A Blog devoted to progressive politics, environmental issues, LGBT issues, social justice, workers' rights, womens' rights, and, most importantly, Cats.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Sally Kern, Ambulatory Fecontainer
If you didn't already know who Sally Kern is, feel free to look her up right here, which is where we pinched this horrifying photo.
Sally Kern's bigotry doesn't just aim itself at Teh Ghey. She is also no fan of women or minorities (no, she doesn't belong in either category), as she evinced by this speech.
So why should it even be news that this dreadful cackling cow is making yet another gay-themed grab at headlines?
She's got a book out. It's titled The Stoning of Sally Kern. Regrettably, it's not an instruction manual. Stupid twat, I mean, twit.
Can you imagine having anything at all to do with this fetid ambulatory pigshit canister? No? Neither can we. Yet, somehow, she managed to find something that would join loins with her long enough to spawn. There's a persistent rumour in blogtopia that her husband, Southern Baptist minister Steven D. Kern, was once a member of the KKK. There's also the little matter of her gay son. Srsly. Click that link to read an interview with him. If your gaydar doesn't hit 12 out of a maximum of 10, let us know.
These people just make us hork a big fat fucking hairball, OK? Srsly.
And then there are people like this in the universe, who renew our faith in humanity and make it clear that the Kerns of this world are not a reason to give up on all its beauty, wonder, and awe:
The reason you have to "deal with" homosexuality is because these men and women are our fellow citizens. America is the people who show up. The show up for work, school, volunteer. They show up in the military, the police, the fire department (and the fire department calendars). They raise their kids and watch out for their neighbors.
The lesson I choose to take from 9/11 is not the paranoid fantasy that "they" are destroying us. It's that people are good. On that day, they called home to say "I love you". They helped strangers escape the danger -- sometimes dying in the effort. They fought back and made God work like the devil to take their lives. And they didn't check each other's religion, sexual preference, political party or immigration status.
Wonkette commenter JustPixelz
Yeah. That.
Also, kittehz. We at this blog don't take our responsibilities lightly.
Too, FUCK YOU Sally Kerns! FUCK YOU very, very much, you horrendous bitch.
Why can't all the people who have a problem with their GAY FAMILY just deal with it and leave the rest of us alone?
La Casa de Los Gatos don't know about you, and how you might feel about homophobia, but we can tell you how we feel. We here are goddamn sick and fucking tired of all these closeted dickheads fucking around with OUR lives.
Just this month, we've had closeted homophobe Roberto Arango* posting pictures of his rectum to a hookup site. A fucking HOOKUP site! Where gay/bi men post for quickie casual fucks. If you're gonna bully other men for supposedly being gay, Roberto, you shouldn't be posting your starfish as an invitation to any swingin' dick within ten miles, know what I'm sayin'? Is that too much to ask, you arrogant asshole? Nobody really cares, Roberto, that you like to have another man's throbbing cock in your ass. Just don't fucking rub our faces in it after REPEATEDLY voting against our rights, you miserable piece of shit.
And look, what have we here? ANOTHER fucking Republican legislator caught with his dick hanging out? With a teenage boy?
His defense? "I'm not gay. I don't know why I did what I did."
I'll tell you why, you dumb fuck. Because you are gaygaygayer than a flock of fucking larks. You were so hungry for that pretty boy's 18-year-old body, his slender shoulders, muscular thighs, bubble butt, beautiful satiny dark skin. That's why. You were dying to stick your cock in him and his cock in you and to fuck until you both lost your minds. That's why.
Phil Hinkle's constituents think he should resign -- for being gay? For lying about it? For working so hard against the rights of gay people? This is the guy, incidentally, who is responsible for the "In God We Trust" license plate legislation in his home state. So, Phil, "In God We Trust" for what? For keeping anyone else from finding out that our cock throbs for teenage boys? Sounds like you spent all your time in the legislature on bogus legislation like this, and keeping gays from marrying. Have a good time on the unemployment line, you dumb fuck.
Phil says he's not running again. We say, "Not unless it's from his constituents."
So, homophobic Republican legislators? It's OK for you to fuck us, literally, and then fuck us virtually by denying us equal rights? Because, you know, all that shit y'all are continually spouting about "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal," in the Declaration of Independence that you fucking claim to fucking worship? And all that crap in the Constitution about equality? You're not applying it to us, are you, when you vote against our right to marry and have families?
It's time for war on your hypocritical asses, y'all. Just come out of the fucking closet, admit who and what you are, and start acting like people, not ignorant fucking homophobes, OK? Because if you don't? It will be the civic duty of each and every one of us to do our best to expose you.
You hear that, girlzNboyz? If you've been schtupping a Republican legislator, it's time to let the whole world know. Start with the newspapers.
And now, to take the edge off, the gorgeous and brilliant Sara Benincasa sticks it to MishMash BatShitKrayZMann. Enjoy!
Now, Rick, don't get all huffy and LIE and pretend you don't know why the gay community is upset with you, you smarmy little shit. You know damn well your nasty, homophobic, closeted little mind has been squeaking forever about how much you HATE the gay. Judging from the number of gayhaters who have been exposed as complete and total fucking SISSYMARY QUEENS, it's probably time you shut up about that already, before Dan takes you out, or your boyfriend finally speaks up.
I'm actually wondering if I should change that head to read "Republican Scandal of the Day." Because, yaknow, there's just no keeping up with those motherfuckers.
Every time you turn around, there's yet another one in the paper, on your TV, at some Web site, saying or doing something totally unacceptable or getting busted for not keeping their pants on.
I sure do miss the days when the Democrats had all the sex scandals and the Republicans stuck to what they do best — robbing the people blind.
