing else. The comfort of taking each other for granted. Not having to worry if you look fat or if your hair is messy or the color of your shirt is nice. Sometimes the heroic effort to arrange and rearrange and coax and prop yourself up, to work out and dress up seemed just silly, you wish …

But … there was this man I must talk to, and talk to in a way that is charming, provocative, piquant, interesting.

"So what do you do?" John asked.

"I'm a struggling writer."

"Haha. Cute."

"But I am," I protested. "I mean, I'm a writer, not cute."

He laughed. I knew I got him.

-

The Attack of the Nineteen-Year Olds

-

My friends and I noticed a couple of cute guys inside the club and after a few drinks, we began flirting with them. I found out they were both from Davao and that …

"Honey, they're nineteen," I told Vackie, pulling him away from them as we retreated to a corner.

"What????" V said, shaking his head in disbelief. "Nineteen??? Fuck. Ang bata naman. (They're too young.) That's like almost a decade younger than us."

"Now now, let us not be too specific," I replied laughing.

"OMG! Don't tell me they're still in school?"

"Well, apparently... they're out of school. Drop outs."

"Oh."

We stared at them again and I suddenly noticed the glowing skin, the bright eager eyes. Ahhhh, the telltale signs of youth.



"Honey, why is it so difficult to meet guys our age?" V asked the next day during lunch. "I mean, a girl like you should be at the hands of a designer at a ball one day and skiing in the Alps the next. Not getting drunk at parties and making out with these teenagers!"

"Hahahaha. Gaga ka talaga," I said. "But I have been thinking about that. We keep meeting these really young boys no? Where are the 30-something men with bank accounts and titles?"

We both gave a big sigh and munched on in silence.

"But come to think of it honey, you have been going out since you were what… eighteen? You're bound to have met everyone already," V continued. "I mean, you've probably dated half of Manila's most eligible gay bachelors."

"Well… what about the other half?"

"Well… I guess we, your friends have dated them," V replied and we burst out laughing.

"Fucker," I said. "Honey, Manila is soooo tiny."

"Is it? Or are we just making it smaller?"

"Maybe we need to move to another city," I ventured.

"No. Maybe you need to move to another city and give us poor girls more room to breathe!" V said pointing a forkful of chicken at me.



The world is becoming smaller. It is not uncommon for my friends to date or hook up with someone I went out with before, and vice versa. In fact, it has almost become de rigueur. Someone's old boy can be your new toy. Why waste a pretty face? Or ... a hot body?

But the pool of attractive and out gay men in Manila is modest to begin with, and all these interactions and cross breeding is further shrinking it.

It should therefore, be no surprise, that most of the new people we are meeting belong to the latest generation of gay men in Manila exploring the scene. These are the young men eager to see the world, and find their place in it, much like my friends and I did once upon a time. It is their time now.

And of course, we are always there at the gates, to welcome them.
-

Gossip Girl: Good Will Hunting

-

Rise and shine, Upper East Siders. Are you ready for the latest piece of gossip? I hear Kane has his eye for a pretty dark haired it-boy. But it looks like this boy is giving him the ditch.

I didn't like Will immediately. There were no electric sparks, no swooning under the stars, no tingling of the skin. Will and I had bumped into each other on several occasions and yes, he is good looking but he belongs to another group of it-boys and in our world, we tend to be polite and feign disinterest in each other.

As is often the case, we share common friends, common ex-dates, and the likes. But when I got to know him more, I realized he was charming, intelligent, witty: one of those rare guys you can actually date.

"I just saw Black Swan. It's quite intense," I told him once.

"It is. It's a really great film," he replied

"So are you more of the white or black swan," I asked him playfully.

"Hahaha. Hmmmmmm... I'd have to say both. But I'd like to focus more on the white," he said, laughing.

"Well… so far, all I've seen is the black swan, the seducer of men," I teased him.

 
 
Over time, I learned he studied at the De La Salle University, has a degree from the Asian Institute of Management, and works for his family's business. But I noticed that he was getting to be more and more distant.

"Honey, nakakainis. (I hate it). He would sometimes reply to my text five hours later! Five!!! Argh!!!," I said to Vackie.

"Ay hindi happy. (That's not good.) Dapat you should be telling me you were fucking five hours later," V said laughing.

"I know! I mean, WTF! Nakakainis! (It sucks!)"

