Once I Was Seven Years Old

Occasionally I hear a song that firmly strums every nerve beneath my armor and affords me a moment of clarity to reflect on my existence.  The words, alive with haunting melodies, reverberate within me as if I'd physically ingested them.  My head buzzes with meditation and contemplation.  

I often find myself wishing away the small, uncomfortable moments of my journey.  When the weekend comes... when my baby doesn't cry as often... when my husband and I stop bickering... when we buy a house... when things aren't so hectic... when we finally have some extra money.  But these tiny, peaceful destinations are rarely reached as they're buried beneath an avalanche of life.  So I waste every precious second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year, and decade wishing away the moments that compose the majority of my continuation.  

I don't create art anymore.  And I watch too much TV.  I care more about the photo you posted of your dinner than having a stimulating conversation with my husband.  My dogs lay on the cool tile at my feet, their muscles growing weaker as their lives also waste away.  I didn't spend as much time with you as I should have before you were gone.  I am so preoccupied by my anxieties to remember to enjoy this ride.

I want to play and laugh.  I want life to tickle me.  I want to smile authentically as I actually listen your story.  I want to read and learn.  I want to have an aura of energy that intoxicates you. I want to kiss my husband without feeling as if intimacy is another chore in my day.  I want to hold my tiny daughter and breath in every bit of her pureness.  I want to give my baby a sibling without worrying that I won't have the emotional strength to raise another human being.  I want to take things a little less seriously.  I want to visually absorb every fascinating corner of this earth.  I want to write stories of my life and I want to look back on the insignificant moments with fondness.  I want to remember you.

Today, the song that distracted my thoughts was 7 Years by Lukas Graham. Even if you don't listen to the song, give the lyrics a read and see if they spur a bit of thought for you, too.