Forgive me for not covering all the other scandals — Rand-Away Paul's reprehensible comments on the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the right of private property owners (even those who do business with the public) to discriminate; Roy Ashburn's sudden 180 on LGBTQ rights after he got busted driving drunk with a young man in his car, having just left a GAYGAYGAYGAYGAY bar; Professor George Rekers, married (can you say "beard," children? I knew you could) co-founder (with James Dobson) of homophobic organizations Family Research Council and NARTH (one o'dem "cure teh ghey" groups) and his rent boy (who gives ass-levitating massages, I hear); et cetera, ad infinitum, ad nauseam. Because, frankly, I'd be here all day with stubby bloody little finger-stumps if I tried.
Meet Nimrata Randhawa Haley. Nimrata seems to be suffering the same Westernizification disease that has afflicted Louisiana governor Piyush Jindal. Just as Piyush became "Bobby," so Nimrata has become "Nikki" in her attempt to please the Betty Browns of this world.
In case you didn't know who Betty Brown is and don't want to clicky teh linky, Ms. Brown is the Texas State legislator who asked Americans of Asian descent to change their names to names that are "easier for Americans to deal with." Thereby implying, of course, that such Americans are not, you know, real Americans. Well, she won't have to worry about Nimrata and Piyush. Any American, even an Asian-American, can say "Nikki" and "Bobby."
Nikki Haley is a South Carolina representative in Washington, D.C. Apparently, a former colleague of Nikki's, one Will Folks, claims they've been boffing. They met when they both worked for South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford (yeah, the guy who was "hiking the Appalachian Trail" on Nude Hiking Day, when he was supposed to be in the office, or at least reachable by his staff, not to mention his wealthy wife who bought him the job).
At the time, Folks was one of Sanford's top spokesweasels. It's not clear exactly what Haley was other than a hot mama with a nice booty. However, Folks apparently is leaking the nasty details of their affair in a slow drip to the South Carolina press. None of it has convincing probative value, but a lot of it is pretty damn suspicious. For one thing, Mr. Folks apparently worked for Ms. Haley's campaign at one time. During which period, some 700 telephone calls were made, mostly by Ms. Haley to Mr. Folks, many of them late at night, and some of them lasting several hours.
Ms. Haley defends herself with the claim that she works hard and works her staff hard as well. (Perhaps she should have avoided the word "staff.") That's all well and good, Nikki, but if my spouse got on the phone at 11 pm and stayed on for three fucking hours, I would not be a happy camper at all. It would take some smooth smooth talking and lots of excellent sex to quiet my suspicions, if you know what I mean. And she was calling him at 2 am and talking till 5 am. OK, so, what's the story here, Nikki? I work hard too, but I would never call a colleague at 2 am. I would assume that they were sleeping the sleep of the righteous and just.
We've all pulled all-nighters, sometimes several days or weekends in a row. Would you feel it was cool to call a colleague who was not also pulling an all-nighter, after 10 pm? I sure wouldn't. Hell, I've been chewed out for calling people after 8 pm, especially if they have young children.
And three hours? Seriously, girl-child, if it takes you three hours to discuss your bidness, you in the wrong line of work.
The most interesting thing about this very strange and creepy story is, Ms. Haley has yet to deny it. She's said things along the lines of she doesn't want to give any weight to this story and it's not worth her time and energy and yadadadayada. But she hasn't actually denied that she had an affair with the guy. The furthest she has gone is to say:
"I have been 100% faithful to my husband throughout our 13 years of marriage," Haley said in a statement. "This claim against me is categorically and totally false."
See, now, it would have been so easy for Ms. Haley to say, "I never had an affair with Will Folks."
But that's not what she said. And we hairsplitters know there's a difference between lying outright and lying by implication.
More to the point, Ms. Haley said she "barely knew" Will Folks. That's quite possible, of course, we don't all know every single one of our former colleagues or employees well. But if you make 700 phone calls to someone, some of them lasting two or three hours, it gets kinda hard to argue that you don't know them well. People I don't know well might get one telephone call a year from me. On the other hand people I'm screwing like a bunny, yeah, I'm so there with the three-hour phone calls (much as I hate using the phone) and the everyday emails and shit.
Oh, and Nikki Haley has the endorsement of Scary Failin', aka Babble Spice. Who was rumoured to be screwing her husband's business partner some time ago, although the guy sealed his court records so none of us will find the hard evidence. Birds of a feather, and all that.
OTOH, you know, given that soon-to-be ex-Governor Sanford was making the beast with two backs (or whatever else he was doing) with Maria Belen Chapur, the Argentinian beauty for whom he dumped his wealthy wife Jenny, just recently; Lt. Governor Andre Bauer (also running for the same post) recently informed a shocked nation that giving welfare to poor people just encourages them to breed like stray animals; Third-string Repugly candidate Gresham Barret, polling at a whole 16% has won the endorsement of Darth Cheney himself (that should be teh kiss of death right there) — nah, we still hope she loses to the Democrat.
Now, normally, we at this fine blog could give a fuck who's fucking who, you know? The more people fuck the less likely they are to be beating the crap outa each other, right? OTOH, the Scary Failin' ranks of Fambly Valyooz hypocrites really, really get our fucking goat. We'd like to see them all pilloried in public, pelted with rotten fruit and past-use-by-date eggs. They fucking suck because they want everyone but their sick sad selves to abide by rules that they themselves can't live by.
So, Nikki, here's a little song for you from the South Carolina electorate — Why don't we get drunk and screw:
Hahaha. Apparently, Phyllis Schlafly's ever-so-closeted QUEEN of a son has decided to invite help from fellow Conservapedians in rewriting the Wholly Babble. You know, to remove all that "liberal bias." Here's how they plan to go about it:
1. Framework against Liberal Bias: providing a strong framework that enables a thought-for-thought translation without corruption by liberal bias
2. Not Emasculated: avoiding unisex, "gender inclusive" language, and other modern emasculation of Christianity
3. Not Dumbed Down: not dumbing down the reading level, or diluting the intellectual force and logic of Christianity; the NIV is written at only the 7th grade level
4. Utilize Powerful Conservative Terms: using powerful new conservative terms as they develop; defective translations use the word "comrade" three times as often as "volunteer"; similarly, updating words which have a change in meaning, such as "word", "peace", and "miracle".