"Isn't it ironic that of all the men in your life, the one you actually like is the one who may not like you back?"

"I know. Hay. Ang guapo kasi niya. (He's sooo good looking.) And he fits the profile of guys we like; someone well-bred, well-mannered, well-educated, well-read. Sigh. Quel dommage."



One day, I decided to ask Will about what was bothering me.

"Hey Will, I noticed you haven't been responsive to my texts. Is everything okay? Uhmm, do you have a boyfriend?"

"Hey Kane, I am still single. I'm sorry I'm just very busy right now. I am applying for a new job kasi plus I have school. Good night :)"

I thought carefully of what to say to him next.

"It's alright, Will. I guess things are hectic for you these days. I was hoping to get to know you better. Perhaps… another day. =) Good luck on the job hunt. I hope you do well."

 
 
 
 
 
"You okay, honey? So I guess this is it huh," V said after I told him what happened.
 
I turned my head and looked at him.

"Of course not," I replied. "I'm surprised the thought even crossed your mind. Don't you know by now that I always have a plan B?"

"OOohhh. Do I smell a scheme?" V said, the beginnings of a smile playing on his lips. "Do I get to play a part?"

"Not this time. This one requires the skills of Arlan."

 
 
The next day…
 
"Honey, I need your help with a scheme," I told A.

"Ohhh. What kind? Is this for a takedown?"

"Relax. This one is much simpler. All I need you to do is to get Will very drunk the next time we see him at the club."

"Ah Hahahaha. Gusto ko yan. (I like that.)"

"You know the drill. One drunk girl equals one easy girl."

A wise man once said, "It's better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles." But some warriors just can't give up the fight. And so they push the boundaries and break the rules just to win the war.

Be careful K. Everyone knows even the best laid plans can fall apart in the Upper East Side. And when it does, things can get ... dirty.

XOXO

The Million Dollar Question (II)

-

To top or to bottom, that is the question.

"Are you top or bottom?" is a common question gay men ask their partners before or during sex. The label refers to gay men's sexual role preference when it comes to the act of anal intercourse and it is the single most important label you will carry for the rest of your life.

Oh stop cringing people. Sex is amoral, objective, and whether we're talking about a penis inside a vagina or inside an anus, it's human behavior all the same.

I find it very interesting how people label themselves and what these labels concerning sexual roles mean in forming one's identity.

People who derive more pleasure (or perhaps suffer less anxiety or discomfort) from acting as the insertive partner are referred to colloquially as “tops,” whereas those who have a clear preference for serving as the receptive partner are commonly known as “bottoms.”



In a 2003 issue of The Journal of Sex Research, a team of scientists led by Trevor Hart at the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in Atlanta who studied a group of 205 gay male participants found that:

(1) Self-labels are meaningfully correlated with actual sexual behaviors. That is to say, based on self-reports of their recent sexual histories, those who identify as tops are indeed more likely to act as the insertive partner, bottoms are more likely be the receptive partner, and versatiles occupy an intermediate status in sex behavior.

(2) Compared to bottoms, tops are more frequently engaged in (or at least they acknowledge being attracted to) other insertive sexual behaviors. For example, tops also tend to be the more frequent insertive partner during oral intercourse. In fact, this finding of the generalizability of top/bottom self-labels to other types of sexual practices was also uncovered in a correlational study by David Moskowitz, Gerulf Reiger and Michael Roloff. In a 2008 issue of Sexual and Relationship Therapy, these scientists reported that tops were more likely to be the insertive partner in everything from sex-toy play to verbal abuse to urination play.

(3) Tops were more likely than both bottoms and versatiles to reject a gay self-identity and to have had sex with a woman in the past three months. They also manifested higher internalized homophobia — essentially the degree of self-loathing linked to their homosexual desires.

There are men who have sex with men but define themselves as heterosexual. They may reject being the receptive partner in sex as they perceive that role to be gay.

(4) Versatiles seem to enjoy better psychological health. Hart and his coauthors speculate that this may be due to their greater sexual sensation seeking, lower erotophobia (fear of sex), and greater comfort with a variety of roles and activities.



In a separate study by Nick Yee, a research scientist at the Palo Alto Research Center, he found that bottoms prefer older, taller, heavier, hairy men while tops preferred younger, shorter, lighter, smooth men.

Age, height, weight and hairiness are indicators of masculinity and his research suggests that tops seek out sexual partners with less masculine features, while bottoms seek out sexual partners with more masculine features.

