Occasionally I hear a song that firmly strums every nerve beneath my armor and affords me a moment of clarity to reflect on my existence. The words, alive with haunting melodies, reverberate within me as if I'd physically ingested them. My head buzzes with meditation and contemplation.
I often find myself wishing away the small, uncomfortable moments of my journey. When the weekend comes... when my baby doesn't cry as often... when my husband and I stop bickering... when we buy a house... when things aren't so hectic... when we finally have some extra money. But these tiny, peaceful destinations are rarely reached as they're buried beneath an avalanche of life. So I waste every precious second, minute, hour, day, week, month, year, and decade wishing away the moments that compose the majority of my continuation.
I don't create art anymore. And I watch too much TV. I care more about the photo you posted of your dinner than having a stimulating conversation with my husband. My dogs lay on the cool tile at my feet, their muscles growing weaker as their lives also waste away. I didn't spend as much time with you as I should have before you were gone. I am so preoccupied by my anxieties to remember to enjoy this ride.
I want to play and laugh. I want life to tickle me. I want to smile authentically as I actually listen your story. I want to read and learn. I want to have an aura of energy that intoxicates you. I want to kiss my husband without feeling as if intimacy is another chore in my day. I want to hold my tiny daughter and breath in every bit of her pureness. I want to give my baby a sibling without worrying that I won't have the emotional strength to raise another human being. I want to take things a little less seriously. I want to visually absorb every fascinating corner of this earth. I want to write stories of my life and I want to look back on the insignificant moments with fondness. I want to remember you.
Today, the song that distracted my thoughts was 7 Years by Lukas Graham. Even if you don't listen to the song, give the lyrics a read and see if they spur a bit of thought for you, too.