5. Combat Harmful Addiction: combating addiction by using modern terms for it, such as "gamble" rather than "cast lots"; using modern political terms, such as "register" rather than "enroll" for the census
6. Accept the Logic of Hell: applying logic with its full force and effect, as in not denying or downplaying the very real existence of Hell or the Devil.
7. Express Free Market Parables; explaining the numerous economic parables with their full free-market meaning
8. Exclude Later-Inserted Liberal Passages: excluding the later-inserted liberal passages that are not authentic, such as the adulteress story
9. Credit Open-Mindedness of Disciples: crediting open-mindedness, often found in youngsters like the eyewitnesses Mark and John, the authors of two of the Gospels
10. Prefer Conciseness over Liberal Wordiness: preferring conciseness to the liberal style of high word-to-substance ratio; avoid compound negatives and unnecessary ambiguities; prefer concise, consistent use of the word "Lord" rather than "Jehovah" or "Yahweh" or "Lord God."
Truly. You can't make this shit up. These denizens of rightwingnuttia are determined, I tellya, de-fucking-termined to write all that socialist, communist, love-yer-brother shit right out of teh Holy Book. So, John Schlafly — are you going to take someone's dick out of your mouth long enough to edit out all teh gay-h8ing crap? Or are you going to be a weenie in every sense of the word and leave it all in?
Of course, because logic is not their strong point, they don't seem to have realized (will they ever?) that by rewriting the supposedly Inerrant Word of Gawd, they're proving that, far from being inerrant, it is simply the work of man, who changes it to suit his sentiments of the moment. This is called being hoist by one's own petard. And although Wikipedia insists that a petard is a small bomb that could blow up and injure the party using it on others, I prefer to believe, in keeping with the root word, pet, which is French for fart, that these moral midgets run the risk of blowing themselves up to the M-o-o-o-o-n with their own farts.
Because that's what this project represents: pseudo-intellectual farts in a strong wind, which have a definite likelihood of blowing right back up the arsehole of those who delivereth them and propelling them on to, as it were, greater heights.
I can't wait to see what the churches and the religious right, the last bastion of ReapUglyCon support, have to say about this. Methinks it ain't gonna be good.
As you all know, La Casa de Los Gatos ain't got no teevee. So we missed seeing the debates in all their heavenly glory. (Alright, we were watching a Thai movie about a pot-smoking slob who ends up sharing a space with a tight-assed straight neatnik. And LOTR Part III (we watched Parts I and II yesterday)).
Anywho, this is what we saw plastered on some of our favorite news and blog sites today:
Um ... we're not sure we really WANT to know what Blinky McLiarson is doing with the hands there. Has anyone ever told him this kind of stuff really does NOT look, er, Presidential? Or even, for that matter, sane?
Somebody give the dude a ride home to the ranch. He's seriously lost his bearings. In a homophobic culture like ours, the sight of a creepy old guy hanging out his tongue at (apparently) some buff young guy's ass while simultaneously appearing to be reaching for said ass really does not go over well.
Hey, everybody, it's National Coming-Out Day! Time to celebrate your queerness. We'd like to link to celebrating queer and straight bloggers out there whether you're on our blogroll or not, so join us as we sashay down the street, y'all.
Benny, over at Benny's World, has a cool post on the origin and meaning of the Rainbow Flag, go check it out!
Over at Penguin Central, BadTux reminds us that the face of hate is not always easily recognizable, that a huge effort is underway in California to repeal the right to marriage for the LGBTQ community, and that you can, and should, grow a pair and tell the bigots to fuck themselves.
Alan, over at Blogging Out Loud, makes us pee our pants laughing, as usual, with his commemorative post. Warning: Keep fresh, dry pantalones handy.
VJack, over at Atheist Revolution, wishes our whole community a happy National Coming-Out Day, thanks, VJack!
Steven, over at Heterosexually Challenged, acknowledges the day, reminds us it's the tenth anniversary of Matthew Shepard's death (gads, it feels like it only happened yesterday), and celebrates with football;
The Bilerico Project is celebrating Queer History Month with lots of posts from lots of posters. Checkidout;
Over at Pam's House Blend (note new URL), a couple of posters talk about coming out and coming out. Please to read;
Kathy, over at If I Ran the Zoo, has a nice reminder for all the straight allies — equality for LGBTQ people will only happen if you join us in the struggle;
A funny story about figuring out your sexuality, from Mockingbird's Medley;
caliberal has a post about marriage equality up on My Left Wing;
Nelson has his usual biting posts on the homophobes among us, over at NGblog;
QueersUnited has a slew of celebratory posts, check 'em out!
Happy Coming-Out Day! If you're not out yet, consider doing it now. Yeah, it'll hurt and people might say shitty things, but you might find support where you least expect it.
Mormons and other misogynists from outside the State of California are attempting to influence the vote on this issue. Folks, seeing two people who love each other able to attain universal recognition of their love by getting married is hella better in our eyes than watching Oldy McMoldy pimp his wife to a crowd of drunk bikers.
Those who tout the heterosexual marriage as a symbol of their "family values" might show a little more respect for the institution itself and a little less hatred of other folks' desire to legitimize (and gain all the advantages of) their love. We refer you to such eminent proponents of heterosexual marriage as Newt Gingrich (multiple affairs while married; dumped one wife while she was in hospital battling cancer; multiple divorces and remarriages); John McCain (multiple liaisons with various women while married to first wife, including ongoing affair with a woman two decades younger; divorced first wife to marry wealthy "sugar mommy"); and this fine list of "family values" Republicans whose "peccadilloes" are too numerous and extreme to list at this modest blog.