Bottoms were also more likely to prefer rough sex, suggesting men who prefer receptive anal intercourse like to be overpowered.



Being top, bottom or versatile can have drastic implications on behavior in sex and even in relationships.

For example, in an article by Moskowitz, Reiger and Roloff, the authors note that prospective gay male couples might want to weigh this issue of sex role preferences seriously before committing to a long term relationship.

From a sexual point of view, there are obvious logistical problems of two tops or two bottoms being in a monogamous relationship. But since these sexual role preferences tend to reflect other behavioral traits (such as tops being more aggressive and assertive than bottoms), “such relationships also might be more likely to encounter conflict quicker than relationships between complementary self-labels.”



Being gay can be tricky. There are plenty of anecdotes of people hooking up and ending up getting frustrated. Some of my friends prefer to be frank and ask the million dollar question right away.

And as for me, a very wise friend of mine once said, "To be successful in the gay world, you must be like Burger King.

Have it your way, sir."






I listened to him and tried it. You know what, he was right.


-

The Million Dollar Question (I)

-

It was December last year.

"Honey! I met a guy last night," I said to V while we were on our way to Malate. The memory of the previous night was still fresh in my mind and I was still kilig (feeling giddy).

"Of course you did," he said, with a knowing look and a mischievous smile.

"Hahaha. You know, he's really nice," I continued.

"Of course he is," V replied, again with that look and that smile on his face. "Men are always nice at the start, aren't they?"

Totoo nga naman (How true), I thought to myself. Always on their best behavior. You never know what lies underneath.

"I'm meeting him again tonight. Ipapakilala kita. (I'll introduce you.)"



I saw him first, I think. Another guy was flirting with him at the club but we would exchange glances every now and then. Chinito, baby boy. He was taller than I am and wore glasses that gave him an air of a good boy.

After a while, he approached me.

"Why do you know all the songs?" he asked. He must have noticed I knew the lines to all the songs that were playing. "Nakakatuwa ka naman (You're so cute)."

"I guess I just really enjoy music," I replied. "Hi, I'm Kane."

"Jeff," he said. "Me too." And he smiled.



Jeff was out partying for the first time in seven months and predictably, it was because he had just broken up with his boyfriend. The noise, the music, the crowd and the alcohol help cloud the pain … even for just a while. I know.



"You were drunk. Tsk tsk," Jeff told me the next day.

"Well … I was," I admitted. "But since you saw me at my worst behavior, things can only get better right?"

"Hahaha. Don't worry Kane. I kinda liked seeing you with your guard down. People are more honest when they're intoxicated, don't you think?" Jeff said. "Do you know what you told me last night?"

"What?"

"That you like me," he said, grinning.



Just before I left Manila, Jeff told me he had gotten back with his ex boyfriend. We stopped communicating.Weeks passed. One day, I received a text from him. He had broken up (again) with his ex.


We went out on a date last weekend. Our first official date.



Saturday noon came and I was still drunk in bed when he texted.

"Are we still meeting?" he asked.

Inwardly, I groaned. I really shouldn't drink that much anymore. But I missed my friends and nobody parties like we do. My head hurt and my face was bloated with all the alcohol from the previous night. But a date is a date.

"Yes. I'm just fixing up," I replied.

We agreed to have lunch and watch a film. And since everything was on sale, I couldn't resist checking out the stores. Every girl knows one of the tests a guy must pass for a successful relationship is: Can we shop together?

Jeff tirelessly accompanied me to all the stores. I tried on jeans, shirts, long sleeves, ties, scarves, underwear (no trying, just looking), shoes. He carried my bags and gave helpful comments.

"Bagay sa iyo (It looks good on you)," he would say and smile.

Or he would frown and shake his head.

"Uhmmm. It's okay lang. Nothing great."



Three hours and six shopping bags later, we were exhausted and decided to eat. We were doing the getting-to-know-you when Jeff suddenly very casually asked the million dollar question.

"Soo … are you top or bottom?"

I almost choked on the Hainanese chicken I was eating. It was the moment of truth.

That Kind of Girl

-

Dwayne and I started hanging out regularly ever since that night. And it was fun. Dwayne was fun to be with. I've forgotten how enjoyable the attention of a young man can be.

"Alam mo ba (You know), I put in the log book under reason for visit - to make out and hopefully have some light sex with Kane," Dwayne told me while we were eating the creamy seafood pasta and citrus salad he brought.