We don't even want to discuss the Baptist minister who was discovered hogtied and asphyxiated while his family was away at some "family values" camp.
What IS it with these Republican hypocrites, by the way? Look, fellers, if you're gay, bi, trans, queer, conflicted, searching, whatever, nobody really gives a fuck, OK? It's OK to be who you are, and nobody can choose who they love. Sometimes your heart goes pit-a-pat for someone of the same gender. That's fine, as long as they're a consenting adult. If there is a deity somewhere, it probably has way more important stuff to do than worry about whether you're getting it on with the same sex or the opposite sex.
But don't be flapping your festering gob bleating on and on about how bad Teh Gay is and how you'll catch Gay Cooties from having once had a roommate who accidentally shook hands with a gay person in a previous life. Because it just makes you look like the clueless doof that you are when you get caught with your lips on someone else's forbidden and tantalisingly naughty bits. As in, totally reinforces your hypocritical stupidity in the mind of anything with more brain power than a slime mold.
Today's pathetic example of a gay-bashing hypocritical stupid clueless nasty little Republican shill comes to us from the pages of Gaywired, which is reporting that this fine upstanding (snicker) basher of Teh Gay has just been caught, literally, with his pants down:
This here fine citizen is none other than the Attorney General for the fair (hmph!) state of Alabama. Mr. King,
a conservative Republican Christian who has called homosexuality the 'downfall of society,'
to quote the article, just had his wife walk in on him while he was schtupping his male assistant in the marital bed.
Okay, guy? First thing. Never, ever, ever, EVER! schtup your squeeze in the marital bed. Never. It's just a low-class thing to do. Gay, straight, whatever, if you're fucking around on your partner (and really, why would you do that in this day and age when you can get a divorce or negotiate an open relationship?), don't do it in your marital bed. It shows a total lack of respect for your partner. Plus, it's really fucking stupid, because you know, your poor partner could, like, walk in on you! Doofus.
Now, we have no doubt at all that Mrs. King is a sweet and good woman. But can you say "beard," children? Because if you're looking at Mr. King and Mrs. King, you're looking at a classic "I'm so far in the closet I'm pooping clotheshangers" gay guy and the beard he married so he can pretend he's not gay.
Ladies? If some guy who looks and sounds like Troy King proposes to you, get all your friends with working gaydar to check him out thoroughly before you say yes. You know, like, has he hired any male assistants with whom he regularly goes out of town on "business"? Would that person happen to be, like, totally gay? Is that person a Homecoming King?
It's always worse when you've been together long enough to have kids. And yes, the Kings have three. Briggs, Colden, and Asher. Who the hell names their kids Briggs, Colden, and Asher?
Some examples of Mr. King's virulent homophobia:
King called homosexuality the downfall of society when he was a law student in 1992 and frequently wrote homophobic editorials in the student news paper.
"The existence of the Gay-Lesbian Alliance on this campus is an affront to the state of Alabama, its citizenry, this university and its students," King wrote.
King also expressed opposition to the idea of a gay family structure.
"I often hear the argument that homosexuals who live together create a loving, caring family environment, perhaps an environment which is even superior to that which can be provided by a heterosexual couple. In this day of rampant decadence, many homosexuals would mislead society into believing that three men, an armadillo and a house plant create a functional family."
Mr. King, who is responsible for Alabama's ban on sex toys, has since been spotted doing the "inappropriate" at the YMCA (geez, Troy, couldja like lay off the stereotypes for a minute?) with his boytoy. We wonder if it involved sex toys.
On the plus side, the little creep was once considered a potential frontrunner for Alabama Governor in 2010. Looks like the Republicans will have to try and find someone who is not porking his boyfriend/college roommate.
Incidentally, King, who is a McCain supporter, has repulsive political positions on many issues other than Teh Gay:
As a law student at the University of Alabama, King wrote frequent editorials for The Crimson White in condemnation of gays, affirmative action and abortion. In his editorials for the student newspaper, King called homosexuality the ‘downfall of society’ and said AIDS could be cleansed from America if “this nation’s current purveyors of perversion would refrain from committing sodomy.”
Be nice if he had taken his own advice and refrained yada da da, huh? He's pro-death penalty. He wore an electronic monitoring bracelet while agitating for more serious penalties for convicted sex offenders and parolees. He's opposed to gambling (we're not wild about it, but this religously-inspired nannyism is unpalatable to us). And he has some dubious ethics. Here's some more of Mr. King's wisdom, from his Web site:
When the Protection of an Unborn Child bill was being threatened in the legislature, Attorney General King helped put it back on track and now, Alabama's children are protected whether they are in the womb or in the world.
General King has prosecuted illegal gambling, corrupt public officials, and murderers. He is a familiar face at Parole Board hearings where he defends the rights of victims and their families.
General and Mrs. King are the proud parents of three young children. They are members at First Baptist Church in Montgomery, where General King teaches three-year-olds' Sunday School.
What kind of public official refers to himself as "General," when he's never served a day in the military? Or is he a "General" in Gawd's army, or something?
Excuse me, could these people get any ruder? Or stupider? Are they dumping stupid in the water wholesale where these folks live, or what?
NBC is reporting that the Attorneys General of TEN states are asking the California Supreme Court to delay implementation of its same-sex marriage ruling (by granting a stay) until every hetero troglodyte who has ever seized a bogus issue and used it as a club to whup the LGBTQ community upside the head with has had a chance to expose their chancreous fear and pathetic weenie whining on the issue.
Hello, people! Are you not getting laid regularly or what? Wouldja please just mind your own goddamn fucking, and we do mean fucking, business for a change? Like take your wife or girlfriend or boyfriend or whatever out for a good time and spend a few hours doing the horizontal samba until you experience that longed-for sweaty bliss that comes from rubbing your happy nubbins together.
Stop worrying about other people's private fucking, and yes, we really do mean fucking, lives! Jesus would slap you unconcscious if he could see what you were up to. Oh, yes. It's time to get your happy on and leave other people the fuck alone.