"Gago ka talaga. Di nga? (Come on, serious?)" I replied

"Kahit walang sex, okay na rin naman. (Well, it's okay even if there's no sex.) Halika nga dito (Come here)," he said, pulling me until I was on top of him. I could feel his throbbing erection.

We kissed and I tasted the butter and cream in his mouth. Delicious.

"When can I see you again?" Dwayne asked me.



Dwayne is a sweet thoughtful young man and he is amazing in many ways. He would drop by at home and bring me food after his work, and over dinner we would talk about how our day went. I rediscovered the pleasure of eating supper … and eating supper with someone.

How are you? How was your day? How was work?

The small talk couples usually have, the insignificant chit chats we don't realize form and strengthen our bonds with our lovers.

But sadly the more we talked, the more I discovered how we are un-alike. And it was The End of the Affair that sealed our fate.

I was narrating the scene where Sarah Miles realized God had agreed to her bargain: her lover Maurice Bendrix lives but in return, she is never to see him again. I have always wondered at the fairness of such a contract: Sarah's lover's life in exchange for her fidelity to her husband. Can God be so cruel? Or, so kind?

When I finished, there was … silence. I was waiting for a reaction, something like "wow" perhaps but Dwayne remained quiet. Then suddenly he said, "Gusto ko yung kinuwento mo (I like the story)" in an utterly unconvincing voice.

I nodded, but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach.

Oh Dwayne, I thought in my head, this is why you and I can never be.



"Oh my God. Hindi siya pumasa! (He didn't pass the test!)" Neil said, after I told him what happened. "Ang hirap naman kasi ng exam na binigay mo; The End of the Affair talaga. (Of all the topics, you had to choose the hardest. The End of the Affair.)"

"I know. But Neil, I need someone who understands my stories," I replied. The way you do.

"Hayyyy… there are a lot of guys no Kane, but only a few will really get you. You're too much kasi minsan (Sometimes, you are just too much)," he said. "I remember you telling me about that story, though. Na-miss ko tuloy mga kuwento mo. (I suddenly miss your stories.)"



Dwayne's question jolted me back to reality. I realized what I had to do. It was time.
 
"Dwayne, teka lang (hold on). I think we need to talk," I said and straightened up. I looked at him seriously.

"What about?"

"Huwag ka masyadong ma-intense. Relax lang. (Don't be too intense. Just relax.)"

"Ha? Hindi naman ako intense. Ano ka ba (Huh? But I'm not intense)," Dwayne said. We were both a little nervous.

"Good. Look, I'm not looking for anything serious right now," I said.

"Bakit hindi? (Why not?)" he asked. He suddenly looked downcast.

"I just have other priorities," I explained. Sometimes a lie is kinder than the truth.

He was very quiet. "Ayaw mo ba sa akin? (Don't you like me?)"

Alam kong nasasaktan siya sa mga sinasabi ko. (I knew what I was saying was hurting him.)

"Dwayne, ano ka ba. Huwag kang malungkot (Come on Dwayne. Don't be sad)," I pleaded. "I do. I think you're amazing. But I guess I still like being single; I still want to meet more guys, have sex with more men."

I knew what I said probably hurt him more. Perhaps what I said what unnecessary. But I wanted to make myself clear and not create false hope. And telling him I'm a slut is the least painful way to do it. Better me than him. Better that I'm the bad guy. At least he doesn't have to feel he wasn't enough. Or at least, not that much.

I smiled wanly and took his hand.

"Besides, you can't be all that surprised Dwayne," I slowy said. "Nakalimutan mo na ba? (Have you forgotten?) I'm the guy you picked up sa kalye (at the street) to have a threesome. I'm that kind of girl."





"Nothing's so loud
as hearing when we lie
the truth is not kind
and you said neither am I"
---Toad the Wet Sprocket, "All I Want"

King of Arabia

-
"I hold your Eastern promise close to my heart
Welcoming you to my Harem."
---Sarah Brightman, "Harem"

I was never the kind of girl who wanted a boyfriend.

When I was younger, I was a fan of the HBO TV series Sex and the City and of all the women in the show, the character I couldn't understand the most was Charlotte. Charlotte was all about finding a man, getting married, having a child. She hated being single, while I loved it and all the freedom it gave me.