What slightest bit of difference does it make to you or your marriage or your relationship if Adam and Steve or Anna and Eve are happily married? What the hell is that going to do to your sex life or, more likely, the complete and total lack thereof? Can anybody tell me?
The only people who get their shorts in a knot about gay people getting married are people who don't have a sweet patoo to unbunch their undies. Or those who are secretly lusting for Teh Gay in a big way but think some Old Man in Teh Sky is watching them and going to zap their rubbable bits with lightning forEVER for thinking those dirty, dirty thoughts.
Enough already, you pathetic creeps and godbags. Grab your partner, or spend your energy finding a goddamned partner, or buy some really nice toys (available at any of these fine online purveyors, and they'll probably send them to you in a plain brown wrapper if you happen to live in Buttfuck, Missouri) and get your pant 'n sweat on. And for mercy's sake, leave other people's happy humps the hell alone.
Some of the idiotic godbags involved include these miserable spoo-rags of Satan, to paraphrase Maru:
The Campaign for California Families wrote in its petition Thursday that permitting the ruling to go into effect before November could cause "a perfect storm" of legal chaos.
A similar request for a stay was filed last week by the Proposition 22 Legal Defense and Education Fund.
Look, folks, get real. The economy is in the turlet. We need a way to generate some moolah. What better than big ol' gay weddings all over the place. Imagine the money flowing in. Venue rentals. Florists. Licenses. Catering. Wedding garb. Printed invitations. Stamps, fer cryin' out. Balloons, streamers, confetti, shoes, clothes, horses and carriages, limousines, hotel rooms, plane reservations, photographers, video producers, champagne, wine, receptions. Lots of people buying new clothes or getting existing outfits cleaned so they can zip off to some friend's or loved one's fancy-assed wedding. Parties everywhere. Happy people. Smiles on many faces. And, this being a city with precious little parking, lotsa lotsa parking fines. How can you argue with money?
So feck off, you pathetic moralists, you rainers upon parades. Let the people of every stripe of the rainbow have their jollies. You don't like it? Don't marry a gay person. Meanwhile? Shut the fuck up and go find something pleasant to do with your time.
Looks like Gramps McCain got out of his rocker long enough to host a roast. He claims it was just hangin' wit his homies. We doubt, we doubt.
Who was on the invite list?
Bobby Jindal, newly elected Governor of Louisiana.
Mr. Jindal, who converted from Hinduism to Catholicism, is a creepy, repugnant little jerk who would like to keep an eye (or more) on every uterus in the country. Fortunately, his counsel's involvement with one Jimmy Faircloth, who is tied to the Coushatta tribes scandal and uber-creep Jack Abramoff may dampen our fears of this forced-birther gaining power. Pluses: Appeals to the growing power of teh "brown". Minuses: Are you effin' kidding me?
Charlie Crist, Governor of Florida.
Petulant homophobe and deeply closeted schlockmeister whose primary talent appears to be that perennial Republican quality of gladhanding the hoi polloi while spouting out of both sides of his pencil neck, Crist has a "dubious" at best sexuality. Of course, in our book he's free to do whatever he likes sexually as long as it involves consenting adults (animals can't consent). What he's not free to do is pander pathetically, cover up Mark Foley's inappropriate actions with underage pages:
and have his thug buddies release "sex tapes" of him making out with his "girlfriend" in an elevator. Jeez. Are you kidding me? She looks drugged and he's clearly looking at something other than her.
Incidentally, Charlie's beard, uh, girlfriend, is married &mdash only, not to him.
Pluses: Looks like a movie star. Minuses: From the Old Movie Stars Retirement Home.
Dog-torturer Willard "Mittens" Romney.
Given this pathetic slimeball's inability to connect with any voters with the sole exception, of course, of his fellow Mormons, and the overweening dislike John McCain has for him, we're betting all Mitt's money won't buy him the VP spot.
Pluses: Could probably fund the entire race from his pocket change. Minuses: Americans tend to like dogs and dislike people who torture them; also, he's a Mormon; his wife spends millions on her hobby &mdash dressage &mdash which probly won't go down so well with the growing financially-strapped sector; his whole family suffers from the tendency to look Stepford-Wifeish creepy; the Mormons have been involved in some truly unwholesome scandals lately.
In other news, McCain served up some 1,173 pages of medical records (finally!) to a handpicked cadre of reporters and gave them a mere 3 hours to thumb through them. No copies, no psychiatric records. Cliff Schecter reveals that McCain had a cancer surgery this February. This is a man who's had FOUR previous oncological surgeries. Did it occur to him that he owes it to the people who might vote for him to keep them informed about his apparently precarious health?
Oh, and recent pictures of him look as if he's wearing a colostomy bag. We know you had some precancerous polyps removed recently, John. Did the surgeon take anything else?
Update: Updated with picture. What IS that on his leg?
Every week we come across one, two, or more stories about Republicans in high office behaving in ways that they themselves loudly deplore as morally reprehensible. La Casa de Los Gatos would like to take this opportunity to state, unequivocally, that we believe human sexuality to be a wonderful, many-faceted thing. As long as it involves consensual interchange between adults, we personally do not care what the hell people get up to.
But the loud screeches and howls from the Republican side of the fence give us an extra frisson of amusement when they are made against "alternative" sexualities &mdash gay, lesbian, bi, transgender, interracial, whatever. Because not a week goes by but yet another hitherto tight-arsed buttwad of a Republican authority figure takes a hilarious tumble, being revealed as someone with a penchant for anal sex, or pedophilia, or bizarre fetishes of some sort.
Thus we say to our Republican brethren, stick a cork in it already, and clean out your own Augean stables. Geesh. Can't you control the cross-dressers and poop-lovers in your own fucking closets? Quit shrieking like hysterical harpies about gay marriage and start rooting out the rent-boys in your own backyard, fer crisake. Mote, beam, eye, all that biblical stuff, yaknow?
Because this week's line-up - look at these guys! If you didn't know better, you'd swear some gay activists had infiltrated the Republican ranks and planted each and every one of these fellas just for the mirth it would engender.
Here we give you:
Judge &mdash yes, that's right, a federal judge, no less, appointed by your very own Pretzelnitwit Chimpy McDunce &mdash Robert Somma, of Boston, who decided to go barhopping &mdash make that barwhoring &mdash in a cocktail dress with fishnet stockings and high heels, while his wife was out of town.
Incidentally, his spokesweasel snivels into a large Walrus-and-the-Carpenterian handkerchief that the judge will, as a result of his sartorial malfeasance, be left "without a pension." Given the numbers of average yobs who have neither health care nor pension benefits, while making less than the esteemed judge's six-figure or more salary, we find we can't wring a single tear out of our ducts. We'd also like to point out that the stupid son-of-a-turtle was driving DRUNK, goddammit, and as a lawyer and judge he really fucking ought to know better! Fortunately, he didn't kill or injure anyone this time. Okay, the sight of his unpleasant mug in blue eyeshadow didn't do doodly-squat for our appetite, but we'll live.
District Attorney Chuck Rosenthal of Harris County, Texas, who was discovered to have a multitude of pornographic and racist emails on his work computer.
Rosenthal had the gall to blame prescription drugs for his misbehaviour &mdash whatever happened to "personal responsibility"? Or is that only for non-Republicans? He also opined that "stupidity" was not grounds for quitting, completely ignoring charges of incompetence, misconduct, and drinking on the job. Incidentally, Rosenthal is the same beacon of integrity who destroyed thousands of emails related to a suit against the Sheriff's department, and managed to get arson charges against Justice David Medina and his wife dismissed, despite the fact that the grand jury in the case sued for the right to reveal evidence that they believed implicated Medina. According to sources cited in this post, Rosenthal has sent more people to their death than any other such office in the country.
Robert A. McKee of Maryland, a State legislator, who resigned after a search of his home revealed possible child pornography.
Delegate McKee prefers to characterize the relevant material as "images that are available on the Internet." Sheesh, fella, there's all kinds of "images ... available on the internet," and most of them you wouldn't want your aunt Dottie to see! McKee resigned his post as executive director of Big Brothers (holy mother of god, who let this dog into THAT kennel?) and we sure hope he is no longer involved with the various children's athletic teams that are described in the Washington Post's article. McKee is, apparently, a former chaplain and a church leader. Holy quacking duckshit. He has entered rehabracadabra.
We're not even going to, er, touch upon such shining stars of the Republican firmament as Mark Foley, Jeff Gannon or Jim Guckert or whatever he's calling himself these days, David "Shitty Vitty" Vitter, Randy "Duke" Cunningham, Matthew Joseph Elliot, Jack Abramoff, Rudy "Cross-Dresser" Giuliani and his friends Bernard Kerik and Monsignor Alan "Protecting Child Molesters" Placa, or Al Zimmerman.
Well, it was just a matter of time. As more and more "religious" leaders are outed for the skankyhypocrites they are we find that religious orders often are chosen by perverts for the protection they afford. And will continue to afford as long as religious leaders like the pope refuse any sort of accountability for these misdeeds.
AllHeadlineNews (AHN) is reporting that Father Philip Magaldi, a former Catholic priest, has revealed that he tested positive for HIV. According to the report, Magaldi's doctor says the priest does not have full-blown AIDS, but our understanding is that infection with HIV is the prelude to developing AIDS, even though not all those infected end up with AIDS.
Magaldi served as a priest in Rhode Island and Fort Worth. If you or anyone you know has come in contact with this guy, check on the degree of contact. He's been accused of molesting at least five minors in Rhode Island. Apparently, he's also been accused of pedophilic misdeeds in Forth Worth, but the article does not provide details.
We hope that Father Magaldi was not in the habit of exchanging blood with his victims, given the recent report of the death of a nurse seven years after she pricked herself while taking blood from an HIV+ patient.
This is, we feel, one of the worst things about organized religion: that it promotes some people above others in matters of spirituality. If there is a deity (and we don't believe there is, but you're welcome to), why would that deity only speak to some of its creations, and not others? How are religious leaders qualified to lead? No one examines their bona fides stringently, no one calls them to account, yet they exercise tremendous power over gullible people and, worst of all, gullible and helpless children.
If adults wish to place their trust and their trust funds in the hands of some yob or the other, they're adults and should be free to do as they please. We don't believe the state should interfere with the church any more than the church should interfere with the state.
But no child should be placed in the power of any religious leader. Until they reach the age of adulthood, they should be protected from such people, not because we believe all such people are bad, but simply because children are exceptionally vulnerable creatures and deserve special protection.
Casa de Los Gatos is an inclusive casa. We welcome and love our gay friends, our lesbian friends, our TS/TG, bi, queer friends of every stripe. And we love them all, because each of them is &mdash along with the other 6+ BILLION FUCKING PEOPLE on this planet &mdash a unique individual who brings their very own and very special combination of qualities for the delectation of this planet and its inhabitants.
And then there's the people who bash our LGBTQ community for being what we are. The gay bashers, the gay haters, the homophobes, the ones so deep in the fucking closet, they're pooping hangers. Those people we don't love. Those people we would like to part the hair of with the Golden Bat o'Clue, a Casa de Los Gatos tool for dealing with brains stuck on hate.
We've been harrassed and hated on for appearing a certain way, and we know damned well that you don't have to be different, you just have to hit the radar of some fucking creep who thinks you're different.
So we thought we ought to highlight NGblog's little clip of Chris Crocker (yeah, the "crazy BritneySpears fan," so what?) talking about homophobia on YouTube.