I wanted to explore the world, meet people without having to worry about someone else. I wasn't prepared for a relationship, for something so… permanent.

But at some point in your life, you become that kind of girl pala. You become… ready. (Yes, Rudeboy, you do.) For commitment, for partnership, for unconditional love.

I had that with M and I missed the kind of togetherness we shared.

After we broke up, my libido went down dramatically and my desire for intimacy skyrocketed. My first instinct was to replicate what we had, or at least the beautiful parts of it. I was looking for love to save me.

I wasn't flirting, dating, or having sex.



But the desert winds are shifting…



I have accepted my fate; that romance is just not yet around the corner for now. But then, who says you can't have fun while waiting?

One day, I woke up and felt different… lighter, perkier. That sweet lass yearning for a relationship disappeared and in its place stood a sex-hungry, boy-crazy, fuck-me-I'm-famous gal.

Yes, people, it's official. The fun girl is backkkkkkkkk!

And her first order is: Build a harem.



Yes, ladies and gentlemen, a harem. The sultans of Arabia had it right; diversity is the key to a happy and fulfilled single life.

Now, I'm talking about selection here. A group of tried, carefully selected and chosen men ready to serve at your pleasure.

And I want you all to meet Chris, my first recruit. Chris ended a two-year monogamous relationship more than a month ago and he has been celibate since then.

The poor kid was practically starving for a cock, and since I'm such a generous cunt, I let him have it. And in return, he took me on several trips to "O"-town.

He was very... persuasive. He made the cut for a reason; one very long slightly curving to the right reason.



Profile: Cute boy-next-door you want to fuck in your garden while mom and dad (and sister) are sleeping upstairs.

Company: Easy-going, low-maintenance guy. A bit dull, but hey, what can you expect from these kids?

Performance in and out of bed: Pretty fucking spectacular. Don't you just love a man who can take it as much as he gives it? What these kids lack in skill, they make up for in stamina and endurance. They can go on and on… and on and on… and did I mention, on and on?



Since then I have met several more candidates from the usual pool of sources: parties, clubs, art exhibits, the gym, Grindr, and let us not forget the friendliest planet in the world PlanetRomeo, and that hook-up site masquerading as a social network Facebook.

It looks like there is no rest for the wicked.

Fran and the Kings of the Cup

-

Fran was going out with Zion, an Israeli, earlier this year. They had great sex and great talk. She thought he was everything she wanted until she learned he had been telling people she was stalking him. She has not seen him since May.

"Honey!!! Oh my God! Zion will be at the sports bar tonight," Fran said while savoring a grilled chicken fettuccine at Italianni's last night.

"So, what's the game plan?" I asked her.

"I don't know," she replied. "All I wanted to do was enjoy the World Cup. I'm so stressed."

"What do you want from him exactly?" I said.

"Last time, I said that I will pour a bottle of Cerveza Negra over him the next time we meet," Fran said. "But now, I definitely don't want to do that. I would only humiliate myself."

"Good," I said. "Although that would have been quite a scene. I bet you'd steal the spotlight away from the game."

"I'm planning to invite Fifi, the French guy I'm seeing," Fran told me. "He texted me a couple of nights ago to say he was sick but that he wants to see me again."



Ladies, forget Spain and Netherlands. Looks like it's France versus Israel tonight. Will the Holocaust crush the French revolution? Or will the Queen let them eat cake?



"Oh honey. You know what really sucks?" I said. "A year from now, you won't remember this night because of the World Cup. It's really still all about Zion, right? Whether he comes, or not. If you see him, you'll get upset. If you don't see him, you'd still get upset. If he talks to you, you'll get upset. If he ignores you, you'd still get upset. Nakakainis diba?"

"So what do I do?" Fran asked me. "It feels like whatever I do, I end up losing the game."

"You can always get out of the game. But I guess sometimes we don't get to choose our scripts. We just have to play the role, at least for tonight," I told her. "You'll be fine honey. We'll get through this, like we always do."

I smiled and gave Fran a big hug. Be brave, little one.



The next morning, I received a text from her.

"The World Cup concludes with Spain winning over Netherlands at 1 - 0 with additional time. Similarly, France gets a point for braving the possibility of an encounter while Israel was a no-show.

But unlike football, you don't win this game by forfeit. The enemy must be annihilated. Mostly in a figurative sense. Though we wish it to be literal sometimes.

Conclusion: None. Apparently, this game too needs additional time."