And we join with Chris to say, a hearty FUCK YOU to all you haters out there. Just go Cheney yourselves, you miserable myrmidons of Mephitica.
YouTube is gonna be hearing from us. And all los gatos at mi casa sincerely hope they'll be hearing from you too. Because homophobia is not just about freedom of speech. It often degenerates into verbal assault, threats of personal harm, and ultimately, bashing. And the number of hate crimes is rising since the advent of teh Antichrist Chimperor.
Unbelievable. Chris Matthews, who couldn't get enough of Fred Thomson's "manly smell," is now predicting that fawning journalists will be coming out of the woodwork to ensure that Hillary Clinton gets the Democratic nomination.
What's more, in his typical misogynistic closeted QUEEN style (Jeezus Mary, Chris, whyn't you just admit the sight of a man gives you a chubby?) he's dithering on endlessly about how
"They'll play on every heartstring. They'll make Hillary a more sympathetic figure," Matthews predicted, saying that between now and Super Tuesday on February 5, the newspapers will fall over themselves to give us "the new Hillary, the softer Hillary, the humble Hillary."
"The fawning journalism is yet to come," concluded Matthews. "It's absolutely predictable. ... Oh, it's coming!"
No, Chris, you're coming, like we can't hear you drooling a mile away. Hillary Clinton has her good points and her bad points, but you - and the rest of the lickspittle Mainstream Media - have only bad points. Nothing good.
You, and your colleagues, have worked hard to ensure that the American people only see those candidates YOU want them to see. No Dennis Kucinich for us, no Ron Paul, no Chris Dodd. You're even trying to hide the fact (successfully, we might add) that John Edwards has climbed steadily in the polls since day one.
You shills of the press corps mocked Ron Paul, as if it was your business to tell us which candidates were worthwhile and which were not. Now you're blowing LoonyTunes McCain like those are the only choices, Obama or McCain.
People, don't let the mainstream media dictate who you should vote for. Look it up for yourself, find out the information, all the information, that you need to make an informed choice. We owe it to ourselves and our future generations not to let the same slimy bucket of worms that sold us George "The Chimperor" and the war that is killing our children, and our friends' children, dictate our choices.
Raw Story has the details and a video clip of that fat sack o'crap hatin' on Hillary. Get real, Matthews. If the politics of this country have become divisive, it's because of you, the lying shills and bootlickers of the "press." Some Fourth Estate. Fifth Column is more like it.
Protestant minister Marcos Zapata of Spain is holding seminars in Galicia to "cure" homosexuals, says the Guardian.
Is that like the Richard Cohen school of ex-gaydom, like, "We can make you 'straight' so you can still hang out with lots of men and touch lots of men but have a wife and kids?" Let's see what Fr. Zapata has to say.
... Zapata likened homosexuality to alcoholism and called it an illness, but said healing was possible through family therapy. In his family, he said, he reinforces masculine roles by watching professional wrestling with his two sons. Zapata also advised the audience to "hug your sons as much as you can, because if you don't, perhaps another man will".
Watching professional wrestling? With all those guys dressed in skin-tight clothing and major makeup that just screams "I am so not fucking gay, you sissymary!"? Oh, yeah, that'll make a person straight.
About as straight as Ted Haggard. No, he's straight now, reeelly.
The "hugging your sons" bit? Dunno. Homosexuals are not the same thing as pedophiles, but if you're an adult male fighting off libidinous desires for some hunky young dude, and you start in on hugging your adolescent sons, uh ... not that you'd have sexual desire for them, necessarily, but you want to keep away from temptation, not sport a woody (thereby leading to lots of embarrassing questions) while embracing it. It's probably OK when they're really young, but what happens when they're at the height of their adolescent beauty?
And before anyone starts casting stones, consider that teenage girls are what defines the height of desireability for the slack-jawed male masses, in this culture. Why should things be any different for homosexuals than heterosexuals? Would you want straight fathers hugging their adolescent daughters? Isn't that what creeps most people out about those Purity Ball thingies, men dancing with their adolescent daughters as they would dance with their wives or lovers?
At any rate, the Galician regional government is about to investigate Fr. Zapata to ensure he's not promoting homophobia, and Spanish gay/lesbian organizations plan to sue him.
Pity there's no therapists offering a cure for homophobia.
I mean it. Every other day, some Republican politician is outed in the most embarrassing way, or some conservative bible-thumping anti-gay-rights homophobic closet queen of a religious Republican is busted for snorting meth off their favourite gay male prostitute's butt.
You can't help wonder if, like lemmings, Republicans can only take so much of their own hypocritical rhetoric before they all start heading en masse for the closest cliff. Did all these guys "become" gay after listening to themselves bay and howl about how deadly teh ghey was and how it would turn your children gay instantly just to know that two people of the same gender could have a loving relationship?
Just two days ago, we here at ThePoliticalCat brought you the story of Richard Curtis (R-Waaahmbulance!), a Washington state Rep. who was involved in something mysterious and sleazy. Today, we have the details.
The Columbian reports that Rep. Curtis, for reasons known only to himself, I'm sure, went cruising at the local porn store dressed in
women’s clothing, red stockings and a black sequined lingerie top ....
Dude, don't you think that walrusoid face fungus just begs for something more fashionable than a black sequined lingerie top? And what is with the red stockings? Don't try telling us you were getting into the Xmas spirit, it's just barely Halloween, dude.
Yowza. He might be right when he says he ain't gay. Most of my gay friends would rather sit through a six-hour Phyllis Schlafly screechfest than be caught in red stockings. Or maybe his wife picked them, who knows.
The man then proceeded to get into a sex act at the fucking store. Get real, are you crazy? Are you the only person on Planet Earth who doesn't know that porn stores have video cameras in them? Mainly so the help can check to see who's jerking off in aisle three without having to get all sticky and what?
Then he takes his trick back to his hotel. Stupidity compounded by stupidity. You couldn't rent some place with your rent boy? Some place that doesn't have 24/7 video coverage of every single door in the damn place? Naturally, the cops now have the footage from the porn store AND the hotel.
The hotel room works on computerized card keys. Those things write a record to a computer every time you use them. So the cops now have records of when Curtis (and his rent boy) entered and left the room.
Plus, someone in that room rented gay porn movies. Which, of course, hotels keep records of. And naturally, hand over to the cops when requested.
And as if all this wasn't enough, Curtis solicited the young man for unprotected sex. What a maroon. And then tried to cheat him of the promised fee. Hey, Cluetard! You hire a ho, you pay them their fee, or chances are they will talk and it'll all come out, so to speak. Is this starting to sound like the cops might know exactly what happened in this case?
Well, that's about the (hee) size of it. They issued their report yesterday, October 30, with all the grisly details.
Curtis did not return calls seeking comment Tuesday. He initially told police that he did not have sex with the man but later recanted, according to the police report. He also told police that he thought he might have been given some type of drug because his memory of the evening was hazy.
Dude, you must think the rest of the planet was born yesterday. I want to know what kind of drug makes a straight man put on a black sequined lingerie top and red stockings.
After the two men apparently had sex, [name omitted] allegedly left the hotel room with Curtis’ wallet, the report says. Curtis agreed to give the man $200, which he left at his hotel’s desk, only to be confronted with a demand for an additional $800, the report says.
Not wanting to pay, Rep. Curtis called his erstwhile friend Sgt. Roy Rhine of the Washington State Patrol. Rhine, who works out of the patrol’s Southwest Washington office, is a fellow Republican who has run for the state Legislature.
Curtis wanted WSP to investigate “because the local police would talk and it would get out to the press.” The WSP referred the case back to local officials.
It's OK to embrace your inner gay, Rep. Curtis. It's when you try to repress it and then turn to your homophobic Republican friends for help that you run into trouble.
Curtis says his wife, with whom he has two daughters, knew of his proclivities. Maybe she did, and maybe she didn't. I feel sorry for her, in any event, because she and the kids will not manage to live this down. I understand that Rep. Curtis probably came of age at a time when being gay was considered wrong. But instead of marrying and putting other people through hell, he would have done better to have sought a little more insight into himself.
And Larry Flynt of Hustler magazine fame has promised yet another enormous scandal revolving around some closeted Republican. Oy vey!
Yup, it's that time again, kiddies. Time to play "Republican Whack-A-Mole." And our mole for this round is Washington State Rep. Richard Curtis. Rep. Curtis has voted against domestic partnerships for gay couples and opposed a bill that would have outlawed discrimination based on sexual orientation. See if you can guess his political affiliation. See if you can guess why he is our featured mole of the day.
According to Washington station KXLY, Rep. "I am SOO NOT GAY!" Curtis had a little rendezvous with a stranger in a hotel that happens to be equipped with the latest security videocameras - the kind that our politicians want on every street corner, apparently - and ended up talking to the local fuzz when his, um, partner for the evening decided to blackmail him. Rep. Curtis' comment to the local fishwrap says it all:
Late Monday The Columbian newspaper got a hold of Representative Curtis, who said that he did not solicit anyone for sex, that he is not gay and that he got into this mess just trying to help someone out.
Help them out with what, inquiring minds want to know. Did it involve any toe-tapping?
Always entertaining Maru points us to episode 212,000 of Republican whack-a-mole: The chairman of the Republican Party in Brown County, Wisconsin, has just been busted for sexually assaulting underage teen runaways and supplying beer and marijuana to them.
I don't have a problem with parents giving their children access to alcohol and marijuana in moderation. Any parent knows the kids are going to try that stuff sooner or later, better they should do it at home under supervision in limited quantity than out somewhere in the world where they could end up falling-down drunk or stoned and get rolled, killed, ass-beat, or whatever.
That said, I have a huge problem with unrelated adults offering teenagers access to drugs and alcohol. Mainly because they're not likely to have the child's best interest at heart. Like this hypocritical godbag, what's his name, Donald Fleischman.
What the fuck is he doing with somebody else's teenage son sitting half-naked in his apartment all stoned and drunk? Busted not once but twice? If that was my kid, I'd be kicking Fleishman's pasty ass up one side of Brown County and down the other.
This has been your daily episode of Republican Whack-A-Mole. The Gross Old Perverts. Your party of "bringing morality back into Government." Check out the "wide stance" on that elephant.
Which stands for "Yet Another Conservative Hypocrite."
Rev. Gary Aldridge, pastor of the Thorington Rd. Baptist Church since 1991, was recently found dead in his home. Police have determined that he was alone at the time of his death, and they have ruled out foul play. So says the Montgomery Advertiser.
Clothing: The decedent was received wearing two (2) wet suits, one scuba diving mask, one pair of diving gloves, one pair of slippers, one pair of rubber underwear, two (2) ties, five (5) belts, eleven (11) straps.
Personal Effects: One yellow metal ring intact on left ring finger, one dildo.
*That would be the Right Reverent Jerry Falwell, font of screaming nutbaggery. According to The Smoking Gun, your source for all things distasteful and twisted - and enjoyable! for the sick - the dildo was where no reverend personage would have approved of it. TSG noted that it was covered with a condom, a detail that prompted my partner to opine that at least the reverend believed in safe sex. I dunno. All those ligatures, ropes, and belts just don't sound so safe to me. And what is with the two wetsuits?
The partner sent me into rounds of cynical laughter when he exclaimed that lately, reading the news has been a big ol' game of Republican whack-a-mole. Every day there's some new scandal, most of them utterly perverse, perverted, and horrifying.
What is it with these guys? It's not like he was a sex-starved teenager, the man was married with children, and if he was not getting his needs met, he could surely have managed a discreet affair with a nice Christian lady?
It's always wetsuits and ligatures for this lot. Or meth and masseurs. Always sump'n.
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